Coming to terms by getting counseling

On my second day home with a partial bowel obstruction

I find the need to explain why at 47 years old I have

so many medical issues that are so strange and so weird.

Not so much for my readers but for me.

Often when I am coming back from being out of work

people want to know how I am or what was wrong.

The story is so long and complicated.

Most doctors can't understand it so trying to explain

it to people who care about me is exhausting.

Shoot it is exhausting to try and figure it out in my

own head and explain to doctors about

late effects of radiation.

I have blogged about these issues before but have

always been very vague about what exactly is

wrong with me. Mostly because what is wrong with me

is not so easy to diagnose or figure out.

Yet as I continue to meet with my new counselor

and as I explain to her aloud exactly what I have found

out in the last 9 years since my body started showing

signs or problems, It becomes clearer to me as

to what exactly is my life.

As June, the counselor said to me,

"I have never had a client like you but from hearing

you speak I know you will make this a positive thing."

Then at the end she mirrors back to me

"I think what your biggest frustration seems to be that

had someone told you growing up this would be your life

then you would be fine with what is to come but

because it never entered your mind you are at a loss as

to go on when the physical body is not cooperating"

Well, June Oase, I would say you are a pretty good counselor.

She understands that I am not the type who will keep all

of this to myself and sharing with others is how

I handle everything in my life.

However, this problem sometimes makes me sound (to me)

like a hypochondriac to the lay person.

I have to trust that those who love me and have known me

for a long time will realize that this is not my nature

to hide behind an illness and that if I am home it is

only because there is no possible way I can be at work.

Putting my life on a limb always comes with fear

yet I know that sharing my life gives more self-acceptance

than anything else I ever try and because

I am tired of telling the story so often,

time to add it to the blog.

Lilbit of my world.... is about to become lots of my life...

Okay, I just realized this one will be too long...

I think I will break it up into two posts

just not to bore those who may not want to read

the whole story...

Read on the next post...