This whole Mumsie thing....

This whole Mumsie thing is so surreal.

I think of her constantly.

I get butterflies when I am on my way to see her

and I get sad when I have to leave her.

I can't kiss her enough and although I know

there are times that it would be better for

her parents to let her cry, the minute she does

I hand her to her parents so they can comfort her.

I have a longing, when I am holding her, to go into her

quiet beautiful room and rock on the rocker her DeDa

gave to her Mommy and stare at her beautiful face.

I want to sing to her stupid songs that I make up in my head.

I want her to hear and know my voice.

I dream of things we will do together and I tell her all

about them when we are alone in her room.

I want her to always be safe,

I don't want her stomach to hurt and we cheer

when she poops....

Yes, cheer when she poops!

We are terribly smitten with this beautiful child.

I have to talk to her parents every day

and BB and I can again talk about unimportant mundane

daily events that we had lost over the course

of him becoming a man.

I have a newfound tenderness for my own babies

and my daughter-in-law.

I have to talk to BG daily too and unlike when she lived

with us, I have a new tenderness for her,

so proud of how she is learning to take care of

herself and how proud she is of herself.

My words are softer and kinder.

I try to be supportive without confusing them with

advice that comes from all ends when you have a new baby,

when you are living alone for the first time.

I know this wanting to move closer to Jilly will pass

but I am constantly thinking of how great it would be

if I lived where my precious one could come any day

she wanted but that would put me further from my own

Mumsie and Baby girl.

I love being a Mumsie but was not prepared for all

the feelings that came with it.

There is no way you can explain this to anyone else.

As I have said before, there are no words in the

English vocabulary that can explain in a proper way

and yet I would have it no other way than

to have this beautiful, perfect child be my grandaughter

and I her Mumsie.