Not all things about hurricanes are bad

In the last few day, waiting for Isaac to finish its rein on our little towns

of Louisiana, my siblings and I kept in touch via texting.

We reminisced about the hurricanes of the past, of the 

childhood experiences we had evacuating to Donaldsonville

where my oldest sister lived and her inlaws were graciously 

always taking in our large brood.

The games we played, the food we ate,

all were topics of the texts.

I also texted with the old Lee Drive neighbors through

Katie the neighbor and we too reminisced of the Katrina and Gustave

storms we spent together on Lee Drive.

I realize, as I look over the new house here on Island Drive,

seeing the other Riera family interact,

that not all things about storms are bad.

The bonding moments of memories made,

will be discussed long after the sun begins to shine and the 

temperatures incline up to the 90's again.

Technology has made it possible to be in touch with those not here

but it also has made it where there are less gatherings of 

the ones you call family and friends due to generators.

For instance, gypsy baby is doing her gypsy thing,

hanging out with all her friends in Kelmiester's apartment.

I would rather have her here...

but that's what happens with children who grow up and 

leave the nest. They make lives that are theirs.

Rosie texts about how we still all love storms and

how sick that is to say we like them.

Yet, she also shares it's because we got all together,

and always had fun. Our Daddy always made it to where we,

as children, never felt afraid, never knew the danger.

I look at Bean and hope she too never knows the dangers of 

storms and the memories are just those that puts a smile on her face,

and a happy feeling down in her heart.

Sometimes I wish the world had not changed to the world 

of generators where almost every home has one and 

there is no reason to bunker down all together in 

bigger and stronger houses that are situated farther from 

the eye of the storm.

Today, the weather begins to improve, the winds have died down

and life begins to take a turn to the normal.

The memories, the memories?

They etched in the place I call my heart.

a New App. for apple products and Bean

Yesterday we had a BBQ lunch with Kd's aunt and family.

It was a good afternoon.

I took this picture when Bean came to me because she was sleepy.

I have a new app. called ColorStroke and it is amazing

what you can do with all the pics you take.

This one turns any picture into a drawing, can color

in  the areas you would like to.

I cannot explain how much I love this.

This child melts me, she seems to be the only one

who really likes my singing.... lol

As she became more tired at the BBQ

she climbed onto my lap.

Her Mommy asked, you want to go home and night night

"No"

then she asked if she wanted to nap there,

"huh" while nodding her head in the way she does.

So as I held and rocked her I sang very low a few of the songs

she likes,

"Say, say oh playmate" and "sing a song"

with each she just stared into my face, I into hers

and My heart, well it just melts for this child.

Her little lids kept closing as she tried to force them

open. Finally she succumbed to the sleep and was out.

I love her.

A story to melt the heart

There is always so much negative in the world.

So many times we hear of shootings and child abuse. It's enough to make 

all of us question what is this world coming to,

then I read this story here and my heart is warmed

almost to a melting point.

I get teased often about my belief in miracles and yet

it is so obvious that they exist if we only look for them.

Enjoy this one on this Saturday morning.

Billionaire Ty Warner gives woman $20,000 for her cause after asking her for directions

By Ron Recinto | The Sideshow – 20 hrs ago

• 155
• Email
• Print

Jennifer Vasilakos (Jennifer Vasilakos)

You and Dela Griffin Herringtonread this

A woman who helped a lost man ended up with a surprise $20,000 gift.

That's what happened last month when Jennifer Vasilakos guided Ty Warner when he stopped and asked for driving directions in Santa Barbara, Calif.

While Warner didn't know exactly how to get to where he was going, Vasilakos didn't realize who she was helping.

Warner is the billionaire founder of Ty Inc., the Beanie Baby company.

Vasilakos was at the intersection trying to raise $20,000 for a stem cell procedure she needs to help save her life because she suffers from kidney failure and does not qualify for a transplant.

She describes their encounter in her blog:

I often get asked by random strangers for directions.  Not one to miss an opportunity, I handed him my flyer and he made a fifty dollar donation.  As he drove off, I thought that was the end of our encounter... He'd returned after an hour or so.  Rolling down his window, he reached out his hand and introduced himself.  I immediately recognized his name.  He was kind and sincere as he looked directly into my eyes...  I listened as he repeated over and over that he was going to help me.  That my fundraising was done.  That I didn't need to worry any longer.  He said he would send a check after he returned to his offices during the week.

He was true to his word. Vasilakos, an herbalist and Reiki teacher, received a package on July 16 with a $20,000 check and with a handwritten note from Warner. The note read in part, "Someone up there loves you because I was guided to meet you Saturday. I never lose my way, but fate had me lost and ask you for directions. The rest of the story I hope will be a wonderful new life for you."

Courtesty of Jennifer Vasilakos

"Of course I started crying, because that's what girls do," Vasilakos said. "I'm incredibly thankful to Ty Warner and to everyone who has supported me with love and prayer."

The check cleared a few weeks later and she booked a surgical procedure at an undisclosed foreign hospital to begin hematopoietic stem cell treatment. Hematopietic treatment takes a cell from the blood or bone marrow that can renew itself and develop into a variety of specialized cells.

"After I serendipitously met Jennifer, I further educated myself on her stem cell needs. I was shocked that this particular type of treatment wasn't available to her in the U.S.," Warner said in a media release. "My hope is that we can bring this lifesaving treatment to the forefront so that it can become more readily available and provide alternatives for people like Jennifer."

So the chance meeting allowed both Warner and Vasilakos to each continue on their journeys.

antidepressants not for sissies

Antidepressants of today also known as SSRI's

are not the medications of our parents.

Shoot, in the days of our parents, if you said you were

depressed you were given medications that made you a zombie 

if you weren't hospitalized and thought of as damaged or weak.

The world of antidepressants has changed.

Not only are these medications different from those of 

generations past but they are used for so many other things 

besides depression.

You probably are wondering where I am going with this.

I am speaking out for all those out there who may be

depressed and scared to say so, scared to get on medications.

I, about 10 years ago began on one of these antidepressants

better known as SSRI's because we had begun to have the 

troubles with baby boy and I knew I would have to be strong to 

deal with the upheaval our lives were about to begin.

SSRI's are known as serotonin enhancers.

Serotonin is something we get from the sun and 

none of us get enough sun to  keep our levels high,

therefore all of us can benefit from a little SSRI.

Shoot, I think the whole world should be on something,

pipe into the water system... lol.

I had been on the same ones, Celexa and then Lexapro for 

these 10 years. I probably did not need them anymore but stayed on them

all the same because I liked myself better. I often said,

although I was a good mommy, I would have been even better

had I taken these when they were young.

The reason the last 5 years I had stayed on them was because

they are now used also for chronic pain and I wanted anything

that would help me in that area.

Where am I going with all of this, well the post is two-fold.

While sharing to hopefully help the people out there who may be

suffering and too embarrassed to talk to their doctors, 

hoping knowing that I am on something will help them,

I also am sharing to tell the tale of what happened to me in the last

few months to make awareness known.

So, every day I would take me generic Celexa and go about my day.

However, since we moved, I am sure you can tell by me posts of those times,

I was having a rough time with adjustment. 

I would want to be happy but find myself laying around with no 

desire to do those things that I once loved to do.

I was blogging, journaling, and scrapping much less.

I watched a lot of movies and took naps often, spent a lot of time

laying around. I would not have labeled it as depressed, just "blah".

When I went for my 3 months check-up with the infamous,

Dr. Pitre we discussed this and she agreed that it would be 

worth changing the SSRI I am on thinking that maybe my body 

has become immune to the other I was on for 10 years.

She switched me to Prozac that is still a SSRI but 

works a little different due to its chemical make-up.

Oh my, what a difference the change has made in only a week.

I did not know how bad I was feeling until I began feeling better.

Again, my love for writing and blogging is back as I know you can tell

by my blog posts. I am loving not only the house again but 

decorating the house. I am full of ideas of things I want to do,

working in the yard, even with the heat, is something I am enjoying again.

I want to do some motivational speaking again as well as 

volunteering to teach religion again.

I feel sooo much better.

This post is really not to talk of myself so much but to tell

you out there,

Do not be afraid to speak to your doctor for medications if you have

lost the desire to do those things that you once loved.

To say, if you choose medications along with your doctor,

do not be discouraged if it takes some time to find the one that works for you.

Know that it takes about 4 to 6 weeks to get the full effect of the medications

and if you have any negative side effects, those two usually go away after

the first 6 weeks, and the most important part of this long, winded post,

if you have been on one for a long time and find yourself not your best,

try the switch to a different one with the help of your doctor.

I am feeling so much better.

Love to all, and last reminder,

Admitting to depression does not mean you are weak

more that you are strong as admitting is half the battle.

Gabby, missing 15 year old.

Yesterday, I was determined to see my gypsy baby,

to spend some quality time at the movie theater.

When I left home, I did not know about the chemical spill

that would keep me traveling for almost 12 hours!

I could have been in Disney!

The last thing you want is to be caught in Baton Rouge

during rush hour, even less if the interstate is closed.

I was very thankful to have XM Radio

and a journal I had just bought.

Spent much time writing and listening.

The most disheartening story I heard was of a missing

15 year old girl known as Gabby.

I became sick to my stomach while listening to the story

and also could not change the channel.

I had not heard of this missing child before being

stuck on the interstate. 

Nancy Grace can make you crazy but she asks the questions.

The story goes that her single mother decides,

because of  the pressure of the job, that she will go into work

on Saturday morning at 3:45, to finish a project that is due

on Monday. Many ask, why would she do this?

She is not the one here who should be being questioned

and yet she is. She explains she did this so she could spend

the weekend with her daughter.

When she returns at 7Am all she hears is Gabby's alarm going

off and sees no child anywhere. I can only imagine what went through

her mind. Her child is gone and all else missing is her cell phone.

She does what each of us naturally would do first,

she called her cell phone, it rings and rings. 

The next time, it goes straight to voicemail.

I can cry thinking of the Mom's next few minutes.

I know that feeling. On gypsy baby's 21st bday,

I lost her for a few wee-morning hours due to a miscommunication

and I was a crazy person. Got in my car and drove the streets of

Thibodaux looking for her.

Come to find out, she had sent me a text saying she was sleeping

at her friend. I never got the text.

This mother calls the police and the search begins.

I hate that in the normal process of things the Mom has to be questioned,

this is a good single parent. The kind who at 10pm at night

takes her child's cell phone away to assure she is not on it

early into the morning hours. The only reason Gabby had

her cell that morning was because this Mom gave it back to her

because she was leaving. Many have made comments as 

to the strangeness of why the mother leaves at this time of the night.

It makes me want to scream as I know there are many mothers

who work in early morning hours, take call.

There are many single mothers in the same position,

I think of our own Tedi-girl and her Mom who is a single parent,

She is a nurse who is often on call. She can get called out at any time of the night.

I am so glad that Tedi-girl has the privilege of having her apartment being

connected to her grandmother so she is never alone if her Mom has to leave.

More about this young girl.

She is not a run away, she loves her mother, they are inseparable,

she just made the dance team, is in a band, an honor student.

This child running away, again would be like our Tedi-girl 

running away, she just would not do it.

She would never have us worry and suffer because of running away.

This seems to be the child Gabby was.

I know this post has been long and maybe even hard to read.

This child deserves not only one post but the whole world looking

and praying for her and her family, especially her Mother.

Follow her story by googling MISSING GABBY

and pray, against the odds, that she is found

safe and sound.

Better days

Goo Goo Dolls - Better Days Lyrics

• Songwriters: John Rzeznik

And you ask me what I want this year
And I try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

'Cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
In designer love and empty things
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words and sing out loud
'Cause everyone is forgiven now
'Cause tonight's the night the world begins again

And it's someplace simple where we could live
And something only you can give
And that's faith and trust and peace while we're alive

And the one poor child he saved this world
And there's 10 million more who probably could
If we all just stopped and said a prayer for them

So take these words and sing out loud
'Cause everyone is forgiven now
'Cause tonight's the night the world begins again

I wish everyone was loved tonight
And somehow stop this endless fight
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words and sing out loud
'Cause everyone is forgiven now
'Cause tonight's the night the world begins again
'Cause tonight's the night the world begins again

Sharing this this morning.

I have loved this song by the Goo Goo Dolls since the very 

first time Gypsy Baby told me in the car when she was in high school:

"Mom you have to hear this song, you are going to love it."

How right she was.

I  may have even shared it on the blog before.

I, over the last few days, have had better days.

So much better that not only did I walk last night

but actually enjoyed it. When this song came into the buds in my ears,

I knew I had to, once again, share it.

The first year I heard it, I used these words as my TES Christmas card.

Not only did I do that but I also played it and sang it

in front of staff when I had to do classes for them.

Gina B. was alive back then and especially fell in love with the song.

Big Man, yes he talks to me when I brush my teeth 

and he also talks to me via my earbuds when I walk.

Last evening, my thoughts were on a family member

who is going through a very rough time through

faults of no one but themself. 

My thoughts were on this family member and

how if I were in that spot, what I would do.

I also think, "Hell if It were me, I would have never gotten myself

in that place to begin with."

Then this song, having not heard it in years, is in the shuffle of the IPod.

I realize that is the answer, right?

That I am not this person, cannot think like them nor act like them

but no more or less a child of the one I call The Big Man.

They may not deserve nor get the forgiveness that they request,

but don't they deserve "Better days" if they work hard to get it?

Is it for me to judge? For sure not.

and what should we all give to all?

"FAITH AND TRUST AND PEACE WHILE WE'RE ALIVE"

This is what we should all strive to give and yet we are all 

imperfect sinners, and the Big Man, the one true,

who so does ask us for these three things.

I want peace for myself, for all I love.

Some of us have to work harder than others.

Some of us can only gain these things back by lots and lots of hard work

not in words but in actions

I know I cannot give what I have given in the past to this person I speak of today.

It is draining and unpleasant to do so.

However, I cannot deny the love I have for them.

I do want the best not only for their children but for all the children of the world.

"SO TAKE THESE WORDS AND SING OUT LOUD,

CAUSE EVERYONE IS FORGIVEN NOW,

CAUSE TONIGHTS THE NIGHT THE WORLD BEGINS AGAIN."

It is the one thing Big Man promises us all,

Forgiveness and a chance for the 

"world to begin again"

SAVING BOBBY

While the weather was nasty this weekend and I 

and HOBL, better known these days as Broke Back,

one of the Lifetime movies we watched was 

SAVING BOBBY

I had seen it before, way in the 90's when my babies

were still that,  children living under my roof.

The first time I saw it I had no idea gypsy baby was gay.

As I watched it again on Sunday I had so many feelings.

The movie is based in the years between 1979-1983.

The world has changed so much since then.

the synopsis is about a young adult who shares 

with his family that he is gay.

His mother then proceeds not only to beg

him to change his ways via religion

but attempts to pray him straight.

After being unable to convince his family that he is 

a good, loving son still, he decides to commit suicide

in a manner that can be labeled as nothing but

very brave, he jumps off a bridge to his death.

I cried again seeing the movie, even though

I knew how it would end. His mother, after his death,

not only finds out the things she should have while Bobby was alive

but becomes an advocate for other people who are gay.

A little too late for Bobby.

This time watching was different,

because this time I have a close relationship to Bobby 

because of my own gypsy baby.

I am so thankful that I and HOBL handled gypsy baby's 

announcement so different from Bobby's mother.

Never did I ever think I could or should change her

but my unconditional love came into high gear,

wanting to not only share it with the world but to make sure

the world was good to her.

On this Sunday, my "empty nest" issues came into high gear.

I wanted to go back in time to the first time I saw this movie.

I wanted gypsy baby to be young again so I can make 

sure I relayed to her that I would love her no matter what,

that I did not care whether she was gay, or purple

that I love her always.

I know she knew this without the words,

but I wanted to do it again all the same.

I also wanted her little again because no matter how much

the world has changed since 1983, it still has so far to go in relations

to gay people and couples and I want to protect my gypsy baby 

from the negatives.  I know my gypsy baby, she needs no 

protection from the world, my tough skinned girl,

but I want another chance to do it anyway.

My girl, she is a child of God whether she knows it or cares.

She has about as much choice at being gay as she does at breathing air.

The Big Man, he loves her as she is,

and there should never, ever be any talk from anyone 

about her changing for the betterment of her relationship with her

higher power. 

Too bad Bobby could not be saved as for my gypsy baby,

she does not need saving, she is perfect just the way she is.

Love to my gay baby and all those out there who 

face the criticism of the close minded people of the world.

A CAMERA, TWO KIDS AND A CAMEL

As most of you know, I belong to a Facebook book club.

Yeah, yeah, call me a geek...

Last month the book could not be purchased on Ibooks

so I had to buy the old fashioned, good smelling, 

hard cover book. Unfortunately, there was an address

mix-up with Amazon and I just received the book a few 

days ago,  long past the book night to discuss this one.

I figured I would not read it right away, focusing on 

this months book instead.

Yet, when the book came in I was intrigued, fell in love 

with the cover and the excitement of holding the book in my hand.

Last night, I settled in the comfy bed of HOBL and I's 

to at least begin the book.

Because it is mostly a picture book, I did not stop until 

well past 10:00pm and I had read it from cover to cover.

If you do not purchase another book this year, 

purchase this one for your family, it is a coffee table 

book, meant to not only be looked at but to be read.

It is based and written by 

ANNIE GRIFFITHS BELT

Her writing has me wanting to conquer the world.

It made me wish I had been so brave as to travel the world

as this woman has done. 

It made me appreciate my gypsy baby more for the 

courage she has to just go and live her life,

hoping that she too, does some traveling and following of dreams.

The basis of the authors writing

is that she is a photographer for National Geographic.

She married her husband after making a trip for NG as the writer.

They had two children, Charlie and Lilly who accompanied 

them on most of their excursions all over the world.

Annie speaks of her husband being the writer,

I beg to differ. You will see from her beautiful photos

that she is a first class photographer but you will also see

her writing from her heart is the making of an awesome writer.

I think of her children, who are now older, one in college, the other

in high school and the life they have lived traveling the whole world.

I am envious of these kids and even have a short lapse of 

actually being jealous of not having been born to these parents.

One of the reasons of many that I had to finish the book last night

is her wonderful writing on what she now believes to be true having

traveled and met so many people all over the world:

"AS A PHOTOGRAPHER I HAVE LEARNED

THAT WOMEN REALLY DO HOLD UP HALF OF THE SKY.

THE LANGUAGE ISN'T ALWAYS NECESSARY, BUT 

TOUCH USUALLY IS, THAT ALL PEOPLE ARE NOT

ALIKE, BUT THEY DO MOSTLY HAVE THE SAME

HOPES AND FEARS, THAT JUDGING OTHERS

DOES GREAT HARM BUT LISTENING TO THEM

ENRICHES, THAT IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO HATE A GROUP

OF PEOPLE ONCE YOU GET TO KNOW ONE OF THEM

AS AN INDIVIDUAL."

Is this not one of the most beautiful sentences you have ever read?

This is exactly how I feel put into words so eloquently.

Sit and read that sentence a few times. 

Really, let it sink in and really think about all it says.

I now have a desire to learn more about the world.

I have a desire to start a collection of

National Geographic and learn all about the my world that I have

so neglected in my past. I have the time, I want to learn

thanks to Annie Griffiths Bell

and her wonderful book,

A CAMERA, TWO KIDS AND A CAMEL

the most complicated topic...LOVE

I am feeling just a little philosophical this morning.

I read this comment in the happiness project,

"THERE IS NO LOVE;

THERE ARE ONLY PROOFS OF LOVE."

-PIERRE REVERDY

I contemplate, what does this mean, exactly.

I don't think he means love does not exist

but more like the author of THE HAPPINESS PROJECT explains,

"Whatever love I might feel in my heart, others will see 

only in my actions.

I think i agree.

Yes, if you just love someone but you never

tell them, or do things for them that make them feel important,

then it would be hard to prove love for them.

Each time I try and disqualify her explanation it brings me 

back to the fact that she is right.

I think that I know even now that my Mommy loves me.

She, at this point in her life, can't really do those things

that make me feel she loves me and yet I do not doubt that she does.

Then I realize, it is all those things she has done for me in the past 

that makes me know I am loved.

I think of little Bean, she can't really show me in actions that she loves me.

She can't cook a meal for me, she can't buy me anything special.

I then think of it deeper and realize it is her actions that 

prove her love for me.

when we are playing and she turns to me and makes "sweet eyes"

I feel her love.

When she grabs a book and backs up her trunk in my lap,

I feel her love. When she cries when I leave her house

I know I am loved.

I think of my grown children.

I know they love me and they don't show it like they used to as kids.

I think into it deeper and remember just last week

when I had a virus, throwing up, could not get out of bed,

I get a text from Baby boy asking how I am

and an offer to go get Gatorade or sprite.

I feel loved deeply because if I said yes, he would get in his truck,

go to the store, purchase what I needed and bring it back.

Yesterday I get a call from Gypsy baby, asking what I am doing today.

She asks me if I can go to Baton Rouge today and meet her at

her place of work for brunch. 

I feel her love in the fact that she still misses me,

still needs me in her life, even if we don't agree on so much,

the love is there.

So yes, on those examples I do agree with 

Gretchen Rubin, THE HAPPINESS PROJECT

"... Whatever love I feel in my heart, others will only see in my actions..."

I need to continue to always act on those words I say so often,

"LOVE YOU"

7 deadly sins

We are all familiar with the 10 commandments,

being taught these as children and being told

if we follow these, we are going to be right with the Big Man.

As an adult I was introduced to the 7 deadly sins:

PRIDE

GREED

GLUTTONY

LUSH

SLOTH

ENVY

ANGER

I know at many times I have suffered from these 

at different times in my life.

I think we all have.

Which had me thinking why would these be considered

the "deadly sins".

I mean, worshiping other Gods, stealing, murder, adultery,

you would think these would be more deadly than the others.

Yesterday I did lots of reading as the back decided to go out on me.

I read why one author believes these are deadly and I tend to 

agree with her thoughts.

"It turns out they are deadly sins not because of their gravity

but because of their power to generate other, worse sins.

They are the gateway sins to the big ones."

Yes, this makes sense to me as they are easier to accept.

If I murder, steal, commit adultery, then it is very easy to 

see I got it wrong and I need to ask for forgiveness soon.

Yet, glutton.... If I eat two desserts when I am already full,

who would think of that as a big deal. 

Yet, If I do this every day, I don't take care of myself,

I become overweight and I can defend myself to others.

Anger, how can any of us go through a life without being angry.

However if I become angry and it is accepted, then it makes

it easier to stay angry because others just project 

that it is the way I am.

That changes my personality, who I am supposed to be.

Working on correcting these 7 sins are actually harder to keep

than the 10 commandments.

I suffer at different times in my life from each of them.

Sloth I worry about often.

Yesterday, I stayed in bed most of the day because of 

a terrible back ache. As I did, I also read the above.

I right away feel guilty for feeling like a sloth.

See why these sins become the hardest?

Because the line is so fine as to what is the actual sin 

and what is needed to recuperate.

Today, I will try not to "sloth" my life away

even if the pain is worse today.

I still should be able to do something of worth.

Living a good, clean life becomes harder when you 

accept the 7 deadly sins as something to work on.

She's a child who shares...

We will never know where this virus from hell has come from

but I suspect our  Bean has been the carrier of the same

one that have put all the adults who love her down for the count.

While she ran around and played as if nothing was wrong

with a few diapers of diarrhea,

we began dropping like flies with nausea, diarrhea,

vomiting, low grade fever and "put to the bed" feelings.

It started with Baby boy

then Kd who was so sick, she landed up in the hospital for two days.

Then it hit the grandparents except for HOBL,

Myself, "Maw Cappy", and Poppie.

Our company,

Beda and TEdi-girl began with symptoms late yesterday afternoon

and then Pappy just last night.

No one can ever say the girl doesn't share.

Since the bean has started day care she has caught 

everything imaginable and many times has shared it with us.

I know that once her antibodies are all immune to these illnesses

she will be fine but in the meantime,

we have spent much time recuperating.

I think we are all on the upside of mending now.

It is the reason why the blog has suffered a bit in the last few weeks.

Promise to get back on the wagon now.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

Another birthday to celebrate,

my 49th!

Beginning today my 50th year of living.

For my birthday eve, I began to read again the book

THE HAPPINESS PROJECT

I had not completed it and forgot some of the most awesome

points I loved in the beginning.

Last night I read:

"I WASN'T DEPRESSED AND I HASN'T HAVING A MIDLIFE 

CRISIS, BUT I WAS HAVING A MIDLIFE MALAISE-

A RECURRENT SENSE OF DISCONTENT AND ALMOST 

A FEELING OF DISBELIEF.

"CAN THIS BE ME?"

I am not sure what I am going through,

yet as always, the words,

"This too shall pass"

gives me great comfort.

The one thing I want to be in this year

is the happiest I can be.

Today I will allow myself to do what I feel like doing,

whether it be reading all day, playing all day.

It is my birthday and I will enjoy it.

Thanks to all for the wonderful bday wishes.

Enjoy your day and that will be the very best birthday

gift you can give me!

A New School Year begins

Today teachers return to the classroom after a very short

summer vacation.

I always think I am over the not working thing.

Then today happens and I am quite sad that I

will not be there for the beginning of the school excitement.

No matter what people think, teachers, although

not happy that their free days of summer are over,

they do get excited about making a difference in 

their new students lives.

I want to be there and yet my time is done.

Just when I think I like retirement, this is the life,

today happens and I want to be there, in the work force,

seeing the changes a summer makes.

I will be okay, of course.

The first morning I have so much pain that

I can't get out of bed and I don't have to worry about

calling in sick. 

But today I give myself permission to grieve this fact.

That given my ideal world, I would be pain free all the time

and I would be going to work making a difference

in the lives of children.

Paleontologist, were it not for Vietnam.

On Friday, after picking up Bean from daycare,

she and I made a little trip to Wally-World.

As always, we make a trip to the toy aisles.

Our Plaquemine Walmart has lots missing but the one

thing in high abundance is TOYS!

My bean chooses two one dollar dinosaurs and a giraffe.

We head to the check out counter as she has her

dinosaurs kiss each other as well as herself and I.

While waiting, I notice a disheveled older man behind us.

Bean, being like her Mumsie in some ways, has to 

make conversation with this man as she

shows him her dinosaurs.

"She likes those dinosaurs, huh?"

Yes, I explain she chose them over the Barbie I really wanted to get.

He begins to tell me about his interest in dinosaurs

and about how he has been to Texas where there is a park 

all about dinosaurs. Of course, I embark in conversation.

I take a better look at our new friend.

He probably has just gotten off of work as he

is quite dirty with steel-toe boots,

his hair can use a good wash and cut,

there are some dental problems...

and yet, he is the nicest man, spending

his afternoon to speak to me and the cute little

girl with dinosaurs in her hands.

He then under his breath says,

"I wanted to be a paleontologist when I grew up.."

He has a wistful look on his face.

"... then Vietnam happened and all that changed."

I right away, again think of my brother, another

Vietnam soldier.

I wonder, could this man have been a paleontologist

had it not been for a war who took away dreams from him?

My first thoughts are, no way, there doesn't seem to be

the education there that would have involved this.

I am wrong, I believe, because as he continues to explain

stories of what he has seen at this park,  I know 

had been given the chance, he like many young minds out there

could have achieved all he would have wanted.

I explain,

"My brother was in Nam, we lost a part of him over there."

He nods his head, makes eye contact with me and

says, 

"I left a big part of myself over there."

Again, I am left with the wonderment of what our world would 

be had there never been wars.

Another lesson from my own Mumsie

I am an imperfect daughter,

with faults and impatience.

Yet I am a loving daughter who is

so amazed that I still have my very own Mumsie/Mommy

to love. If you are not dealing with an elderly parent

in your life then this post may sound so harsh to you

but those of us, my siblings and my whole family will

understand what I am trying to relay.

I visited my Mumsie/Mommy yesterday and as always,

she is so happy to see me and I, her.

She is having her lunch so I go into her apartment

to see what groceries she may need.

Things are the same as always,

it's hot and stuffy, her bed is made,

Her nightly commode needs to be cleaned 

because the room as the slight odor of urine.

I make sure to clean the pot and let it soak.

There is food on the counter from days gone by

and there is food in the refrigerator that needs to be thrown.

I often wonder why she does this, hoards food she won't eat

and I am brought back to times as a little girl that

we never went anywhere that my Mommy didn't ask to 

bring home leftovers or little  tokens of the day.

At the time it used to be so embarrassing and I believe

this is why she still does this. It is a thing of her past.

Something molded there that can't be changed.

After lunch she meets me in her apartment and

we begin to talk. The conversation goes about the

same each time, me reminding her I don't live

in Thibodaux anymore. She asks about "T-shoe, shoe"

the name she has given Bean because she can't remember if

she is a girl or a boy. She makes the comment that the baby

will be probably graduating by the time she gets to see her.

I remind her that I have brought her often and Baby Boy has

just brought her a few weeks ago and she answers with her 

same comment, "that is true"

sometimes inside of myself it frustrates me that she can't remember

these things, I want her to remember, badly.

Sunday, many of my siblings and their families went to visit

and brought her to lunch. I try and get her to tell me about it.

She says it was so lovely and I question her, trying to get

her mind to remember....

"Who was there, Mommy?"

Oh I don't know Lilly....

"Mom, was Tedi there? Was Tiffy there?"

"I think so, and I think C.J. was there, did C.J. come?"

I answer that I don't know because I wasn't there.

"You weren't? And why didn't you come?"

she asks me in her upset voice.

"Because I was sick and I didn't want to get you sick."

She agrees that was a good reason.

I see the beautiful crocheted quilt C made for her a few months ago

on her bed. On Sunday C called me in a panic because she 

could not find the blanket anywhere and knowing all the work

she had spent on it, she was frantic.

I give her a few places to check as Mommy is not sure where

it could be. 

I get a text in a few minutes that it's been found in the dirty towels.

I question Mommy about the blanket fiasco and she denies

it was ever lost. Again, thankfully I don't let her see

my frustration about her not remembering but inside 

I WANT HER TO REMEMBER...

She asks me, "So where was it?" I remind her.

She again laughingly says,

"Lilly, I just got off the lunch table and I don't know what I had for lunch."

Then she says again, quietly, "I really don't know what I just ate."

My heart goes to her now, and  I say,

"Mommy you don't challenge your mind, if you think about it all

I know you would remember."

She thinks for a  little while and she says I know,

and tells me what the dessert was. I laugh because

if she will remember anything it will be the dessert as it's her favorite.

She comes up with an idea, 

I need to get me a little book for people to sign when they come

so I can remember who was here so when you ask, you can look

in the book. I crack a smile and think this may be a good idea.

"I can't see anymore so it'll be for y'all to read."

I tell her we gonna make sure we sign big, big.

"Just like that mail there, I don't know what it says."

I take the stack and we begin to go through it and throw what isn't good.

In the stack is a handout and I begin to read it to her,

remembering the older days when if she saw a handout that she thought

I would like from church or one of her many volunteer programs she was in,

she would bring me a copy.

I begin to read this one to her, and I get choked up:

BLESSED IN AGING

BLESSED ARE THEY WHO UNDERSTAND

MY FALTERING STEP AND SHAKING HAND

BLESSED WHO KNOW MY EARS TODAY

MUST STRAIN TO HEAR THE THINGS THEY SAY.

BLESSED ARE THOSE WHO SEEM TO KNOW

MY EYES ARE DIM AND MY MIND IS SLOW.

BLESSED ARE THOSE WHO LOOK AWAY

WHEN I SPILLED MY TEA THAT WEARY DAY.

BLESSED ARE THEY WHO, WITH A CHEERY SMILE

STOPPED TO CHAT FOR A LITTLE WHILE.

BLESSED ARE THOSE WHO KNOW THE WAY

TO BRING BACK MEMORIES OF YESTERDAY.

BLESSED ARE THOSE WHO NEVER SAY

"YOU'VE TOLD THAT STORY TWICE TODAY"

BLESSED ARE THEY WHO MAKE IT KNOWN

THAT I AM LOVED AND NOT ALONE.

AND BLESSED ARE THEY WHO WILL EASE THE DAYS

OF MY JOURNEY HOME, IN LOVING WAYS.

-edith Mary Walker

Yes, this is to be our role as her children and her family.

Although outwardly she would never know my frustrations inside

and yet, I have held them.

I want to be blessed inwardly and outwardly to accept that this 

is not something she is doing, it is her wayward mind,

failing her when her body does not.

I tell her I will buy a guest book for everyone who visits

to sign, largely so she can remember.

that would be good she says.

WE walk to the front of the Manor

and everyone we pass, calls her by name,

they stop to talk, to remind her of things.

I go to the desk and sign her up for a mani/pedi on Saturday

to be done in her room and I remind her that she has 

money and needs to let them in as sometimes she gets afraid 

dealing with money so she shoos the manicurist away.

Stacy at the desk assures me that she will help Mommy on Saturday

to make sure it gets done. 

I realize that these people are those blessed people who are spoken 

of in this beautiful poem.

I realize that the reason she loves this place, the manor

is that here, she is not questioned and they "get her"

they understand the way of geriatrics and the process

of getting older without having the loving pull of the 

Mommy of yesteryear.

They have no old history with her so they can love her as is.

I wish every elderly person had a place like the Manor to 

spend the rest of their days in such a peaceful place.

My Mommy will be there until her journey home is here.

For that, I am sure of.

I took the poem home, just like the "old days" 

when she would have made sure I had a copy.

God, thanks you for the gift of a mother and let me always

remember that I am to be the blessed person to her in 

her elderly years. I am to just enjoy her as she is now and in 

the company of her. 

On my grocery list:

One guest book