hope in the field of chronic back pain

When it comes to the back pain that has become

part of my life, a thorn in my side,

what causes me not to live the life I want,

I have tried and "seen them all"

or so I thought.

I have seeked the opinion of orthopedist,

chronic pain doctors, family doctors, physical therapists.

I have gotten opinions from chiropractors, spine specialist and even

took a trip all the way to Tennessee to hear what

specialist on the subject of survivors of childhood cancer

had to say about my issues.

I have read books on the subject and am even seeing

a counselor trying to accept this part of my life.

On a pretty good day, I can live with the fact

"such is my life" but on a bad day my mind always

believes there has to be something that can be done.

It is on those days that I grasp at straws and look for

another opinion different from the ones I have gotten before

which basically all say there is nothing that can be done

but take pain medications, exercise, loose weight

and wait for the day that you are no longer able to do your job

and retire. I was almost resigned to the fact that this

is what I needed to do but Dr. Cowen at the spine center

convinces me that before I resign to this I need to at least

hear what a neurosurgeon has to say.

Another doctor to add to my list but being the ultimate

optimist, what do I have to loose.

Yet this visit yesterday is different.

Not to mention that Dr. Donner is very knowledgeable in

his field and has a very good bedside manner,

he is also very handsome.

We first discuss all that has been done before

and my frustration over accepting that this is my fate.

He kind of chuckles when I tell him I am seeing a counselor.

I am not sure why but this seems to be the reaction

most often when I mention this.

He has reviewed my brand new MRI and talks

about am I really ready for this huge back surgery

for scoliosis that is really not that bad.

I question whether the MRI showed the spondyolisthesis

that many say are part of my severe pain and he admits

that the MRI does not show this.

I then show him the report of the CT scan that I had

in 2007 and as he reads this his whole facial expression changes

and he brings me to his office to pull the films of the CT scan

to view them together on his computer.

He sounds energized as he says and shows me,

"Here it is, here is the cause of the pain you have"

Wow, I see it. He gives me a quick lesson on bone formation

and what has happened as my bones formed.

There is a slippage of two bones that have causes

the spiny portions of the outer spine to not only

rub together but from the constant friction have

caused fractures in the spiny bones that are on the

outer part of the spine.

A Pars defect that can be surgically fixed.

He is confidant that this is the cause of the majority of

my pain and he is insistent that this can be fixed.

we discuss a lot in the half hour I am there.

I talk of my fears of back surgery and that I don't

know many people who have back surgery who still

need pain and what if my pain is more due to the

radiation I received.

He matter of factly explains that he knows the majority

of my pain is this problem he is not saying that the other

issues do not cause some pain but the severe pain

is this. Unlike what an orthopedist has talked to me

about a while back there will be no big cuts no big rods,

no trying to straighten a spine that is crooked.

He would simply go in and fix this Pars defect

and fuse the spinal fracture so that there would no longer

be this slippage that he shows me a few times on scan.

I love this doctor, he is the first one I have ever spoken to

who offers me some form of pain relief and speaks

with the confidence I need. I also had a bone density

so I question whether the bones are strong enough to

handle a fusion and he says although there is bone

thinning as seen in osteoporosis he reminds me

that the elderly who fracture their hips are most usually

caused from brittle bones and yet rods and healing take

place with these people.

Yes, he is right, I can heal no matter how weak the bones are.

Then he sits me down and gets to the real "nitty gritty"

part. His best prognosis patients are the ones he can

do via the abdomen. It is on the side of where the defect is

and patients have a better outcome when the surgery is done

this way and out of all the patients he does this way,

50% have complete pain relief, are off all pain medications

and are able to resume a full time job after recovery.

Out of the other half, most still work and some need pain medications

but the pain is minimal to what they experienced before and

all work. Very few do not have improving of their quality of life

but those he doubted, because of their mental thoughts and

having a narcotic issue, would do well anyway.

He says that someone with my optimism should do well.

The big doubt though is whether or not he can do this surgery

via my abdomen due to all the scar tissue and intestinal issues,

it may make this impossible to do the surgery in this way.

He sets me up to see Dr. Marino who is the general surgeon

he works with and who happens to be the doctor who follows

my bowel obstructions to make the decision as to whether

the surgery can be done this way.

He assures me that if we proceed with this type of surgery that

Dr. Marino would also scrub in as assistant in case the bowel

becomes a problem.

If he feels this cannot be done then we will talk again about

whether or not I should do the repair going through the back.

His reasoning for this is that this way of doing the surgery

does not have the better outcome that he would want for me.

There is a harder recovery and most patients are still left

with chronic pain issues. It may not be as bad as it is now

but he wants to be honest with me as we discuss and prepare

to move forward with this surgery.

He relieves my mind when I say I so want to be healthy and

I have been frustrated because Physical therapy, chiropractics

has not helped me and I know if I lost weight I would have less pain.

He reminds me that this problem will not be resolved or

pain will not be lessened by any of those things.

Because there is this defect and this fracture,

it is like having a broken bone that will not heal

and after so many years of stressing on it, the pain

is there. I leave there with a hop in my step

because this is the best news I have had in such a long time.

When I shared with him that just saying that I may never

nurse again makes me cry he explains that this is his

number one reason for doing back surgery.

When a patient expresses to them that their quality

of life is being affected, he decides it is time to do

surgery. So this morning I am trying not to get my

hopes up too high but very very optimistic in this news

and what this doctor has offered me.

Sorry for the long post but so much easier to

post it here one time than telling my huge family this

so many times.

Wish me luck as I move to a new adventure

and the belief that I can be well, I can have pain relief.

Oh what a good day this Friday is becoming!!!