Another hospital trip

Seems the older I get the more complications that lead

me to the hospital.

I was really bummed out yesterday.

Seems like no matter what I do I just can't ever feel totally well.

Then I made a split decision that it is my life.

I cannot change what it is

I cannot worry about what others think.

Only thing I can change is my attitude about all of this.

I can accept and know that my attitude hopefully

can be a positive one and make the people around

me want to be near me

or I can be bitter, negative and push people away with that

attitude. I have to stop worrying that people

will think "That girl always has something wrong with her"

or "she is a hypochondriac"

I don't know why I worry so much about this because

I know that the majority of people who love me do not think this.

However anyone who has ever dealt with chronic illnesses would

know this feeling.

If this is to be my life, my future,

then I will make the best of it.

I do not want to be bitter ever.

I know how fortunate and privileged I am to still

have any life at all let alone as good a life as I do have.

I am so lucky for the friends and especially the family I have.

I am to be 47 years old in just a few weeks

and my siblings still spoil me rotten and overprotect me to no end.

I know not one of them look at me as a burden or ever regret

anything they have or will do for me.

I am so fortunate that my baby girl loves hanging out with me

and would stay with me here in this hospital forever without

being asked. I am so thankful that baby boy can make me

laugh even when I feel like poop and my Kd would do anything

for me that I asked of her.

Friends. I have so many wonderful friends who not only

offer to do for me anything I may need but mean it.

They would come here with just a request.

and the love of my HOBL...

Our relationship is not the traditional one.

He worries about me and loves me even with all my

medical issues. He never says it but I know that

he is proud that with all the issues I have I could

stay home if I wanted to but still I insist on working.

So I can do like some and become bitter and complaining,

the type that people want to avoid because they are a damper

to be around but I choose to show others another side.

That if I have to be one who struggles with illness

as I get older that I will do it with courage, a smile on my face

and always with acceptance and hope that tomorrow will

be a better day and I will overcome each hurdle that is

put in my path.

I know that I am not perfect and there may be days that I am sad

but believe me when I say it is not what I want to be.

There is no time or need for that, it hurts those I love more.

I could not do any of this without everyone who loves me

and, my dear family and friends, that love is mutual.

Muah!