Up late tonight, so many thoughts going through my head.
Such as where exactly is my Mommy and the very soul
I once knew. I think back to this past weekend,
sharing my life's testimony to a class of 22 tenth graders.
As I speak, the words each time just a little bit different,
I wonder, when will this become old,
that it will no longer interest teens or adults?
It was the first time I have spoken about HOBL's slip with
drugs after breaking his back, the second time
I share gypsy baby being gay.
Two new chapters in this book I call
LILBIT OF MY WORLD
I recall a few weekends ago when C came
hangout and we talked of things we would have done
differently if we were to redo our lives.
She admits,
"Have more kids"
I am surprised by her answer but more so,
I am surprised of my own.
"Not me"
This night I am up and wonder if I was honest.
In some ways, I am so very glad to be done with all the
work that comes with raising children and yet,
It is the one thing I believe I have done really well,
being a Momma.
You know how there are things that are very important
yet you forget them but there may be one little bitty
moment, insignificant to your life that you recall over and over.
Tonight I am remembering a night when Baby Boy was
very young. I was tired, had brought him to the zoo,
just he and I. Once home, he was so very cranky,
I, so very tired and he just would not sleep that night.
Finally after a long battle, he fell asleep in my bed,
with me, He was maybe two and as much as I
loved that little face my thought was,
"Only 18 more years until I am done"
What I would give to go back to that time,
to relive the days of mothering.
Now my babies are grown, both make me very proud,
both make me feel as though I did a pretty good job in
the roll of Mother.
The roll was to was to show them love
but give them wings. It is what I shared with the class on
Saturday, My job in this world, the one the Big Man gave
me was to love His children no matter what so that is what I did
and continue to do even today,
(BB and gypsy baby, circa 2007)
(poodle skirt day for gypsy, Catholic Community shirt for BB)
(Arkansas hunting trip, a stuffer bore????)
(Audobon Zoo many moons ago)
(Silly gypsy but so cute, always cute)
(the day we took gypsy home, our lives never to be same)
(Baby boy 2 months old with his DEE DA)
I love them, unconditionally.
For my birthday I get this text from my gypsy baby,
you know, the one that looks so much like me
but has so much more courage than I ever did,
I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU, AND
HOW AMAZING OF NOT ONLY A MOTHER AND FRIEND YOU ARE,
BUT JUST PERSON IN GENERAL. YOU ARE THE MOST
LOVING, SUPPORTIVE PERSON I HAVE EVER MET AND
I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW MUCH IT MEANS TO ME
THAT YOU ALWAYS HAVE MY BACK.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOMMA
There is something about the word, "momma"
that has always and still does melt my heart.
Such an endearing word, earned by a woman who
has done the very best job she could.
An imperfect human who has a perfect love for
two little children who call me
MOMMA
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