Who I am meant to be

A funny thing happened to me early this morning.

In that place when you are not really sleeping but you

aren't awake either.

This morning as I spent time in that place I was a little girl again.

It was summer and I was 10,11, maybe 12.

All the worries, heart ache and sadness of the week

were not part of my world yet.

I was lying in my childhood bed and I could hear

the window unit in my room frozen again

because it was too big for my little childhood room.

It was cold and I was bundled under my warm blankets.

I was smiling because I knew it was summer and my days

were mine to do whatever I wanted.

I could sleep until 1:00 pm if I chose to.

I could awaken and put on my bathing suit and

spend the day in my swimming pool.

I could go and find my daddy in his garden and help

him pick lima beans from their vines so supper

could be cooked. The day was all for me

and there were no plans.

When I opened my eyes I really believed that

I would be lying in that little room, the first one

to the left of the steps.

Covered with my favorite Holly Hobby sheets

in my iron bed of childhood.

For a minute I was sad because I was a 46 year old woman

with obligations and hearts to help mend.

It was a wonderful way to awaken this morning.

Another way the God speaks to me.

He reminded me that I am in this world to be

happy, joyous and free.

He did not mold me to be sad, to be alone in my misery.

He made others for that role.

The martyr role is not mine.

He made me to show others that no matter what

life throws at me I am going to be okay

and I will let nothing change that in me.

I will be happy and I will show others through

my actions that life was meant to be enjoyed.

It is my role in life, what I am meant to be.

Life sometimes gets in the way and throws

rocks at who I am but I am going to come

back to who the Big Man has molded me into.

Resilient, that is what I am and that is what

I pray my children have inherited from me.

They have both been given big, big grown up things

to deal with this week and I pray that

these things do not change who they are inside.

I have to be the person who I am meant to be

so I can show them what they were given also.

Resiliency to carry on and be

happy, joyous and free.