A MOTHER, A SON, AND IRELAND

Bonds between Mothers and Sons

almost impossible to break.

One of my first days at TES

I was called to the library to speak on the phone

with the library para.

I knew no one yet but they gave me a little history...

Mrs. Gail was on her way to New York,

and emergency trip to be with her son

who had been battling cancer and had taken a turn

for the worse. She was distraught over the

fact that he was on a morphine drip and

whether or not this was the end of his journey.

I tried to comfort a Mother whom I didn't know

and through her tears she thanked me.

Through the last 5 years I have gotten close to

many of my coworkers one being Mrs. Gail.

Through these years we often spoke of

her son Jonathan and his battles. It was always

known to everyone in the school that if Jonathan called,

if he needed his Momma, Mrs. G was gone and didn't

know when she would be back.

His battle was long and hard yet he never really complained.

He was loved and cared for by his Mother

and they spoke of many things, one being

that they would love to travel to Ireland.

Jonathan lost his battle to cancer and Mrs. Gail

has shown us all how to let go a son, a child,

and continue to live. How to be unselfish

when all you want to do is beg him

to keep fighting.

Holidays are hard for Mrs. Gail as I am sure they

are all for those of us who have lost loved ones.

Yet yesterday she tells me the most awesome story

of Christmas and I ask for permission to tell it in my blog.

During the Christmas holidays her daughter tells her a present

had arrived from New York but she couldn't open it

until Christmas. She thought of what could be in

that package. Jonathan had many wonderful friends

in New York, many who loved Mrs. G as their own mother.

She had come to the conclusion

that his friends had put together a photo

album of him to give to her at Christmas.

She waited for Christmas morning to see his

smiling face looking back at her through photos.

Christmas came and her daughter told her that

before she could open the gift she had to read

the letter that came with the present.

There in her baby boy's own handwriting

was a letter to his Mother, a love letter of sorts,

Written by him before he died.

This would have been enough, how awesome was that?

What was in the package?

A trip to Ireland all expenses paid for

her and one other person for 8 days!

Although he knew he would never make the trip

he knew of her longing for this and planned it all out

before his death.

It is the gift she received this Christmas morning.

Yes I was tearful but overjoyed!

What a great Christmas story that all must hear.

YES, VIRGINIA, THERE IS A SANTA CLAUSE

(Thanks Mrs. Gail for letting me share your story)

BINGO BLOOPERS

It happens every few weeks at Bingo.

You know, someone screams Bingo for their first Bingo

when it is Black-out

or you scream Bingo only to have the little VFW

man walk up the long aisle with your Bingo card

to have it checked, they begin calling out your numbers

for the whole place to hear

only to find out you have marked the wrong number

and you really don't have Bingo...

I call these Bingo bloopers.

It always embarrassing, always funny but also makes

me a little uncomfortable and feel bad for those

who are caught in Bingo Blooper.

However if Kris is there, and he most always is,

He must take a picture of your face when you

realize you made the blooper.

Now that is just down-right funny.

So enjoy the first picture taken of Jesi

when she screamed Bingo during Blackout a few weeks ago.

Then there is this one from last night.

Okay, it was funny but I felt so bad for C.

Jesi said she needed B-1 to win

and C took this as a sign to mark all her B-1's.

Not long after, woo-hoo!

They call her 4th corner.

BINGO! she screams along with another happy bingoer.

Only to have the little VFW man walk her card up

and find out that she did not win BINGO.

There was Kris with his I-phone to capture the moment.

AHHHH the lovely Monday Bingo nights...

what do you do?

What do you do when the road that is already paved

is not one you are liking?

The road that is paved is scary?

The road that is paved is the one most are likely to take.

What do you do?

Why you make a new path, you pave a new road.

That is what I am going to do.

Making a road less traveled.

Okay, where am I going with this?

Remember a few days ago I said I would explain this

journey, well here it is.

Sit back, it'll be a long one.

Skip over if you would like.

Coming back from Tennessee I am not liking what

is laid out in front of me but I am resigning.

Resigning to the fact that I will have to follow

this regimen that others before me, the experts have laid out.

I call Thibodaux Cancer Center to find out which counselors

they recommend. I get the phone number of

the social worker there, Gretchen.

She listens to me and says she really would like to meet

me tomorrow instead of talking on the phone.

I go in the very next day and she says.

"Okay, tell me why you feel you have survivorship issues."

I go into detail, spill it all out.

She listens patiently and when I am done she says,

"You are a survivor of cancer, but you do not have survivorship issues."

She goes on to explain exactly what that is.

She asks me why I went to Tennessee and I tell her for answers.

She asks did I get those answers and I say yes.

She tells me then to stop searching and grasping at straws.

No matter how I got where I am is not important.

It is what it is and I can't go back and change that.

I have chronic pain and will probably have it for the rest of my life

but to continue to search for answers and cures just

won't change what is.

She says however that I can have a good life and stop

letting this issue control me.

She then asks me what is really bugging me and I tell her.

"I am angry, no I am pissed"

This is not what I signed up for, it's not what my family signed up for.

I am angry that I have allowed this thing to take control of

my life. I am angry that I have to rely on medications

to have any sort of quality of life.

She agrees, yes, that is it, I am angry.

Much conversation takes place between her and I in that

hour we spent together but I come to these conclusions.

I do not have to sit back and take this.

I can be the leader in a new path.

Maybe others after me will realize that they have other choices

than what doctors lay out there for them.

Gretchen tells me about the spine center of excellence

right her in Thibodaux and their holistic approach

to medical care. They treat the whole body not just one

problem. I now feel though that I can do this.

I can make this anything I want,

I can be the martyr, carry the cross

or I can learn to live another way,

pave a path. No more pity parties for me.

I will be well, I may have pain but it will no longer control me.

I leave there and go to the library to find something to read.

Right there in the New books section what do I find?

TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR CHRONIC PAIN

PETER ABACI, MD

I take it home and read it in one day.

It has everything in this book that I have been feeling.

All my fears of medications and doctors all printed in this book.

Other alternatives besides what has been spelled out for me is here.

I sometimes wonder if I speak too much on this blog.

Then I remember that what I post here may be nothing

for the ones reading now.

However it will be here long after me, many may see

my writings, maybe it will be one of my own

great, great grandchildren and they will read

something here that will change their life.

The journey begins with one step.

I have began paving the new road

in hopes that if others find themselves in my shoes they

will have more than one road to choose to follow.

It's a New Year, sunday morning

First Sunday of the New Year.

One of my New Years resolutions?

No missing weekend mass!

Yep, I say it here in hopes that my mind does not

confuse my heart in how important this is.

It is cold, I am stiff, I want to make one hundred excuses

as to why I should wait until tonight to go to church.

Aah-hah but my heart knows what my mind is doing,

it's done it many times before, talking it out of

this important ritual.

You see, through this whole ordeal of getting answers

about my health, I have also found that I have

pulled away from the life I have and love.

Part of that life was attending church, no matter what,

every Sunday unless so sick I felt like I was dying.

It is in those walls of a Church, sharing with others who

believe my faith, that I am nourished to give back to

others in Jesus' name.

KD and BABY BOY gave me the second book for

Christmas called:

BLUE LIKE JAZZ by DONALD MILLER

okay I know I say all the time

"you have got to read this book"

but really, if you have any doubts about whether

or not there is a God or how important faith is in a life,

you must read this book.

This author writes strictly from the belt, his own belt.

He talks about how he has found his way

and how he and friends did not believe in a God he couldn't see.

What I read last night is so powerful to me.

He is talking about his friend, Laura and how she doubted

there was a God and how awful this made her feel.

She wanted him to prove that there is a God because

she wanted so desperately to believe,

this is what he says:

... I THINK LAURA WAS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING RATIONAL...

SHE BELIEVED THAT ALL THINGS THAT WERE TRUE

WERE RATIONAL...

I HAVE BEEN IN LOVE, MANY PEOPLE HAVE.

YET LOVE CANNOT BE PROVED SCIENTIFICALLY.

NEITHER CAN BEAUTY OR LIGHT...

AND YET WE BELIEVE IN LIGHT AND

BY LIGHT SEE ALL THINGS.

THERE ARE PLENTY OF THINGS THAT ARE TRUE

THAT DON'T MAKE SENSE...

I THINK ONE OF THE PROBLEMS LAURA WAS HAVING

WAS THAT SHE WANTED GOD TO MAKE SENSE.

HE DOESN'T. HE WILL MAKE NO MORE SENSE TO ME

THAN I WILL TO AN ANT.

Okay, for me this is powerful stuff.

Sometimes I feel sorry for the young adults and children

of the world. We have raised them in a society

where everything is explained, everything has a formula

and they have a right to know the answer.

If it cannot be proven then it must not be true.

I have raised my children with the freedom to question

and expect an answer for everything.

Yet then I have asked them to believe in something that

is built on faith only. There are no answers and

the whole story of Jesus and the Bible sounds

like a fairy tale to them.

I am sometimes questioned of how can I believe.

My new answer is, I JUST DO

By my actions, by the way I live, this is how

I should spread the word of my faith.

Happy Sunday to all

Get up and get your butts to church ;^)

...HAPPY NEW YEAR,TOO...

If there is any truth to the old saying,

"Whatever you do on New Years you do for the whole year"

then 2010 will be a great one for me.

Except for the fact that I forgot to charge my

battery camera and this is so not like me.

So no pictures yet as I await my BFOB to email

them to me.

Spent the day with family at Rebecca and Mikie's

the food was great, the company was great,

LSU lost but hey, can't have everything, can you?

I am very encouraged by my newfound belief

that I will cure myself.

I may always have back pain but I refuse to let

this control my life and I refuse to be dependent

on medications to achieve this.

More about this later as one day this week I

explain just exactly how I came across this

new belief, yes another Aunt Lil miracle

yes, it will be a long one but I will warn you first

so you can skip over it if you prefer.

One great thing about today is that we were

able to spend time and have a small birthday celebration

with our Cammi girl!

She loves playing with her cousins and now, already 9 years old

she continues to be a well-behaved awesome child.

Loved spending time with all the kiddo's and really just

hanging out with all of you makes for a good

New Years

Welcome, 2010. I am ready for you.