Pages

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

IF YOU BELIEVE...

I know my posts lately have been pretty spiritual.
It's lent and I am trying hard to find my way to
the closeness I once had with the Big Man.
Yet, dear followers, I am still me,
still a sinner, still not one to preach to the choir
or pretend all of a sudden I am a preacher.
I have not changed.
However, on the way home from Alabama,
decided since it was Sunday I would listen to
Joel Olsteen on xm radio.
I love him, he puts life into perspective.
That day, the order of his sermon was
IF YOU BELIEVE IT, YOU WILL ACHIEVE IT.
Right now, there is nothing, and I mean nothing
I long for more than the sale of this house.
I have said here so many times,
I want this house to sell, for me and for Ron.
I am ready to move on.
Yet, I have not believed it would come easy.
So I tell Tiffany on the way home,
"This next month, I will get a buyer for my house
and by the time I leave for our cruise,
all will be finalized for my move to
the home i buy."
Since then I tell myself this daily a few times a day.
No more, 
"I wish the house would sell"
no more
"I hope this house sells before the one I want does."
no more
"I am ready to start my next portion of my life in a
home that is mine"
from now on it will be,
"I will have a buyer by the end of March."
"I will be moving into my new home by the
time the cruise date comes"
I will believe it and it will happen.
IF this works, I will forever change the way I look at things.
Thanks to you all for following me here
through this journey.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

WE HAVE ADOPTED...

YEP, TIFFANY AND I HAVE ADOPTED A CHILD!
Not the kind you get to bring home of course.
Let me go back and explain.....
The last few months, my niece and I, Tiffy have
spent much time together.
She has helped me through some bad times,
we have had some awesome times together.
She says the same of me. 
So, last month she surprised me with
a hotel night and a ticket to the

 I knew her and TEdi girl had been before and she had
spoken about it often as she love Christian music.
I didn't know many of the bands but I knew
MERCY ME
and I was excited to see them.
It was an awesome time, awesome concert,
perfect for lenten season.
 Then right before intermission, the spokesman who
helps put on the concert, spoke of the poverty in
our world. He not only asked for help with so many children
who go to bed hungry with no chance of an education, better life,
then he went a step further than the infomercials you see
on TV most Sunday mornings.
He explains how before he decided to "adopt"one of these
children by giving a monthly contribution,
he wanted to see for himself where this organization used
this money.
He then showed a video of one of these children who were helped
by this organization.
There on the big screen, a healthy looking teenager
was asked if he could speak to his American family who
adopted him when he was just a little child, what would he say.
His words were deep,
he spoke of because of this family he went to school,
never went to bed hungry.
Not only that but he had been able to write to this family,
and for years, they had communicated.
I knew this adoption company was legit.
Yet, I am not at the time where I can give 40 dollars
a month. I then have a great idea.
I turn to Tiffy and say,
"lets adopt a child together?"
"Yes!" she said.
Each of us could afford a mere 20  dollars a month.
So that we did.
We just let them pick a random child for us
as we believe we will get the child that we should help.
 Meet our child,
SAYOUBA OUEDRAOGO
Don't let his bright colors fool you,
he is a boy.
Now today, we get to send him a picture of
us, a letter from us and begin the correspondence
with this child that we have committed to provide
for until his adult years.
We both have felt so good about this.
At one point on our way home,
I said to Tiffy,
Do you realize just what we have done?
this child will never go to bed hungry again,
our child will be able to go to school,
even a university if he chooses.
He will get his immunizations to protect him from
the disease that ravage his home in Africa.
No, we may never meet this child
but we will be able to communicate, send
pictures, letters.
We have changed the life of a child!
Yes, I am sure there are those that will feel like
this may be a scam, or why not help the children
here who are struggling.
None of that will deter me from feeling good 
about the 20 dollars a month I have committed to 
for this child. I spend more than 20 dollars a month 
on junk. So Tiffany and I, we adopted a child.
WHAT SO EVER YOU DO, FOR THE LEAST OF
YOUR BROTHERS, THAT YOU DO UNTO ME

Thursday, February 19, 2015

CHANGE MY WORRIES.

The home Ron and I bought together 
remains unsold. It is a thorn in both our sides.
Let me get this straight, there are those
who would say,
"Why do you care? It's paid for and costs you nothing"
but that is not me.
I am ready to move on, start my new life in my own home.
I know, from having been married to him for 30 years
this house is weighing on him too.
He has the main bulk of the worries of the home
even though I am the one living here.
Not going to get into all that except to say,
he remains having the bills and I remain
living in a home I am ready to unload where
my most precious things are packed in boxes.
I bring this up again only for one reason.
Yesterday, while at church, I talk to the
Big Man and explain how I feel so selfish
by asking for this home to sell, with all
the other people in the world who are ill
and fighting for life, I am worried about the 
sale of a home but I still will ask Him
if he has any pull, please, help us out.
I guess I put a lot of emphasis on it
as I even dreamed about it last night.
Then I awaken this am to read my
JESUS CALLING
given to me by one of my favorite families,
the Degreases'
and todays reading begins:
YOU ARE FEELING WEIGHED DOWN BY
A PROBLEMS, BIG AND SMALL.
THEY SEEM TO REQUIRE MORE AND MORE
OF YOUR ATTENTION....
LEARN TO BE JOYFUL IN ME...
RELY ON ME, YOUR STRENGTH...
...and I realize it is okay to ask my Big Man
for help here, as long as I make time for him
and that I shall do.


Wednesday, February 18, 2015

....AND LENTEN SEASON BEGINS...

Yes, it's that time of year for us Catholics,
that we place ashes on our foreheads today
and begin 6 weeks of fasting, praying,
giving up, doing for others, etc.
It, for me, is almost like New Years Resolutions,
another chance to renew all those plans I had
when the new year began.
Yet, it is different for me during Lent.
I feel like I am not doing it for me but doing it for God.
I won't list all my intentions for the next few weeks
as it is best to keep that in your heart,
between yourself and your God.
I am not one of those who believe you must
do anything and everything that organized religion
 preaches to get to Heaven.
I am a firm believer that the life you live,
the forgiveness you ask God for throughout your life,
what you do for others, is what get you to Heaven.
I also believe there are those "bends in the road"
that try and throw you off track to find reasons
not to follow what God wants for you.
For instance, I have found myself far from
My God since the separation.
I did not blame God for the happenings,
I blamed us, Ron and I but I still felt like
I lost my way for a while in my faith.
I realize now that God, well, like I always say,
he had the helicopter view and he
knew Ron and I were better apart,
both happier than we had been together.
Then there was last Wednesday.
It was Grandparents mass at St. John School
where Bean goes, is in the PreK 3 class.
I was so excited to go,
my first, Grandparent mass with my 
first born grandchild. 
I was there right on time, but I did not realize,
everyone would be there, like everyone who 
has a grandchild in Plaquemine.
Parking was tough. So I decided in my head,
"Hey, we are all here for the same reason, i will
block two cars and because of the wonderful reason
we are all here for, it will be okay.
I know if it had been my car blocked, I would
have felt so high after that beautiful mass
Father Greg gave us, that it would not have mattered
how long I was blocked, I would have waited with 
a smile on my face.
This is where the differences of people come to play,
maybe the evil in the world, right there in the parking
lot of our own Catholic Church.
Right after Communion and the last prayer,
I hand Bean to her other great Maw Maw
and explain, I am blocking a car and just don't want
to be there long. I leave Bean crying wanting both
her grandmothers to stay.
No explaining will help or get me out of there sooner.
So I kiss and hug her and her Maw Maw,
tell them I love them and exit through the side door.
I am feeling so good, so uplifting, telling myself,
I need to get myself back to church because it makes
me feel so good. There standing outside her car I blocked
is an irate lady. I right away, start apologizing,
she unloads on me,
"This is just so rude, how could you just take it upon
yourself to park illegally and block me in"
I could just go off on her but I know that is not what
God wants, I apologize, tell her she is right,
that I just wanted to spend the mass with my little
granddaughter.....
She cuts me off before I can finish.
I will get no where with her, so as I walk to my car
to get out of her way, I just start reciting the
Hail Mary....
Loudly, I don't know if she heard but I know 
I did. Right at first, I was upset by it,
I could have let it ruin my day but decided
NO, I won't. She may have let this ruin her day,
I was wrong, but God knew I was where I needed to be.
So today, I use this story to just set us all
up for our Lenten season. Don't let the bends in the 
road push you away from what your heart wants you to do
not only for the next six weeks but throughout your life.
May the next few weeks bring you peace and a closeness
To God if you have lost your way as I have.
the Big Man, he gets it, he gets our humanness.
Try and do what God would do.
For instance, a few days ago, when I could just not
go anywhere on the highway even though I had a green light,
because of traffic, I got honked at.
I turned around to see and older man and his wife,
he was sitting on that horn.
I turned around and my first instinct was to shoot him 
the bird. It's what my Dad would have done.
Instead I turned to make sure they saw me,
did a very exaggerated sign of the cross and put my
hands together like I was praying for them.
I saw the elderly lady hit her hubby across the chest,
she smiled and waved.
Don't know if I made a difference in their day,
but I know I did mine.
Happy Lenten season to all.

Friday, February 13, 2015

Never enough friends...

I, in my life, have been blessed.
so blessed. 
Not speaking of money, fame but in friendships.
You can never have too many friends.
There are those who are family,
siblings and nieces and nephews,
great nieces and nephews....
There are those I call my besties, 
friends since as long as we can remember,
then the bestie baby girls are also now my friends.
There are people I have met through my many jobs
that have remained some of my best pals.
The thing with friends, you cannot ever have too many.
Where is this going?
In meeting and dating Mr. Big, I also met lots of his
friends and two of these women, Cat and Cheryl have
become such a big part of my life right now.
 Yesterday was a dayI spent with Cat, on the left.
We get to spend more time together than Cheryl and I do
because, like me, she is retired. She too is from Georgia
like most of Mr. Big's friends are from Georgia, all
living temporary lives here in Louisiana until work calls
them back home where they all really want to be.
Cat, Cheryl and I bonded from the first time we met,
at Mr. Big's Christmas party.
I love them both, but Cat and I have gotten extremely close.
Yesteray was a hard morning for me.
It is winter and nights are bad, mornings are worse,
getting out of bed is a process.
Cat and I had planned a day going to Thibodaux because
she had never been and I had things I needed to do there.
I really thought I would have to cancel.
Yet, I didn't and so glad I did not.
Cat and I are so different and yet have so much
to say all the time. It was a great day with
conversations all over the place.
She misses home, I am glad I can help her get out
and spend days doing things that make being here
a little easier for her.
Never enough friends for this girl.

Thursday, February 12, 2015

SAVE ME by Kristyn Lewis

I began my new year saying I planned to 
read more, again.
While married, I read at least three books a week.
Since this single life, it has become harder to read.
Month two and I completed book two of the new year,
SAVE ME BY KRISTYN KUSEK LEWIS
I picked it up when my friend, Cat and I went
to Perkins Rowe for a movie and stopped in to Barnes.
I read the back cover and thought,
"HMMM this sounds a tad like my life right now"
and bought it.
I was right, so many things the author wrote about
had me thinking of my own marriage.
Found me a few times, missing the old days,
the days of sobriety and when we were happy.
But it also had me realizing SAVE ME
also clarified so much as to why this separation 
and ultimate divorce is a good thing.
We both had stopped trying to make it work
and being away from each other, I find
myself realizing it had been long coming.
We took each other for granted,
we stopped putting each other first,
we were both out of the marriage before the 
separation actually happened.
Of course, it could have been handled better
by both of us but almost a year later,
we are civil and almost friends again
and for that I am grateful.
Towards the end of the book,
I read a paragraph that had me tear up.
Yes, it is what he and I both forgot was important
and what I can say for myself, is what I long for
now as I mature and grow older,
...HE SAID THAT DOING HIS JOB WELL MEANS
ENABLING PEOPLE TO HAVE THE FANTASY
THAT
WE ALL WANT WHEN WE STAY IN A HOTEL-
TO BE CODDLED, TO ESCAPE REAL LIFE.
IT OCCURRED TO ME WHEN HE SAID IT THAT
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HE'S DOING FOR ME..."
 I realized that we stopped doing this, making sure
each of us could leave the world behind and make 
the other happiest when together.
Or maybe, because we actually grew up together,
we never did this.
I now find this in a man I date and although our
relationship is temporary, It feels good to be made
important, to be first, to be asked what I want to do.
I wish this for Ron too.
More than anything, I have come to realize this marriage had
to come to an end but that does not mean we don't still want
the best for the other.
We will find ourselves friends and for that I will forever
be glad.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Kayla Mueler, Kayla Mueler....


Maybe before the last few days you had never
heard the name
KAYLA MUELLER
Today her name, her family, her friends are all
over the news.
For what you may ask?
Well for what she has done and died for, once again,
our freedom. A few blogs ago, I told
of American Sniper, how some did not feel like
they were hero's and I did.
Now, it comes to light, had an American Sniper been
sent into Islam, maybe Kayla Mueller,
a peace activist would be coming home alive
rather than in a box.
So today, I seek out, who is Kayla Mueler?
Yes, she was a humanitarian who devoted her life to
FREEDOM, JUSTICE, AND PEACE.
Not just for us Americans but for all those around the world.
Yet she was so much more.
She was the 26 year old daughter of
Carl and Marsha Mueller.
I think of my own children, about the same age.
She graduated from Northern Arizona University
in 2009, finishing in only 2 1/2 years.
After that, all her time and energy went to humanitarian
issues: FREEDOM, JUSTICE, PEACE.
For her, it seems, this in America, was just not enough.
She went to Islam to give peace, hope. to those who
never had that life being communist company.
Then the unimaginable. caught and held hostage
for over a year when she was killed.
We will never know all that was done by the
US of A to attempt to free her outside of her parents
but they believe our government did all they could.
For these hurting, grieving parents to be able to say this
we need to be proud of our state.
Lets not forget this child,
KAYLA MUELLER
Her death has not been in vain.
She was a humanitarian fighting for peace,
but she was also so much more than that.
she was a little girl of two grieving parents.
May our prayers go to them also.

Monday, February 9, 2015

SELF ESTEEM, NEVER ENOUGH..


EARLY THIS MORNING I AM UP.
AS I SURF THE NET I COME ACROSS THIS QUOTE.
I DON'T KNOW WHO ALVIN PRICE IS,
BUT I HAVE FIRST HAND KNOWLEDGE OF HOW
THIS SENTENCE, THE STATEMENT WORKS.
  I AM SURE I MAY HAVE BLOGGED THIS STORY 
BEFORE OVER THE MANY YEARS OF WRITING
YET IT IS STILL WONDERFUL ENOUGH TO REPEAT.
HAVING BEEN A CHILD WITH CANCER,
BEFORE INTERNET, FACEBOOK, BEFORE MAKE A WISH,
I WAS TEASED BECAUSE OF MY HAIR.
FIRST I WAS BALD, THEN MY HAIR GREW IN 
STRINGY AND CURLY, UG U LEE!
I WAS TEASED BUT I NEVER ONCE, LET
THOSE PEERS, EVEN SOME FRIENDS SEE ME CRY.
I WAS YOUNG, FIRST, SECOND, THIRD GRADES.
I LAUGHED ALONG WITH THEM BUT INSIDE,
I WAS DYING, SO EMBARRASSED.
AS I WALKED FROM THE BUS DOWN DURSETTE STREET,
I STILL HELD IN MY TEARS.
I WOULD THEN WALK INTO MY BIG, OLD HOME
AND THERE MY DADDY SAT, EITHER MAKING
A CAST NET THAT HE MADE FROM SCRATCH,
OR COOKING US A WONDERFUL MEAL, ALSO
FROM SCRATCH. 
THEN, THEN I WOULD LET MY TEARS FALL.
MY DADDY WAS NOT ONE TO CODDLE OR HOLD CLOSE
TO HIS HEART WHEN ONE OF HIS LITTLE GIRLS WERE SAD.
NO INSTEAD, HE GAVE WORDS OF WISDOM THAT MAY
HAVE BEEN TOO DEEP FOR MOST ELEMENTARY CHILDREN.
I GOT IT, I UNDERSTOOD HIS MESSAGE,
" LILLY, IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT THE WORLD
OUT THERE THINGS OF YOU, WHEN YOU ENTER THIS
HOUSE YOU ARE LOVED."
THAT ONE GESTURE OF LOVE GOT ME THROUGH MANY 
HARD TIMES IN MY LIFE AS I KNEW IT WAS TRUE.
NOT ONE PERSON IN THAT HOME DID NOT
LOVE ME OR HAVE MY BACK.
IT IS SAID THAT FOR EVERY NEGATIVE THING YOU TELL
A CHILD, IT TAKE A THOUSAND POSITIVE ONES
TO TURN THAT BELIEVE AROUND"
MY DADDY, HE DIDN'T KNOW THAT, HE JUST
KNEW THAT HIS BABY GIRL WAS HURTING AND HE HAD
TO SAY SOMETHING. 
I STILL CHALK UP MY INDEPENDENCE ON THAT ONE STATEMENT.
I HAVE MORE SELF ESTEEM THAN MOST AND AGAIN,
I AM SURE IT WAS THE COMBINATION OF MANY THINGS
IN MY LIFE THAT GAVE ME THAT,
BUT MY DADDY, WELL HIS STATEMENT HAS NEVER, EVER
LEFT MY MIND OR HEART.

Friday, February 6, 2015

WHAT'S A BESTIE?

I cam home from DTB on Wednesday
because that is the day I pick up Bean from school.
She now knows the days of the week so I surely
wanted to be there in time to get her.
Because of this, I had lunch with the besties,
Ann and Laurie and a bestie sister.
I hated to have to rush it but weather was bad.
We sat and talked, caught up on all that has happened
since our last gathering.
I am home just in time to get the Bean.
As I put her in her carseat I explain I had lunch
with my besties.
WHAT IS A BESTIE MUMSIE?
Oh sweet baby, what is a bestie?
1)A BESTIE IS USUALLY A SAME SEX FRIEND,
MINE ARE BOTH GIRLS.
2) THEY ARE BEST FRIENDS FROM
YOUR YOUNGER DAYS, US, ABOUT SECOND GRADE.
3) WE ARE ALWAYS TRYING TO GET THINGS
TO DO TOGETHER AFTER ALL THESE YEARS.
4) WHEN YA UP, THEY CHEERING YOU ON,
WHEN YA DOWN, THEY RIGHT THERE WITH
THE KLEENEX TO WIPE THE TEARS.
5) BESTIES MAKE YOUR LIFE RICHER.
I WOULD GIVE SO MUCH UP TO HAVE
THESE WOMEN IN MY LIFE.
6) WITH THE BESTIES, YOU CAN LET IT ALL OUT.
BELLY LAUGHING OR CRYING IS ALLOWED WITHOUT
JUDGEMENT.
7) MY BESTIES ARE LIKE LIFE SUPPORTS.
WHEN I NEED THEM ONR OR BOTH ARE THERE,
WHEN THE TABLES ARE TURNED, I AM THERE FOR
THEM. WE WILL CHANGE ANY PLANS IF
IT MEANS ONE NEEDS THE OTHERS.
8) IT IS A FRIENDSHIP THAT LASTS TIME,
ARGUMENTS, DISAGREEMENTS, TIME AWAY,
AND AS WE GET OLDER, TIME TOGETHER.
Of course, there is so much more, and of course,
I didn't tell all that to my Bean.
I told the Bean, "It is a friend that is in your life forever"
As I strap her in, she asks, Is Carter my BEstie?
He might be, I don't tel her most besties are girls like her.
I pray her life is filled with Besties as great as mines are.


Thursday, February 5, 2015

ALWAYS GET UP

It's been a wild year, not all good
but a year of change and contemplation. 
A year of sadness and happiness,
loosing my self and then finding myself again.
Last week I received a text from Baby boy.
THANKS FOR ALL YOUR HELP LATELY
AND FOR BEING HALF NORMAL.
I LOVE YOU
I lol'd that one... sent back, somewhat normal?
Got that right. I was never the "normal momma"
I made many mistakes at the beginning of this
separation of thirty years of marriage.
Yet, I did the best I could in the situation. 
Almost a year later and I find myself knowing
I am going to be okay.
Independence, it is such a lovely thing.
My pal, Billy posted this and it puts in perspective
what my life has been like this year.
I have not been this happy in a long time,
our God, he wants us to be happy, joyous, and free.
I know today, that I am.
The fact that Ronnie and I are also finding our way
back to being civil and now friends again after
all that has happened is only because of much hard
work on my part and forgiveness.
I don't want to lie. I still have my moments that I long
for the life we lived before this mess took our lives.
But all in all, I love the life I am building.
One thing a Collins cannot do is stay down for long.
As my cousin Faye, right now is doing.
Having took all the treatments for a lung cancer,
now she is struggling with after effects of Chemo and radiation.
First her spine began to crumble, and she had to 
have back surgery to stabilize that, like I did.
She never showed to us, depression, never
felt like she was not going to be a okay.
then at her follow up visit this week,
she found that the vertebrae below the surgery 
had now crumbled and she has to have more surgeries.
You would think this news would throw her over the
edge. But what does she say to big sis, Veronica?
Tell the sisters, Meaning us,
I will be fine, but I need those prayers again.
As soon as I feel better I want you all to visit.
That right there is the Collins tenacity, aint nothing
going to keep us down.
IF you have a few minutes in your day,
pray for my cousin as she prepares for this surgery.
Can't keep a Collins down!