...and then there is Mothers Day...

I realize its just another day on the calendar.

I realize that it should not be one that is harder than

any others and yet, it is.

It is our first Mothers Day without her.

Last night, as we spent time together, the sisters and I

and went through her jewelry, distributing out to 

everyone, assuring that each one of the grandchildren would

get something to remind them of her,

an heirloom to remember her by.

I thought it would be hard, it was not.

It was easier for us to be together than it has been

to be apart from them. As we shared memories, spoke of

the last few months, we made those promises that I guess

many do after loosing a parent,

"lets not loose what we have built in the last few months 

taking care of Mommy" 

"lets promise at least once a month to get together"

As I drive home, that part is the hard part, leaving them,

realizing that the family glue is gone and although

we all mean what we say on this day, we also

are afraid, afraid that we will go on with our lives,

and we will never be as close as we are now, 

as we were when taking care of  our dear Mommy.

Then there is tomorrow, each of us with plans

on spending the day with our own families,

realizing that for the first Mothers Day in our lives,

we do not have our dear Mom. The feeling of

orphan comes to mind, which seems so silly as I am

almost 50. Buy you see, no matter how old you are,

when you are with your Mommy, with your older siblings,

you are still in many ways, Just the "baby of the family"

and I liked that position. I like that even though

I am grown with grown children of my own, when I am 

with them I am still just their baby sister. 

Part of that is gone, again Mommy was the glue.

Tomorrow I plan on spending the day with BB and Kd,

Bean and Kd's gracious family who has not only invited but

insisted I spend the day with them. 

On Monday gypsy baby and kelmiester along with bb and his

little family will gather for our own Mothers day celebration

I will cook gypsy baby's favorite food and we will 

spend the evening together.

In some ways, tomorrow I feel like I would want to just

stay home, not in sadness, not in loneliness but just 

to reflect and take time for myself to come to grips with

my loss. I won't do this, I will spend the day with the

guilbeau/Cresionne' family because that is what will make

my children happy.

Life goes on, I know this loss is and will continue to get better,

the first of each holiday without her will be the hardest.

My prayer is that I and my sisters work hard on 

continuing what my mother managed to do in the 

last few months of her life, get us together,

bond us in ways we had not bonded in for years.

Happy Mothers Day!

If you no longer have your mom, I feel your pain,

if you are fortunate to still have your mom,

hug her, tell her what she means to you, give

her an extra kiss from me,

the "baby of the family"

who is almost 50 but feeling like an orphan.