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Monday, September 29, 2014

a dear friend about to be a Grandma!

It was time to speak with my old friend,
Sue about the upcoming birth of her first grandchild.
A tad overdue, hoping this miracle of a little girl
will be born on Thursday.
What can I say to my dear friend?
Nothing, because all those things people say,
"YOU ABOUT TO JOIN THE STUPID CLUB"
"YOUR LIFE IS ABOUT TO CHANGE"
All this is true but I try not to say them because
the fact of the matter is, there are no words to 
explain well enough what is about to happen to her and Foe.
Sue and Foe has had one child, Scott who was 
baby boy's first friend.

Since they were three, they were friends and inseparable
for all their first few years.
As time went on, they remained friends but as 
things always happen, they added different friends
to the mix and distance drew them apart.
Just like the friendship of Sue and I.
We may not speak for weeks, sometimes months,
but when we do, it's like not time at all has passed.
We will always have a special bond because
of our boys and how she took Gypsy baby under
her wing and always had her when she could.
Gypsy and Sue also have that kind of bond.

I will never be able to thank her for all she did
for my own babies. If they would be at her house,
and requested ANYTHING to eat, she cooked it.
My kiddo's love fried chicken, but at my house,
you got Already cooked fried chicken.
I may have been a good Mommy but I put my
foot down when it came to messing up my kitchen
with frying chicken. I just was never good at it,
It would cook outside too fast, inside raw or
vice versa. Sue, sue cooked perfect fried chicken
and gypsy, she only wanted Ms. Sue's fried chicken for
many years, and if she asked, she got it.
To be honest, I even visited when Sue fried chicken!
We still also love, love, love her crab and shrimp patties….

 Okay, back to the story.
Sue has always, like me loved and spoiled her
nieces and grandnieces, little cousins, all children
she had a bond with them all and spent much
time with them. Sue is a special woman and
so deserves this child.
"FOR THIS CHILD I PRAYED"
Boy I bet she did lots of that.
 Sue and Foe, about to become grandparents
to their very first grand DAUGHTER!!!
Yes, a girl, just spoke with Sue and told her this
baby don't have a chance, she won't walk until the
day she starts school, from going hand and arm to arm.
Hopefully on Thursday, they will have their sweet
little girl, a grandchild they never thought they would
have. No one deserves being grandparents.
It's a good life, when grand babies come our way.
good luck to you all!!! 
Love from some of your old pals!

Saturday, September 27, 2014

another Bean story, my blog…etc…lol

Today I am heading to my first LSU
game with tailgating with my friend.
So excited to spend the day with him.
But I knew I had to go see the babies before 
because I probably won't see them until late
Sunday or Monday. They are at the other
grandparents home. I love the tradition Kd's parents
have made, Friday gatherings at their house.
I am always invited and you just never know who 
may be there on any given Friday evening.
Lizzie, the girls cousin, is with her Mommy this wknd.
so we miss her.
The minute I walk in that Bean, 
"Mumsie! you here, come play with me!"
I swear this child truly thinks I am a kid,
there to see only the kids, not the adults.
"Mumsie, they going get the food, you can play with me."
This is my fault of course, because no matter
where I go to see her and Jolee they get my attention first.
I bend down and get my big hug from Bean
and head to the counter where J.Belle is being
held by her Mommy, talking away when she sees me.
Bean finally talks me into the living room,
"Mumsie you my BFF, come play with me"
"What you want to play little girl?"
She wants to play beads, beads?
Yes, she has a bucket of Mardi Gras beads and
we are going to do something with that.
So I begin to show her how to write her name by
placing beads in letters, then we make a swimming pool
with the beads and her little princesses swim, clothes on and all.
I understand now when you ask her how old she thinks her
Mumsie is, she says, "One or three" she has
no sense of age and in her eyes, we are peers,
my fault totally. She reminds me of her daddy when
I grab J.belle to play with us, she does not protest,
she says, after kissing on her, 
"Mumsie put her in the bead pool"
and he do, and J.Belle screams and smiles.
BB never stopped his sister, who is 4 years younger
from playing with him and his friends.
I am sure there were times, but I can't recall them.
When no friends were around, they were each others besties.
When they would need to be punished I would put
them in each of their rooms and would find them
both in their closets, talking to each other, talking of
what a mean momma they had, I want that 
for the Riera girls, always have each other.
As for Bean, I will remain her BFF as long
as she lets me.


Friday, September 26, 2014

WHAT AM I PROUD OF...

So I have had a few followers who are 
missing my blog entries.
With all happening in this family, it is hard
to put what is in my heart without hurting 
someone so I have been basically quiet through
my separation. Today, today, I will brag
a big of those things I have become proud of.
Even in marriage, I was always pretty independent.
I didn't count on others to make me happy
or to spend time with as I have always liked my own
company. It is nothing for me to go to the movies,
casino alone, shopping, eating out, I have done
it for a long time. But those things I did not do 
were the things that Ronnie always took care of
for instance, the car, house appliances, etc.
So two weeks ago the car began to make noise
and instead of calling him I called the dealership and
brought the vehicle in. They finally believed me that
something has been wrong with this car since the
day I brought it home. They put me in a rental car
for free, said they were going to fix all repairs free
of charge and would figure out what the problem was.
Well, the rental was free, but for a little while it
smelled somewhat of a barroom. I got it aired out
and refreshed with frebreeze. It has been a week and
today I got the call that the car is finally fixed and I 
will pick it up Monday. 
Then this week, it was the washing machine.
It would not spin or empty water, after shoveling
all the water out, I called GE instead of Ronald.
Got that done all by myself, had to replace it 
and it felt good to have my own money to replace it with.
I have began this little business of scrapping 
25 drawer countdown to Christmas boxes 
and after making 13, I put on Facebook,
"Last call for Christmas boxes"
and received 13 more orders.
At 30 dollars a piece, I am very proud that
I am making a little cash all on my own.
I have done a few other things like frames and such
but just the fact that I can earn a small income
even on the days that I can't seem to do much else,
I can scrap and profit from it.
So much to be proud of, the best one….
put on a pants that was tight last year, to have it
almost too big to wear, that is what I am most 
proud of, the few pounds I have lost….
So if you find yourself in a position that you 
feel you just cannot go on, you can,
you can do it all and be happy.
Then once you find that spot where you can stand
alone, then you can find someone who you enjoy
their company to hang with.
I am proud of that too, having fun with others, 
one in particular who I have met, that
I enjoy spending time with him, 
Now, the next part is the biggest:
 want to sell the house as I am really ready
for the independence that will bring me.
The best feeling in the world is to have my kids
and my kd proud of me. to know that I will survive
whatever this world throws at me.
 And these little girls that remind me daily that
they will always love me unconditionally
as their Mumsie. I am very proud of the relationship we
are building with each other.
They will always be the fire behind my motivation.
The ones who keep me silly, keep me young,
keep me laughing, keep me bragging.
They are my light at the end of the tunnel,
the jelly to my peanut butter,
the rainbows to all my rainy days.
I love them to the moon and back.


Monday, September 22, 2014

THE HUMAN TOUCH

We may all fool ourselves into believing the 
human touch is not necessary.
I did it,  I had settled into a lifestyle that 
did not consist in much human touch in my marriage.
Yes, I still had the grand babies, to hug and love up on,
and gypsy baby was always up for a rock and a back
rub when she visited. Very rarely now,
and even still, sometimes to make his little girl laugh,
Baby boy could be seen climbing in my lap and
pretending he was my little baby.
I've thought lots about the human touch lately.
Starting with Bean and how she loves being rocked,
back rubbed, sleeping with someone.
Just this weekend, she was excited that she
was going to sleep in Mumsie's bed because it was 
a sleepover and we could share my pillow.
Anyone who knows me well, knows sharing my pillow
is a big thing, if I let you share my pillow, well you
way up there on my "Like very much" list.
Of course, she dragged I think 12 stuffed animals and
babies in my bed with us
(thank God for a King sized bed)
"Mumsie we have to bring this baby. Look
when you press her belly she says "I LOVE YOU"
As she throws that one into the large basket that
houses the other 11.
Yet when it is time to go to sleep, it is not
any of those she cuddles to but her Mumsie.
Same in the Morning,
"Mumsie, rub my back like my Mommy and Daddy does"
This got me thinking of this blog.
The years I convinced myself that the human touch
was not something us adults needed.
I tried to find contentment in a marriage
that had become one with no touch, maybe
a goodbye kiss when leaving for Alaska.
Now being separated I realize we all need the 
human touch, not just the babies,
Dating has been odd at 51 and then I
realized I too, need and deserve the human touch, we all
need it. I like hugging, giving back rubs, getting them.
To fall asleep in another adults arms,
to be almost asleep and feel a kiss on your head,
to hear in a whisper, "you are beautiful"
To reach out in the morning and feel someone there
to hug on to…. I could go on…...
Yes, we all need those things from another adult.
I just read an article while setting myself up 
for how to write this blog and it stated
that the human touch is the one thing
needed when  people are on suicide watch.
This gets me remembering my school nursing days,
How many of those deprived children needed daily
hugs from their teachers, school nurse. 
There was one preK. child who every day 
all he would do was cry until one of us rocked him.
He had missed being rocked as a baby and
it took much rocking to get him up to where the rest
of his peers, those who had loving parents to hug
on them, were. Now it is my turn, my need for 
the human touch. I love hugging up on the grand babies,
love to feel bean's little arm around my neck when
I am going to sleep. It is why J.Belle stops crying
the minute one of us picks her up and plays
with her or rocks her. A much needed concept.
yet, us adults need that also from other adults.
I have lots of human touch to catch up on.
Thankful I have found someone who likes it too.
So all of you followers out there, make it a daily thing
if you can to make some type of effort for human touch
daily. Whether it be your husband you have been neglecting to hug
or vice versa, your grown children, your little children,
your grandchildren, someone you are dating,
let the human touch be in your life daily.
Don't give up on it as I did, believing you don't
need it. We all not only need it and deserve it
but it is a necessity in the world of health and happiness.


Saturday, September 20, 2014

I HAVE LEARNED...

I own this book called:
THE COMPLETE LIVE AND LEARN
AND PASS IT ON
-jackson brown,Jr.
It is just filled with small quotes by people of
different ages, from all walks of life who have
been asked the question, "What have you learned"
It is so interesting to hear the responses from different
ages, different back grounds and realize that many
of us have learned the same things and just never 
really think of it. A new friend of mine, says I 
think too much…. maybe I do, but it's been like that
for a long time and I can't see it changing anytime soon.
Want to share a few of these quotes, as the book
is tagged and highlighted just about everywhere…
I'VE LEARNED:
THAT IF YOUR CHILDREN FEEL SAFE, WANTED
AND LOVED, YOU ARE A SUCCESSFUL PARENT.
I want to think I did good in this department and
I know that BB and kd are making the same mark
on their baby girls.
"…THAT YOU CAN TEACH YOURSELF ANYTHING
BY READING. age 78
Yes, my dear friends, who don't like to read,
there are many benefits to the habit.
"I'VE LEARNED THAT WHEN MOMMY AND DADDY
SHOUT AT EACH OTHER, IT SCARES ME. age5
This one nearly brought me to tears.
I hope there were not too many fights in our home
as the babies grew up to have them feel this way but
both of my very own babies, who will tell you 
they had good and happy childhoods will also tell
you that on the rare occasions we did fight they
cried. For those of you who have young kids, keep 
that quote from a 5 year old very close to your heart.
"… THAT I HAVE NEVER REGRETTED BEING TOO
GENEROUS, BUT OFTEN REGRETTED NOT BEING
GENEROUS ENOUGH"age 78
This one is me to a T. The only thing I fear throughout this
end of a marriage is the fact that before, I could give monetarily
as well as my time. Everyone appreciated it, but when it
came to monetary things I was often told I didn't have to do it.
I knew I didn't but I was fortunate in that we could afford to
do it, to pay it forward, to give back. Once I am on my own
in my own home, paying my own bills, I sometimes worry,
will people expect the same from me as they have received 
in the past? I know this is a self inflicted fear, yet
I know I will not be able to give in the way we had in the past.
Those who love me, they will understand, if any don't
they never loved me in the first place.
I will end with this one, just because it so reminds me
of our Bean:
"I'VE LEARNED THAT MY DADDY CAN SAY A LOT
OF WORDS THAT I CAN'T." age 8
One day Bean accidentally slipped out what is considered 
a bad word in her house. I told her it was okay because
it was an accident and Mumsie also sometimes slips bad words 
out her mouth. "Mumsie, you pay bills?" 
"Yes, I do pay bills." Then you can say bad words…
Okay, I ask with a confused face, "And why?"
"Because when my Mommy and Daddy slip a bad word
they said its okay because they pay bills. When I can pay my own
bills, I'm gunna say some bad words."
That child!!!

Thursday, September 18, 2014

you will never win with a three year old

Let me set the scenario..
I am sleeping at Kd and Baby boy's house 
kd has to leave very early in Am for work in BR
so it's easier for me to spend the night,
and I love going to bed and waking up to the sounds
of little kiddo's again.
Last night, Bean is watching a movie before bedtime
so I decide to go and lay with her for a bit.
She cuddles up with me and begins the conversation"
(red is Bean, lblue is myself)
MUMSIE I DECIDED I AM GOING TO HAVE A 
MOMMY FACE, BECAUSE I WANT TO BE
A MOMMY BUT I DON'T WANT NO BABY
IN MY STOMACH.
Well baby, you can't be a Mommy unless you either
have a baby in your belly or you get another baby
somewhere. Why don't you want a baby in your belly?
IT SEEMS SO BORING, I JUST WANT A BABY.
AND I HAVE JOLEE SO I AM GOING TO JUST
TAKE THAT BABY.
But baby, as you get big, so will J.belle, so 
she can be a Mommy at the same time as you,
she is not going to stay a baby.
MUMSIE, YOU HAD SOME BABIES IN YOUR TUMMY.
Yes, I did, who are my babies?
RODDIE AND NANNIE SILLY.
Yeah, and I didn't think it was boring.
She is quiet for a little while, in the crook of my arm.
Then her little head pops up and she says,
MUMSIE, GUESS WHAT!
I HAVE A GREAT IDEA.
WHEN JOLEE GROWS UP AND SHE
WANTS TO BE A MOMMY THEN SHE
CAN HAVE ONE BABY FOR ME AND
ONE FOR HER IN HER BELLY.
Oh the things that go through this little girls head.
I reassure her that there are many many years before
she has to worry about growing up so I don't
want her to worry about that.
GOOD, BECAUSE I REALLY WANT
TO BE JUST A MUMSIE BECAUSE YOU
BIG AND YOU STILL LIKE TO PLAY WITH TOYS.
Melts me every time.

Monday, September 15, 2014

my gypsy baby, life...

When Gypsy baby told us she was gay, 
I have shared before, It did not change my love for her
in any way, if anything, it made me more protective of her.
I cried when I was alone and I cried with KD.
Not because of embarrassment or wanting her not to be gay.
I was not surprised by her news, I had thought the same
in her growing up years.
It was more because I didn't want the world to treat her
wrongly, I didn't want her to have to go through the
struggles gay people have to go through.
Who wants that for their baby girl?
When I shared this with her, in her tough gypsy way,
she said,
"Mom when did I give a f?#$k what the world thought of me?"
and that sentence made it better for me.
Yet, I am her Mother, and I know even through that
tough skin, she hurts sometimes.
Like when people try and say she has a choice.
Or when people quote the Bible to her or myself.
Proud, is what I am of her, like when she says to me,
"Yeah Mom all those who quote the Bible, 'man shall not 
lay with man' but they leave out the part that we should not
eat shellfish, you don't see no people down the bayou giving
up their crawfish during lent"
Oh she teaches me so much my gypsy baby.
I am her Mother though, I know there are still those times
when the world is cruel and she cries.
I got a text  from her the other night, late
"I HATE PEOPLE"
Why is that baby girl? I ask
"SOME STUPID ASSHOLES AT WALMART
LIKE HARASSED US. ASKED US IF WE WERE GAY.
THEN IF WE WANTED TO HAVE A THREE SOME.
LIKE WHO THE F*&>K SAYS THAT TO A STRANGER?"
What does a mother answer?
"Assholes, the world is full of them."
she texts
"I WAS SO PISSED I ALMOST SNAPPED. I GOT
SO MAD I CRIED."
Now there is something you need to know about my gypsy baby.
She rarely cries and if she does it usually is because
she was very angry or very hurt.
When this Momma hears her baby cried I want to hurt someone.
It got me thinking, like no one would ever ask that 
to a perfect stranger? Why are the gay community treated like
this when straight people would never be.
I can't protect her from these embosils I can only 
let her know I love her no matter what.
People, I ask, don't judge, remember not to cast the first stone,
when you point one finger, there are three more pointing towards you.


My gypsy baby, myself, we will work hard to 
change the mind set of the world, one mind and one
heart at a time.

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Those who love other people's children….

There are many things I miss about school nursing.
Waking up at 530 each morning is not one of them.
One of my favorite things were meeting special needs 
children and their parents. 
This morning, having her permission,
I want to share of one special woman,
one that is the epitome of Motherhood.
What makes her even more special is the fact that
the majority of her babies were born from a different
mother. Yes, she is a foster Mother who adopt 
children with special needs, those children who
rarely get out of homes, 
The first time I met Keecia, she was enrolling 
her last special needs child in our school,
he was the brother of another of her girls
and she wanted them together forever.
I was in awe of her, already with I think four special
needs little girls, she was going to take this special little boy.
This child, this little Nat (going to call for blog purposes) 
was the cutest little thing I had ever seen.
A form of growth disorder, he was almost 11 and the size
of a 4 year old with the cutest little face that tended
to remind me of my favorite movie,
WIZARD OF OZ 
when Dorothy visits Munchkin land.
He was hyper and nervous and one thing
about him, always , always smiling.
He was in love with his "new" momma
and knowing sister was coming to stay forever soon too
had him always smiling. I loved him because he was loud,
like me, and everyone, everyone at school loved him 
immediately. But it was this woman, the woman with so 
much patience for this high strung child that had me
mesmerized. Through our conversation, we found that
my dear childhood friend, Tanial, was also a friend of hers
having worked with some of her children in her home as
Tanial is an APE/special needs teacher.
I know two people who I admire for their love of other
peoples children, so much so, that they take them in 
their home and give them normalcy, Keecia and Faith Albert.
The reason for the blog is, last week, Keecia had to bury
Nat's sweet sister, L. Born with a heart condition, she
contracted a virus around her heart and her little body
just could not fight it. If anyone thinks, 
"Well at least it was not her birth child"
You are wrong, this woman loves these probably more
than some of us love our own children.
She was distraught and yet her worries were for her
other children, most especially her Nat.
She shares on Facebook:
Nothing like the stillness in a sleeping house! Urghh, please keep my lil boy in prayer as we lay my daughter..Laura Grace (his bio sister), the only constant in his life, to rest tomorrow morning, some people may never understand... but I WILL do whats best for my children, even if it makes others uncomfortable, I may be a lot of things...loud..opinionated...pigheaded...even a bitch, BUT I will ALWAYS HAVE MY CHILDREN'S BACK!!! Much love to all the people who are there for us..family, close friends, even strangers, it will never be forgotten!!!
And right there, this shows you what a special woman this
person is. I am so proud to call her friend.
She would be the first to tell you she is not perfect,
not to mess with her kids are you going to see a Lion protecting
her cubs. With all the pain she had it was her sweet Nat she
was most concerned with.
Love you dear, Keecia.
Without women like you in this world, there would be many
more lost children in this world.
So sorry for you loss, but thank you, thank you, thank you,
For all the great things you do for the children of the World.
God made only a few like you.
Nat and his sister, Laura who now lives with the angels!


Saturday, September 13, 2014

Brittany or Lindsey, shoot…inspired and can't remember your name….

I hate that I cannot remember that this gal I 
am about to blog about name is either Brittany or Lindsey 
or neither. But the story line is too good not to write
this blog.
My sisters and I, have I said before,
watched the Saints game at Hooters in Laffy
and let our little waitress know we were going
to be there until the end of the game.
If you know me, I am going, in the next three hours
know about our little waitress and what she is made
of. I won't disappoint you.
Yes, the gals at Hooters may wear the cute short shorts
and the shirts they have to wear, but I am sure in each of these
gals, there is a story to be told, just like our little waitress.
Throughout the course of our game day, I asked
much about her, she shared that she was in college for
dietitian and how ironic that she would put herself through
college for dietitian and work at Hooters.
Hey, it's working little girl. Yet it is not all this that
intrigued me. I noticed this tattoo on her thumb…
An old fashioned ship with the sails open and afloat.
So, knowing me, I have to ask the history of this
small tattoo on her right thumb. Once the question is asked,
She goes into this most awesome deep thinking story:
"Well you see, the ship is on my thumb and the sails
are open. Without our thumbs it would be hard to do 
anything with our hands, Just like a ship with its sails
down, that ship would have a hard time going anywhere.
So the ship with its sails afloat on my thumb remind
me that as long as I keep my sails open, everything is
in my reach and I can accomplish anything I put my
head to…."
What??? I am not a big fan of tattoos but when there is a story
behind it, when a young girl shares what she reminds herself of
each time she looks at that ship on her thumb, I become
a lover of that tattoo.
Good luck little one on whatever you may ever do in life.
I have no doubt, no doubt, that you will achieve
every goal you put your mind to.

Friday, September 12, 2014

Bronson's Wedding..

Going to try and put the story line into perspective
as to not to be misunderstood 
all was great and that is what I want the blog to say.
Bronson and his little gal, now wife put together a wedding
in less than four months. Cassie wanted a small and elegant
wedding with a sit down reception.
For them to get that, it was not going to be the type of
wedding that we Coon Asses are used to Down the Bayou,
everyone invited, dancing until you kicked out.
Cassie is not from our little bayou, things are done different
in her family. Long story short, it was to be a very small
wedding, planned in a very short time.
Her parents wanted her to have the wedding of her
dreams and so did our Bronson
 So the invite list was very small and because
there is so many of us, a line had to be drawn.
None of us were offended at the fact we were not
on the list, We understood that it is hard in todays
world to have everyone you would like at your wedding,
the bayou, knowing everyone, it just had to be stopped 
somewhere. Yet our Bronson, i believe wanted us there
as he called his Mom, our niece, Toya,
He was upset of the fact that his great Aunties would not
be there to see him make one of the biggest steps of his
life. He shared with her how we could go to the Nuptial
part in the church but there was just not space for 
us at the reception and he felt terrible to ask us,
"Come to the wedding but then you have to go home"
His mom took it upon herself, the Thursday before the wedding
to explain this to us all in the most perfect way she knew how,
the way us Collins girls do it, honestly and letting us
know just how shook up Bronson was about it.
No worries, us 5 sisters started sister texting on the Thursday
and by the end of the day, all was set, we were going to 
the Nuptial portion of the wedding of our dear great nephew,
Bronson and his beautiful bride, Cassie.
We surprised him and our brother, Peter who also
did not expect to see us there…

And how glad we were to move our sister weekend from 
this weekend coming to last weekend, worked better for us all
and we made beautiful memories.
As we were leaving, Celena, our driver took the wrong road
but was the right road for us to see our sweet nephew and his
new bride, riding away on their horse drawn cart, only the
aunties got to see that and that was our sweet prize
for being there.

Then us sisters, had our own reception at Prejeant's in Laffy.
A cajun band there, singing our music, no dance floor but 
we made us one. A young girl there, saw us sisters dancing
and wanted to learn so we took her up and taught her a few moves

We ended our weekend watching the Saints game at Hooters,
Toya, he hubby, Marty and her little handsome of a son, met us there
as a surprise and a thank you for us coming.


No, the thank you was ours, Toya, it was beautiful and
we were so glad to be there for you, for Bronson, for brother,
must most especially for us. 
Love to the new family, baby making time!!!!!

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

So much to catch up on…and yet...

There are so many blogs that I need and have to write
that I feel like I am late with all of them because I have not
been blogging much, product of a happy time in my life 
right now. So I have a Joan Rivers blog, one about
my sweet nephew Bronson's wedding, another
about my gypsy baby…
sooo many I have not written, its so wonder I have
any blog followers out there.
Yet today I am veering off the path of all those
I have in my head and heart to write because
I had one of those "AHA" moments while
sitting at PF CHANGS doing what I love,
eating alone while I read a good book.
Had a Mimosa, my favorite drink of right now
that way I knew I would not be forced to leave 
sooner than I wanted to. Gypsy baby told me about
a book she and her gal, Kayshara are reading.
"Mom, you have to get this book like now, the
movie is coming out on Oct. 3 and you have to be prepared"
She then showed me the trailer for the movie and yep,
since I had bank business in BR I stopped by my
favorite Barnes and Noble and purchased the book.
Sat at PF  Changs' and my little waiter was like,
"What? You reading that book?? so am I,
did you see the trailer?? Ben Aflec is gunna be great!"
Awh a young boy who reads, be still my heart.
Okay onward with the meat of this blog that I realize
is getting long already and I have not even written the 
just of it.
So I am now comfortable, got my Mimosa, a diet Coke,
my egg drop soup in front of me and my cashew chicken
on order so I begin to read and  in the first chapter I 
have to tear up. It is not even an important part of the
book, it is the first chapter, setting up the story line 
and still it is me.
"…WHICH WE STILL CALL THE NEW HOUSE, 
EVEN THOUGH WE BEEN HERE FOR TWO YEARS.
…THE KIND OF PLACE I ASPIRED TO AS AKID….
THE KIND OF HOUSE THAT IS IMMEDIATELY FAMILIAR:
GENERICALLY GRAND, UNCHALLENGING,
NEW, NEW, NEW HOUSE THAT MY WIFE WOULD-
AND DID- DETEST"
That started my heart beating fast but it was the next
sentence that got me tearing up,
"SHOULD I REMOVE MY SOUL BEFORE I COME INSIDE?"
…IT WAS A COMPROMISE…
I SUPPOSE ITS NOT A COMPROMISE IF ONLY ONE 
OF YOU CONSIDERS IT SUCH…."
"…AMY DIDN'T SEE IT THAT WAY, TO AMY, 
IT WAS A PUNISHING WHIM ON MY PART…"
"…AND MAKE HER LIVE IN THE KIND OF 
HOUSE SHE USED TO MOCK.."
Now I need to clarify, Ronnie did not make me move
in this home, he did make the decision to buy this one
after a year of looking. I would be lying if I said I didn't
think the home was beautiful and began, in my head,
making it my own. But for me, it was not the type of home
I would have bought had I been single as i am now.
I love old homes, homes with character, homes like
the one I grew up in. Ronnie likes new, things he does
not have to worry about things breaking.
At the time of the move to P town and the buying 
of this home, the marriage was not good, and I sometimes
want to kick myself for not ending it before the move,
I think he knew the same thing but we decided,
we would give the new home, the move to Ptown
a new chance at the marriage, It did not work,
It has never felt like my home, I tried to make it my own,
I was proud to show it to others and in the same sense,
I was also slightly embarrassed about the massiveness of the home,
it just was not us, we were not the type to have this type of home.
I know Ronnie bought it for what he thought was all the 
right reasons, to make me happy, to be on the water like 
I always dreamed, but I was already not happy with us
and I knew the house was way to big for me to be able to
maintain in the way a OCD hubby wished it could be,
but I can't blame him just like the man in the book explained
it was a compromise, I tried to make this home our own,
I tried my best to keep it the cleanest I could, to decorate
it in a way that was my personality, it just didn't work.
Mainly because even then, I knew the marriage was over,
Yes, probably just like Ronnie, I had these false hopes that
maybe the move and the new house could save us.
No one is to blame, but the reading of those words,
did it in for me, put it into perspective. I pray the home
sells soon because even though Ron has been very kind
to let me live here bill free, it was also for him because
his OCD and this huge home just did not mix. Yet,
I still feel like that once sentence that got me crying,
I FEEL LIKE I REMOVED MY SOUL BEFORE I CAME INSIDE
A home cannot make you happy like a home cannot make
your marriage work when two people are half way out already.
Within the next few years, the home will be sold, hopefully,
Ronnie and I will not have these weekly meetings at the house
for him to repair anything that needs it at the time.
I am ready to move on, the house is the last thing that is stopping me.
I don't know how much Ron and I will have to speak about
after and that is okay also. I will never hate him.
He may not have been the type of husband I wanted
but he has always been a good provider to myself and the kiddo's.
Yet, it is time for this lil gal from Golden Meadow to move on
and begin her new life. 
thanks for putting up with this long ass blog….
I promise I will get back to writing more often.
SHOOT, ALL THAT AND DIDN'T EVEN SHARE 
THE NAME OF THE BOOK,
GONE GIRL BY GILLIAN FLYNN

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Update on Moody

Moody, although doing so much better than
when i saw him at the beginning of the week,
still is in critical condition and on a vent.
Today will be a big day as when the ECHO
is repeated today, we will know how much of his 
heart is now working. It was only 10 percent
when he was moved to ICU so we hoping for any number
higher than 10 will get us excited.
I was so relieved to see him more alert,
squeezing Ann's hand with each question we asked
if the answer was YES.
I, known to tease him always,
(We have a love/hate relationship but more love…)
started teasing him and as I asked certain sill questions
I'd say show me a smile and around his vent tube
he cracked one side of his lips, 
best smile I have ever seen in a long time,
gave me so much relief as our Moody is still there.
I was able to speak to the nurse and she said
when company comes in he is so much more alert.
I wish he could see how many people have been through
that ICU waiting room since this all happened.
I wish we had thought of earlier, getting a 
guest book for all to sign when they visited
so when he is better he can see how many people
came out to give him prayers, his family hope
and love. It is overwhelming the amount of 
people who are there at any time of the day.
Now a new week begins so people are returning to work,
we will not leave our Ann alone at all, 
I am heading to spend the night with her on Wednesday
unless he is out of ICU. 
On the last visit with him, he looked tired
but still awake for us. I share with him a small part of
what is in my heart,
"Moody, I usually pray for God's will in every situation.
But with you, I am being selfish, I refuse to pray for 
nothing but a complete recovery for you, I will
not give up on that prayer."
That time I didn't have to ask to see a smile,
He willingly looked me in the eye and pulled
one corner of his mouth out to show me a smile.
Oh our Moody, keep fighting our trooper.
With all the scrap jobs I have, going to  make 
a small guest book to bring to hospital because
one day, he will want to know all who came out
to rally around him, all who love him and his family.
Continued prayers are appreciated by all who love 
our Addison's.
UPDATE IS WONDERFUL!!!
YESTERDAY TESTING OF LAST WEEK WAS
REPEATED TODAY AND THINGS ARE LOOKING UP.
WENT FROM ONLY 10 PERCENT HEAR WORKING TO
OVER 30 NOW. HE IS NOT OUT OF THE WOODS, 
BUT WE ARE SOOOOOO EXCITED OF IT ALL!!!
THANKS TO ALL WHO ARE PRAYING
KEEP THEM COMING BECAUSE IT IS WORKING!

Monday, September 1, 2014

holding on to youth..

A few weeks ago, my birthday week to be exact,
I was heading home on what we call the New Road or the back road.
It had just started drizzling but I could tell from the black 
clouds coming our way.
On the side of the road was a woman.
A very thin woman walking in the rain with a McDonald's
uniform on. She looked disheveled and she looked 
in a hurry. I was going the opposite way but something
told me, "turn around, don't let this woman walk 
in what is coming". So I did and as i got closer, 
I realized I knew this woman, she looked so old
but I knew we went to school together and I 
remembered her from the doctors offices as
she had two little girls, one handicapped.
I rolled down the window and asked if 
I could give her a ride. She put out her cigarette
and I noticed just how old she looked, thin
as though she had missed a few meals.
She said she could walk but she would
take me up on the offer because she was
in a hurry to get to her next job.
She asked if I was sure because she lived kind
of far. Told her I didn't mind and she hopped in.
She didn't smell lovely, like smoke and McyD's
She thanked me over and over we began
to talk and she said that she had 4 jobs.
"I have girls who refuse to work so I have to do it."
She also shares that she does not know me
because she is so much older than me.
This breaks me heart. Because I know we
are the same age. But for the grace of God,
this could be me. She is right, she does look much older
than me. I don't say that, she doesn't need to know.
She tells me her name that I already knew,
I tell her mines.
"Drop me off at the laundromat in front of my house
as I put my next work uniform in there to wash 
when I leave for McDonald's and on my 
way home I dry it. My next job I walk to fourchon."
FOURCHON??? for those of you who do not
know fourchon, it is about half hour from where
we are in a car. She tells me, she has to do what she has
to do…. She becomes my hero that day.
I drop her off at the laundromat, behind it
is about 20 campers, not new campers, old run down
campers and I know she lives in one of those.
MY heart goes out to this woman.
I remembered her from years past, when dealing
with her in the office, she was not always kind,
having a handicapped child, she was demanding
now I see why Life has not been easy for this woman.
she thanks me over and over, wants to give me money.
Instead I force her to take a 20 bill from me.
We make eye contact, she wants to cry, she hugs
me and I allow her to. It does not matter that she smokes
and smells of stale smoke, that she smells of flipping burgers
all night, it matters that we are sisters in Christ.
I say often, when someone offers to do something for you
let them. It gives them a chance to be a disciple of Christ.
I was full of emotions when I dropped her off,
happy I could help, sad that she lived this hard every day,
relieved that I don't have to walk anywhere unless I choose.
Happy that because of my life, I don't look old as she does.
I wished I could have hung around to take her to 
Fourchon as it was going to be raining all day.
I prayed that day on my way home,
thanked God for the life I am privileged to have
and that I was going home to a comfortable home
with my own washing machine. 
I payed it forward, still wish I could do more 
but I know I went home with a lesson learned.
Living a good life has been good to me.