Thursday, March 31, 2011

This whole Mumsie thing....

This whole Mumsie thing is so surreal.
I think of her constantly.
I get butterflies when I am on my way to see her
and I get sad when I have to leave her.
I can't kiss her enough and although I know
there are times that it would be better for
her parents to let her cry, the minute she does
I hand her to her parents so they can comfort her.
I have a longing, when I am holding her, to go into her
quiet beautiful room and rock on the rocker her DeDa
gave to her Mommy and stare at her beautiful face.
I want to sing to her stupid songs that I make up in my head.
I want her to hear and know my voice.
I dream of things we will do together and I tell her all
about them when we are alone in her room.
I want her to always be safe,
I don't want her stomach to hurt and we cheer
when she poops....
Yes, cheer when she poops!
We are terribly smitten with this beautiful child.
I have to talk to her parents every day
and BB and I can again talk about unimportant mundane
daily events that we had lost over the course
of him becoming a man.
I have a newfound tenderness for my own babies
and my daughter-in-law.
I have to talk to BG daily too and unlike when she lived
with us, I have a new tenderness for her,
so proud of how she is learning to take care of
herself and how proud she is of herself.
My words are softer and kinder.
I try to be supportive without confusing them with
advice that comes from all ends when you have a new baby,
when you are living alone for the first time.
I know this wanting to move closer to Jilly will pass
but I am constantly thinking of how great it would be
if I lived where my precious one could come any day
she wanted but that would put me further from my own
Mumsie and Baby girl.
I love being a Mumsie but was not prepared for all
the feelings that came with it.
There is no way you can explain this to anyone else.
As I have said before, there are no words in the
English vocabulary that can explain in a proper way
and yet I would have it no other way than
to have this beautiful, perfect child be my grandaughter
and I her Mumsie.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

You cannot fail...

Love this statement, especially at this time
in my life.
The older I get, the easier it is for me to decipher
what exactly I was born to do.
It has changed over the years as it should.
For me, I could never wear just one hat.
Glad I haven't since I find myself now
having to renegotiate what my future is.
Contentment abounds me.
I will be well, I will do my best,
I will accept whatever the Big Man has in store for me.
I will always find a way to give back to a world that
has been so good to me.
After 30 years of nursing, If I am to put it aside,
I will be well because my time there would be done.
All is good on the home front.
Loving life even when it is not the one I saw for me
at 47 because the fact is you can be happy no matter what.
Read an article last night about an elderly 91 year old lady
who spoke about being a burden to her daughter now
that she is bedridden. Yet she speaks that still at that age
"Living into your 90's is not all it's cracked up to be.
there are down days, when I am lonely and bored.
But there are more good days than bad, days when I look
out my bedroom windows and see blue skies
smiling at me. And I can smile back, thinking,
Just give me another season..."
She goes on to talk about how miraculous it is
at 91 to still believe that life is good and you can start anew.
I want to be that woman.
The woman who never sees life as a miserable thing
but can always find goodness and newness in every day.
Even if the day is not so good some days,
I can find goodness in every day.
Right now, many times a day
even though the last few have not been the best
I find myself reflecting and thanking God that
I do not have to work right now, so thankful
for the things HOBL has done for our future
that has me not having to worry about finances.
Life is good every day...

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Glad there is no job today...

Oh I know if I had to go to a job today
I so would not make it there.
Hard to believe that a little cold front of 80 degrees
can be causing me so much havoc
but it is...
Nights with little sleep suck...
makes me have a new-found understanding
of HOBL and his insomnia issues.
Having said this, I refuse to let this back issue
take away my serenity ever again.
I refuse, on a bad day, to lie around and wallow in my
own self-pity. Cannot stand having people's sympathy.
Doesn't fit into my personality.
It is my choice to accept what is and move on.
Not working has me seeing, once again,
all I can do if I don't work.
Things I can do at my own pace, slowing down when I must.
Yesterday one of my "besties" little girl
had a band competition at Nicholls and I decided
that I wanted to go hear her perform.
I had not done something like this since my own BG
was in band. I so enjoyed my afternoon.
I did not get to see besties Jess until much later,
after she performed but I waited, I wanted her to know
that she had done a great job and that I loved watching.
The smile on her face as she crossed the street and saw me
said so much. She seemed happy and proud that I was there
to watch her. I am so glad I was there, so glad that bestie
has allowed me in her children's life.
Love that I am finding my other callings besides nursing.
Making kids happy makes me happy.
So if you need an audience for one of your chillins'
call "auntie Lil"
Thanks Jess for a great performance!

Monday, March 28, 2011

paradise in the Riera home

HOBL and I find ourselves like many
married couples who survive the first
20 something years of their marriage.
A life in our home with no children for the first time.
We were married for 9 months when Baby boy was conceived
and another 9 months before he was born and those
18 months had drugs involved in them so we
are finding ourselves, after 27 years of marriage
in a home that does not have children involved in our daily
happenings. It is a weird feeling and a really good thing.
To find out who each of us are again without having
to have the parenting thing in the middle of the relationship.
We are finding out who each other is again.
For instance, last night we both laid in our bed with each a laptop
looking at Lake houses and dreaming about the day we live in one
together. We talk more than we have in a long time and it doesn't
involve what the children need, want or what is best for them.
I am liking this. We have always been very comfortable with
each other but find ourselves spending more time together or
.... I always wondered how we would adjust to
retirement since we are such different people and have
very little in common, like very little of the same things.
I love that we allow each other to be who we are but
always coming together at the end of the day.
I like this man I married. I really do.
I always loved him but I like him too.
I look forward to the next 28 years with him.
I am so glad we did the hard work to stay together,
to commit ourselves to this marriage.
It's a good life, really it is...

Sunday, March 27, 2011

I'm coming home, I'm coming home, tell the world...

Nostalgia surrounded me yesterday afternoon.
I headed down to my family church in Golden Meadow,
Our Lady of Prompt Succor to
give a presentation to 60 confirmation candidates.
As I waited for my time to present,
because I am a sappy person,
I reflected on all of my life that took place in this church
as well as the LaSalette Center where the retreat took place.
I have never had a desire to move back to the bayou
but I still call it home, always will, so proud of my home.
When it was my turn to speak they wanted to
put a microphone on me and I started with.
"I don't need that microphone, I am loud and obnoxious,
I am from Golden Meadow"
I am from Golden Meadow and in that beautiful church,
I made all my sacraments, my children made most of their sacraments.
I had my own religion teachings there as well as taught religion
there for over 10 years.
When I was introduced as a guest I had to correct that I
was not a guest, that I felt like I should break out into song,
"I'm coming home, I'm coming home, tell the world I'm coming home"
Well that got the adults laughing and the teens looking at me
like I was crazy....
The LaSalette had changed little in the many years since
I was a little girl, same floors, same sliding wooden partitions.
As a little girl, the LaSalette center was a place to hang out.
We had movie nights there, popcorn and a big pull down screen
that would show us old reel to reel movies.
It did not matter that the movies were black and white and
uninteresting, it mattered that our friends were there.
Uncle Roy used to run the building and on some Saturdays
he would come pick us up to play in the game room they had
back in the day. A pool table, fuseball and a pinball machine
was housed there and we had a blast playing them.
As a younger girl, I helped serve many weddings in that
building as my cousin, Ms. Neva would hire us to
help for weddings she cooked for.
So many memories of my little church and LaSalette center.
So proud to have been asked to speak there.
So many old friends to see,
I was comfortable there and although I know I will
never again live dtb, I will never be a guest there.
Forever to proudly call Golden Meadow home.
The road will never be too long to take me home.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

out until August...

Quick note to say I will be out on medical
leave until next school year, August.
Will take this time to love up my Jilly-bean,
do some motivational speeches I have lined up
and enjoy life...

well, that was short-lived...

Before I went back to work I prayed.
I prayed that God would make it very clear to me
as to what I am supposed to do in regards
to my career, my work.
Sometime he speaks so loudly and I still don't listen.
Sometimes he has to show me more than once.
Yesterday, only the third day of work
and I had to come home
just could not climb another stair
could not squat down to look into the eyes of
one more child.
Today I find myself already not being able
to make it into work
and my mind is reeling.
I am worried.
Worried that I went back too soon
Worried that I went back just long enough
to mess up my peers who were
filling my position while I was out.
I know one thing I am not willing to go
back to what I was prior to this surgery.
No matter what, I am not willing to go back
to a nurse who has to jeopardize her family,
home and those she loves the most for the
love of a job.
I know nothing has been messed up with the sugery
I know that this surgery has been a success.
It could just be I can't do this job anymore.
So today after speaking to his nurse for a long time
yesterday afternoon I will see Donner man and make
some decisions.
Whether I should try again after Easter
or wait until next school year when
there will be no steps to worry about...
Is it time to just hang up the lab coat all together.
Through all of this I am okay.
After much deep talk and thought with
myself as well as the HOBL It is what it is
and I am okay with however this turns out.
I just feel badly that I went back for just long
enough to mess up things that were working fine
without me.
Yet even this I have to put aside.
Those who love me know I am not a whiner.
This is not something I want or thrive for
it is my life and like I have accepted all that
life has thrown at me prior to this, I will
learn to deal with this also.
I will not even end this blog with pleas for
prayers. God is in control he is speaking and I
am listening and I will know what I have to do when
the time comes.
Love to all, do not worry about me,
I am better mentally today than I have been for some time.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

The little brain of a 7 year old.

While in a class yesterday, one of our
little students realized she had made a mistake
bubbling her computer card.
I explained to her that she is way smarter than me.
I would never have figured that out, I would
have just thought I had got them all wrong.
So she then goes in to this long explanation on
how she can figure these things out:
"I am very smart Nurse Lilly"
"oh, I know that"
"Well I will tell you how I do it"
"Oh, Please do tell, I need to be smarter"
"Well, you see I make this little test in my brain"
"Really, tell me more" as I wear my surprised face.
"The thing I do is when my teacher goes over the
test I put it in my little brain. I put the answers too
and it's not cheating because it's in my brain."
(Still looking at her with wide eyes and surprise)
"Then Nurse Lilly, when my teacher gives us the
answers I put that on the test in my brain.
Then when I take the real test, I just look at the test
in my brain and there are the answers"
"Wow" I say "I wish I had known this when I was your age"
"I know my answers are right because I check the test in
my little brain"
I am so glad for her little brain...
Her little brain can change the world...
and I get to do this every day,
and they pay me to do it....
Oh what a wonderful world!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Review of Day One btw

nope btw not standing for by the way but for:
I did it, I did it!!!!
It was a good day but I'd be lying if a few times during
the day I was so overwhelmed that I longed for my
days at home when I could make my own agenda.
Yet it was fantastical....
Our guidance counselor told me at lunch
that the buzz in the cafeteria was that someone
"Saw nurse Lilly"
then one of the big 5th grade boys said,
"The real Nurse Lilly?"
He was assured that it was the real one, no impostor
and he began to chant my name and the other 5th graders
joined him....
How sweet is that?
Our counselor was surprised because it was a 5th grade
boy who started and I reminded her that I have been those 5th graders
nurse since they were in Pre-K so I am "their nurse".
I can only explain how I was by the end of the day by
saying I was exhausted but better than on my very
best day before surgery.
I consider that a wonderful thing!
So many of my school babies just had to find a reason
to visit me and boy did they make up some things.
Mostly though, I just visited each class and said hey.
So many of my peers wanted to know about our
wonderful Jillian.
After explaining just how great I think she is
I had to share that right now
I wish I could just put Jilly-bean, Kd and Roddie
in a bubble around their house,
where the world cannot touch them for the
next 21 years so the world cannot mess up
the perfectly wonderful love they feel and have right now.
Ugh how the world complicates things sometimes.
Again, I pray that this love can carry them through all
the troubled times they may face.
Thanks to all who have cheered me on to this
return to work, thanks to all who held down
my fort at TES.
Forever grateful to those people!!!!!

Monday, March 21, 2011


My nephew, little Miki
(not to mistaken with me BFOB big mikie,
two separate entities)
has a habit of posting on facebook
TGIM every monday.
We believe in faking it until you make it
but for me this early Monday morning, I say:
Today I rejoin the working class,
today I put aside illness and healing
and become a member of a society
that I love.
Today I get to Nurse again!!!
Excited an nervous,
like the first day of school but like
when it's only the first day for you.
I couldn't sleep last night with excitement.
Ready to see all my peeps,
ready to focus on things other than myself.
Ready to be tired....
Thank God it's Monday!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

dedicated to all those who love me...

Too much gratitude in my heart right now.
You understand how my morning walking excursions
always get me thinking.
Yesterday Jodee Messina has me in awe
of the fact that I am a grandmother and I
believe that the only reason I am here to have
this wonderful Mumsie life is because so many people
have loved me so much that they would not give up on me,
So today I dedicate these words to all those who have loved me
and still love me today:
My parents, my siblings, my nieces and nephews,
Aunts and uncles, cousins.
To my HOBL and my babies
to my KD and to our newest member, Jilly, who makes
this circle come all the way around:

Saturday, March 19, 2011

can't get enough...

Yesterday had to go see my Jilly-bean again!!!
I am not a car person, hate driving and riding
and yet the hour to Plaquemine now feels like
the distance to Walmart.
Then right when I turn into Kirtley drive
where part of my little family lives
I get butterflies in my belly, can't wait to
see that child!
Yesterday was an added bonus because
I walked in with my friend, Becky to take
her newborn pictures and Baby girl was holding
our little one. Jilly was in her T-Tie's tutu
and baby boy was playing his guitar and serenading
all of them. I got te-clempte at the viewing of them.
You know te-clempte used to be said back in the day
on Saturday Night Live
when they meant choked up, wanting to cry...
that was me yesterday a few times.
Oh I am so busting at the seams for love of my children,
my grandbaby and Frank and Cathy's beautiful daughter
that I get to call my daughter in law!

Friday, March 18, 2011


Went to the infamous Dr. Donner yesterday
released to go back to work on Monday!
I am so fantastically excited to see my
work friends and most importantly my school babies!
Donner was so very proud of himself and me
when I told him I was doing things
I had not done in 4 years like
walking, riding my bike,
working in my yard, mopping!!!
Oh life is so good these days!!!!
Many said that I would not want to go back to work
when Jilly-bean came but actually
having her has made me want to go back to work more.
I want to be a young and vibrant Mumsie.
I want to be the kind of Mumsie who not takes
her to the park but plays with her at the park.
I want to be the kind of Mumsie that when
we visit each other it will be full of adventures
and learning. I want to be the kind of Mumsie
that she knows gives to the children of the World
so her world can hopefully be better.
I also want to be the kind of Mumsie who has a job
that gives me all holidays off and summers off
to spend precious times with the ones I love.
I want to be the kind of Mumsie that earns her
own spending money so that I never have to
worry about where she and I's next adventure
will be funded by.
I want to be a Mumsie that she will be proud of.
So I go back to work on Monday
for myself, for the children,
and most importantly for our Jilly-bean.
May she always admire the ones who are
in her life.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Kiss your children

noah benshea
I am so glad BB and KD got lots of loving when
they were little ones because
they surely are loving up and kissing
on Jilly-bean.
Jillian with her Guilbeau grandaparents,
Frank and Cathy
Four generations right there....
Grampy singing and rocking his "sweatpea"
which is what he has taken to calling Jillian
because he says she is as cute as the baby on Popeye
Such a good Mommy Kd is!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011


In the last few weeks it has been difficult for me
to watch the news.
The whole Japan thing and the fears they are living
with the nuclear threat give me fears for our
Jilly-bean's world.
I think much and often of how I do not think I
would be courageous enough to raise children
in this world we call home.
So much has changed in such a short time.
I did not have to worry about internet and cell phone usage
when my babies were young.
The world was not as uncertain as it is now.
I know it has affected me more in the last few
weeks because of our precious Jillian now being part of it.
I think of her and how her world will know so much
conflict and fears.
How hard it will be for her parents to make the decisions
as she gets older to protect her from the
fast growing world wide web.
I sometimes think too much
because I know that KD and BB will think of
everything before they make decisions for her
and I know that they will raise her with the simplicity of
the childhood they were blessed with.
The kind that is filled with playing outside
and being tucked in at night.
Yet I still want the whole world to be that simple.
I want Jilly to never have to worry about the uncertain
world she now lives in and, on the other hand,
I understand that her world will be completely
different than it was just 25 years ago.
My man, bono of U2 sings it eloquently for me,
it is why I love him.
I will pray like I have never prayed before for
Peace, peace in our families, peace in our communities
peace in the states and peace in the world.
I want it for our new little girl.
I love her so!

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Day 2 of Mumsiehood

What can be said for this picture....
Can my heart get any warmer for this little family.
Kd and BB are in awe of little Jillian.
BB could not stop bragging about how strong the doctor
said she was and Kd glowed.
Gramps finally got to hold his little grandaugher, yesterday
he was getting over a cold.
He is so much softer than he was just 25 year ago.
Yesterday I heard him talking to the pups and
he said to Trixie,
"Deda has another T-girl to love"
He didn't know I was listening how cute is that!
There is something very endearing about a gramps
covered with tattoos loving his little bitty grandaugher.
On the way home his comment was,
"She is so much cuter than our own babies were"
Such a softie in his old age.
Her parents here adding the "love rub"
a memory came back to me while watching them lather
her up with baby lotion.
When the babies were young and needed vapor rub on
their chest I called it "love rub"
I hadn't thought of that in many, many years.
So I am now going to call any rubs that are slathered
on our Jilly-bean love rubs...
Oh she has come to teach us things....
So much she is already teaching us,
how to be more gentler not only with her but
with each other.
To try and judge less and forgive others
because we do not know what the future
has in store for our own little girl.
Oh she will teach us so, so much more than
we will ever teach her!

Monday, March 14, 2011

Hello World!

We welcomed Jillian Grace Riera into the world,
yesterday on 3/13/11 at 10:43 am
She is 7 pounds, 5 ounces of pure perfection
and my heart has melted for this child.
There are no words in this worldly vocabulary to express what
this child has done to me, Yes this Mumsie is free from
words and explanations because none seem good enough.
Pictures can tell part of the story, look at BB's face
as he watches his wife hold his child for the first time.
To have been able to not only witness Jillian's birth
but also to help Kd, BB and her mom coach and encourage
the process of a birth is nothing short of a miracle.
I did not think it was possible to love my daughter-in-law
more than I already did but to see her, doing all
it took to make sure this little girl came into the world
as safely as she could has me with so much tenderness
in my heart for her. She was a trooper and a true
inspiration to me. I feel a new bond with her,
the bond of motherhood.
No one will ever be able to replace her,
she is the mother of my grandchild
and I will forever adore her.
To see my first born little boy, who taught me what is was
to mother, witness the first breath of his first born, to watch
him praise his wife and become a daddy in a matter of minutes
will forever be a memory I will never take for granted.
I don't know all he said to his little girl during their first
conversation but she was definitely listening.
To see so much of her mommy in this precious child but
her daddy's lips brought me to tears more than once.
I always believed that my babies were the most perfect
then Jillian came along to prove me wrong.
BG and Kd's brother Frankie instantly became godparents
and aside from a sad movie it takes much to make BG cry
yet this little 7 pound girl did it to her.
Jillian will be the one to melt that gaga heart more than once.
Then in a matter of moments, these two went from being
a couple to a family. It came as instinct for the both of them.
I like to think their parents had something to do with that.
My wishes for them:
That they never, ever forget what this type of love
feels like, may it carry them through any rough spots they
may ever have in their marriage and that they
always take this little girl's future into consideration
when decisions are being made.
They now understand what real unconditional love
feels like, the kind that you would move
mountains for.
Thank you Kd and BABY Boy for loving each other
enough to bring Jillian into the world and
making me a Mumsie.
There is no greater gift.
(I am so glad we took that trip to Alaska ;^)

Saturday, March 12, 2011

wet aunt Jeanie kisses

I probably should be blogging about the
Japan Tsunami disaster but it is too depressing for me
today as we prepare for our little Jillian.
So, yesterday was speaking to my cousin, Fay
on facebook and explaining wet aunt Jeanie kisses
and realized many do not even know what that means
when I sign,
"Wet Aunt Jeanie kisses"
Figured it was warranting a blog entry on this
beautiful Saturday Morning.
I have this wonderful Aunt Jeanette.
She loves big and a lot.
The one thing she is known for in our family
is her wet kisses.
While growing up you could not escape
the kiss of Aunt Jeanie.
It consisted of a big, big pucker that
was saliva stained and left its mark
long after the kiss was planted.
I loved those kisses but not every one did.
So when you kissed someone and the wetness
stayed for some time it was called an
Aunt Jeanie kiss.
Here came the babies and I slathered them with
big wet Aunt Jeanie kisses.
Although they didn't know Aunt Jeanie like I did
they knew the story and when they received the
real ones from Aunt Jeanie at Mardi Gras time they
understood just what a Aunt Jeanie kiss consisted of.
So they, the babies, perfected the kiss.
You had to lick your lips really, really good
around and around until they were really wet
then the pucker had to be big, big so as
to leave the wetness on the person receiving
for a long long time.
The babies perfected the kiss and I am pretty good
at giving them.
So if ever you get a letter or email from me and the
salutation says,
"Big wet Aunt Jeanie kisses to you"
you know exactly what you are getting
the best kiss ever!

Friday, March 11, 2011


HOBL and I are finished nesting...
You can come out now Jillian...
I cannot ever have the date of 311 pass
without thinking of Robert.
He and Baby boy loved the band 311
before they were ever as popular as they are now.
Rob was the man with the music even
way back when he was in the third grade.
I do not know when 311 put their band together
but Rob knew and loved them before they
knew they would be famous and as BB
said in a song he wrote about Rob years ago,
"My love from music came from yours"
Yes, bb and Robert danced and sang around my living room
more than a dozen times to the music of 311.
It was not surprising that at Robert's funeral 311
was played and when 311 toured the same year on the date
of 311 they dedicated a song to our Robert.
So wouldn't it be the best gift, the laugh of Robert
from a land none of us have seen to have one of
his best buds from childhood have a hand in little
Jillian being born today.
on 3/11/11
coming only once in a lifetime.
No pressure dear Rob, no pressure
but I do believe BB would think of you if this
baby came to be born on this most magnificent day.
I won't hold it against you dear Rob if Jillian refuses
to be born today, she tends to have a mind of her own.
However, if you have any pull with this innocent child
and the Big Man upstairs, we will take it.
Thinking of you often and especially this day my love.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

... and lent begins

albert camus
Yesterday I received my ritual ashes to my forehead
to begin the lenten season.
I love the season of lent.
I do not believe that because I had ashes placed
to my forehead that I am a better christian than most.
I do not believe even that you have to attend any mass
or organized religion to find yourself in heaven.
I do believe that The Big Man cares more about how
you live your life rather than whether you worship him or not.
I do believe that I love my Catholic faith however.
I adore the history of the mass, how it has stayed
basically the same over hundreds of years.
I do not believe in all the Catholic faith does or says
or even what they say we have to do to be right with God.
I just love belonging to this faith.
I love lenten season because for me it is a new beginning.
The sun shines during lenten season, flowers grow,
the days become long and I pray more.
I love the Way of the Cross and the idea of attending
church every Friday morning to recite this habit of
the Catholic faith.
I am more apt to keep my lenten promises than I am
to keep a New years resolution.
Why I don't know except that I usually dedicate
that promise to someone I love who is suffering at the moment.
So chocolate is out as is sweets and junk foods.
HOBL and I are spring cleaning the abode
... does it count if the grandparents are nesting
or does it have to be the Mommy to have a baby....

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

apartment pics

Not the best of pictures of the baby girl's apartment
but you can get the idea of what a cute lil home
she has to spend her first days as an adult.
Saturday herself, myself and HOBL painted
from 8am to 1030pm and Monday
bb and kd came to help move furniture.
The deed is done and the girl is loving her new
found independence....

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Lane Hope chest

In reading Simple Abundance
I am reminded of a family tradition we once had in
the Collins home.
When a girl graduated we received a Lane Hope chest
from our parents.
I had not thought of my Hope chest in many years,
reminded today by a reading in SA.
Children today do not even know what a Hope chest is for.
It saddens me to realize that the tradition has died.
It was a source of excitement my senior year
knowing that I could choose my Lane Chest.
Dad didn't care which one I got or how much
it costed, we all got one.
I wanted one with a seat on the top so I began
looking at all Lane made until I found the
one that I loved.
It smelled cedar, all of the Lane chests were cedar.
It had the most awesome seat on the top.
When given to me at graduation I right away began
to fill it with those things that young girls at the time
were told needed to go into it.
Things like dish towel, dishes, bed linens.
I had fun filling the chest.
After marriage the chest was empty and I began
to fill mines with things that meant something to me.
Cards given to me from loved ones,
things I had written, my journals.
Then Hurricane Juan came and flooded our home.
The Lane chest was lost, my sister, Veronica lost hers too.
It was probably the one thing that I cried the most over loosing.
It was the last gift I think I had gotten from my daddy before
he died two years after giving me the gift.
I thought of trying to salvage it but that could not be.
The waters of Juan had taken that tradition with it.
Today I realize that the tradition has died not just in our
home but in the homes of most in Louisiana.
We now live in a world that if you need/want something
you can usually just buy it.
Most of today younger generation don't even
understand the concept of a HOPE chest.
What a great thing it would be if we brought this love
for a chest back alive.
I do believe Jillian will have a Hope chest when she graduates
from high school. Then I can help her fill it with all those
things she may one day need in her adult life.
When I go on my treasure adventures and spot a wooden box,
because I love wooden boxes, I always look for the Lane name
in them. Back in the day, the Lane company made small
versions of their cedar boxes to give to each who purchased
the full sized versions of a chest.
I have two engraved with the Lane name that I found on one of
those treasure hunts.
So you ladies reading this, or you daddy's:
speak to your daughters about Hope chests and what their
purpose and meaning once was.
HOPE one thing we can all use more of.

Friday, March 4, 2011

delivery news

Was going to try and wait until tomorrow to post
my most exciting news yet I am beside myself
for what I just found out today.
In conversation with Kd today she
asked me if I would be in the delivery room
with she and BB and her mom.
She couldn't believe that I didn't even know this.
She was sure she had told me before but
figured she had not since her mom was just as excited
as I was when she told her mom.
BB said that she could not have told me saying,
"My momma would not have forgotten that"
This is such a big deal for me.
I mean like to see Jillian take her first breath,
to see my Baby boy's face the minute he sees his
child for the first time.
To see my daughter-in-law give my son and all of us
the best gift ever, the gift of life will make us closer
than before if that is possible.
I am overflowing with excitement and gratitude.
What a bond that will bring me with our little girl.
This child will be the luckiest child.
So many of us loving her, having a hand in her life.
I dream of her sometimes,
in every dream she is the sweetest most precious little girl.
She has blonde curly hair with blue eyes and that
olive complexion of her daddy.
Time is coming soon.
Anytime you are ready, Jilly, anytime you can come
and bless us with your prescence.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

ready to move on

Yes, I am ready to move on from this back surgery stuff.
Physical therapy is getting easier,
I am doing all those things that I could not do
prior to surgery like walking, riding my bike,
working in my yard, mopping my floor,
all those things that used to be complicated
and cause days of pain are getting easier.
Some days there is still discomfort but nothing I can't live with.
So now the days are getting long and i am itching to
get back to my old normal days.
Yet physical therapy thinks I need a few more weeks.
Uhhh, come the 17th, our Jilly bean will be born
and I am still pushing for returning to work
on the 21st of March.
It has come to the point where I need to prove to
myself that I can do this, better than ever.
Part of my heart remains at TES
I miss my friends, I miss thinking of others besides myself.
I miss my babies and the hugs and smiles from them.
I miss having somewhere to go on weekdays.
I miss laughing and playing with my peers
as we make differences in children's lives.
I miss a life outside of my family, one that
belongs to me that they are not part of.
So second only to the birth of Jilly
and the happiness that will bring to my Kd and bb,
to myself and HOBL and BG,
I long to move on the the working class
where when you get a paycheck each month it
is for a job well done.
Two things to look forward to,
our munchkin and a return to work.
I am ready to move on!
(Happy birthday to T-Tie.)

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

coming soon:

I spent the day yesterday with my
friend Patricia and her little girl me-me
who was home from school not feeling well.
I love Patricia's children. Me-me is still a student
at TES and her big sis was, prior to moving on to
Middle school. During our day Patricia brought up
the topic of becoming a grandmommy soon
and how she wished she could be there just to see
me on the day of her birth.
I can't even imagine what that day will be like for me.
Sometimes I can't grasp what all tell me about the event
how much my love for this little girl will be.
I share this with P. and she says to me
that she just knows me and I am going to be
so emotional that day.
She is probably right, I mean I can't even see a strangers
baby without getting all warm and fuzzy inside.
P. got me thinking about the idea of this child being
partially a part of me. My child's child made with
the love of his life....
Oh just this thought gives me butterflies in my belly.
During the day me-me comes to me in the kitchen
for a long extended hug as we sway and dance
and I rub her back and kiss her head.
Her mother looks at us and has that smile on her face
that tells me oh if I can be this way with a friends
little girl, I will be puddy in the hands of my little
grandaughter. As I leave P's house after coffee and dessert
with two more of our school friends, Steph and Amanda,
I get love from P's babies as I go to leave they leave their
bikes to give me extra long kisses and hugs
and wave and send kisses the whole time I am backing out.
Then for one moment I get a glimpse of what being a grandmother
will be. My little Jilly-bean sending me love and kisses as I back
out of her own driveway, I get a lump in my throat.
She can not come soon enough, our little miracle.