Friday, September 30, 2016


People ask me at times,
"Did you see the news?" and I realize
I rarely watch the news anymore.
When Ron and I were together or when I worked,
I watched it every morning.
Today I remembered that I just realized Hurricane season 
is almost over and I have not had to look at news
for threats of a storm at all this year.
That is not what my blog is about this Am.
I decided this morning I would watch some news,
more because I am distraught over the Presidential campaign.
I see the devastation of a train crash in the terminal
in the Bronx. Ugh and another school shooting....
Back to the train crash. I am focused on the 
one young Mother who passed away.
There she was standing alone on the terminal,
waiting for it to stop I guess to board.
I wonder what she was thinking of...
the news says her one child was at daycare
and her husband was rushing home from a
business trip. How sad, and yet, again,
I am wondering, what was she thinking?
Probably like all of us, what we are going to eat
for supper, about her busy day,
wondering how her husband was doing on his
business trip. and for sure,
she had thoughts of her precious child.
I am obsessed with the fact, she awakened like all of us.
She probably fixed coffee or tea and fed her child,
being a single parent while her Hubby was away.
She dressed her sweet child, brought he/she to 
daycare and headed to work or errands.
Stood on the train depot perhaps with 
her cell in her hand texting with a loved one.
I pray she had no clue her life was about to end.
I also think, we all wake up in the morning, we
never think "today is my last day of life"
"today I will die" 
"I hope someone knows where my husband and child is.
That poor husband probably trying to get home 
to be with their child.
There is such truth to the quote,
"live every day as if it is your last."
RIP you beautiful woman who I have only seen
your picture, don't even know your name.
.... and things like this may be why I watch
Four weddings in the AM instead of the news.
Enjoy beautiful weather!

Saturday, September 24, 2016

She is old and disheveled, she is riding in LeBlanc's
motorized car. I get in line to check out behind her.
I see her leaving without her groceries.
I look at the cashier.
She rolls her eyes, "She is coming back, going to
the car for more money"
I am upset. Not for the customer, but for the
the cashiers attitude. Here she comes,
she pulls out her little coin purse and starts
smoothing out the money she has.
I move to the service check out and
I watch while I wait my turn.
I remember long ago, Oprah saying,
"Respect your money and you will have enough"
I have a feeling no matter how much this poor
woman respected her money, there will not be
enough to pay her groceries.
All her groceries are bagged.
There are no alcohol, there is no cigarettes,
only fresh vegetables and things
any household would need.
She leaves again without her groceries.
Again the cashier says to the manager who is 
helping me, "She is going back to the car for more money."
The manager asks her total. $123. I feel anger boiling.
I don't know if she has food stamps but that day she does not.
She comes back in, with the motorized car.
While she was out, I remembered I had cashed a check
sent by my dear friend, Ali for $30 she needs $23.25
I hand the $25 dollars to the little woman
as the workers were beginning to take things out of
her grocery bags.
"Oh thank you, God bless you my child"
I leave saying nothing.
This time I feel good about Ali and I being able to 
help her but I don't feel good about her cashier.
I think on the way home,
"I should have waited to help her put her groceries in 
the car,"
"Who will help her when she gets home"
I then realize I have done all I can do for this woman.
As I was leaving I hear the manager say,
"You are going to make me cry"
I hope the manager was observant of her employee.
Again, I do not write for Kudo's I write because
we must be observant of those around us.
Two Bible quotes come to mind
"What so ever you do, to the least of my brothers, that you do unto me"
"But for the Grace of God, go I"
Help your elders whenever you can!

Thursday, September 15, 2016


On the other end of my post of yesterday,
I've another story that I will leave out names
and change it up a little as the person
who is the main character has not given me
permission to post this but the story is a lesson 
for us all!
Weeks ago and episode happened where someone
I love dearly needed some time away,
could afford it but others wanted to help
and she was not wanting to accept the help.
I kept thinking to myself, I guess it would be hard
for me as well as when I want something that is not
a necessity I have trouble spending my money on it.
In fact, if I don't make the money by working
my little scrap business for it, I will not buy
it or go away for fun.
The next morning after this episode happened
as I was saying my "Momma Rosary"
(Rosary my Mom gave all us siblings before
she died for helping her so much)
This idea came to me.
"When we turn down or refuse help from 
another we think we are doing what is right
but we are actually stopping those persons
from being a disciple to Christ,
we are not allowing His mercy to be bestowed on us.
There will always be a time where we can do
the same for someone else, yet it if we are turned
down, we are not being allowed 
to do God's work"
I sent this to this person and I guess it hit her
and she allowed others to be Disciples.
( or maybe she had already figured it out and
I had nothing to do with
Remember, when someone offers to help you
in some way, whether it be clean your yard,
offer money because they know you are struggling,
anything such as that. Allow it, it may not even 
be about you, it may be something that person 
need to do for themselves.
Think about it, think about it.....

Wednesday, September 14, 2016


I have put off writing this post for a few weeks.
Only because I don't write it to brag on the things
I do or how I live my life. Believe me, I am far from
perfect, I am a sinner just like most of us are,
yet I have a big heart, again, like most of us have.
I may be different in the fact I am a people watcher 
and the things going around me.
So I write this not for recognition but to say
if we pay it forward, without letting those know
what you have done for them, The Big Man will
let you know He sees.
So a few days when things calmed from the floods
I went to BR. I had gotten a reward card for
$100 so I wanted to treat myself to a movie
and wanted go to some of my thrift stores I venture to.
At my first store, I witness a man asking the cashier
if she could hold a shelf he needed post flood
"I need to go get some cash from my wife for this,
Can you hold this for me?"
her answer, quite sarcastically,
"I am not supposed to hold things, I will give
you and hour but then its going back on the shelf."
"No ma'am I will be less than 15 minutes"
"Hurry up she answers"
Having seen his worried face and he short tongued
answer, I ask, "How much is it?"
She rolls her eyes and explains I can't sell it to you yet.
I answer, "I don't want to buy it I want to know how much
it is" Six dollars.... SIX DOLLARS....
this woman, putting this man through worry over 6 dollars.
I hand her a 5 and a 1 and she looks at me confused.
"When he comes back in, don't tell him who I am,
just tell him someone paid it"
I walk away. I don't pay attention if and when he
comes back in but when I get to the register,
the cashier is nicer, she is smiling,
she tells me the man was in shock, almost in tears
and he said that if the person who paid is still here,
let them know I will also pay it forward today.
After, I go eat at Panda Express,
place is packed as it has the best food for a 
fast food restaurant. The line is almost outside and yet
the first worker you meet is a young spanish girl,
she is hot, sweaty and yet everytime someone walks in the door,
"Good afternoon, how are you?"
To others in the line,
"Would you like a sample/"
If she noticed the workers did not understand her 
English she would speak Spanish to them without 
a beat. How good that must have had those tired workers
feel, finally someone who spoke like them.
She is busy and yet she smiles constantly, 
when ordering food from the kitchen
"Please and thank you" come out
of each command. I decide to eat my food there,
I sit close so I can continue to watch her interact
with others. It quietens down and I think, well 
finally she will take a small break.
NO, she get wipes, a broom and starts cleaning
the tables, sweeping the floors,
This girl is an awesome employers.
I take the time to write her a love note.
I explain that I have watched her,
she is what all people should be when working
with the public, how she has brightened 
everyones day. I get up to hand it to her
wrap to 5 dollar bills in the note.
"OH, no Ma'am, I can't take tips"
"Its not a tip, its a love note"
She seems shocked thanks me.
After a little while she comes back to my booth,
teary-eyed, thanking me so much for the note.
"Ma'am, today is my first day, I just moved here
from California and I miss my family so much,
you have made my day."
No sweet girl you have made my day and 
many other people who patronize this place.
Story does not end here.....
Remember I have a gift card from AT and T.
I treat myself to the movies, a pizza at the movies
and as I make my order I hear a young family 
behind me, two young children,
and they are trying to figure out the cheapest way
to make this experience for their family 
a good one. I can tell there is not much money
for snacks. As I walk to where you pick up pizza
I hand a 20 to the employer and tell him
after I walk away, use this money to get that
little family whatever snacks they want.
I go into my movie feeling good.
And then, the Big Man rewards me.
I have 15 dollar free rewards play at
Hollywood Casino. I am too cheap to spend much 
of my money at casino but this is free play.
One hour later, I walk out with $115 cash
and still have $50 dollars on my rewards card.
It may not always happen this quickly that
you are rewarded for paying it forward,
but eventually you will be rewarded.
It was a great day for me that day last week
when so many were struggling with flooding
I was thankful that I could go to my comfortable cottage
and having made myself and a few others 
happy for paying it forward.

Sunday, September 4, 2016


I have always had an infatuation with Martha's Vineyard.
Because I have loved and been obsessed with everything 
around the Kennedy's and the things that happened
at Martha's Vineyard and the Chappaquiddick waters.
Like BB said, he has heard of this place since he was like 5.
So, back to the story.
A few weeks ago, I told my bestie, Laurie
"I am going by myself to MV"
"What??? I want to go, please.... I need this!"
Was her answer.....
She thinks she barged in on my Bucket list
but she is one of the two people I would love to
have a girls week with! The other is our other bestie,
Ann. "OMG! I would love you and Ann to come!"
Now I was smart asking Laurie to come,
you see, I was going to Martha's Vineyard but had no clue
how I was getting there and had no clue where I would stay
following getting there. I don't worry about things like that.
I would have been like the Virgin Mary on the day our Savior
was born.... "Do you have room in this inn?"
Laurie is the ultimate planner, probably more than
needed but I was so glad she was coming and planning the trip..
Honestly, I did not plan it this way!
But I didn't stop her either.
After days and night of studying, not sleeping,
she found us the perfect spot, but then she was doubting if she
could find better, I told that gal,
"Get on that phone and BOOK IT!"
and that she did!
Now we had an issue with the other bestie.
I guess we didn't explain enough to her and how cost 
efficient it was, but her main reason for option out was
she did want to leave her hubby, Moody.
He has been sick last few years so as much as we
wanted her to come, we didn't want to push her 
but we wanted her with us so badly.
Then the other night, while having supper with Laurie,
she was second guessing her decision as her love,
told her she should go. When Laurie told her about
the BandB she had found, how nice the owner was,
How we could fly round trip for 200 dollars, she
really wanted to come, she went talk to her Moo
They think they busted my bucket list VayCay,
I was cheering inside to be on my dream place with 
my two bestie! Then yesterday, they surprise me with 
a day visit to the cottage, and they brought my bestie's baby, 
Linz! We talked about the trip, booked and paid our
flights and now we are definitely going on my dream
place! I am so ecstatic as this place is not something
I will be able to explain to anyone, to experience it
with the two girls who I have been friends with since
second grade..Well, I've not been this happy for
a while! When we were Seniors in high school,
us three with a few other friends, flew to Disney for
our Senior trip, yes, we are a tad older now but 
I feel the same excitement I did way back then.
Martha's Vineyard, bet ready, the three Besties are on their
way come November! 
Thanks to Bestie, Laurie for doing all the hard work!

Friday, September 2, 2016


Some may not know I am a childhood cancer survivor.
I beat a cancer at 5 years old that was incurable.
Every September, I am reminded by media
it is
Back in 1968, there was no internet or all the media
of today to announce to the world I had cancer.
There were no money jars, no walks to raise money,
only people who knew I was fighting to live
was my immediate family and my little town
of Golden Meadow.
Being 5, I should have been having fun in 
kindergarten, making new friends,
instead my parents older to have a 5 year old,
and my siblings were scared beyond belief
to find out I would most assuredly loose
a kidney and probably my life but if my
parent gave this Dr. Fisherman all medical 
rights to their little girl, he did not think he
could save me but he could hopefully find a cure
and save others after me.
Of course I knew none of this.
I only knew that I was sick and the medications
they gave me made me sicker.
Let me tell you what the child inside of me remembers
the most....
I remember being in what was called a "ward" back then
a long hall with many baby bed and tiny beds with 
only curtains separating us. 
Back then parents weren't allowed to stay with 
their children. So still to this day there
is a certain time of day, the light will come through
the window at around 6pm and the nighttime
news was on our few tv's we shared between
a ward full of kids,
and I can still here the cries of babies and
children wanting their parents, their loved ones.
Being a nurse now, I still can't think of why
they thought in 1968 the best way to treat sickness in 
children was to send their parents home at night.
For me, even though the crying made me some nights
cry, I knew my Mommy or Daddy or an older adult 
sibling was waiting in the waiting room.
Because my Daddy let the hospital know on day one,
He did not care what the rules were, he was not
leaving his baby girl alone, ever. 
I knew once all the other parents were gone and
the nurses had made their rounds, this one sweet nurse
would let my parent back in.
I didn't mind that my parent or whomever was staying
with me that night I am sure rocked many
other peoples children. I knew I was not alone.
Then their was the practice of the
parents were not allowed in that room either.
So of course, we children cried and screamed
for our Mommy's and daddy's.
I know, now being a nurse that the things done in 
that room were necessary but the route they
did it was in humane.
Once we got in there and we cried or kicked
they held us down and did and IV change,
marked us for radiation and there were threats
"If you don't stop crying you won't have your mail"
Mail was a big deal when you are in the hospital
for 8 weeks. "We won't let your mommy spend the
night if you don't stop crying" 
I know my 53 year old mind only remembers what
a 5 year old mind can remember but so much has changed.
Once my kidney was removed I still could not
go home but I was now in a room with only two other 
children and parents could stay.
I know now it was probably because
we were very sick or on the 
"gunna die" list.
Either way, I was glad my family was with me.
My niece, Tiffany was two and a half
and my favorite visitor besides my sister, Celena.
I was rotten, I knew being sick I could pretty much
get away with anything. I didn't know the reason was
because I probably had only a few more months 
with them. Growing up, my parents did not tell
me much and treated me like everyone else even
though they thought my time was limited.
It is because of this treatment that I grew up
and never used the cancer as a crutch.
Because of this I am a nurse,
Now as an adult, I have issues because of
the radiation given to me. too much was given
but I am not bitter, they thought I would die
and it is probably that treatment that kept me alive.
Yet some days are not so great. I try and act
like my parent brought me up, not to use
the cancer as a crutch but on a bad day it's hard.
Anyway, I write this not wanting sympathy
but to pay tribute to September as Childhood cancer
month and to bring awareness to the few adults in
the world still alive from childhood cancer.
I know my cancer had a lot to do with who I am now.
I know there are few to compare me to as most have passed,
On a bad day filled with pain from radiation to my back,
I may get pouty but I know without that treatment I
would have just been a name in the family,
"the little girl who died from cancer"
Instead I am Lilly.
A retired nurse who gave 30 years to the field.
I am Lilly
the mother of two beautiful children who I was told I 
would never have.
I am Lilly,
Mumsie to three grand girls who are amazing.
I am Lilly ,
who loves people, people watching, giving to others,
I am Lilly
who likes to laugh and do silly things to make others laugh.
I am Lilly 
who still loves toys especially miniature ones.
I am Lilly,
one of the lucky, saved by new wave meds at the time
and loved by older siblings and family, to health.
I am Lilly,
praying for all those little sweet children
who fight the battle in the month
of childhood cancer awareness,