Am I being too hard on myself... it's possible..

I think I may be expecting too much of myself.

I have to remember it is actually just a week today

since my surgery not counting surgery day.

Although the doctor warned me that it was a big surgery

and that the recovery would be 8 to 12 weeks

I seem to have forgotten that.

I guess I was focusing more on the rare patients he spoke

of that have this surgery and never have pain again

and go home and never take a pain pill?

Why did I think that may be me.

Well, I may be called a wuss,

put this stuff hurts, hurts like hell

and last night as I was trying to get into a comfortable position

and waiting until the clock said it was time for more

pain meds. I wondered if I had done the right thing.

I mean I may have had daily pain then but at least

I had learned how to control it, how to make the best of it.

This morning I awaken and give myself some forgiveness

that I do not have to be that rare patient

who feels so good he never takes medication.

Today I prepare to focus on the positive.

Today I have no fever.... yay!

Today I can shower and take care of my personal needs

without any help from others.

Today my appetite is returning and nausea is completely gone.

Today and yesterday, although I still need pain medications,

I am actually taking less narcotics than I was taking

before surgery.

Today I will focus on the positive.

I will try and get in my scraproom even if it is just to stand

in there and look around.

There will be life after this recovery, I need

to remember that.

Yesterday while I was in my Ambien depression I cried.

I cried because I missed my Gina B.

I knew she was with me, but I wanted to be able to text

her and get her words of wisdom back.

Today, no Ambien depression, I know my girl

is routing for me and she can shake the pom-poms

because in heaven she can move all her body parts

and she is laughing and she is smiling and she is saying,

"Come on Lil, this too shall pass"