when God speaks, you best listen

Have I ever told you that God speaks to me?

Have I ever told you that there are three ways that he does it?

Well, here is my secret.

1) He talks to me while I am reading:

He will put something in print somewhere for me

to read and I know automatically it is from him.

2) He talks to me when I am trying to sleep or just waking up.

He knows my famous words that if something keeps

me up at night, something will be fixed.

3) He talks to me when I am brushing my teeth.

Yep, you heard it right, just when my mouth foams up

with all those bubbles a thought will pop up in my

head and it is clear and precise and I know just what has to happen.

He knows that is the only three times I ever shut up long enough

to hear.

So be with me here as I explain to myself what exactly

my Big Man is saying to me.

You see he knows my heart and thoughts.

He knows that the news I recieved here although

informative and very helpful is not the exact news I wanted.

He loves me but already knew how this would turn out

so he is not surprised by my disappointment.

However he also knows this about me,

that I listen to his messages and I will pick up the pieces

to use this in some type of positive manner.

Right after Ron and I got back from the doctor

I needed some "me" time.

I went into town and walked these little shops,

giving myself some time to absorb the news and

understand what this means for my future.

There I see the most beautiful, unusual piece of

graphic art and I think baby girl would love this.

I then read what it says:

"FAITH IS BELIEVING THAT YOU WILL BE GIVEN EITHER

SOLID GROUND TO STAND ON OR WINGS TO FLY"

Wow, how powerful is that just when I need to see it?

Yes, my God is telling me that I must have faith in him.

Faith is about believing in things you cannot see.

I cannot see the future but He can and he

is giving me this most powerful message,

I say to myself, "Thank you, God"

because I know right away this is him talking to me.

However the power of humaness comes back and forth

in our lives and yesterday while laying in an MRI

bubble for two hours with loud sounds coming through

my nifty orange ear plugs I begin to get scared again

of just what the future will be like.

This is all unusual for me, I am not one to focus on fears

and negativity but I realize while in this bubble that

I have allowed this issue to control my life for too long.

I have to find a way to take control once again of my life.

I get back to the hotel and a hot bath and a good fiction book

is what I want so I go there,

and there in this fiction book that has nothing to do with

anything in my life are these words:

"YOU KNOW THEY DID A STUDY OF PEOPLE

WHO BECAME PARAPLEGICS...AND FOUND THAT

JUST A FEW YEARS AFTER THEIR ACCIDENTS THEY

WERE BACK TO THEIR ORIGINAL SELVES.

IF THEY WERE HAPPY PEOPLE BEFORE THEY LOST

THEIR ABILITY TO WALK, THEY EVENTUALLY BECAME

HAPPY PEOPLE AGAIN. IF THEY WERE DEPRESSED BEFORE,

THEY WENT BACK TO THE SAME LEVEL OF DEPRESSION.

WE CAN'T ESCAPE OUR NATURE. WE ARE WHO WE ARE."

julie buxbaum, author

Okay got that God, loud and clear.

I swear to you, I don't make these things up,

it is exactly the way he communicates with me.

So Big Man is telling me I will be okay no matter what.

No matter whether I have pain everyday, no matter if I do

land up crippled in some way, I have always been a happy

and positivie person before and after acceptance of this

issue I will be again.

He promises that. If I do what it is I need to do,

he promises that.

So as I get out the tub firm decisions are being made in my head.

I will seek out a counselor who specializes in what I need

and I will do whatever it takes to be happy.

I will begin physical therapy like suggested here at Vanderbilt

and I will follow through on all they tell me to do.

I will wait for the recommendations of the chronic pain doctor

here and then follow up with my own Dr. Ponder

in Gray and be my own advocate to tell him what I need

and it doesn't consist of shooting me up with steroids in

my back that hasn't seemed to help in the past.

I will do what they told me to do about loosing 10 pounds

(yes, they agreed with me that I need to loose 10 pounds

and the less weight I have on my back the easier it will be:)

I will put some form of exercise back into my life no matter

whether or not it causes pain.

I will begin to eat healthy again and take control of my body.

Yep, Old aunt lil is listening dear God.

... and after all of these deep thoughts I awaken this morning

with a peace I have not felt for some time.

And two thoughts are in my head from God:

"BE STILL AND KNOW I AM HERE "

and

"THAT WHICH DOESN'T KILL YOU WILL ONLY MAKE YOU STRONGER"

So do you want to join my journey?

Make 2010 the year that you be happy, no matter what.

Make 2010 the year that you begin to eat healthy and exercise.

Make 2010 the year that you take control of your life if you have lost it.

2010, what a bright year!

Love and big wet smooches to all!!!!!