A weekend retreat

Returned yesterday evening from a weekend

retreat at Lumen Christi which is about 15 minutes

from my house yet feels like a world away.

It is set in the woodlands of Schriever Louisiana

with a huge pond and areas to walk around and

meditate, contemplate, relax...

I was there for a 12 step retreat a program

that I have been in for 23 years.

Because it is an AA and Alanon retreat

there is not much I can share here due to

the anonymous fellowship that AA and Alanon follows.

Yet I can tell you that being surrounded by

50 other women who struggle or families struggle

with the disease of alcoholism

is alway full of miracles to me.

My roomate and I's story is a miracle in itself.

I have fallen out of the program over the last few years.

Still go to meetings most weeks but not really giving

back in the way I should.

I was reminded of that this weekend.

Just because HOBL is 23 years sober and BB 7,

there is still many out there suffering because of this

dreaded disease. I sat in those rooms and listened to their

stories and was hit with the statement,

"But for the Grace of God, go I"

So I have recommitted myself to the 12 step program

who helped to save my family not once but twice.

I am humbled once again to realize that if I don't give

my story back then the pain and tragedy of addiction

that we lived was for nothing...

and the one thing that I was once again reminded of

when I held our little Jillian in my arms,

no child born into our family is free from the chance

of being an addict.

I kept this thought to myself since little Jilly was born

but one of my first thoughts when I saw our precious little

girl born was,

"Please God, let this precious little girl be the generation

that ends addiction"

It scared me then and it continued to consume me through

the last few weeks since she has come into my life.

So I also have a responsibility to this child as her grandmother

to keep these 12 step programs alive, so they continue

to live and grow so that if, God forbid our Jillian

suffers, there is somewhere she can go, her parents can go

to find relief from the pain that surrounds addiction.