When the Pain stays the same...

I cry when I read friend, Billy's post yesterday

explaining how a wonderful day with his family ended

with him in tears realizing everyone was there except his

beautiful and only daughter, Sloane.

Us friends, people who love he and CeeCee would love

to know the perfect day ended the same way it

began and yet,

I know that never again will a day be perfect for them.

This morning I awaken with them on my mind and I am 

filled with things I want to say to him and this blog comes

to mind, something he can go to on every day he struggles.

I want to tell him what my Mom has always told us,

"It is not natural for a parent to bury a child"

I want to tell him that the day we told my Momma that

my brother Larry had passed is the day we noticed dementia

in her. Having always being sharp as a whip before,

on that day she began to show signs of forgetting.

Today, there are days she does not know he has passed.

I want to tell him, that in my home hangs the famous

picture of my daddy and his brother that I have blogged

about before. In the picture, on the right side, is a big blur,

a blur where the sister who died had been wiped out.

The only way his mother could go on living having lost her

eleven year old daughter, the only way she could continue

to raise the many children she still had with her

was to wipe her out of every picture and pretend

she never existed. She could not mourn the loss of her 

precious child so she had her removed from every picture,

had her things taken away and pretended she never existed.

This seems extreme, but it proves that the loss of a child 

is the most terrible tragedy a parent can live through.

With all of this to share with my dear friend, Billy and

his wife, CeeCee, I blog of them.

In their life, neither of the first two options are right for them.

One, they are still so young and to wipe her out of their lives

would be harder than having buried her.

They have her legacy, her precious little boy left

to them to raise. They have to remember all about Sloane so 

that they can assure this child knows all about his mother.

to erase her from their memory would be to kill the part

in their lives where she lived, the part of their heart 

will she continues to live. 

They have me watching them so proud that I am a small part

of their lives. They are showing so many others the way you go on.

They do not lie about how painful it is, rather they show us

that you will smile again but you will never, ever be the same again.

They show us how you are thankful for the time you had

understanding the good Lord only loans us these children.

They show me how they have to find some happiness not to raise her

son with two parents who are always sad.

I love you, Billy, I love you CeeCee

and want you both to know I watch you guys with a

heart full of pride.