Saturday, July 31, 2010
I am on day 5 of IV antibiotics and have to say I
feel better than I have since most of the summer
so there may be something to the fact that I needed
this medical treatment.
So many people have visited and brought me
treats that has helped my time here pass.
I thought I was blessed before but wow,
the amount of love and support I have gotten has
been tremendous. There is no way I can thank each
of you individually on the blog but you guys know
who you are and know that when you bring your children
to see whatever they call me be it Auntie lil,
Nannie, or Nurse Lilly,
you give me the medicine that I need to know that
I can get past all of this to return to the person I am
who loves children.
I must however give one personal thanks to my sister,
Now I know when she reads this she will post some type
of comment that says it is what anyone would do, that
she is no big deal, etc.
But to us sisters, she is the BIG DEAL
because for our whole lives, she has been the one
who we always go to when we need something.
Even before going to our parents, we went to Ronnie.
She was our GPS before they were popular.
She is our organizers of any fun girl trips we take.
But it is when we are sick that we really, truly depend on her.
If C or Taunt Mone or myself are ill, need a ride to the doctor,
or just need someone to hang with us in the hospital,
it is her we depend on.
She, even though hasn't always liked us (lol)
she has always, always came through for us.
She does worry too much about us and think that doctors are
never doing enough to get us well quickly but she is our comfort.
She never complains about anything us baby sisters need.
Lately she has had her own medical issues and I worry.
I worry that she doesn't feel well but if I have to be honest,
sometimes my worry is because of my own selfish needs.
I think what would we be, us sisters without our rock?
I also feel badly sometimes because when she is ill we
are not able to reciprocate with help for her.
I love all my siblings and each of them fill a need for me
that I could not live without but when I am ill,
besides my Daddy I long for, it is her I lean on.
When knowing I needed a cystoscope on Monday
It is her I called to ask if she could be here.
I knew the answer, I knew that I really didn't even have to ask
she had already planned to be here.
I have few memories of being 5 and having a kidney removed
and having chemotherapy and radiation but the few I have, she is in most of them.
I know I never say it enough, but Ronnie
thank you sooooo much for all you do for me.
I will never be able to repay you and please,
take care of yourself because when you are ill
I cringe at the thought of not having you here to take
care of all of us baby sisters.
Smooches, big ones!
Friday, July 30, 2010
To all of the legions of readers, our decaying blogger has given moi, permission to express a few thoughts as a "ghost" while she enjoys her "three squares" at Thibodaux Regional. Now you must realize the trust that is given to me to execute this task without tarnishing the reputation of this literary masterpiece. So here's a topic for all to enjoy .... PETS. No, not flatulence, but the creatures we take as our own into our lives. My family of 6 has a dog. A Boston Terrier with one small problem. He's a P -rr. He's a leg lifter. He's a territorial marker from HELL. The real frustrating part is it's only done when we're not around. The anxiety from being away from 4 kids and 2 adults must be too much for his bladder. What to do? I thought about introducing him to the yellow line on LA 1 but I think there's laws against doing that. I tried giving him away but the word is out. So now, he must live in the backyard while we're gone. I can't afford new drapes. I can't afford new rugs. I wanted to trade him in for a parrot. I got vetoed. So I guess we'll just stay with the little urniator. We'll love him for what he is.
I hope you all enjoyed this little post. Please say a little prayer for our patient... the lil-faker.
Have a nice weekend.
I hope you all enjoyed this little post. Please say a little prayer for our patient... the lil-faker.
Have a nice weekend.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Seems as though here at Hotel Thibodaux Regional
there are some restrictions on certain websites I visit.
I can get on facebook and other sites that may not be so safe
but I have a limit and block on my own blog.
This makes me laugh.
Like being blocked from my own innocent blog.
So I am limited to 6o minutes a day here so
If you wonder why I only blog in the morning
with all the time on my hands that is why.
Time passes slowly here at Hotel Thibodaux
but yesterday really wasn't so bad because of all the
company I had.
First it started with my Plaisance girls, Rebecca, Ellie-pie and
Lucy. I know lots of people ask how I can have time to do so much
for all my great nieces and nephews but I must say I get so
much more from them than I ever give to them.
Auntie Lil's medicine is the little ones.
They share so much with me and I listen to them.
First dose of medicine was the Plaisances and Ellie-pie
not only cuddled in my cool hospital bed but entertained me
as Lulu told me jokes and we caught up on life.
Not long after sista, Veronica showed up with
the St.Pierre girls. NeeNee my poor darling was spending
time with me when I was sick at home and could only
lie on the sofa most of the time yet she never complained
and was happy to be in my prescence. While they were here
we caught up on the happenings of school getting ready to start
and watched Utube videos and of course, watched and discussed
everything Justin Bieber. If you going to love preteens, you
will have to tolerate Justin Bieber conversations.
I loved every minute of it.
Tedi-girl missed the trip, seems like cheerleader camp
was calling her name this week.
Love from her would have been nice also but I understand
how it is to be a teenage cheerleader, so many responsibilities.
Finally they all had to leave but part of my fill was done.
Something was missing, I hadn't seen my Cammi or Abby.
The boys would rather be anywhere but here watching Auntie Lil
get better but the girls, they love it.
I text Sista, Rosie because I know she holds the key
to a visit from Cammi.
I email Lisa asking if they go to Donaldsonville could they
maybe stop in and give me an Abby fill.
While wondering how this will go I am visited by friends.
My friend, Mel from school and her lovey's, Matthew and Beth
come by to fill me in on what I have missed in their lives
since the last time we hung out.
I love these Thibodaux kids and I do believe the feelings are mutual.
Beth and Matthew always give me so much of their time
and conversation. A visit from them is also good, good medicine.
Another school pal, Donna stops in while giving communion
to the ill in the hospital. How special this makes me feel to think
that she, instead of running home to her own little girls,
took time to visit with me. We had good conversation
and it is so good to visit sometimes out of school where
we can talk of all other things besides work.
I know that even if I didn't know these fine people from TES
we would still be friends and I am touched that they took time
from their busy lives to visit me and help pass the time.
Neighbor Katie came and hang out with baby girl and I for
a few hours. Again, what an awesome young adult.
This girl I called the neighborhood bond person.
Katie the neighbor, as we call her not to get her
mixed u with Kd the daughter in law,
is the one who visits all the neighbors to keep us all up to date
on what is going on in the neighborhood.
I was not surprised that she would come and hang out with us
because that is the type of person she is.
She is a people person, a friend much like me.
Having Katie here is like having a family member visit.
last but not least, sista Rosie brought my Cami
here. I sent a begging text her way earlier today
that if possible, if they came through today could she possibly
bring Cami girl to visit her Nannie.
You see, Rosie had Cami for a week in the summer
and this week I had plans with Cami to have her come sleep
and I was taking her to the insectarium.
Rosie keeps letting me know she understands, not to worry
but I am not so much sad for letting Cami down, I am
more sad for myself because I miss Cami and was looking
so forward to having her with me for a few days.
I get a text around 6:30pm saying,
"sorry we won't be able to make it :(
I send back it's okay....
but it really wasn't okay because although I had received much
medication with all the friends and babies that visited,
Cami's visit was going to be my night time dose.
I try to put it aside as I visit with Katie the neighbor.
Then a knock on the door produces none other than my imp of
a godchild, Cami and Rosie!
They came donning red roses and a balloon but nothing
can make me smile bigger than the fact that Cam was here.
It was all I needed to finish my first full day at Hotel Thibodaux.
She and I played games on facebook and caught up on
all the happenings of her life.
She reminded my that she still does not know what she wants
to be when she grows up because "I am so smart and I have so many options"
This child lacks not an ounce of self-confidence.
She talks to every employee of Hotel Thibodaux
there is nothing not to love about this child.
Only one thing could have made this day more perfect when it
comes to my fill of kiddies, a visit from my Abby and my other love, Tedi.
Thanks all who took time out of their busy day to visit.
It means sooo much. I have a few prospect visitors today,
can't wait because today will be harder when I know
that all my siblings and others are celebrating
Taunt Mone, my oldest sisters 70th birthday tonight.
I will be missing in body but my spirit will be with them
as I sit here and promise to get better for all of them.
I do believe that my time here on my own blog is almost up....
You remember, that block of Lilbit of my world...
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Seems the older I get the more complications that lead
me to the hospital.
I was really bummed out yesterday.
Seems like no matter what I do I just can't ever feel totally well.
Then I made a split decision that it is my life.
I cannot change what it is
I cannot worry about what others think.
Only thing I can change is my attitude about all of this.
I can accept and know that my attitude hopefully
can be a positive one and make the people around
me want to be near me
or I can be bitter, negative and push people away with that
attitude. I have to stop worrying that people
will think "That girl always has something wrong with her"
or "she is a hypochondriac"
I don't know why I worry so much about this because
I know that the majority of people who love me do not think this.
However anyone who has ever dealt with chronic illnesses would
know this feeling.
If this is to be my life, my future,
then I will make the best of it.
I do not want to be bitter ever.
I know how fortunate and privileged I am to still
have any life at all let alone as good a life as I do have.
I am so lucky for the friends and especially the family I have.
I am to be 47 years old in just a few weeks
and my siblings still spoil me rotten and overprotect me to no end.
I know not one of them look at me as a burden or ever regret
anything they have or will do for me.
I am so fortunate that my baby girl loves hanging out with me
and would stay with me here in this hospital forever without
being asked. I am so thankful that baby boy can make me
laugh even when I feel like poop and my Kd would do anything
for me that I asked of her.
Friends. I have so many wonderful friends who not only
offer to do for me anything I may need but mean it.
They would come here with just a request.
and the love of my HOBL...
Our relationship is not the traditional one.
He worries about me and loves me even with all my
medical issues. He never says it but I know that
he is proud that with all the issues I have I could
stay home if I wanted to but still I insist on working.
So I can do like some and become bitter and complaining,
the type that people want to avoid because they are a damper
to be around but I choose to show others another side.
That if I have to be one who struggles with illness
as I get older that I will do it with courage, a smile on my face
and always with acceptance and hope that tomorrow will
be a better day and I will overcome each hurdle that is
put in my path.
I know that I am not perfect and there may be days that I am sad
but believe me when I say it is not what I want to be.
There is no time or need for that, it hurts those I love more.
I could not do any of this without everyone who loves me
and, my dear family and friends, that love is mutual.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Yes, baby girl comes home today from her road trip
to Houston to see her idol, Lady gaga.
She and her guy pal, Henry left on Sunday and they
have had the trip of thier lifetime.
I am so proud of my baby girl.
Since becoming single again she has become the
girl I once remembered her to be.
When she first told me about her road trip,
she hesitated to tell me because she thought I would disapprove.
She is just good like that, even though she knew
I would not stop her from going,
it would have made her sad if she knew I didn't approve.
She was surprised when I cheered her on.
I want her to have these experiences,
this is what this baby girl was meant to do.
So they had a safe and uneventful trip to Houston on Sunday
and at about 10:30pm I get a text:
"THIS IS THE BEST FU##**ING ROAD TRIP EVER"
Excuse baby girl's french, she loves that F word...
I call her and she is so excited to tell me that she and Henry
decided that their first plans of sleeping in the gaga line
all night probably wasn't safe with all the homeless people they saw
so instead the found a hostel for 15 dollars a night and
had just arrived there for their nights sleep.
I am like, "Are you kidding, sleeping in a hostel is what
has you so excited?"
You see that is what I love about this baby girl,
new experiences are what she lives for and what has
been missing from her life.
The next morning at 5 am she and her guy pal are
already in line waiting and hoping to have Lady
bring them Pizza.
Baby girl read somewhere that if you wait in line a long, long time
Lady gaga comes in person and feeds you.
So she and Henry are sitting in line at 5 am...
At about 2pm I get another very excited call.
No, Lady did not bring her pizza but two people
traded their tickets for VIP tickets which means
unlike the rest of the crowd, they got to get in 2 hours before
everyone else. This child is beside herself and I can hear
the pride in her voice that she was brave and took on this
adventure with her new-found friend, Henry.
Another phone call at 4:30, they were in, had gotten all kinds
of free things and she was on top of the world.
Another nights sleep in the hostel and they are on their way home.
I love this child. She is all I ever wanted in a daughter.
To take risks and do road trips with no plans in sight
and to enjoy the simple fact that she can sleep in a hostel
makes me happy to no end.
Her bravery is so much more than mines was.
Yes, I was worried about her but had much confidence that
she would do fine and the fact that Henry was making the trip
with her gave me peace of mind.
Those two, I believe are each others alter-ego...
Welcome home soon, baby girl,
glad your trip was all and more than you imagined.
I miss you when you are not here.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
UGH is right!!!!
I have been up since 2:30 am and I am not happy
about this new found insomnia that has found me.
I am not the insomniac, HOBL is.
Maybe this is happening so I could have more sympathy for him.
I do not know how people function without good nights of sleep.
There is a reason why our bodies need to shut down every
12 hours or so and restart.
It does a body good.
I will also say that I don't care what people say
about cold weather and change in the atmospheric pressure
having something to do with increase in bone pain
I know it is true!!!!
What a day it will be.
The good part?
My Nee Nee is here to keep her Nannie company.
She and I began scrapping last night and even
though she was ready to quit long before I was,
last night when we laid down she said,
"Nannie I can't wait until tomorrow so we can work
on my scrapbook"
Oh, a girl after my own heart.
Hope she gives her old Nannie a break today when
my eyes get heavy come the afternoon!
I need to get back to work and get this body back
on a schedule!!!
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Why is it that a tropical depression that I know
will not cause harm to people get me so darn excited?
I am now motivated to scrap, clean house, cook.
Well some of that can be because some of the sista's and Mumsie
are coming eat lunch with me and possibly
my Lillian and her mom, Minta also.
...and my NeeNee is coming spend the weekend with her Nannie.
Nasty weather+NeeNee=fun on the homefront
Looks like a good weekend!
Friday, July 23, 2010
Sometimes I am naive to the happenings of worldly things.
I am aware of things that happened during WWII
and Vietnam because my family was affected by these
world tragedies. When it comes to some things in
other parts of the world that happened in my lifetime,
I really am uneducated.
Hence, the reason for this blog.
Upon one of my scouts to the library this summer
I come across this book:
FIRST THEY KILLED MY FATHER
I was intrigued by the title and the synopsis so I brought it
home for a visit.
While reading it I was disheartened to think that this
happened in the 70's which means I was old enough
to realize this was happening yet I had no clue, no idea
that these things were going on in other parts of the world.
Loung Ung was a 5 year old girl during the Cambodian crises.
She was born into a large family in Phnom Penh,
her father, being a government official, called for a rich lifestyle.
Yet, in April of 1975 all this changed when the armies stormed
her home city and they became not only peasants but
tortured and imprisoned for many years.
There were times that I actually had to put the book aside
because it became too intense for me to believe that things
like this still happens.
The author writes in such great detail that you can almost
feel and smell the happenings in her life.
Her words on how hunger felt as a young girl
wants me to go out and feed someone.
She writes with such intensity as she explains how
she lost her immediate family and how much they suffered.
This book has changed how I feel inside about the corruption
of other countries and once again makes me
proud to be part of the USA.
Not for the weak-hearted but highly recommended read
for those who, like me, believe sometimes that all the world
lives as privileged as we do.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
I voted and support Obama.
Wow, that statement, especially now, will not
make for friends.
It is not a popular statement to be made.
Yet, I stand behind my vote and because I am
an optimist, I continue to support him.
The blog today has not so much to do with the
way I feel about him but about respect.
I don't have to explain my decision to do this.
However, I want to.
When looking at the alternative choice
there was nothing with the other group of presidential
candidates that made me comfortable.
Unlike many, I voted for him because for me
he was the best choice unlike those who didn't
vote for him because he was black, Muslim or whatever
else you can read about him at any given day on the Internet.
I also must say, though there is lots he does that I don't agree
with and even I seethe with some of the choices he and his
group make. Like the moratorium...
I am not happy with that.
What gets me to blog about a most unpopular statement this
morning though has to do with the respect that many in the
United States have lost when dealing with our officials.
Many complain and worry about the generation following ours.
Many say they lack a respect for authority.
We, as adults have to look at the part we play in this.
Yes, because we live in the USA we are given the right to
disagree with our President.
When the younger generation listen to all that is
said about him and the ugly things said about his personal life
they see our generation without respect.
They pick up from us that not only is it okay to voice your opinion
but to slam the man who runs our country and call him names
and critique every thing he does even in his personal life.
I was raised that no matter whether you liked it or not,
he is our President and deserves respect for that.
When, because we hate a President, we slam him for every decision
not only to our personal circle but to the Internet,
we teach our children the other side of being a US citizen,
that we do not have to show respect for anyone.
Yet we talk about the lack of respect the young ones have
It does not matter what Obama does, he is slammed.
He visits the gulf coast and he is put down for that.
Had he sat in the White House he would have been slammed for that.
He is slammed because he tells people to visit the gulf coast
for vacationing and then on his own vacation decides to take
his family other places.
We forget that when he visited the coast,
he brought thousands of dollars there just by his visit.
News people and his own entourage ate, slept and visited
all these businesses and left their money in those places.
Why can't he vacation wherever he chooses to?
My own family cancelled our vacation to Grand Isle
for a trip to Alaska.
This President, when on vacation is only a daddy and a husband.
He deserves to vacation wherever he pleases.
Not many of us, if honest, if given the choice to
vacation in Grand Isle or Hawaii would choose the latter.
Obama cannot do anything that people will not complain about.
I believe in if not supporting his authority then at least respecting it.
We also seem to forget that for the 56% of the people polled
think he is doing a terrible job running the country, that there are
44% who believe he is doing a good job.
Respect for Obama, he will get it from this US citizen until
the people have a chance to make a different choice with their vote.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
(Picture taken from an adventure of a while ago when Cass visited)
Deferred my President blog for this.
Yesterday baby girl and I dropped HOBL off at the airport
and decided to make that day an adventure day.
As she was growing up it wasn't unusual
for us to take any given day and get in the car
and just make up an adventure on the road as we go.
Every year for her birthday, she and I would be "sick"
from school and work to celebrate the wonderful
day with an adventure.
Some days we knew where we were going
other days we just let the car lead us.
It is one of the things I have missed the most
since she was in a grown up relationship.
Now that she is a single girl again,
we have more time for each other.
So yesterday we decided it was time for a good ol' fashioned
I didn't care how much I would pay for it today,
I was focused on yesterday.
We decided that one thing we had never done was park
on one end of Magazine street and walk to see the
hidden, wonderful places of this historical street.
We ate this wonderful pizza, I mean it was the greatest stuff.
We would never eat Domino's or Pappa John's if
we had a pizza house like this one near by.
After our belly's were entertained we decided to
entertain our shopping styles by first visiting a bead shop.
Jesi feels about little old people as I feel about children.
She adores them. So of course, she notices the cute little lady
visiting the bead shop with a younger friend.
They are discussing beads, into their finds, and Jesi and I
are right behind them admiring the beads ourselves.
I know they have just eaten also because of the "To go"
box that her friend holds.
All of a sudden we hear the sounds of gas being passed.
There is no doubt where it is coming from
because the little old lady is standing in the body stance that
you sometimes see when someone "lets 'er rip"
It is not just a little slip, it is the long and loud type
that usually accompanies a visit to the toilet.
I cannot look at baby girl,
I am so afraid if I look at her we will both loose it and the
little lady is very close to us.
However there is no doubt that baby girl has lost it.
The funny part is that the little lady never missed a beat.
Evidently she was hard of hearing because she never seemed
to notice that toxins were coming out of her behind.
Her friend did however,
I know she noticed baby girl laughing and myself trying to hold
She walked away with the biggest smile on her face.
We finally had to leave the bead shop.
Baby girl could not get herself together and I couldn't look
at baby girl without loosing it myself and since it was
a small store, we kept crossing the path of our
Oh, what an adventure may send you!
I had a lovely day with you my baby girl.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
I have held my tongue a long time in reference to
how I feel about BP and the oil spill yet a simple
conversation with my dentist has made it time to
say what I am thinking.
Controversy will follow this post but I will write it anyway
because I too have an opinion even if it is completely
opposite of how most people feel.
No one loves our bayou and the way of life
that surrounds the mighty waterways more than me.
I am worried about the livelihoods of those
who are affected by the spill but I also feel a need
to defend BP and not only because HOBL works for them.
As you pass in many places you can read the signs putting
down the company that is the main cause of the spill.
"BP mother nature called she said to clean your room"
"Bp you took our legs how are we supposed to stand?"
I can deal with this but on my way to Schriever
I see a small sign in a brave homeowners yard that says,
"God Bless BP"
So simple yet so strong.
I tell my dentist this story and although he agrees with
me that BP is doing the best they can and that they
didn't wake up that morning and say
"Today I think I will blow up and oil rig and kill 11 people"
He didn't think it would be wise to put a sign like this in my yard.
HOBL feels the same way.
As much as we support BP we can't put a sign like that in our yard
out of fear of vandalism.
Well that makes me mad.
So here I will speak how I feel.
All, and I mean all, oil companies do things that may not be the safest
without breaking the law.
Do not believe that those other big companies don't breathe a sigh of
relief when knowing that it was BP and not their company
responsible for the mess in the gulf because they know
it could have been them.
Do not believe that those people at BP have not lost many nights
of sleep knowing that because of their company they
have changed the lives of so many.
I feel, however, they are doing and awesome job in
the way they are trying to make this right.
All you hear about are the people who are angry with BP
because they are not doing enough for the loss of their
businesses. You are not hearing from the ones who are pleased
with BP, why?
Because they are reputable companies, are trawlers who instead
of crying their sad stories they are out working for BP to help
fix the problem. They are earning a paycheck sometimes bigger
than the ones they brought in during trawling season.
It is a fixed income that many trawlers never had
when skimming the gulf.
Who are we hearing from?
Well those who have used our waterways for drug trafficking and hid
behind their trawl boats to do their business.
You cannot be paid by BP for the money you made illegally.
Because some of these people can't pass a drug test,
they can't work for BP in the cleaning so they whine to the media.
We hear from the ones who call themselves trawlers
but they awakened at 10:30am on a good morning to go trawling,
if the weather was good, if they felt like it,
sold their shrimp either from their boats or
to their neighbors down the street for cash and have
not paid taxes for some time.
You cannot get paid by BP if you collected cash and have no
tax reforms to prove what you made last year.
BP is paying the hard working trawlers
more than some ever made and they are paying now.
They are not giving hand-outs which is what some of
the cajuns want, hand-outs.
I have spoken to many people who are very pleased with
how BP is handling the loss of their businesses.
Why are they pleased? Because they were
honest and reputable businesses prior to the spill.
It is a mess, yes the animals, the pelicans covered in oil
are not a pretty sight.
Yes, oil and water will never mix and the oil has to go somewhere.
Many businesses have lost but also because of this
many are getting jobs and working when just before the spill
they were unemployed.
People who owned rentals that could not get renters
are now being paid by BP to house all these workers.
Golden Meadow has never been this busy in a long time.
BP is not responsible for the moratorium.
Because of this disaster stricter rules will be placed so
as not to have this happen again.
Just as the natural way of disasters,
change comes after the hit.
Before we all sit in the comfort of our air conditioned homes
and get into our gas guzzling cars to buy our groceries
at Walmart we need to realize that without companies
like BP our comfortable lives as we know it
would not exist.
BP is not perfect, none of us are.
I wish I had the courage to put a small yet big-impacted sign
in my yard that says
GOD BLESS BP
Because all of us praying US citizens would make
more of an impact if we prayed and helped
rather than sit in our homes and say
how terrible BP is.
Just my words, my thoughts and because
I live in the mighty bayous of the USA I can speak
GOD BLESS BP
Monday, July 19, 2010
Most days I am very thankful that the babies are grown and
independent and I am no longer responsible for doing
all those things that parents have to do for little children.
Yet every once in a while, something brings me back
and I long for those days.
Yesterday it was Florida Water....
Myself and the Mumsie were heading to my bayou
to have pokeno with my girls.
I passed a drug store that advertised on their outside sign:
FLORIDA WATER 2OZ. BOTTLE $2.99
I immediately was brought back to another time.
Immediately had the lump in my throat or
gro-cud as my Cajun french allows me to say.
Right away thoughts of summer days spent in parks
watching the babies play baseball came to mind.
The days when Florida water was added to ice water
in a ice chest so that us parents could keep our babies
cooler on the hot Louisiana days that they played ball in.
Florida water in those days were a normal staple in our homes.
Florida water kept them so much cooler than just a wet towel did.
The days that all us parents followed these children wherever
their All-star teams took them came back to my memory.
Where we stayed in hotels with the whole teams and their
families to cheer on our young teams.
To a day when baby girl insisted that she had to play dixie youth
with the boys because soft ball was for girls, sissies.
To the days when one such team mate of Jesi's
would play outfield and when he would get too hot he would
just fall to the ground and act like he had passed out.
When the other players would run to check on him
he would lift his head and state,
"Get the coach"
Every time he did the same thing and his statement was always,
"Get the coach"
The coach that year was Uncle Ted and it still makes me
laugh to remember this.
I was brought back to the days that we worked concession stands
at Golden Meadow park and parents that you usually had
nothing in common with became some of your best friends
because we spent every summer together playing ball.
Memories of how I always stayed at practices.
I could have left them there, they were always in good hands
with people I would have trusted with their lives
but I never did. I enjoyed sitting on the old wooden stands
and watching them practice, gossiping with the other
die-hard parents who wouldn't leave.
I often wonder, why didn't I leave?
It was because there in those fields I got to watch my
babies do something that not all children are blessed to do.
Many times I sat there and just watched them
doing something that they loved and I was reminded
of what a miracle they were to me.
That all their parts worked and they were happy children.
I sat in awe of the wonders of these two children
and after this practice I got to take them home with me.
I sat there in the hopes that when they looked up it would give
them comfort to know that their mother was one who was
always there no matter what.
I hoped that they would be proud that their mother
cared enough to put all her things aside to make their
life the most important thing even if it was just a practice.
I was the lucky one that was allowed to be called their mother.
I was thankful that all in all they were good children
that they gave me very little trouble at this age.
I cheered them on sometimes silently and sometimes very loudly.
Yes, a simple sign advertising Florida water brought all
those memories back for me.
I pray that my babies one day can sit in stands
and admire the gift of the children that they will be blessed with.
Friday, July 16, 2010
I am not sure why I am upset with myself when I take naps
in the afternoons. Sometimes it is out of boredom
and many times when I get up I don't feel like doing anything.
I feel guilty for having wasted this time.
I love to read and after lunch you can find me heading to my
bed to read but then I fall asleep....
So today I was thinking, why can't I forgive myself for napping?
I was trying to figure out why naps are so prominent in my life.
It brought me back to memories of my little girl years.
My Daddy took a nap every day.
Remember he was 45 when I was born and retired by the time
I was three due to medical issues.
So he was my main caregiver since my Mumsie worked at Randolph's.
I loved nap time growing up.
I can't ever remembering fussing about the time.
I remember that I would rather spend time in that window-unit cooled room
than spent playing with friends.
I was spoiled so bad that there are many times
I preferred being with my parents than my friends.
I was never forced to nap but I had a mattress on Dad's bedroom floor
and I was expected to be in the room with him while he napped.
I never complained, I loved that time in there with him.
Sometimes I cuddled up with him and slept.
The comfort I got from him there I truly believe is
one of the reasons that I have so much confidence
and so much self-esteem.
It saddens me to think that there are some children who
are sexually abused by their parents and that
napping with their parent means bad, negative things.
For me, I gained so much of who I am from the simple time
I spent with my Daddy.
There were days I didn't want to sleep and he never made me.
I would play on my mattress for hours.
I had paperdolls which I loved and I would act out and play
with those things for hours without boredom.
I had puzzles and books.
I talked to myself and my toys.
I cannot remember, not once that as he slept he told me to be quiet.
I wonder if it entertained him to hear his little girl playing
aloud. I did everything aloud, some things never change.
I would love to hear today his stories of those days.
I can't remember what I said and would love to hear
what he heard me say, how happy it made him.
Naps, for me hold many wonderful memories.
I need to get over the guilt I feel when I sleep in the day and how
I feel bad about not accomplishing nothing for those few hours.
Remembering my Daddy brings me such peace that
napping should become part of my daily schedule.
It worked for Freddie Collins
and the saying is:
"THE APPLE DOESN'T FALL FAR FROM THE TREE"
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Summertime and HOBL being home...
Well let me just say by the end of the summer
too much togetherness is not always good for
the Riera couple.
He has this way of saying these little sayings
like a child with Turret's.
He has been saying them for so long
that sometimes I don't even notice
but the babies laugh so much
even after hearing them their whole life.
Most days it doesn't bother me.
However after two weeks in a home with HOBL,
well, it starts to wear on you.
So on top of hearing about how BP will sell
and how he is afraid he may no longer get to travel to Alaska,
I have to hear these HOBLisms.
LILLIANA FROM GALLIANA LOUISIANA
I mean he calls me this CONSTANTLY
first of all, I am from Golden Meadow and when I
remind him of this he reminds me that Golden Meadow
does not rhyme with Lilliana.
So it doesn't matter whether it makes sense or not,
it matters that he likes it.
Then there is the thing he has to say every time you get
in the car with him,
"HOLD ON TO YOUR BRITCHES YOU SON OF A B....CHES"
I mean really, do we need to hear this?
Then there is the one that I cringe every time I pass
"LIL, PEOPLE ARE JUST DYING TO GET IN THERE"
There are the little songs he sings,
"IN 1492, COLUMBUS DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
HE SAT IN THE GRASS AND PLAYED WITH HIS A.."
Well, you get the picture.
The funny thing about all of this is at the time
I fuss him for his dumb songs but
when he is not around me and the babies laugh
when we think of them.
It's been a long, long, long week.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
I often can't figure out why journaling, writing is so important to me.
Rarely will you see me without a journal making a trip with me.
Everywhere I go I have a journal.
It gets packed before my underwear.
I have writings from when I was very young
and I have writings from the middle school years.
I have high school writings and writing from the times
when my daddy was dying.
Both of my babies have been given journals that
were started on the day I found out I was pregnant.
I even started a journal for my unborn grandbaby who now
forever lives in heaven.
When I started blogging I realized that now my writings
could be shared with others and that is
a whole different thing.
I had to realize that once I went this route I could be
critiqued by others who may not like what I say.
I wondered, "why is this something that I do?"
It is as important to me as brushing my teeth.
This is not something that all do so I know that it is something
that is in my makeup.
I wonder if it comes from the fact that I always knew any days
I had were blessings and that I wanted to leave something
behind for others when I am gone.
I rarely go back and read what I write in my journals.
I had this idea lately that maybe I need to do that.
I am sure there are many blog ideas in things I have written
over 20 years ago.
Yet, when writing blogs I struggle with the fact that I have
to watch how I word things as to not offend others.
I want to let all know this is not a choice I have.
It is a part of who I am, unable not to do it.
As I was reading this summer I came across wording that
explained for me why I write:
HERO MAMA BY KAREN SPEARS ZACHARIAS
"...No one could make me more aware of the responsibility
I had as a daughter and a writer to get our family's story straight.
For me, writing is like being a mother,
hoping to bring life to a child. I hold in my hands
this miracle of beauty, awe, and wonder.
Along with it is a burdensome responsibility.
It's a terrifying role, one I approach completely aware
that it's going to take a power beyond me-a power
I don't control and can't manufacture by sheer will.
All life is a precious gift, even the life of words."
This statement said clearly for me all I feel about the
responsibility of writing for others to read.
It is not just a matter of "let me tell you what I did today"
It is a job that I enjoy but one that
is important to do in a way that will not hurt or embarrass
those I love.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
I have been struggling with this blog.
I received permission from Laurie over a week ago
and still have not written it.
The story is such a great one but I
want to write it in a way that I do it justice.
Yet the way my heart is, until I write this blog
I cannot move on. It consumes my every thought
because it has to be told.
If ever I write the book I keep talking about this
story will have a whole chapter,
I pray that I do it justice.
Thanks Laurie for letting me tell "our story"
I love you so darn much!!!!!
A TALE OF TWO MOTHERS
Laurie and I are childhood friends.
Just like all my childhood friends, it is
a wax and wane type of friendship.
Much time can go by where we don't connect but
when we do it is like no time has passed.
Laurie and I both married young.
I was the first to have a baby, she wanted one so bad.
A few years later she was blessed with a most beautiful daughter,
Like many of these relationships, we got busy raising our families.
Our tale begins in 2003 at baby girl and Lindsey's Jr. High band concert.
I shared with her our struggles with baby boy
that he was addicted to drugs and we were not sure how that
would turn out but we had decided to leave our bayou life behind
to give our baby girl a new start. I explained how
baby girl deserved a life where she did not have to live in
her brothers shadow, a shadow that was not too clear.
I shared that baby girl asked us for a change and we were
leaving the life we knew behind to give her what she deserved.
Laurie shared with me that something was wrong with Lindsey.
She feared maybe drugs were involved but that didn't make sense
because she was so young, an 8th grader and
did nothing without her parents but Laurie was at a loss
as to what could be wrong.
Her 4.0 wonderful daughter was all of a sudden
not interested in school, her grades had dropped
her personality had changed dramatically.
Here we were, in Golden Meadow gym pouring out our fears
to each other.
We didn't speak again until February of 2004.
We both prayed for answers for our children.
We asked God to please tell us what to do.
We both received our answers in Feb.
My answer was a blessing, her answer was not one easy to take.
On the very same day that baby boy went into treatment,
I got a phone call from another good friend, Ann.
Lindsey had been diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumor.
She was to undergo major brain surgery the very next day.
There was no hesitancy when I made my phone call to
my dear friend, Laurie.
This is what amazed me about true friendships.
As we spoke and cried each of us truly believed that the others plight
was worse than the one she was facing.
We tried to convince each other that the fight each of us were fighting
was the worst.
Here she was about to put her baby girls life in the hands of doctors
who were going to open her brain to attempt to remove a tumor
and there were no promises and no way to know how she would be
when she awakened. Here she was hearing of therapy and chemotherapy
and she was trying to make me see that baby boy's drug problem
was worse than that.
My fight came before baby boy's treatment,
her fight was just beginning.
What a fight she battled and still does.
My dear friend fought the good fight.
She stayed with her child through recovery and chemotherapy
all the time struggling with the fact that she left a baby girl, Jessica
home to be taken care of by family.
In the end, what I got was a grown man who was responsible for
his own recovery with nothing I could do to assure he was cured.
What Laurie got was a daughter who survived cancer but in the process
she was a changed child, never to be the child she was prior to
when this terrible cancer invaded her brain.
So many people do not understand just how much fighting Laurie
has done for her child and continues to do so that Lindsey gets
all she deserves for her education.
Yet, I "get it"
You mourn for the part of the child you lost.
You live on thanksgiving and hope.
Laurie is so proud that her baby girl has fought and won the battle of cancer
and never complains for the things she must do to assure Linz
has the life she deserves.
Yet, I know that she has lost a lot because of this dreaded disease.
She would not trade or change a thing just to have our Linz
with her today.
However, the daughter she has now is not the one that she put to sleep
that day long ago in February.
Lindsey in so many ways, is better than she ever was,
but she is also forever going to be her Mothers' ultimate responsibility.
Laurie has accepted the changes in her baby,
held her head up and has been so proud of all she has overcome.
Forever, though, Laurie will be Lindsey's advocate and always
be her voice when Linz cannot do it herself.
My very dear friend, Laurie is a hero to me.
My dear friend, Laurie now has an EXCEPTIONAL CHILD
I had never told Laurie how much I admire her and I wanted her
to know that I see her whole picture even if others may not.
I sent my friend a card and in that card I added a prayer
I say often for both she and Lindsey and the other children
I come across on a daily basis in my job.
I wanted her to know that I stand on her sideline,
silently cheering she and Linz on.
I wanted her to know that I understand her fears and struggles.
I understand her pride when she stands by her
exceptional child and accepts her for where she is
and what she has accomplished against all odds.
I share with her that because of her, Linz has
accomplished so much more than doctors said she would.
Part of the prayer I shared with her"
BEATITUDES OF THE EXCEPTIONAL CHILD
1) Blessed are you who take time to listen to difficult speech
for you help us to know that if we persevere we can be understood.
2) Blessed are you who walk with us in public places, and ignore the stares
of strangers, for in your companionship we find havens of relaxation.
3) Blessed are you who never bid us to "hurry up" and more
blessed you who do not snatch our tasks from our hands to do
them for us, for often we need time rather than help.
4) Blessed are you who stand beside us as we enter new and
and untried ventures, for our failures will be outweighed by the time
when we surprise ourselves and you.
5) Blessed are you who ask for our help, for our greatest need
is to be needed.
6) Blessed are you who help us with the graciousness of Christ,
who did not bruise the reed and quench the flax, for often
we need the help we cannot ask for.
7) Blessed are you when by all these things you assure us that
the thing that makes us individuals is not our peculiar muscles,
not in our wounded nervous system, not in our difficulties in
learning but in the God-given self which no infirmity can confine.
REJOICE AND BE EXCEEDINGLY GLAD AND KNOW
THAT YOU GIVE US REASSURANCES THAT COULD NEVER
BE SPOKEN IN WORDS, FOR YOU DEAL WITH US AS CHRIST
DEALS WITH ALL OF HIS CHILDREN.
BLESSED ARE YOU INDEED
So my dear, dear friend, Laurie.
I sit on the sidelines and know you are the blessed that is spoken
of in this prayer.
I pray I did our story proud.
I pray you always know how much I admire you and that
Lindsey was put exactly where she needed to be on the day she was born.
That you, and only you, could have faced her struggles
with tears only shed alone, in the privacy of yourself
and that no one will ever see your fears and worries
because you keep your head up and keep the smile on your face.
I stand on your sidelines and cheer you on.
You are a true, silent hero and Linz is a true inspiration
to others who fight cancer.
Yet, Lindsey would have been nothing without the love of
her wonderful mother.
I love you and forever will be honored to call you friend.