WONDERINGS

As I drank my coffee and surfed Facebook, 

I came across this reading. 

I think I could have written this myself.

Since I have been single I have dated a 

few men. Then there was one special one, I thought

it could work, but our differences got in the way.

We tried, we really did, but it was like trying

to mix oil in water. Like I have said before to him

and to others, no regrets with that man.

He will always hold a special place in my heart.

So since then, since we decided that I needed to move

on, I have had a few dates. I read this reading

and it is the way I want to look at this single life.

With no regrets, if I wonder if it is right, then

I probably shouldn't do it.

But if I choose something I have to believe

it was the right choice at the time.

Refusing to live the rest of my life with regret.

Thank you, Amanda Torroni,

whoever you are!

there are those days..

Most days, I am my happy self,

moving along in the world, talking to people I don't 

even know, trying to be nice to all,

scrapping my heart away,

spending time with the grand babies,

traveling to my two other towns, Thib and DTB

to share my time with all those I love in those places.

Yesterday, I was so thankful to have the Bean in the

afternoon after school, as well as being able to take her

to school. I have not cried for my Mommy for some time.

Of course I miss her daily but the tears don't fall much 

anymore. I don't know if it is the loss of Dr. Hutch

that has me emotional, or the predicament of

wanting so much to sell the house so I can have my

own home to move on. I am ready to have

my own home, to decorate instead of having

packed boxes wherever I can hide them.

Anyway yesterday, I was talking to my niece,

Tiffany, talking about the party we are going to

on Saturday, a Halloween costume party,

discussing costumes. Then we begin talking 

of Mothering, her baby girl is 18 and living with

her Daddy. She is in our hearts and talks a lot lately.

I share a few thoughts I have on the whole mothering

a teen and all of a sudden, I try to tell her,

"I would give an arm to have one more day with Mommee"

and I just cannot get the words out.

It hits me sometime like that, I just can't get the words

out for the tears. I know the tears are not just about my Mommy.

It is the loss of Hutch, the change in a relationship, the

unsale of this house that has me stagnate, all of this

catching up on me.

Now, I am not normally a whiner,

those who know me well, know I am a very optimistic 

person, always seeing the better part of life,

I try and give advice to others who ask for it 

but lately its like a black cloud following over my head.

Today, I change that. I am not going to let these issues

get the best of me, loose who I really am.

Last night, I have a phone conversation with a dear

friend who I owed amends to, we cleared up lots

of miscommunications we had in the last few weeks.

He has told me often that texting is not good. 

Last night I have to agree with him as both of us,

because of text, took those texts to mean things neither

of us meant. 

I will not let the devil of life change me,

I will miss my dear friend, Troy but I can't change what is.

I can't bring my Mommy back, even giving an arm,

won't get her here for one day,

But one day, one day, I know we will be reunited because

I believe in God and the life He promises after.

Thanks, Tiffy for listening to my cry,

Thanks Dr. P. for allowing me to make my amends to you,

Hutch, hug my Mommy when you find her up there in Heaven.

Now on to find the Auntie Lil/Mumsie I am….

Mommy and I at a Christmas Pokeno party

Baby boy and his favorite Mommee at his wedding.

Mommy and Uncle Luke at her 90th bday party.

Always her baby, don't matter how old I got.

Not to Mommy for her bday.

At one of our many Mother/Daughter tea parties.

Bean and four generations...

Will always be so thankful that Bean and Mommy knew each other.

She still talks about her.

I may have been her baby but this gypsy baby was her true love...

My Bean, she understands me sooo much!

Let me set the scenario:

Yesterday slept at Kd so she could go to work

and both the munchkins were up early.

Last year I gave Bean a book with push buttons

that make noise called Monster Mash.

I remember what each button says and sings.

So, as Bean is eating her breakfast, I read the book

and when it calls for a button to be pushed I 

lip sing each and act it out.

Bean laughs and laughs,

J.Bell just looks at me like she is either scared

or can't believe this crazy woman is part of her world.

Probably wondering when I am going away.

I say to Bean,

"Sister thinks I am crazy"

Bean replies,

"It's okay Mumsie, she just don't understand

how crazy you are yet"

REally???? does she really look at me as crazy?

Oh well, she must like it because not only does

she ask me to read the book again,

but she acts out the buttons with me,

remembered from my practice and last year.

We even get a crack of a smile out of J.Belle,

we gunna get her on our side….

Death of a wonderful man, a brother...

I just cannot grasp my mind or heart around the loss

of my dear friend, old boss, Dr. Troy Hutchinson.

The last few years had been hard ones for him but

he also had gotten himself back together and 

just a few months ago, when Ron broke his back,

he went to the urgent care in Thibodaux and reconnected.

We texted and kept in touch and then, just like times before,

he pulled away once again and we lost touch.

Imagine the shock last night when I saw his daughter,

Hillary's Facebook message that her Dad had died.

Let me tell you here, what this man, this doctor was,

in the years of the new millennium.

I was his nurse and he respected me as I, him.

We were a good team, along with all others who worked with us.

He came to our little bayou, beginning his practice with 

another dear friend, Dr. Pitre and soon the people of the bayou

fell in love with him and it was not long before he was

ready for his very own practice. I followed him there

to Golden Meadow and a practice he built.

Loved by his staff, loved by his patients, 

loved by all who worked at LOS.

Like Dr. Pitre, he was personable.

He did not just "Make Rounds"

he visited with the nurses, found out about you, your family.

When in his clinic, he depended lots on me and

his PA, Dwight, believed that a practice was not about 

one doctor but about all the people who made a clinic work.

What I most admired about him was he came to our

little bayou as an open gay man who also had

custody of his four children.

Had put himself through medical school while raising

four children. I fell in love with the whole family.

Our families intertwined, we did things together

and he and I, a few times had our differences, had our

arguments but we always worked it out.

Then when BB had his drug issues and we left the bayou

I left his practice and I cried like a baby.

He and Dwight, we all cried together.

Once BB was ready for treatment, it was Hutch

who did all the doctor work to get him where he needed to 

be sober. After BB was sober 6 months, it was Dr. Hutch letter

that had TOPS reinstate him as a student with a TOPS scholarship.

The thing I want all to know is, he did not do this just for us,

because we were friends, he did this as a normalcy for his

practice. Once I left, he fell into some bad times, some things

that is not my business to discuss, the issues caused him to 

leave our little bayou and make his way to Denver.

He had his life back together and when Ron was ill,

and I saw his face at that Urgent Care I cried.

I cried because he looked so good, I cried because

I knew he would get Ron what he needed, he would listen

to where Ron was and needed to be.

There are just not enough words to describe what a man he was.

Now he leaves behind his four grown children,

Tiffany, Ryan, Hillary, and Ben.

He leaves behind grandchildren, a mother and a father

and life, this morning, just does not seem fair.

No matter what the causes of his death may be will

not matter in my heart because I know what his heart was.

RIP Troy, and I pray your children may find their way.

I love you!

I hate breakups, love Neil Diamond

A friend of mine is at the Today show so I tune

in to watch, hoping to see her and her hubby.

What I get to see is one of my favorite singer,

Neil Diamond. I swear I must have something for older

men because he looks so sexy in his black suit 

singing love songs to the crowds.

I love me some Neil then he sings this one

and it is just a tad too close to home for this

week…..

NEIL DIAMOND

Something Blue Lyrics

I came with a little bit of sorrow

Was maybe a bit too sad

But one day rolled into tomorrow

And you gave me the best you had

That's how we started together

And how together we're gonna stay

You taught me a little 'bout good times

I fought through a little bit of rain

You brought me a part of your sunshine

You took in the heart of my pain

It wasn't supposed to happen

But then you happened to come my way

Every night, every day 

Every word that you say made it so

Every thought that I had

Said I ought to be glad. Now I know

You showed what a little bit of love can do

You opened my eyes and a light came through

Took me to a place that I never knew

Goodbye to my little bit of something blue

You came and you found me wanting

And I'm saying that I'm in your debt

Some days were a little bit daunting

Some days I'd rather forget

You changed my life for the better

And I know I'd better be good to you

Every word that you say made it so

Every thought that I had

know

You showed what a little bit of love can do

You opened my eyes and a light came through

Took me to a place that I never knew

So long to my little bit of something blue

It wasn't supposed to happen

But then you happened to come my way

Every night, every day 

Every word that you say made it so

Every thought that I had

Said I ought to be glad. Now I know

You showed what a little bit of love can do

You opened my eyes and a light came through

Took me to a place that I never knew

Goodbye to my little bit of something blue

Farewell to my little bit of something blue.

Going through break ups suck, big time.

Then I have to hear one of my favorite men sing

this song, and I hope that, for a little while,

I brought some of this to this person.

Time will tell what happens but the cliche'

IF YOU LOVE SOMETHING LET IT GO.

IF IT COMES BACK, ITS YOURS,

IF IT DOESN'T IT NEVER WAS.

Sadly taking this breakup harder than the end

of my thirty year marriage.

Better today, so no one panic out there,

just this song, got me going this am….