Friday, October 24, 2014

there are those days..

Most days, I am my happy self,
moving along in the world, talking to people I don't 
even know, trying to be nice to all,
scrapping my heart away,
spending time with the grand babies,
traveling to my two other towns, Thib and DTB
to share my time with all those I love in those places.
Yesterday, I was so thankful to have the Bean in the
afternoon after school, as well as being able to take her
to school. I have not cried for my Mommy for some time.
Of course I miss her daily but the tears don't fall much 
anymore. I don't know if it is the loss of Dr. Hutch
that has me emotional, or the predicament of
wanting so much to sell the house so I can have my
own home to move on. I am ready to have
my own home, to decorate instead of having
packed boxes wherever I can hide them.
Anyway yesterday, I was talking to my niece,
Tiffany, talking about the party we are going to
on Saturday, a Halloween costume party,
discussing costumes. Then we begin talking 
of Mothering, her baby girl is 18 and living with
her Daddy. She is in our hearts and talks a lot lately.
I share a few thoughts I have on the whole mothering
a teen and all of a sudden, I try to tell her,
"I would give an arm to have one more day with Mommee"
and I just cannot get the words out.
It hits me sometime like that, I just can't get the words
out for the tears. I know the tears are not just about my Mommy.
It is the loss of Hutch, the change in a relationship, the
unsale of this house that has me stagnate, all of this
catching up on me.
Now, I am not normally a whiner,
those who know me well, know I am a very optimistic 
person, always seeing the better part of life,
I try and give advice to others who ask for it 
but lately its like a black cloud following over my head.
Today, I change that. I am not going to let these issues
get the best of me, loose who I really am.
Last night, I have a phone conversation with a dear
friend who I owed amends to, we cleared up lots
of miscommunications we had in the last few weeks.
He has told me often that texting is not good. 
Last night I have to agree with him as both of us,
because of text, took those texts to mean things neither
of us meant. 
I will not let the devil of life change me,
I will miss my dear friend, Troy but I can't change what is.
I can't bring my Mommy back, even giving an arm,
won't get her here for one day,
But one day, one day, I know we will be reunited because
I believe in God and the life He promises after.
Thanks, Tiffy for listening to my cry,
Thanks Dr. P. for allowing me to make my amends to you,
Hutch, hug my Mommy when you find her up there in Heaven.
Now on to find the Auntie Lil/Mumsie I am….
Mommy and I at a Christmas Pokeno party
Baby boy and his favorite Mommee at his wedding.
Mommy and Uncle Luke at her 90th bday party.

Always her baby, don't matter how old I got.
Not to Mommy for her bday.
At one of our many Mother/Daughter tea parties.
Bean and four generations...
Will always be so thankful that Bean and Mommy knew each other.
She still talks about her.
I may have been her baby but this gypsy baby was her true love...

1 comment:

  1. Praying for you, my Lil!!! Love you!!!