Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Halloween 2012

 Another Halloween come and gone, Bean's second.
Her Mommy and her friends seem to have all had babies at
the same time. They have a great idea to take the same picture
of the kiddies each year together.
Last year was much easier as they were all babies...
This year is was just funny.
The kids would not only stay put but would not
sit by each other and some were hysterical.
A video would have been hilarious.
The story on Bean's costume...
Her Mommy did lots of work on a hand made costume.
She wanted to be Tinkerbell but after Kd made it the Bean
would not, I mean would throw a fit not to put the costume on.
To the point that when he Mommy tried to have her model it,
she would lay on the floor and put her feet under her back
so Kd could not get it over her legs...
So, BB and Kd were like okay, just gunna wear a green suit, no tutu, no wings.
It's more important she be happy and have a good time.
You know, at that age it really isn't all about the costume.
Bean, she has a mind of her own so when she saw all the other
little girls with their tutu's she decided she wanted hers.
As her Mommy went to get it she decided to hug
the tire of her Mommy's vehicle, maybe she was that happy 
or something that she just had to hug something.
When I found her she was just a tad full of black tire marks.
Looks more like the "little matchstick girl"
It fits our Bean's personality so well...

She is not two yet and the Bean is scary sometimes
in the way she gets a joke.
I wanted to take her picture of her eating cheese because the girl,
well, she loves her cheese.
So instead of saying, "Say Cheese"
I said, "See Cheese"
and maybe it's just me but she got the joke.
Not only did she crack up laughing but she 
"showed me cheese"
I think she may have a much older girl inside that
19 month old body.
Then there are those sweet moments of the night.
Lizzie and Bean, forever to be more than cousins,
forever to be besties.
They had lots of friends there and Bean sought out most of them
but when it came to playing, it was Lizzie she looked for.
Such a sweet, sweet age. 
Loving these moments.
So proud to be called Mumsie.

Thoughts of Sandy...Storm of the century

As we, in South Louisiana, enjoy our wonderful fall weather
and breathe a sigh of relief that our hurricane season was very mild
and almost over, not all are as lucky as we have been in 2012.
Yet, this morning and late last night I could not stop hearing and
seeing the pictures and stories of the effect of Sandy
on the Jersey Shore and New York.
I am not sure it is this way for most but when tragedy strikes
my family, we don't dwell on the "poor me" but look
at what needs to be done and just get it done to make it right.
Take for instance, the hurricane of Juan.
We lost everything to a flood, I was sad and yes, I cried
but was thankful I had insurance and after the initial shock,
we cleaned up and started over very seldom discussing the sadness.
When I hear of tragedy of others, it strikes me with feelings of 
sadness for them more than when it was ourselves dealing with it.
As I watched the waters flood ground zero and change
the famous board walk for good,
as I watch videos of homes floating away and hear the stories
of all those who lost, I am saddened.
More so, than when it happened to us.
Even though I may never visit the Jersey Shore or New York,
I don't like the fact that because of Sandy it will be changed cities.
The feelings I have are that word "empathy" I spoke of just a few blogs ago.
I can honestly feel exactly what they are feeling because I have been there.
My sadness is greater for them than it was when it was us
rebuilding and picking up the pieces.
Bless all of them as it will take years for anything
to look remotely like it once was, if ever.
I mean the board walk has lost most of their rides
that have been there for so many years.
So sad about it all this morning.
They there are not like us, they are not 
usually hurricane victims.
Not fair but hurricanes never are.
I am sickened by their loss and yet, here
we prepare for Halloween in our little world.
It is what we do.
We, just like those victims, go on, we go forward,
for what other choices do we have?
Trick or Treat goes on, little kiddies are unaware of the tragedy
that has happened in part of their world so we prepare
for their good evening.
As it should be, sometimes, I wish I was young enough
to be able to live my life not knowing about disaster.
Prayers to those who have lost family members as I think the 
death toll was 29 last night.
They have lost the most, as you can rebuild but you
cannot call back the dead, not even on Halloween.
Just take a moment today in the business of the Halloween
parties, to think and pray for these places, these people.
God Speed.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Love some quotes that make me remember...

I read this quote on a friends instagram account,
Thanks Britt
and I knew right away where this place is.
You know, you are waking up but you keep nodding off to 
sleep and you think all these weird thoughts and the
dreams you had the night before are still crystal clear?
I love this place. 
It is where I find my daddy sometimes and others
that I have loved and lost.
I always tell myself when awakening from here
that I need to write down the dreams, need to remember
all the knowledge that I know in my dreams.
Then I don't write them down and the day makes
me forget the fine details and by the end of the day,
I can barely remember the dream.
As it probably should be, right.
That Wendy of Peter Pan, she was a smart little girl.
Next time you find yourself in this place,

look for those you love, it may just be the best memories ever.

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Obama supporter

It makes me a little perturbed that I have to hesitate
on social networks to say I am voting for Obama.
Everyone can put how Obama is the devil, the devil's work
but heaven's, if I put I am voting for Obama it's a slamming.
I have looked at the candidates.
I voted for Obama the first time around and I am going to vote 
for him again this time around.
I am for 8 year terms.
No one can do much in four years, especially
when he is coming into the mess that Bush left for him to clean up.
I don't feel like I should have to answer for my vote,
just as those who are for Romney owe no one an explanation.
Even writing this on my own blog makes me wonder how
many people will change their opinion of me because I 
choose to vote the way my US rights give me, freedom.
Obama has two little daughters, do you know
what scares him the most for his girls,
Not dating, not driving, but Facebook.
He should be afraid.
Facebook has become something of a slam to those
who vote Obama.
Many have forgotten that facebook is for entertainment
not to hash out the hate you have for those who 
their rights of voting freedom.
Obama is not the devil, he has two young girls,
he wants the same for them that we all want for our own youth.
I do not agree with all he believes in but, like all candidates,
there will never be one that feels exactly as you do about all.
So I put my thoughts on the line.
I am voting Obama and for saying that
I should be treated as equally as all those who decide to vote Romney.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Surprise, Surprise!!!

Yep, that is what it was, a surprise.
It is no secret to my blog followers that I lost 
my wedding ring in the move and how upset I was about it.
It is also no secret that HOBL did not think it was a big deal.
However, maybe it did mean something to him also.
Or maybe he finally realized that on that married finger,
I had not been wearing anything, 
not even the cheap lil bands I had sitting around.
I just stopped wearing anything.
Now, HOBL not only is he not the romantic type
but he also doesn't like lots of attention on those things he does
that are special.
We have had a rough few months, he and I.
Yesterday, the buying of this ring is a new start.
Putting recent and past hurts aside to start anew.
A ring is the symbol of that start, that love we have.
On instagram the other day I posted a picture
of he and Bean walking the dogs, Bean holding his hand.
It is in these small gestures that I love him the most.
Those small things that I don't get to see often from HOBL
that makes me remember what is the important parts in a marriage.
So, yesterday when he came home with this beautiful ring,
it was one of those times.
"Gagoo, I got a new ring for you"
When I asked why he only said,
"I knew you wanted one so I thought I would get you one"
Picked out by himself and two old ladies is how he decided 
what to get. 
That is it, that's all the attention he would allow on the subject.
It is not the size of the diamonds or the type of ring it is.
It is just the fact of what it symbolizes for us,
something I did not have since moving here, a reminder that I see every day.
A circle of unity, never ending, just like the marriage
vows we took many moons ago.
Thank you to HOBL, it means more to me than you may ever know.
I will wear it proudly knowing that it, like our marriage
is unique, far from perfect, but everlasting.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Baby Tanner, laid to rest

Today is baby Tanner's funeral.
HOBL and I was going to go down for the wake
but after a rough night, that won't happen.
All my thoughts, all my prayers are with all those
who are suffering and loved this little boy.
May peace be with his parents, his grandparents,
and his extended family.
This will be a hard day but not any easier will be
the next few months.
Please, whether you believe in prayer or not,
say them anyway.
Saddened today, so saddened.
Lauren posted the most beautiful paragraph on grieving
that I have ever read on Facebook.
I am always in awe of the strength people find
at such a terrible time.
Love to my whole "down the bayou" community
for when something like this happens in our close knit
towns, all come together, we all suffer, we all feel pain
for the family. Even those of us who no longer
take residence on the bayou, our hearts are still there.

Monday, October 22, 2012

Thoughts of comfort, reincarnation.

Tonight I was asked by our Kaylee to speak to her 
Nicholls class of counselors.
The topic was surviving childhood cancer.
On the way home, the talk had me remembering being young again
and just like a wondering mind does,
I began to remember cold nights, getting back from church
in the dark and putting on my granny pjs' and 
spreading a blanket on the living room floor between my 
momma and daddy's chairs and watching TV.
Oh, the comfort you get from being raised in a home
that you felt protected.
Next thing I knew my mind was wandering on to reincarnation.
Probably partly because of the Stephen King book I am reading
where he goes back into the 60's and things are just as they were
back then. Sometimes I hope reincarnation is possible.
That when we die we go to heaven, God lets us see our book of life
then says,
"Now go back and do it again, but do it better"
Oh how I would love to relive my same life over maybe 
just fine tuning things.
I would love to be a little child of Freddie and Minta again.
It's a weird thing to think I would want to live the same life.
Wish I could just remember it all each time.
To be the little girl that laid on the front seat between
those parents coming back from Grand Isle, pretending
I was sleeping so I could hear their grown up conversations.
To be the little sister of
Simone, Larry, Veronica, Peter, Roseanna and Celena.
To be spoiled and go to bed each night with a sense of peace and safety.
I would want the same hubby, the same kiddies,
another chance to be a momma again.
Wouldn't that be cool if that is what really happened after death?
We were not rich, had a huge home that was never maintained in 
the ways it should have been. It was freezing in the winter,
hot in the summer but it was the only home I would ever want
to be raised in. I had so much fun in that house.
It was so awesome to awaken in the middle of the night,
having slept on a mattress on the floor of your parents room,
and be thirsty and just say,
"Daddy I'm thirsty"
and he would get up, with no complaints and bring me a glass
of cold water in my favorite glass.
He would not only wait while I drank all I wanted but
would take the glass from me and pick it up for me so
I would not have to get up from my warm place.
To awaken every morning to my daddy serving my momma 
coffee in bed. Many would not know this of my daddy,
would not think he was the type do something like that
but every morning that I can remember he served my momma
coffee in bed. 
Yep, if reincarnation would be true I don't want to come back in Africa
as a starving child, and I don't want to come back a rich
princess with everything she wants.
I would want to come back as 
Lillian Therese Collins
the baby of the Collins kids,
the child of Minta and Freddie.

A day with the Bean

Waiting for KD to bring the Bean here for the day.
We are so thankful, as a family that our Bean is on the mend.
It is scary and heart breaking to see her as sick as she was.
Although she is still recovering, she is more of herself.
Thanks to God for the blessing of health for our Bean.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Bean In hospital

Our poor Bean has been so sick this week.
Started with Strep throat and a bad cough.
She wasn't eating and barely drinking so her Mommy took her
back to the doctor yesterday morning.
She was found to be full of ulcers in her mouth,
on her tongue, gums and throat.
By the evening she was showing signs of really being sick
so Kd called the doctor and it was decided she would be
admitted for IV fluids and steroids.
How sick our little Bean was.
Thankfully, this morning she is up and playing.
Like her Mommy texted this morning,
"Amazing what fluids will do..."
It is so hard for all of us to see her this sick
and even more scary with the loss of baby Tanner this week.
Our Bean is such the trooper,
we figured she would never leave an IV in her arm but
she has and this morning is playing in the play room of
Our Lady of the Lake.
Another very thankful morning as our little baby girl
is finally on the mend!
Last night
This morning.... soooo much better!

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Survivors Guilt

Thoughts this morning are still only for 
Lauren and Eric and their parents, their families.
I struggle with whether or not I should write this blog at all.
I want my blog to be about issues surrounding my life
but I also want it to help people to see they are not the only
ones who feel the way I do.
To nod their heads as they read, thinking
"Yes! That is exactly how I feel!"
So this morning I will do it, I will talk of survivor's guilt.
I cannot, cannot get this young couple off my mind.
I, like my whole family are trying to grasp why this has happened.
It just does not make sense. The death of a baby.
We keep talking about it amongst ourselves
worrying about Lauren, worrying about Eric.
Wanting Thomas to have his Mommy and Daddy the way they were
before this tragedy.
I read something yesterday a mother who lost her infant son 
wrote saying even though she had him for only a few weeks,
she would do it all again just to hold him and kiss him again.
I am not sure how I would feel....
would I rather not go through the pain or would a few days
with this precious child be worth the pain that followed his death.
I know, I am rambling, it's what my mind has been doing since 
I found out about baby Tanner's death.
I really want to talk about the survivor's guilt that so many are feeling today.
We are in such pain for these young parents, want to do something
to make it all better. None of us want them to hurt.
Yet there is that other part in us, we are so thankful for what we have.
So thankful that it is not us having to bury a baby.
So thankful that we have our bean.
Yesterday, all of us wanted to see Bean, hold her, kiss her, be with her.
We all were reminded just what a miracle the life of a baby is and
how fragile their lives really are.
Then with all of this there is that guilt,
feeling terrible because of the feelings we have.
Feeling like a terrible person because we are breathing sighs of relief
that it is not us because we know we just would not be strong enough
to go through this.
Survivors guilt is normal at a time like this but makes the pain 
for your friends even more painful.
It is not a good feeling, there is nothing that gives comfort
this morning to any of us. I don't want to preach.
I don't want to say how God knows what he is doing and God 
knows why. I am angry at my Big Man.
I still know though that he exists and he expects us to be angry.
If you are feeling survivors guilt, know you are not alone.
As I told BB this morning,
there is no way around it, it sucks all the way around,
it's not fair, it's not right.
Thomas will be the savior here, he will be the one
who helps his parents and grandparents out of this terrible tragedy.
He doesn't understand what is happening so he, like Bean at this age,
will continue to do all those cute things that you cannot help but laugh at.
He will hug his Mommy and Daddy tight, call their names, continue to 
be the happy little boy he is and in that way, he will save his 
Mommy and Daddy.
For this I pray.

Friday, October 19, 2012

Where is God now, Momma???

It's a hard post to write this evening and yet I know I will not get any
sleep unless it is done.
Two very good friends of baby boy and Kd have lost
their precious infant.
Neither of my children asked the question in the title,
"Where is God now, Momma?"
They don't have to ask  for me to feel like I owe them
an explanation. Of course, I don't.
Shoot, I am angry and doubting my own beliefs in the Big Man.
I know he exists, I have seen too many of his miracles not to believe.
Why this, Why an innocent child has to come into the world
to be loved by his family for just a short few weeks?
No warning as to why so soon he is already back in the arms of God?
I don't have the answers, no one does.
We will never know until our own time in Heaven comes and it all makes sense.
I do know this,
I have not met a parent who has lost a child who has not said
if it were not for their faith in God they would never have gotten through this.
What if God is not the reason for the death?
Many years ago a young woman died days before her wedding.
I remember her mother telling one who told her "it was her time."
angrily, "It was not her time, how can you say it was her time?
This is the devil trying to drag my family in the dirt. He will not win.
I will praise God knowing my daughter is with her Father in Heaven
and I will not let the devil sway my beliefs in God."
God has the "helicopter view"
What does not make sense to us here on Earth,
from his view may make perfect sense and yet the pain is there.
For all left behind with the questions of why? including me.
Time heals all wounds it is said.
I don't believe this nor do I believe you ever truly "get over"
something this tragic.
Somehow this young couple has to find a way to come together once 
again for their sweet Thomas.
I have seen others years after the loss and they survive,
they smile again, they laugh, they enjoy life again but to say
they ever are the same is an understatement.
My own mommy lost a few babies and one in particular that was full term
who was named Rebecca. At the time of the loss my brother Peter was
just a few years old and my parents felt they had to have a
funeral to explain to my brother what happened to his little sister.
Mommy spoke often of how hard it was to loose her Becky.
I know my Mommy had many happy days after the loss of this
baby as well as three others.
I wish this for this family also.
I hope for people to give them the time and grace to grieve
and that somehow, God grants them some kind of understanding and peace
in the next months to come.
Let no one to rush them through their grief.
So tonight as I write this most scattered post,
I ask that all take moments to pray and think of 
the Guidry's and their extended families.
It is such a cliche' for me to end with this sentence and yet there is 
no better fitting one to do it,
Hug your babies close tonight, tell them you love them and never,
for one day, take a life of a child for granted.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Two more special birthdays...

 Today is Kelmiester and TEdi-girls birthdays!
The Kelmiester turns legal age today, 21.
She has, in the last year and few months made my gypsy baby
one happy girl.
I believe gypsy baby has learned more about love and changing
for the better of a relationship since she is with Kelmiester than 
the whole rest of her life.
I love the Girl for loving and making my gypsy baby happy.
She is so different from our family in that she is quiet and reserved
until you get to know her but we can also get into some deep conversations
together. I will always love who my gypsy baby loves.
I believe together, they are paving the way for other gay couples to follow,
showing the world that being gay is so much just like the traditional relationships.
Their relationship can change the way others view gay couples.
Thanks Kelmiester, for putting smiles on my gypsy baby's face....
Now if you can get her to stop smoking I will forever be in your debt...
Then, then, then, there is my godchild Tedi-girl!
Sixteen today, SIXTEEN!!!!!
I can brag about this child all day, every day, there is 
so much to say. She is your typical teen in so many ways,
like if her mom says it's black, it will be white to her
and yet, she listens to her Mom and really takes what she says 
as advice, just won't admit it.
She is sweet, oh so sweet....
and humble, doesn't really like us to brag about her much.
I know in her life she will make mistakes, shoot if she didn't I
would have to take back the statement of her being a teenager.
She is one though that will learn from a mistake the first time
and is going places.
I love, love, love her.
I could write a whole week of blogs to explain all she does that
makes her unique from other teens but she'd hate that.
Take my word for it, she is awesome and my

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Gypsy baby celebrates a birthday

Twenty three years ago, at this time, 
I was one hour past having this precious gypsy baby.
It was about this time when labor and delivery was done
and they brought her to me in my room after spending an
hour in the incubator.
For whatever reason, HOBL was not in the room at that minute.
I held her, I smelled her, I cried.
Part of that was because of the huge hormonal changes in your body
that happens but the biggest part was because I had never
held a more perfect specimen of a darling little girl before like
gypsy baby was.
We named her Jesica Rae' Riera
to be called Jesi by most for the rest of her life.
That morning, I realized that myself and this girl would 
do those things together that Baby boy just would never enjoy.
She was a mini-me, finally the one to look like me instead
of the splitting image of his father as baby boy was.
From the very beginning she was head strong,
knew what she wanted and believed if you didn't like her,
there was definitely something wrong with you.
Even as a grown woman, very eclectic, walking a path
that is unseen as of yet, she remains one of my most prized possessions.
It is still memories of her childhood that come to mind when I look 
at her as a woman.
Last week she spoke of a new tattoo she wanted,
going down the side of her chest.
"NOOOOOO" I begged.
She smirked and laughed and I knew what that meant.
Same as it has always meant, it does not matter what I think or want,
if she wants to do it, she will.
Yet, it is for me to say, it is not so much that I want to control her,
Lord knows, that was never easy,
or that I am against tattoo's in any way, except that they aren't for me.
It has to do with no matter how big she gets,
she is still my perfect little baby girl.
It is still the curly headed blonde cutie at three years old that I see.
The one that went up to a woman in the Dollar Store to
fling her hair and say,
"I am beautiful, everybody knows it"
...and she is, she is beautiful just the way she is,
and I would prefer her to stay beautiful just the way she is.
Will I love her less, think less of her for doing whatever it is she does?
Will I be the one in 10 years if she regrets it to say, "I told you so"
I will not because I was put on this Earth to love her, to be her Momma,
to accept her as she is, where she is, all the time.
It's not always easy with a baby like gypsy baby.
As she gets older, I see her less.
I knew this would happen as I raised her.
She is, like I call her, a gypsy.
She will live and experience her life different from most
and her happiness will always be achieved different from those things
that I searched for and made me happy at her age.
So, to my baby girl:
I, my dear, love you in a way that I pray one day you can experience.
There is no one like you and no one can ever take your place.
I will always be your "Gemini Cricket"
always be the one who says aloud the other side and then
accept whatever you choose to do with your life.
I will love you unconditionally until the day I no longer breathe.
Out of all the people I ever travel or shop with, you will always be my favorite.
I will always love who you love and be there
if the heart breaks and only a momma can help to heal.
I am proud, even when I am exasperated with you,
that you choose to live your life different from most.
I am proud that at your age, you are independent financially
and that money is not that important to you.
I will always be here to remind you that you are beautiful
if you ever forget. 
I will always harass you to live a healthy life no matter how old you are.
I will always pray that the God you struggle with protects you
from all those bad and harmful things in this world.
I will always hug you and kiss you when I see you, always
rub your back as I do it because I know you love that.
Most importantly, I will always, always
be your Momma.
Happy Birthday my dear Gypsy Baby!
Your life is not over, in many ways, it has just begun.

Monday, October 15, 2012

Transporting to the old days

Most days you live in your life, go with the daily events
that have to happen.
Yet, some days, you memories let you be transported back to 
the life of the little girl you were.
Such was the day yesterday having the pleasure of being
at Aunt Jeanie and Uncle Roy Eserman's home.
Memories of the little girl who played there with my
cousins Jude and Reggie, Reggie and I being only months apart.
The home is small and yet always so interesting.
It was old when it was their new home so I always loved it.
Narrow rooms with no halls, high ceilings with high cubby holes
to hold storage. When we were young, the Eserman boys loved
to tell me stories of how their home was haunted.
How the little cubby holes were where dead people's spirits lived.
It was great!
Even as a young girl I liked ghost stories. I knew what they 
were telling me was not true but, I wanted to believe so I did.
Yesterday, a few things have changed.
There is a more updated kitchen and changed paneling on the walls.
I still love the house.
I also still love the people who remain living in the home.
You will never meet another couple like my
Aunt Jeannie and Uncle Roy.
They are funny together, Uncle Roy preaching to us,
as Aunt Jeannie jokes about Uncle Roy.
It's what lacks in many couples of the day.
I am sure they have had rough times, I am sure they
have had times they didn't like each other so much,
but they made it work and now have each other to grow old with.
As children, when we spent time there, we were going to pray.
We were not only going to pray but we were going to get on our
knees to do the praying. The thing about Uncle Roy that makes 
it all tolerable? Because he believes in what he says.
Not a hypocritical bone in that man's body.
A true evangelist.
I love the days that I am transported back to the days of childhood.
As I was outside loading up the car, getting Bean and Mommy,
Taunt Mone in, I am sure I could hear the past Aunt Jeannie,
screaming down the street,
"Jude Tatus, come inside right now so you can take a bath!"

Sunday, October 14, 2012

a gathering of family

Could not wait until tomorrow to talk about the gathering of
Collins family that we had today.
Aunt Jeanie and Uncle Roy were gracious enough
to let us meet in their home.
It was four months today since my Aunt Nan TaTa passed,
the best Nannie in the world.
Our loss of her made us realize we need to spend more
time with those we love, not just those close to us,
but the extended families we rarely see.
I have said it before, Facebook is good for lots,
I know if it were not for finding and keeping in touch with
so many cousins and friends these types of gatherings would not happen.
Thanks to cousin Faye who was the one who really pushed us
to all meet following mass for Nannie.
HOBL and I were so excited to be able to bring Bean.
 Bean loves her baby dolls, loves feeding them, placing pacifiers in their mouths.
So, imagine her delight today, when my cousin Jada and her partners'
new born was there and they allowed her to feed little Jexi.
Look her little face, so impressed. She will be a good big sister one day.
 There were arts and crafts and cousins of afar who she may never meet
again but on this day, they were the best of pals.
She loves all involved with pens, pencils, stickers, all of it,
and kids, she loves kids. The feeling was mutual today.
There were not many kids but the ones who were there
wanted to play with her.
She was the best little girl ever today.
Shoot, she is the best little girl every day.
I am so proud to watch her around others.
To beam with pride, to say, that is my grandaughter.
The daughter of my son and his wonderful wife.
The light of our world.
 Aunt Mae Mae and HOBL, yeah, they hit if off reminiscing of old times.
She wanted to take him home but then again, she also wanted Bean, so....
 I don't know what the count was but it didn't really matter as we
all had plenty time to visit and catch up on old times.
Being in this house of the Eserman's also brings back so many memories.
 ...and that little Tedi-girl below, posing with her Uncle Ronnie?
Well, that girl is one of a kind.
She knew today was not only a mass for my Nannie who was
a nurse for many years, and a mass for nurses so she took it upon
herself to schedule to read the mass as a surprise to the family.
This is one of many things this girl does that leaves me in awe.
A God Loving teenager, those are hard to find.
She calls me Nannie and for that I am also proud.
 Below are the sisters/aunts and my mommy who is sis-in-law.
Then, of course, there is our very own Uncle Roy.
Still in love with that Aunt Jeanie after 50 something years.
 It was a wonderful day, tiring but well worth the trip.
Bean, she was awesome and just fell in love with 
cousin Aiden.
It is days like today that remind me of what life is really about.
Days like today that let me know just how lucky our family really is.
There was a time when we were trying to get a picture of most there.
My brother, Peter, we likes home so I was so happy to see he and
wifey, Cheryl there.
I looked in the front of the row and there was my brother
with my cousin Buddy sitting on his lap.
I know these two boys played and grew up together.
I notice brother has his arm around his cousin's shoulder and I am touched.
Touched because grown men, I know were feeling the love
and passing memories via touch on this here day.
and that, my dear people and friends, is what life is all about!


I am always blogging about something that seems negative
but is big in the news. I especially have this part of me
that becomes very involved in missing children.
So, of course, I am saddened that the dismembered body
that was found a few days ago does belong to that of 
the little 4th grader who has been missing called Jessica.
I wanted her found alive and healthy,
I wanted it to be that her daddy who was fighting for custody
instead of death by the hands of a monster.
These missing children keep me up at night.
Everything involving children keep me up nights.
Today, HOBL, Bean and I will pick up Mommy and 
Taunt Mone and head to Golden Meadow to visit with the 
Collins family. A type of reunion.
I will enjoy the fact that our Bean is happy and safe 
and watch her diligently.
Part of my thoughts will still be on little Jessica and her family
as they, instead of enjoying a beautiful Sunday
they will have to plan a funeral.
As you go by on your day, please pray for this
little girls family and all those families who continue to 
search for those children.
Love to all.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

What does the devil look like?

Over the weekend we talked about how might the devil live in today's
world. I told my girls he is present in drug addiction, in broken families,
And all those things that are not right and good in the world. 
I shared that, I myself, at that time was also having a struggle in my
own life that could be linked to the devil. 
I reminded them that he is not that Halloween character with the 
pitchfork and red ears. Rather he comes to is when we are far from our God
And can find a way in. He is nice and kind at first, having us believe that
His way is the right way.
I bring this up this morning because of an episode that happened with
one of my girls yesterday in her public school..
The devil may exist, in a teacher who is speaking atheist ways,
 in her words that are said to put doubt in the minds of our children.
Yesterday some children, teens, in a public school were
Sharing pieces of the retreat weekend we had just had.
The teacher took it upon herself to tell theses children, as well as the whole class, 
That there was no God, he did not exist. He was man made.. 
That there was no heaven nor hell. Nothing but this world right here. 
You live, you die, that's it.
Had my girl not just been to this retreat maybe she would have listened 
To this and not said a word to her parent. 
Would have let those words sit in her heart and mind
And make doubt where true belief existed before.
My girl, she was strong. She reported it to her mother and asked a  
A question well beyond her years,
"if we can't pray in school, then how can a teacher speak of this?"
Her Mother, being the awesome one she is, right away reported
it to the principle and demanded action.
The principal promised that this would be taken care of.
I spoke with the Mother and child last night and neither
took this lightly. Yet, how many children in that classroom
did not just come from a retreat, who are not in a position to
know God or looking for another belief.
Who will dwell on those words, maybe even loose sleep in them.
May give up on human kind because why strive to be a good person,
to achieve anything if you die and thats it."
This my dear friends is how the devil still exists in our world.
Not that the teacher is possessed, she is just the messenger to
sway the beliefs of our youth.
He finds any way he can to our young ones lives and with
the words of one adult, can turn people into non believers.
Pray my dear friends, pray for the youth but also,
pray for those adults who come into our children's lives in
all forms to turn them away from the gift of heaven.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Sarah's talk to the girls

Rosaryville was amazing, but soooo tiring.
I went to bed after a long bath yesterday at 1:30 and woke up an hour ago.
There was so many things that touched me, some that was over my
head or things I did not really agree with but as they say in Alanon,
It is what I did.
The evening time brought it very hard to sleep 
and not very comfortable but oh so worth it.
The one thing I want to focus on today is the presenter 
on Sunday morning, a beautiful 23 year old woman named Sarah.
I wish, at 15 and 16, the ages of our teens that attended,
I had had a retreat where some girl would have told me the 
beautiful message that these girls were privileged to hear.
I know many of them could not care less what she had to say
but I, who always adored and had a close bond with my Big Man
would have listened to her and probably made different choices
in my life at that young age.
Sarah stood  in front of our girls with and shared this message:
"... every girl wants three things in a relationship,
Then she went in to explain what dating was for.
It is not to be sexual or to "do what everyone else what is doing"
it is to find a life time mate. 
Her message was so wonderfully proposed that I was
routing for women.
"Do not settle for less, believe that if you are made for the
married life, somewhere in the world your husband is waiting.
If you think of your husband out there somewhere, maybe dating girls
himself right now, do you want him making out, sleeping
with many women? Or would you rather he, like you, be
dating to find the other?"
Even women my age or any age, still want the same things in 
a relationship so this goes no matter how old you are.
What happens in a marriage over time, is we all become used to each
other, bored even and we forget how important these things are.
The best things a husband can do for his wife is to be
acknowledged by her mate.
Yes, we women all want happiness, well most of us do.
We want settled, we want peace, we want happiness.
I don't like chaos or what not to expect of the other.
We wives also want love. Not just to hear the words
"I love you" but to be told we are important,
to hear our spouses brag to others of things we do that keep the 
household peaceful. We like to believe that without the other,
we would not be complete, we want independence but we long to
know that  the other has our back, on the same page, keeping our secrets.
Most importantly, we all want to feel beautiful,
not just in looks, we want to feel and know that 
our spouses love all those things we do that make us beautiful to him.
Funny thing is, the men? They want the same things.
They don't need the words as much as maybe we women do but they
too want happiness and love and made to feel like he is beautiful to his wife
not in looks but in those things that make him wanted by us.
I have come back with a new outlook on what I want my marriage to be.
I believe that the only one I can change is myself but I am a firm
believer in the change in yourself can change others.
I will not be perfect and I will fall.
It will take time to change those things I want to work on 
especially the one of loosing weight but I have come back 
with a new determination. I pray I don't loose it.
I will find my closeness to my Big Man again.
I have neglected my masses and allowed what I call the "devil"
to change my thoughts, change my heart in some areas of my life
and I am ready to change that again.
Dr. Phil says often,
"Every morning I wake up and think, what can I do today
to make my wife's life better?"
These years, right now should be the best of my life.
As I said, I will fall, but I will not give up.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

off to Rosaryville

I know the name sounds corny, right?
Yet Rosaryville is where myself, a few other chaperones
and 62 teenagers are leaving to go today.
I will be in charge of my 10-10th graders as well as three
new girls. It has not been easy waking up early and the 
back is in prime form this AM but I am determined to 
share this time with the girls I teach religion to.
I am also going for personal reasons.
Something that will remain private that I have been 
struggling with for some time now.
I am hoping that this place can transform me 
into a loving Child of God where it has been hard for me to be.
I am in doubt about a certain aspect of my life, after being
betrayed  and I am praying
for clarity, for peace, for happiness.
This place is said to be beautiful, tranquil.
The people I am spending the weekend with are spiritual 
yet fun. I have not been so excited to get away in some time.
I know myself and these girls will leave there with a 
better bond than we already began building just a few weeks ago.
Since I will be their religion instructor for two years,
it is important that I make this weekend with them,
get to know them better, know their hearts.
They were all so excited about it when we met last Sunday,
not the typical teenagers that regret having to loose a weekend.
It will be beautiful weather, I am going to leave 
Plaquemine with a happy heart and hope to come back
with a different outlook on my own life.
I will miss Bean, just yesterday,watching videos of her,
made me sad that I won't see her until possibly Monday.
Pray for our 62 teens who are going on this outing in the woods of 
a place called Rosaryville that I am excited to see.
Pray that not only them but the adult who are in charge of 
them have open hearts to the message we are all supposed to receive there.

Love to all have a beautiful weekend!

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

NO take backs

Today is a sad day for a BP employee who worked
with HOBL in Alaska.
He quit the job there because he could not bare to be away from
his little girl for two weeks at a time.
On Friday, HOBL received an email of a news article.
It seems that as he backed out of his driveway he 
accidentally ran over and killed his own sweet baby girl.
A man who was well liked, went over safety at work over and over
and was known for calling out others for their unsafe acts.
Don't read this and wonder, how did the child get out the house
don't think he should have been more careful. 
Don't do it because one, this poor man doesn't deserve it
and two, it could happen to each of us.
We all know at least one child who in a matter of a second
can be missing. Remember our own Ellen who was known
as Houdini when she was younger.
We also know how much those little girls love their daddy's 
and want to go where daddy goes.
We all have had moments in our lives that we either
did something or made a mistake and want a take back.
Want to go back a few minutes and change the situation.
This is one time, sadly, that there is no take backs,
can't go back and change nor fix it.
I can't even imagine what it was for this father when
he felt he had hit something and he got out of his truck
to see it was his little girl, his only child that he had struck.
NO take back here, can't have it.
HOBL is not easily bothered by things of the world and yet
I know this has bothered him because it's all he has spoken of
for the last few days,
How safe this man was, what a great guy he is,
How you live after this?
I am sure in all his thoughts are the same thoughts I have
which are those of our own precious Bean.
How would we deal with such a thing,
how would we console our own children had this been us.
All I can say is if any good can come from this,
be a little more careful, be OCD when it comes to where
your little ones are. I bet this poor daddy has gone through
this in his mind over and over,
"Why didn't I check?" 
This can ruin a man, a wife, a marriage.
Please pray for this family as they bury their precious one.
Treasure the babies of your family,
take the extra minute to make sure they are safe when you 
leave the home but please, lay no blame on this poor father.
Lord knows, he has his own demons to face here.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

1981 sighting of Gospa

IN the summer of 1981 I was 17, soon to be 18.
I remember the story of Medjugorje, the small village in Yugoslavia.
There is was reported that the "Gospa, Our Lady"
had appeared to 6 teenagers on the hill.
I remember being fascinated by the story but newspapers did not
report much on it and there was no internet, no google.
Since that time, over the years I maybe heard little bits of the story
but really had not thought much about it or these teenagers.
On Sunday night at religion we had a guest speaker, Robin
who shared with us her visit to Medjugorje and how
she was able to stay with one of these very teenagers who was
one of the six for a week, in his home.
All six of the then teenagers are still living,
three of them still get daily visitations from the Blessed Mary
each day at 6:40pm.
Robin, being in Ivan's home was able to witness this.
For those of you who are skeptical, read into the history
of these teens and what is still happening in their lives.
For those of you who may be like me, believers in this.
An amazing thing that happened in 1981 is still going on today.
Robin telling the history from Ivan's point of view,
has you wanting to believe.
He was just an ordinary 16 year old boy at the time,
talked into going up the hill with these other teens.
He was a church goer but was not doing well in school,
played more than he prayed or studied.
As he told Robin his story the part that got me was when she
explained about the communist government who took all
six of the children in for questioning,
the government at that time was against religion and wanted
these teens to stop telling such untruths.
The six, no matter how they were questioned, told the same story.
Finally, the government becoming frustrated with the six,
blindfolded each of them and put them in the same room.
With no sense of time or what the others were doing,
they sat and watched them.
Precisely at 6:40pm, the same time that even now "Gospa" comes
to them, each child got down on their knees and began to speak in
low tones of their native lands, answering and questioning someone
that could not be seen by the ones who were holding them.
From that moment on, even the communist government had to believe
that what was happening was true.
I could not wait to get home and google these accounts.
My girls also said they could not wait to get home to learn more about Mary.
I could not believe that I had not thought of this in years
and really had not thought of the fact that this was still happening today
in our world. It is one to be googled, one to share with your children.
On those days that our faith is little, and I am sure we all have them,
I will read about Medjugorje and the Blessed Mothers messages
to us. It is a wonderful story that still goes on today.
Make it a family thing to read her daily messages to the world.
You can even have the message sent to you via email these days.
Ivan, the one who Robin got to become friends with tours the world
with Mary's messages. Yet, no matter where he is, at 6:40pm,
his time, he will go into a trance and see our Mother Mary.
I hope to see him on one of his  next travels to the USA.

Monday, October 1, 2012

yes, I am ProLife

I have stated so many times that I am 
A few blogs ago I spoke of the young 11 year old
girl who was raped by her mothers boyfriend which found
her pregnant. I always have lots of comments
when I blog about topics such as this.
Last night, as myself and my "religion girls"
sat in the small chapel of St. Clement,
our DRE, Lorie shared a story that had happened to her
just that morning while petitioning against abortion.
She shares with us this story:
As she stood in front of church spreading the news of
Prolife a gentleman came up to her and asked if in 
fact she was educating people against abortion.
She said yes, in fact, she was. He said he wanted to share
a story with her and proceeded to do just that,
Later, as my girls and I go into our small groups we talk of this and
they share how touched they were by the story.
I am once again strongly ProLife.
Even with rape, I would still have the child and give it up for 
adoption at birth knowing that child will be a miracle to some family.
I love my religion group, love my girls, so glad I 
am there with them.