HELPING OTHERS IS NOT A BOTHER

"I hate to bother you…."

"I didn't ask you to help because I know you have so much to do…"

" I didn't tell you because I'm such a bother.."

We all hear these things, I hear them often.

Shoot, I have even said them myself.

On those times when you are afraid to ask for help,

or someone sees you struggling and they asks what they

can do to help, spill it, let them help.

Just this weekend, in conversation

I offered my help anytime and before I could get the

sentence out, her head was shaking no.

It happened again yesterday when speaking to someone I 

love dearly, asked her why she didn't tell me what we were speaking

of earlier and she said she didn't want to bother me.

If you are that person, that person so full of pride that it is

hard to ask for help, I share this thought for contemplation….

Maybe the one who can help you is the one who 

really needs to help. Sometimes, your need is more

for the other one who gets great gratitude in helping 

someone who truly needs it. As I explain this over the wknd,

I think I had my love look at it differently.

"You know sometimes we who offer the help needs to do that,

for us to do God's work, to be a disciple."

She then shakes her head yes. Well, that makes sense.

Sometimes we want to do His work, but we are not

sure who needs it. If you ask, that gives us the opportunity to help.

My favorite line to those I love, first I ask them to make a deal 

with me then,

"If you promise to ask if you need something, I promise to 

say no if I can't help."

This week a high school friends' son had a tragedy happen.

First he lost his precious daughter, now his son and his

family  has lost all they own. In both instances my friend

and his wife, have seen the silver lining. His daughter left

this world but left behind a child for them to love, 

His son and his family lost all their material possessions 

but escaped the fire with all of their lives.

Still, the "Monkey on their back", "the devil"

needs to leave them. I had an opportunity to help here,

to do what God would want me to do. I sent a small contribution.

My friend said I didn't have to but the were going to be humble

and accept because it was really needed. 

In his acceptance, I was a disciple.

"WHAT SO EVER YOU DO, FOR THE LEAST OF YOUR

BROTHERS, THAT YOU DO UNTO ME."

Long story to explain one simple statement.

If you need help, ask, the world is full of people who want 

to help. If they can't help they will tell you no, or at

least I will….

PURGATORY?

Another thing that has been on my mind lots since

my retreat weekend is purgatory.

For you who are not Catholic, purgatory can be defined as

A PLACE OR STATE WHERE ACCORDING TO CATHOLIC

DOCTRINE THE SOULS OF THOSE WHO DIE

IN GOD'S GRACE MAY MAKE SATISFACTION FOR

PAST SINS AND SO BECOME FIT FOR HEAVEN.

I never wanted to believe in purgatory before.

I wanted to think that all except for those who 

broke the ten commandments severely, went to Heaven.

This weekend I am changing on this believe.

Immaculee' talked of a book called

"GET US OUT OF HERE"

written by Nicky Eltz from interviews he conducted with

Maria Simma

Not only are my beliefs of purgatory changing but I am

learning so much about my faith I claim to be my own,

Catholic that I did not know nor think of before.

the book, has been investigated by the Church and deemed

to be valid. The thing about this sweet woman, Maria who

you will come to know if you read this book, is that she was 

not from the 1800's, from a time before us but from our own

generation. she died in 2004.

The things in this interview, as I mentioned before have been

investigated as many. I am not pushing this book to have

any change their beliefs nor to say I have changed all my 

beliefs I have had my whole life because of one book

but I am stating that it has given me lots of information 

to think about. If nothing else, I will be glad for reading it

because it has given me much hope that Heaven is for all

and not unreachable for any of us. Last night, as I read more

of this most interesting book, I highlight this sentence:

LACK OF INTELLIGENCE BY ITSELF NEVER KILLED

ANYBODY, BUT LACK OF LOVE KILLS

EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY AND NIGHT.

For me, If nothing but this one strong statement stays in

my head and heart after reading this book,

it will have been enough.

THE TOUCHING OF A HAND

This morning I had to decide whether I would go into another

deep blog like yesterday, like those going through my head constantly

that I have to get on paper so I can be released from it consuming

my thoughts or just a very touching post.

Because yesterday was so overwhelmingly deep, going to

go for touching. Still going to be long though as writing in 

my journal has become hard for me so I am just printing 

the blog entries right now. Okay, so onward.

Friday night, as I explained, I spent the night at the Plaisances'.

Lucy was in Grand Isle with friends but 

Hugh, Owen and Ellen were all there as well as 

Rebecca and Mikie.

Before leaving for the retreat I told Owen we were going to play

Lego's when I got back. One thing you need to know about

our O…. the only thing he probably loves more than Lego's is

his Mommy. I don't think he really believed that his old Aunt Lil

was gonna do Lego's or that I was telling the truth when I said

I really do love playing Lego's. He did look mildly optimistic.

When I got back I was like, 

"Dude, go take your bath and crack open them Lego's"

Fast baths were taken and a blanket spread as the two 

boxes of Lego's were dumped. Oho we were in some type

of Lego heaven. Ellen and Hugh even joined us.

During play he looks at me and says,

"Aunt Lil you just might be my favorite aunt…"

MELT, MELT, MELT, MY HEART…..

We continue to play well into the night.

Midnight comes and it is time to lay these heads down.

Ellie-pie, wants to sleep with auntie, so does Owen.

El wins but O, not to be left out sets his sights on the

futon in the room, on Aunt Lil's side. As El gathers

her family of stuffed animals to sleep with,

Owen begins reminding me of all the memories he and I have

made over the last few visits.

"Aunt Lil, remember when we were playing Trouble and you thought

a 4 was a 6?" yeah… hahhahaha

"And you remember when we played blokes"

yep.

"And how about when I was scared to sleep by myself

so you made me that special spot in your room? Has anyone

else slept there besides me?"

Nope. 

"Aunt Lil, we made some good memories, huh?"

Oh yes, my dear one, including tonight.

I swear, this child, he can frustrate you as fast as he can

melt you but when it comes to he and his Aunt Lil lately,

it's all about the melt.

"yes, O, and you know what? This summer, you are coming to my

house and we gonna make many more"

"I can't wait, aunt Lil, I really can't wait."

Have i mentioned how much I love this child yet?

We all tucked in, Owen on the futon and El in bed with Aunt lil,

her and her many stuffed animals. El is a cuddler, 

I? I am a lover of cuddling with kiddo's.

She starts with getting really close and holding my hand

and she is out. I am remembering other times, times when her

mother was younger than she and I babysat.

we are ten years apart, Rebecca and I, so she has always 

been like my little baby doll.

During the night, I awaken to the very best feeling,

Ellen with her head on my shoulder, resting beneath my chin.

It is her Mother I am thinking of, those many summer afternoons

when she and I would nap every day. She for the rest, 

I, for the cuddling. This is what my heaven will be like.

I fall asleep quite content.

Later that day, as Rebecca and I are at retreat, both

crying during the profession of the flowers, crying because

the words of Immaculee' are beautiful and about mothering, 

being mothered, forgiving. During one point I am compelled

to reach for Rebecca's hand not only to comfort her but to 

comfort myself, we are both crying and praying.

I hold this woman's hand in mine, I know those hands are the 

same that have held her own babies many times,

but for me, that very hand is the same one I held, when she

was three and I, 13. The very one that I awakened to holding

so many times during her life.

That hand who now belongs to a 40 year old woman

is the hand of my three year old niece who I love so very much.

MOTHER MARY COMES TO ME, SHE COMES TO US..

Get ready, get a cup of coffee, it's gunna be a long one.

I have spent a weekend in the midst of men and women who love

God. I have spent the weekend in the midst of one woman,

called Immaculee' who adores our dear Mother Mary.

For years, I have loved Virgin Mary so much, so much that at times,

I wondered, if I was breaking the first commandment,

"I AM THE LORD YOUR GOD, THERE SHOULD BE NO OTHER

GODS BEFORE ME."

It is what other religions and other Christians say is wrong with the Catholic

church, we idolize statues and saints..

Because I teach religion to Confirmation Candidates, I know how

to defend this. We tell our children, we do not idolize these things,

they are our "go between' people, we ask them for help as they

have better access to God, our Father.

I explain it in this way. If you have to have surgery, you want the

best doctor but do you want just him in that surgery room or

do you want him surrounded by the best qualified nurses and techs.

to assist him? That is what our praying to the Saints and our Mother

are like for me. They are His ears and eyes in a world full of pain

and need. Back to Blessed Mother.

I love, love, love Mary. Immaculee' has shown me that I can love 

her more, she is all our Mother and she loves her position.

I thought I loved Mother, oh my, this gal, over exceeds the love

I have a hundred times more.

Yet, my heart fills for love and the permission and acceptance that

I can do this. So much so, that when the microphone is open to the 

congregation for thoughts and stories, I just know I am going there.

Everyone knows, give me a microphone and a crowd, and I will

speak. My baby niece, Rebecca is not that way, but when I tell

her I have to go, she gives me the green light,

"You go girl"

The church is full to capacity. This is the most people I have

ever spoke in front of and I have done lots of presentations.

Of course, I am led by the Father and his Mother.

I share a few sentences to break the ice, calm my nerves.

That I am a childhood cancer survivor in the day that it 

was not possible to survive this cancer. I lightly tell them

that I finally got a bike at the age of 12 because I refuse to die.

Then I get into my love for Mary.

Here is a synopsis of what I shared:

I MARRIED A MAN WHO WAS DRUG ADDICTED.

ONCE WE HAD OUR FIRST CHILD, I KNEW I COULD

NOT STAY. LONG STORY SHORT, MY HUBBY WENT INTO

REHAB AND STAYED SOBER FOR 27 YEARS.

WHILE IN TREATMENT, I ASKED THE PROFESSIONALS,

WHAT I COULD DO SO THAT I COULD SPARE MY CHILD

AND ANY FUTURE CHILDREN FROM THIS DREADED DISEASE.

AS I SHARED, I CAN GO THROUGH THIS WITH A HUSBAND,

BUT I DON'T WANT TO SEE A CHILD OF MINE SUFFER IN THIS

WAY. THEY GAVE ME THE TOOLS TO FOLLOW AND I DID,

LIKE A BIBLE,  WENT TO CHURCH AND RELIGION,

PRAYED NIGHTLY FOR THEM, WENT TO AA AND ALANON,

BROUGHT MY CHILDREN THERE. WE WERE NOT A PERFECT

FAMILY, DYSFUNCTIONAL LIKE MOST BUT IN THE

REGARDS OF DRUGS AND ALCOHOL, MY CHILDREN

SHOULD HAVE BEEN SPARED AND YET AT 16 WE FOUND

OUR CHILD ADDICTED TO DRUGS. IT WAS THE WORST

TIME OF MY FAMILY'S LIVES. EACH TIME HE NEEDED HELP,

WE DID COUNSELING AND MD'S, EVERYTHING TO GET HIM

TO FIND SOBRIETY. NONE OF IT WORKED SO WE DID THE

ONLY OTHER THING WE KNEW HOW, WE DID THE TOUCH LOVE

THING. IT IS TOO LONG TO GO INTO ALL THE DETAILS BUT 

IN A NUTSHELL, WE HAD TO LET HIM GO AND BE ON HIS OWN.

WE DID AND IT WAS THE HARDEST THING WE EVER HAD TO DO.

I WAS WEAKER THAN THE HUBBY BUT WE MANAGED

TO STICK TO OUR GUNS. I DID TRY AND STILL SPEAK HIM 

INTO TREATMENT, FEED HIM, TELL HIM HOW MUCH THIS

WAS KILLING US. HE FINALLY DID FIND A TREATMENT

FACILITY AND WHILE HE WAS THERE, I WATCHED

THE PASSION OF CHRIST.

There was my Mary, watching her dear son be beaten and falling.

my first thought was that,

"Mary you do know, you know how much I love my son."

but I knew my lesson here was much more than just that.

Then it hits me, I can barely breath as i understand.

my lesson. Mother Mary watches all this, she watches his son

beaten and a crown of thorns be dug into his head,

she watches as he carries a cross much heavier than him

through the streets as people cackle and tease him.

At one point He falls and she runs to him, cradles him in

his arms. As she is running her mind flashes back to a time

when he was just her little boy and he fell on the rocks. 

She runs to him and comforts his tears.

This time it would have taken much more than that to comfort

her baby boy.

She watches as they nail her baby to that very same cross

he was carrying and hangs him so all the people can view

his torture and death and still she watches and she never,

not once says the words I have been saying too many times,

"leave my baby alone"

Not once, did she try and stop the process that was needed

for her Son to save the world.

OMG… what a lesson, I knew then all the times before when

i said I had, "LET GO AND LET GOD"

I kept taking it back. That very day I truly let go.

I left the movie, said God he is yours and I planned his funeral.

Yes, I planned his funeral. It was then that God was able to

do the work He needed to do on my son.

Then he found sobriety.

He has just celebrated 10 years of sobriety,

married to a wonderful girl, is a father of one beautiful 

daughter and another on the way."

THE CONGREGATION CLAPS AND I SIT.

I TEAR BUT I DO NOT CRY. I REALIZE I HAVE NOT SHARED

THAT STORY FOR SOME TIME AND TEN YEARS HAVE PASSED,

TEN YEARS MY SON IS SOBER, MY DAUGHTER

HAS HER BROTHER AND BEST FRIEND BACK.

TEN YEARS SINCE GYPSY BABY HELD THE TITLE

OF MY SILENT HERO.

Is that all? Is there more to the purging of an old story?

Yes there is. Tiffy and I went to see a movie and when we get

out I check my text messages. There is a desperate on from a 

dear friend whose son also suffers from the disease of

drug addiction, that damned devil.

Just like the disease of cancer, there is a remission, very

few people stay sober for 5 years but if they do, they

are in remission. the difference between our baby boys 

are my son is in remission, hers is not.

She is having a bad day, asks that I text or call her.

Something this desperate deserves a phone call, also because

I realize my speech of yesterday was not only to share 

with many others but to refresh my memory of what 

really happened because the Big Man and his Momma?

Well they knew I would need it today.

I excitedly call my friend and share.

She is crying as I tell the story in my excited voice.

Wow, how these small miracles happen and yet there

are those that think miracles are coincidences. 

This was no accident, my readers.

She thanks me, but there is no need for thanks,

as I did nothing, was just the messenger.

I get a text from my pal last night:

"WAS JUST THANKING MY LORD FOR YOU

MY ANGEL….I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH…

THANK YOU AND KNOW YOU DID MAKE A BIG 

DIFFERENCE IN MY DAY…"

Again, no need to thank me, I am just the messenger.

I made a promise to our Father when baby boy found

sobriety. I promised that I would, each time asked,

share my/our story whenever asked.

when someone reaches out to me, I will answer.

I have been lax in my Alanon attendance but this week,

that as well as my church attendance has changed.

I need to give back, give hope to others who are still

suffering. It may be my calling.

Sorry so long as I know that cup of coffee has to 

either be gone or cold by now.

I HAVE BEEN CHANGED

Imaculee's retreat was a success.

Spending the weekend, the experience, with my 

baby niece, Rebecca. I am back on tract.

I will blog more later about our experience but

today, today is SON OF GOD movie

with my baby niece, Tiffy.

Yes she is only three years younger than me,

yes we were raised as sisters rather than aunt/niece

but she is still my baby niece and we need a day to play.

Onward, dear friend as we enjoy the most beautiful day.