Fun on the homefront with three of my favorite girls

(pictures are not in the order I wanted but still

cannot figure out how to change the order of pictures

so enjoy the gangsta poker faces of my girls)

Yesterday when I got off of work,

Kd, baby girl, and Melissa-kd's cousin

were ready to play.

We started by going to my new favorite place

to hang out, Inspire-a scrap boutique.

It was Melissa's first trip and since I gave

her a gift certificate for her baby shower,

she was itching to get her some baby album stuff.

We ate at WOW, visited sister, Taunt Mone

in the hospital and then headed home to get some

scrapping done. Can I say that this is the best

way I love spending Friday nights?

With people I love and scrapping.

Fun, fun, fun!!!

So here we are, getting our scrap on...

BG found spider tattoos and since the other two girls

were sporting pregnant bellies, she wanted in...

Kd cannot wait to have the belly cousin Melissa has

but insisted we get a picture of who I call Eskimo Pie

and she and baby boy calls Peafly....

Now Melissa, her oven is baking really good these days.

She is so darn cute carrying her little basketball there.

She is due in December and growing so darn good.

Yes, the only way to scrap, spread it all out and play, play, play!

Having the scrap room makes it so much easier to scrap in

the way we like to do it.

Conversations as we scrapped flowed to all kinds of topics.

Then we put the IPOD on and sang, sang, sang to old

songs that brought back memories of times past.

Each song that came on the girls reminisced at what

part of their lives they were at when the

song was popular. We sang loud.... and yes, the girls

had to put their Poker faces on,

hence the first picture on this post.

hope in the field of chronic back pain

When it comes to the back pain that has become

part of my life, a thorn in my side,

what causes me not to live the life I want,

I have tried and "seen them all"

or so I thought.

I have seeked the opinion of orthopedist,

chronic pain doctors, family doctors, physical therapists.

I have gotten opinions from chiropractors, spine specialist and even

took a trip all the way to Tennessee to hear what

specialist on the subject of survivors of childhood cancer

had to say about my issues.

I have read books on the subject and am even seeing

a counselor trying to accept this part of my life.

On a pretty good day, I can live with the fact

"such is my life" but on a bad day my mind always

believes there has to be something that can be done.

It is on those days that I grasp at straws and look for

another opinion different from the ones I have gotten before

which basically all say there is nothing that can be done

but take pain medications, exercise, loose weight

and wait for the day that you are no longer able to do your job

and retire. I was almost resigned to the fact that this

is what I needed to do but Dr. Cowen at the spine center

convinces me that before I resign to this I need to at least

hear what a neurosurgeon has to say.

Another doctor to add to my list but being the ultimate

optimist, what do I have to loose.

Yet this visit yesterday is different.

Not to mention that Dr. Donner is very knowledgeable in

his field and has a very good bedside manner,

he is also very handsome.

We first discuss all that has been done before

and my frustration over accepting that this is my fate.

He kind of chuckles when I tell him I am seeing a counselor.

I am not sure why but this seems to be the reaction

most often when I mention this.

He has reviewed my brand new MRI and talks

about am I really ready for this huge back surgery

for scoliosis that is really not that bad.

I question whether the MRI showed the spondyolisthesis

that many say are part of my severe pain and he admits

that the MRI does not show this.

I then show him the report of the CT scan that I had

in 2007 and as he reads this his whole facial expression changes

and he brings me to his office to pull the films of the CT scan

to view them together on his computer.

He sounds energized as he says and shows me,

"Here it is, here is the cause of the pain you have"

Wow, I see it. He gives me a quick lesson on bone formation

and what has happened as my bones formed.

There is a slippage of two bones that have causes

the spiny portions of the outer spine to not only

rub together but from the constant friction have

caused fractures in the spiny bones that are on the

outer part of the spine.

A Pars defect that can be surgically fixed.

He is confidant that this is the cause of the majority of

my pain and he is insistent that this can be fixed.

we discuss a lot in the half hour I am there.

I talk of my fears of back surgery and that I don't

know many people who have back surgery who still

need pain and what if my pain is more due to the

radiation I received.

He matter of factly explains that he knows the majority

of my pain is this problem he is not saying that the other

issues do not cause some pain but the severe pain

is this. Unlike what an orthopedist has talked to me

about a while back there will be no big cuts no big rods,

no trying to straighten a spine that is crooked.

He would simply go in and fix this Pars defect

and fuse the spinal fracture so that there would no longer

be this slippage that he shows me a few times on scan.

I love this doctor, he is the first one I have ever spoken to

who offers me some form of pain relief and speaks

with the confidence I need. I also had a bone density

so I question whether the bones are strong enough to

handle a fusion and he says although there is bone

thinning as seen in osteoporosis he reminds me

that the elderly who fracture their hips are most usually

caused from brittle bones and yet rods and healing take

place with these people.

Yes, he is right, I can heal no matter how weak the bones are.

Then he sits me down and gets to the real "nitty gritty"

part. His best prognosis patients are the ones he can

do via the abdomen. It is on the side of where the defect is

and patients have a better outcome when the surgery is done

this way and out of all the patients he does this way,

50% have complete pain relief, are off all pain medications

and are able to resume a full time job after recovery.

Out of the other half, most still work and some need pain medications

but the pain is minimal to what they experienced before and

all work. Very few do not have improving of their quality of life

but those he doubted, because of their mental thoughts and

having a narcotic issue, would do well anyway.

He says that someone with my optimism should do well.

The big doubt though is whether or not he can do this surgery

via my abdomen due to all the scar tissue and intestinal issues,

it may make this impossible to do the surgery in this way.

He sets me up to see Dr. Marino who is the general surgeon

he works with and who happens to be the doctor who follows

my bowel obstructions to make the decision as to whether

the surgery can be done this way.

He assures me that if we proceed with this type of surgery that

Dr. Marino would also scrub in as assistant in case the bowel

becomes a problem.

If he feels this cannot be done then we will talk again about

whether or not I should do the repair going through the back.

His reasoning for this is that this way of doing the surgery

does not have the better outcome that he would want for me.

There is a harder recovery and most patients are still left

with chronic pain issues. It may not be as bad as it is now

but he wants to be honest with me as we discuss and prepare

to move forward with this surgery.

He relieves my mind when I say I so want to be healthy and

I have been frustrated because Physical therapy, chiropractics

has not helped me and I know if I lost weight I would have less pain.

He reminds me that this problem will not be resolved or

pain will not be lessened by any of those things.

Because there is this defect and this fracture,

it is like having a broken bone that will not heal

and after so many years of stressing on it, the pain

is there. I leave there with a hop in my step

because this is the best news I have had in such a long time.

When I shared with him that just saying that I may never

nurse again makes me cry he explains that this is his

number one reason for doing back surgery.

When a patient expresses to them that their quality

of life is being affected, he decides it is time to do

surgery. So this morning I am trying not to get my

hopes up too high but very very optimistic in this news

and what this doctor has offered me.

Sorry for the long post but so much easier to

post it here one time than telling my huge family this

so many times.

Wish me luck as I move to a new adventure

and the belief that I can be well, I can have pain relief.

Oh what a good day this Friday is becoming!!!

enraged about the stupidity of people

I have blogged before about how much

I love facebook for the way it helps to keep in touch

with people you normally would not be able to.

Yet it also has many negative points to it.

Yesterday I am reminded of why it sometimes can be a bad thing.

Yesterday morning HOBL calls me enraged by

a post of people finding a way to blame the parents

of the 4 teens who were killed over the weekend.

Not much enrages HOBL, he pretty much goes with the flow.

However, in this case he not only is angry but had to

leave a comment against what many others were writing.

I tell him I will read it later but he reads to me

what he posted and I am quite proud of his writings.

I am intrigued enough to, before leaving home, go and

read what some of these lunatics have written in reference

to these poor families.

Oh My God!!!!

These people have proved once again that my new famous

quote from a country song is so true.

"GOD IS GREAT, BEER IS GOOD AND PEOPLE ARE CRAZY"

Not only do I find myself really, really mad at what people

are saying there but for the fact that they can show

such little compassion for families that are suffering so darn much!

Of course, I have to post and pretty much what I say is this:

I CANNOT BELIEVE WHAT I AM READING HERE.

WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO COMPASSION?

WHY DON'T WE JUST PUT ALL THE PARENTS IN THE

VILLAGE CENTER AND STONE THEM.

LETS NOT FORGET HOW THE STORY GOES THOUGH

LET THE FIRST PERSON TO CAST THE STONE BE

THE ONE WHO HAS NEVER SINNED.

I DO NOT BELIEVE LIKE MOST THAT THIS WAS THEIR

TIME TO GO AND IT WAS GOD'S WILL BUT I DO

BELIEVE THAT GOD ALLOWS TRAGEDY TO HAPPEN

TO TEACH OTHERS LESSONS. MAYBE THE LESSON HERE IS

COMPASSION. IF THIS WERE YOUR CHILD WOULD ANY OF THIS

POST HELP YOU IN ANY WAY? THESE PARENTS DID NOTHING

WRONG AND YOU GUYS ARE JUDGING WITHOUT EVEN

KNOWING THESE PEOPLE.

I NOW WONDER IF I HAD LOST MY SON TO DRUG ADDICTION

HOW MANY STONES WOULD HAVE BEEN THROWN AT US

FOR BEING THE CAUSE OF HIS DRUG ADDICTION.

COME ON PEOPLE...

WAY TO DEFEND THE RIERA NAME THIS MORNING, RON

PROUD TO BE YOUR WIFE THIS MORNING.

and I am proud, proud that he took the time to defend parents

because this tragedy could happen to any of us.

So I stand by my new motto:

"GOD IS GREAT, BEER IS GOOD AND PEOPLE ARE CRAZY"

Fall, how I love thee...

The crisp, dry air is one I love.

Cool days are coming.

When I walk out in the morning and feel the coolness

my mind wanders back to days of having young ones.

Halloweens and leaf piles for jumping.

Early evening indoors playing games.

PJ's on by 5:30pm.

For my boys, hunting excitement fills the air.

I have never liked hunting myself but

do have the excitement when the boys go

hunting to see what a day will bring them home with.

When newly married, hunting meant a few hours each

weekend for myself as HOBL played in the swamps.

Even back then as a newlywed I treasured my

time for myself. When the babies got old enough

to hunt with their deda, it meant a few hours

of freedom without little ones in tow.

Halloween has always been a special time in the

Riera home. Each year it called for a party

in our old stomping ground of Tarpon Heights.

Some of our best memories were made at these parties.

I would make a huge chili and everyone in the family

would come and bring the candy.

Living in a subdivision of Tarpon Heights,

there were so many trick-or-treaters that

making the chili was cheaper than buying the treats.

Fun was had by all on those long Halloween nights

in a neighborhood that it was more like a block party.

Enjoy the cool days of fall because soon the

freezing winter will be here and I am sure

I will be complaining. For now, loving the Fall.

Four funerals

Four different families prepare

four individual funerals in our community

while their children will be forever linked together.

I am speaking of the tragic accident of this

weekend that took the lives of four teenagers

from Vanderbilt Catholic.

My human mind does not want to think about it,

too painful but my parent mind can think of nothing else.

Baby girl and her bestie, Meagan and were discussing it

yesterday and I shared that I do not know if I would

want to continue living if I was faced with this

in my life. It's because I don't know how you do go on.

Yeah, I can talk of my God and how God gets you through

things like that but really, when tragedy is so fresh

I am not sure this is comforting to a parent right away.

I can barely read the Comet article and just like my

thoughts I am pulled to reading every detail.

If you have teenagers or young adults, you can relate to

the beginning of the story.

Your child is going to an outing with friends.

Right at first, you are happy for them, not about to say no.

They need this new found independence, a chance to do things

on their own. Your heart wants to say no but you know

this is selfish. You are thankful for cell phones and texting

because you know that at least you can keep in touch with

your child through the whole adventure.

The four sets of parents probably watched the LSU game

excited that their child was there.

There will be no sleep for the parents as the children start

their trip home. If they were like me, they laid on the sofa, waiting.

At 1:00 am the phone call comes that they are almost home.

I believe the call was made from the driver to his mother.

I know she had to be relieved because I have been there.

Just a few more minutes and her child will walk through

the door and be filled with stories of his adventure.

The mother will be proud of him but most importantly of herself

because she went against what she really wanted to do and hold

him back. Yet, at 3 am, they still were not home.

I know what her mind went through as well as the rest of the parents

because I too have played the mind games when a child is missing

even if for a few hours. By this time she has to notify the rest of

the parents who I am sure were not resting any better than her.

They begin their own search for their babies.

Finally the police get involved and after a few hours their

vehicle is found submerged upside down in water.

All four teens are still in the vehicle and pronounced dead at the scene.

I want to change this, I do not want this to be the reality these

families face these days. It is too painful.

Forever they will question, what were the last few minutes of

their lives like.

I don't want to be morbid but I will say just what all are thinking.

What did they do in those moments before they died.

Were they killed on impact, did they try and escape?

As baby girl said, what did they say to each other as they probably

felt they would be rescued.

I want them to have died on impact, I hope the autopsies shows

that there was not words spoken because they couldn't speak.

The parents and close loved ones will replay this in their heads

forever, "What were their last minutes like"

and the answers to this is enough to want to die because

they will never know.

Although there is no easy way to go on and accept this,

finding that they did not know their fate, would help

everyone involved.

BG and I spoke of how hard it was when we all lost Robert

and he was just one. Four children, four friends to be lost

at the same time, it is wrong.

I tell teens and young adults, be safe, please...

Many times I have been in that limbo that there has been

no call or knowledge as to where your child is in the early hours

of the morning. I fussed about it so much that now BG at least

sends me a text often as to where she is.

After this accident I know she will be better about letting

me know her where-abouts all the time.

I think she understands how a parents mind wonders to

places unimaginable in that short time until we know

where our babies are.

"What if they were in an accident?"

"what if someone has taken them and is hurting them?"

The games our minds play when our babies whereabouts are not known.

For these parents, 4 sets, their worst nightmare has come true.

They will not only have to attend their own child's funeral

but three others that would be the best friends of their child.

Nothing good about this and as I said earlier, all wrong.

God bless all who are affected by this accident

that ended in the very worst scenario imaginable.

God bless the school of Vanderbilt Catholic who

somehow have to teach a positive lesson to their students

knowing that there is no good in all of this.

God bless the students of the school who unfairly now

will never look at their high school years without remembering

this tragedy.

God bless the adults who somehow have to help these children

when they need help of their own to understand.

God bless the parents and the families. There is

nothing that I can write here that will not sound generic or vague.

Last but not least, God bless our whole community,

it is not supposed to happen like this and yet,

sometimes it does, unfairly.