Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Malaina is visiting with me the last few days.
She is a pleasure to have around.
She is one that loves my scraproom, I mean if she
could have my scrap room moved to her house, she would.
Unlike most of my other nieces, she is the only one
on HOBL's side, HOBL's niece...
Well actually HOBL's cousin but that's a long explanation
we call her our niece and that she is.
Yesterday riding home from bringing HOBL to the airport,
she and I were deep into conversation
when a song she loved came onto the radio.
Without any conversation she bolted into song,
no shyness, no worry about what I would think.
Then one of those old memories flashed before me.
A time when Baby girl was her age, 8
and we were into the Dixie Chicks.
She and I would sing as loud as we could,
no embarrassment on either part.
These memories are what makes me long to spend
time with little children.
Thinking back on my own children's lives
brings me great comfort,
they did not have the perfect life,
but they had a good life, a good childhood.
I am reminded of this often
when spending time with children like Malaina.
(these pictures were taken last visit with Malaina)
(the pictures are backwards. I dared her to eat a
Poppa John's pepper)
(She took the challenge. the first picture is the last picture)
Sunday, November 20, 2011
The bean is 8 months old now.
Friday evening she and baby boy came and sleep
and because bb and hobl left in the wee hours of the morning
to go hunting, it was decided that me and the bean
would sleep in the spare room so the boys could rest.
There is much I love about being the Mumsie of an 8 month old.
For one, she knows who I am and that she loves me.
She is at a stage where she is learning fast so will try and do
most anything you show her once or twice.
She is happy and smiles with a big, open grin unless
she is crying and screaming.
I love that she now put her arms out for people and
that Friday night her arms were out for me a lot since
we had company that she does not know.
At one point of the night, she came and pulled herself up on
my legs and put her hands up for me to hold her...
ahhh how I love that.
She slept in the pack and play until 4 am then woke up crying in her
sleep I put her in bed with me until she woke up at 5 to play.
That hour was fantastic, I have always loved sleeping with my own children
so to sleep with her is one of my favorite things to do.
she cuddles when she sleeps, wants to have an arm on me or
her head in my neck.
I love still, to rock her and when she is tired she puts her head
on my shoulder and lets me rock her until she falls asleep.
She is beginning to talk, says mama and papa and sometimes dada.
She can't say Mumsie yet but I am sure that isn't far away....
She pulls up and stands on anything she can so she needs
full time attention, all the time unless she is sleeping.
I will have KD's back on the fact that when you have a little one
as active as bean, not much else can get done.
I had forgotten this about mothering babies.
It used to drive me crazy when HOBL would ask me while the
babies were growing,
"what did you do all day"
I watched the baby, kept them safe from harm.
It is a full time job at 8 months old,
I had forgotten.
I love 8 months and kind of sad it will only last 4 weeks,
then she will be on to other things.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Finding out that my favorite fruit, bananas,
are the absolute worst for weight,
especially if they are covered in chocolate,
wasn't good news for me.
When Dr. P. said I could have all the fruits I want
except for bananas, my face fell.
A few weeks ago, my friend, Donna gave me
a few slices of a honey crisp apple.
I am not a big fan of apples and the common,
red, juicy, apples are never chosen as a fruit for me.
Yet, these honey crisp apples are to die for!
I have found a replacement for
Dianna's chocolate covered frozen baby bananas,
it is honey crisp apples dipped in peanut butter.
Yes, I know peanut butter has a ton of fat,
but it is the good fat and peanut butter is an energy booster
so all is good.
Last night, I actually had a craving for apples and peanut butter
and that has never happened before over chocolate ice cream
in a cone.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
4th day home and I feel like I am gaining ground
on this life of mines once again.
Yet, I have these long standing quilt feelings about
calling in sick but feeling well.
Today I feel so much better and my old mind
that I have worked with for my whole life says
if you feel good, you should get dressed and march into work.
Changing the mind set to believe, feel and know
that the reason I am well is because I have used the
last 4 days to regroup myself and move at my own speed.
A speed that just does not agree with me and my work ethics.
If I cannot give 150% on the work front then
I feel bad about earning a pay check.
It is why probably that only 4 months after
school starting, all my work is done for the year.
Changing a mind set after having that mind set
for my whole life is the hardest part of accepting
this whole chronic pain issue.
So, today, I will work on accepting that I should not
feel quilty for not working if I am having a better day.
To know that the reason it is a good day is because I am not
pushing myself to work.
I will today, work on eating healthy instead of the
emotional eating I have been doing lately.
I will try to walk again today, like I did yesterday.
I will work on not feeling quilty for a good day
and enjoy the day for what it is.
Tomorrow, the baby boy and the bean are coming sleep.
I can hardly wait for that!!!!
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
I have been awake since 3:30 am,
if I can call it awake since sleep really didn't come at all.
So What's in a number, anyway?
For a girl who always prided herself in needing
an uninterrupted 8 to 10 hours asleep per night,
this painful night stuff should be driving me crazy.
What is driving me crazy is thinking of staying awake
all night then trying to go to work.
I have decided going to take the rest of the week off.
Then I don't have to stress over when I sleep and how many
hours it has been.
Next week is off week and by then this darn weather
should settle itself.
What am I most thankful for these days?
Coworker friends who always listen to me and have my back.
Who when they say they are praying for me, I know really are.
HOBL who encourages me to stay home when I struggle
with what I should do.
Who never makes me feel like a burden or that I am not
pulling my own weight around here.
The fact that baby boy and the bean are coming and sleep
Baby girl being accepted back into Nicholls for the fall semester,
deciding that she has to get a degree.
Friends, friends, friends, and sisters, sisters, sisters
who are always encouraging me to do what I need to do
and remind me that they love me and I have nothing
to prove to no one.
Life may be full of pain and that sucks, but it is also
full of more good things and I am happy, fortunate
that I can still see and focus on this.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Today was one of those days.
Those days that the mind and the body are on different pages.
I wanted to make it to work, even after not sleeping
much for two nights because of pain.
I dressed and convinced myself that I could make it.
I tried to tell myself that I could hurt at home just
as I could hurt at work.
I went to Rousse's to get something for HOBL before
work and I just knew it wasn't going to happen.
I was going to have to stay home and take medications.
Yes, I called Denise and broke down right there in the
Rousse's. I cannot keep doing this.
I cannot keep playing games with myself and my fellow nurses.
I gave it my all and this is weighing heavily on my mind.
Between Thanksgiving and Christmas I am going
to reevaluate the work issues.
I am going to talk to my physicians, going to go back to
see Dr. Cowan, my chronic pain doctor who will give advice
to my family doctor, Dr. Pitre.
Dr. Donner told me there was nothing more he could do,
not a candidate for more surgeries except for removal
of the hardware, I am not having another surgery so
there is no reason to follow up with him.
He has done good things for me but as he warned me
prior to surgery, there are many other things I was facing
besides what he was able to fix surgically.
I have to, once again, get relief long term.
Cannot worry about what it means for work.
I cannot work as a nurse on Duragesic patches.
If this what it means then I will let my position go.
I am going to make these decisions between the Thanksgiving
and Christmas holidays because this worrying and wondering
what I should do is driving me crazy.
Acceptance, sometimes such a hard thing to do.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
I often worry about the time I spend with the Bean.
I worry about whether or not I will be remembered by her,
I worry about whether I am spending enough time with her,
I worry about whether she will understand just how much I love her.
Last night, when we went to see her, I wondered whether
she would cry not to come with me.
When we walked in last night she was standing and playing
with her big cousin, Maddy and the minute she saw me,
She squinted those beautiful little eyes and smiled big
and began trying to walk towards me while holding Maddie's hands.
Oh how happy and excited this made me.
We played a lot and she even cracked some smiles to her Pappy
who she gets to see even less.
She is beginning to understand her Pappy.
Then there was a time that she was beginning to get tired.
She climbed right into my lap and put her head on my shoulder,
wanted to cuddle with me and I swear a part of my heart melted
right there.... Oh I love her wayyyyy tooooo muucccchhh!!!!!!!
Friday, November 11, 2011
I haven't been blogging much,
been in some kind of slump with just life in general.
Cold weather and myself just don't get along anymore.
Yet before it had been one of my favorite seasons.
I am feeling better today, one because HOBL
came home last night.
I am kinda just tired of being alone a lot lately.
Never thought I would get tired of the husband who
goes away for work but the older I get, as I reflect
on the marriage I want as we get older, it involves
a husband who comes home every night.
I know we are not there yet but we are closer to that
than we were just a few years ago.
It's nice to know that at the end of a day of work,
HOBL will be here. This evening we head for
the night to Plaquemine to sleep with the cutie-patootie...
Coming home early to spend the day with Baby girl and Kel
at Thibodauxville. The rest of the weekend, just going
to hang around the house like an old married couple
and plan the trip we have decided to take to Tennessee
during the Christmas holiday.
A cabin in the mountains, even if we don't do anything but
sit in the cabin and play on our computers, we doing it!
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
I went to my "favorite" Walmart and
learned from the cashier that not only is Lay-a-way back
but she hates it.
I share with her that I too, don't get the concept,
if you can't afford it now, what makes you think you will
be able to afford it come Christmas time?
Then as I walk to my car and am putting my groceries up,
I realize just how selfish that statement was.
I, at one time, needed lay-a-way.
There were the days that money did not come easy
and I couldn't just go and buy what I wanted/needed.
One Christmas came into mine in particular.
It was my first Christmas as a Riera, marriage was new to me
and money was always tight.
I went to Walmart to see the Christmas decorations,
knowing that I could not afford anything at that moment.
We couldn't even afford a Christmas tree that year
so I had decided on using a family heirloom,
a tree branch on a base that was used for weddings
to hang rice decorations.
While at Walmart, I noticed these perfect little apples
that would fit on the tree just perfect.
In my mind, I saw the cutest little tree and the decorations
were in my reach, I just couldn't afford them.
I knew by the time I could afford them those little apples
would be gone.
I used the lay-a-way system.
HOBL was not happy about it.
He didn't then, and still does not now, understand
the whole decorating for holidays.
Weeks later, when I had saved the money,
I removed my lay-a-way
and was happy as I decorated my first home.
Sometimes I need to return to the life I had
before now, I need to realize that many, most
are not as fortunate as we are.
Yes, we are where we are because of lots of hard
work and saving even when we didn't think we could.
Sometimes, though you just have to bust and buy simple
things like little red apples for a tree branch Christmas tree.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Saturday, November 5, 2011
I went to my favorite gas station, chicken frying place
for some good fried chicken for supper.
As I am checking out, one of the cashiers says randomly,
"I want a black car"
"okay" I say because it is so random.
I tell her I can't help her, I have a blue car and no extra to spare.
She asks if I am sure I don't have a black car.
I proceed to tell her though that if I win the lottery
I will buy her a black car.
"Well thank you, that is very kind"
Her name is Sherelle, of course I asked.
I mean how can I bring her a black car if I don't know her name.
I continue by saying I am not even joking if I win the
lottery I am bringing her a black car.
Now she is laughing, saying it doesn't even have to be new
and she isn't particular on what kind, just wants black.
I say to Sherelle, "You know what? I am going to buy those
tickets right now from you."
She sells me two tickets and we continue with our fantasy,
"You know if you win, we are going to be on the news
and this story will be all over Louisiana.
Yes, and I am not even going to choose the car for her,
I am going to come and pick her up and she can pick out the
car she wants. I leave with both of us laughing and even
the guard is laughing at us.
As I drive away with my fried chicken and two lottery
tickets that I never buy, I realize that I really would do it.
If I win the lottery, or if I did, since it is past time,
I will go right to that gas station, pick up Sherelle
and buy that girl her very own black car.
Friday, November 4, 2011
This is the first big cold front since my return to work
from the surgery I had one year ago today.
It is not a good day.
It is also funeral day for Sean.
It is not a good day.
No matter how hard I think this day is,
it is nothing compared to the day this will be
for Sean's family and loved ones.
If I didn't have the funeral to attend,
I think I would have to stay home today.
It has been a most unbearable night.
Yet I will make it there then probably come home
after the funeral instead of returning to work.
I want to be there for support of Sean's family
but also for the support of my BG.
Many of her graduating class will be at this funeral.
It will also be the first time she sees many of her peers
since acknowledging she is gay.
I know this probably doesn't bother her at all
but I feel as her Mother, I need to stand by her
and be her support. Not to mention how hard it
is for young adults to say goodbye to one of their own.
Just puts some perspective on the life of a young adult.
Has them understand that life is short and
living a good life always is important.
Once again, I ask for prayers for Sean's family.
This will not be an easy day,
probably the hardest they have ever faced.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
It is a sad morning here in Thibodaux.
It's been a sad week as those who knew
him clung to news daily on how Sean Stilts was doing.
He passed away yesterday evening in the presence
of those he loved, in his childhood home.
Sean was one of the kids Baby girl first met
when we made to big move to Thibodaux and BG
joined the ED White band.
He was a quiet boy who everyone knew and liked.
He was a late bloomer so he was a little guy,
looked like he was too young for 8th grade.
Sean was one of those children,
a friend of your child who you just never forget.
Everyone, everyone loved Sean.
He began a battle with cancer the same year
they graduated from EDW, 2008.
He was going to college out of state
and even though he was diagnosed with cancer,
he was determined not to let it control his life.
He stayed in school and sought treatment in the state where he
was in school. Sean was a trooper and it wasn't until
this year that he moved back home for the help of
his parents. His parents are also well known people in
our community as his mom worked in the Thibodaux school
systems until she retired.
Please keep Sean and his family in your thoughts as
they prepare to say goodbye to thier precious child.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Halloween is one of the days of the year that I miss my
babies being young.
Many memories of Tarpon Heights Halloween
come back every year.
This year I did what I have done for the last 5 years
while living on Lee Drive,
Locked up the house, shut off the lights
Trick or treating is not safe in my neighborhood.
(I thought i had no pictures of BG in her famous lion king
suit but here is one!)
But back in the days of Tarpon Heights,
it was a block party every year.
Our whole family came over for hotdogs and homemade chili
made by me and all it costed was bags of candy
because in Tarpon Heights, everyone trick or treated.
It was not unusual to give over 400 grab bags.
All the neighbors had their own block parties
and it was a time that everyone visited and it was fantastic!
It is one of the few things I miss about the younger days.