I REMEMBER NOW....

People ask me at times,

"Did you see the news?" and I realize

I rarely watch the news anymore.

When Ron and I were together or when I worked,

I watched it every morning.

Today I remembered that I just realized Hurricane season 

is almost over and I have not had to look at news

for threats of a storm at all this year.

That is not what my blog is about this Am.

I decided this morning I would watch some news,

more because I am distraught over the Presidential campaign.

I see the devastation of a train crash in the terminal

in the Bronx. Ugh and another school shooting....

Back to the train crash. I am focused on the 

one young Mother who passed away.

There she was standing alone on the terminal,

waiting for it to stop I guess to board.

I wonder what she was thinking of...

the news says her one child was at daycare

and her husband was rushing home from a

business trip. How sad, and yet, again,

I am wondering, what was she thinking?

Probably like all of us, what we are going to eat

for supper, about her busy day,

wondering how her husband was doing on his

business trip. and for sure,

she had thoughts of her precious child.

I am obsessed with the fact, she awakened like all of us.

She probably fixed coffee or tea and fed her child,

being a single parent while her Hubby was away.

She dressed her sweet child, brought he/she to 

daycare and headed to work or errands.

Stood on the train depot perhaps with 

her cell in her hand texting with a loved one.

I pray she had no clue her life was about to end.

I also think, we all wake up in the morning, we

never think "today is my last day of life"

"today I will die" 

"I hope someone knows where my husband and child is.

That poor husband probably trying to get home 

to be with their child.

There is such truth to the quote,

"live every day as if it is your last."

RIP you beautiful woman who I have only seen

your picture, don't even know your name.

.... and things like this may be why I watch

Four weddings in the AM instead of the news.

Enjoy beautiful weather!

She is old and disheveled, she is riding in LeBlanc's

motorized car. I get in line to check out behind her.

I see her leaving without her groceries.

I look at the cashier.

She rolls her eyes, "She is coming back, going to

the car for more money"

I am upset. Not for the customer, but for the

the cashiers attitude. Here she comes,

she pulls out her little coin purse and starts

smoothing out the money she has.

I move to the service check out and

I watch while I wait my turn.

I remember long ago, Oprah saying,

"Respect your money and you will have enough"

I have a feeling no matter how much this poor

woman respected her money, there will not be

enough to pay her groceries.

All her groceries are bagged.

There are no alcohol, there is no cigarettes,

only fresh vegetables and things

any household would need.

She leaves again without her groceries.

Again the cashier says to the manager who is 

helping me, "She is going back to the car for more money."

The manager asks her total. $123. I feel anger boiling.

I don't know if she has food stamps but that day she does not.

She comes back in, with the motorized car.

While she was out, I remembered I had cashed a check

sent by my dear friend, Ali for $30 she needs $23.25

I hand the $25 dollars to the little woman

as the workers were beginning to take things out of

her grocery bags.

"Oh thank you, God bless you my child"

I leave saying nothing.

This time I feel good about Ali and I being able to 

help her but I don't feel good about her cashier.

I think on the way home,

"I should have waited to help her put her groceries in 

the car,"

"Who will help her when she gets home"

I then realize I have done all I can do for this woman.

As I was leaving I hear the manager say,

"You are going to make me cry"

I hope the manager was observant of her employee.

Again, I do not write for Kudo's I write because

we must be observant of those around us.

Two Bible quotes come to mind

"What so ever you do, to the least of my brothers, that you do unto me"

and

"But for the Grace of God, go I"

Help your elders whenever you can!

...AND FOR ACCEPTING HELP

On the other end of my post of yesterday,

I've another story that I will leave out names

and change it up a little as the person

who is the main character has not given me

permission to post this but the story is a lesson 

for us all!

Weeks ago and episode happened where someone

I love dearly needed some time away,

could afford it but others wanted to help

and she was not wanting to accept the help.

I kept thinking to myself, I guess it would be hard

for me as well as when I want something that is not

a necessity I have trouble spending my money on it.

In fact, if I don't make the money by working

my little scrap business for it, I will not buy

it or go away for fun.

The next morning after this episode happened

as I was saying my "Momma Rosary"

(Rosary my Mom gave all us siblings before

she died for helping her so much)

This idea came to me.

"When we turn down or refuse help from 

another we think we are doing what is right

but we are actually stopping those persons

from being a disciple to Christ,

we are not allowing His mercy to be bestowed on us.

There will always be a time where we can do

the same for someone else, yet it if we are turned

down, we are not being allowed 

to do God's work"

I sent this to this person and I guess it hit her

and she allowed others to be Disciples.

( or maybe she had already figured it out and

I had nothing to do with it.....lol)

Remember, when someone offers to help you

in some way, whether it be clean your yard,

offer money because they know you are struggling,

anything such as that. Allow it, it may not even 

be about you, it may be something that person 

need to do for themselves.

Think about it, think about it.....

PAYING IT FORWARD

I have put off writing this post for a few weeks.

Only because I don't write it to brag on the things

I do or how I live my life. Believe me, I am far from

perfect, I am a sinner just like most of us are,

yet I have a big heart, again, like most of us have.

I may be different in the fact I am a people watcher 

AND I WATCH PEOPLE 

and the things going around me.

So I write this not for recognition but to say

if we pay it forward, without letting those know

what you have done for them, The Big Man will

let you know He sees.

So a few days when things calmed from the floods

I went to BR. I had gotten a reward card for

$100 so I wanted to treat myself to a movie

and wanted go to some of my thrift stores I venture to.

At my first store, I witness a man asking the cashier

if she could hold a shelf he needed post flood

"I need to go get some cash from my wife for this,

Can you hold this for me?"

her answer, quite sarcastically,

"I am not supposed to hold things, I will give

you and hour but then its going back on the shelf."

"No ma'am I will be less than 15 minutes"

"Hurry up she answers"

Having seen his worried face and he short tongued

answer, I ask, "How much is it?"

She rolls her eyes and explains I can't sell it to you yet.

I answer, "I don't want to buy it I want to know how much

it is" Six dollars.... SIX DOLLARS....

this woman, putting this man through worry over 6 dollars.

I hand her a 5 and a 1 and she looks at me confused.

"When he comes back in, don't tell him who I am,

just tell him someone paid it"

I walk away. I don't pay attention if and when he

comes back in but when I get to the register,

the cashier is nicer, she is smiling,

she tells me the man was in shock, almost in tears

and he said that if the person who paid is still here,

let them know I will also pay it forward today.

After, I go eat at Panda Express,

place is packed as it has the best food for a 

fast food restaurant. The line is almost outside and yet

the first worker you meet is a young spanish girl,

she is hot, sweaty and yet everytime someone walks in the door,

"Good afternoon, how are you?"

To others in the line,

"Would you like a sample/"

If she noticed the workers did not understand her 

English she would speak Spanish to them without 

a beat. How good that must have had those tired workers

feel, finally someone who spoke like them.

She is busy and yet she smiles constantly, 

when ordering food from the kitchen

"Please and thank you" come out

of each command. I decide to eat my food there,

I sit close so I can continue to watch her interact

with others. It quietens down and I think, well 

finally she will take a small break.

NO, she get wipes, a broom and starts cleaning

the tables, sweeping the floors,

This girl is an awesome employers.

I take the time to write her a love note.

I explain that I have watched her,

she is what all people should be when working

with the public, how she has brightened 

everyones day. I get up to hand it to her

wrap to 5 dollar bills in the note.

"OH, no Ma'am, I can't take tips"

"Its not a tip, its a love note"

She seems shocked thanks me.

After a little while she comes back to my booth,

teary-eyed, thanking me so much for the note.

"Ma'am, today is my first day, I just moved here

from California and I miss my family so much,

you have made my day."

No sweet girl you have made my day and 

many other people who patronize this place.

Story does not end here.....

Remember I have a gift card from AT and T.

I treat myself to the movies, a pizza at the movies

and as I make my order I hear a young family 

behind me, two young children,

and they are trying to figure out the cheapest way

to make this experience for their family 

a good one. I can tell there is not much money

for snacks. As I walk to where you pick up pizza

I hand a 20 to the employer and tell him

after I walk away, use this money to get that

little family whatever snacks they want.

I go into my movie feeling good.

And then, the Big Man rewards me.

I have 15 dollar free rewards play at

Hollywood Casino. I am too cheap to spend much 

of my money at casino but this is free play.

One hour later, I walk out with $115 cash

and still have $50 dollars on my rewards card.

It may not always happen this quickly that

you are rewarded for paying it forward,

but eventually you will be rewarded.

It was a great day for me that day last week

when so many were struggling with flooding

I was thankful that I could go to my comfortable cottage

and having made myself and a few others 

happy for paying it forward.

MARTHA'S VINEYARD WITH THE BESTIES!!!!!

I have always had an infatuation with Martha's Vineyard.

Because I have loved and been obsessed with everything 

around the Kennedy's and the things that happened

at Martha's Vineyard and the Chappaquiddick waters.

Like BB said, he has heard of this place since he was like 5.

So, back to the story.

A few weeks ago, I told my bestie, Laurie

"I am going by myself to MV"

"What??? I want to go, please.... I need this!"

Was her answer.....

She thinks she barged in on my Bucket list

but she is one of the two people I would love to

have a girls week with! The other is our other bestie,

Ann. "OMG! I would love you and Ann to come!"

Now I was smart asking Laurie to come,

you see, I was going to Martha's Vineyard but had no clue

how I was getting there and had no clue where I would stay

following getting there. I don't worry about things like that.

I would have been like the Virgin Mary on the day our Savior

was born.... "Do you have room in this inn?"

Laurie is the ultimate planner, probably more than

needed but I was so glad she was coming and planning the trip..

Honestly, I did not plan it this way!

But I didn't stop her either.

After days and night of studying, not sleeping,

she found us the perfect spot, but then she was doubting if she

could find better, I told that gal,

"Get on that phone and BOOK IT!"

and that she did!

Now we had an issue with the other bestie.

I guess we didn't explain enough to her and how cost 

efficient it was, but her main reason for option out was

she did want to leave her hubby, Moody.

He has been sick last few years so as much as we

wanted her to come, we didn't want to push her 

but we wanted her with us so badly.

Then the other night, while having supper with Laurie,

she was second guessing her decision as her love,

told her she should go. When Laurie told her about

the BandB she had found, how nice the owner was,

How we could fly round trip for 200 dollars, she

really wanted to come, she went talk to her Moo

and SHE SAID SHE WAS COMING!!!!

They think they busted my bucket list VayCay,

I was cheering inside to be on my dream place with 

my two bestie! Then yesterday, they surprise me with 

a day visit to the cottage, and they brought my bestie's baby, 

Linz! We talked about the trip, booked and paid our

flights and now we are definitely going on my dream

place! I am so ecstatic as this place is not something

I will be able to explain to anyone, to experience it

with the two girls who I have been friends with since

second grade..Well, I've not been this happy for

a while! When we were Seniors in high school,

us three with a few other friends, flew to Disney for

our Senior trip, yes, we are a tad older now but 

I feel the same excitement I did way back then.

Martha's Vineyard, bet ready, the three Besties are on their

way come November! 

Thanks to Bestie, Laurie for doing all the hard work!

CHILDHOOD CANCER MONTH, SEPTEMBER...

Some may not know I am a childhood cancer survivor.

I beat a cancer at 5 years old that was incurable.

Every September, I am reminded by media

it is

CHILDHOOD CANCER AWARENESS MONTH

Back in 1968, there was no internet or all the media

of today to announce to the world I had cancer.

There were no money jars, no walks to raise money,

only people who knew I was fighting to live

was my immediate family and my little town

of Golden Meadow.

Being 5, I should have been having fun in 

kindergarten, making new friends,

instead my parents older to have a 5 year old,

and my siblings were scared beyond belief

to find out I would most assuredly loose

a kidney and probably my life but if my

parent gave this Dr. Fisherman all medical 

rights to their little girl, he did not think he

could save me but he could hopefully find a cure

and save others after me.

Of course I knew none of this.

I only knew that I was sick and the medications

they gave me made me sicker.

Let me tell you what the child inside of me remembers

the most....

I remember being in what was called a "ward" back then

a long hall with many baby bed and tiny beds with 

only curtains separating us. 

Back then parents weren't allowed to stay with 

their children. So still to this day there

is a certain time of day, the light will come through

the window at around 6pm and the nighttime

news was on our few tv's we shared between

a ward full of kids,

and I can still here the cries of babies and

children wanting their parents, their loved ones.

Being a nurse now, I still can't think of why

they thought in 1968 the best way to treat sickness in 

children was to send their parents home at night.

For me, even though the crying made me some nights

cry, I knew my Mommy or Daddy or an older adult 

sibling was waiting in the waiting room.

Because my Daddy let the hospital know on day one,

He did not care what the rules were, he was not

leaving his baby girl alone, ever. 

I knew once all the other parents were gone and

the nurses had made their rounds, this one sweet nurse

would let my parent back in.

I didn't mind that my parent or whomever was staying

with me that night I am sure rocked many

other peoples children. I knew I was not alone.

Then their was the practice of the

"TREATMENT ROOM" 

parents were not allowed in that room either.

So of course, we children cried and screamed

for our Mommy's and daddy's.

I know, now being a nurse that the things done in 

that room were necessary but the route they

did it was in humane.

Once we got in there and we cried or kicked

they held us down and did and IV change,

marked us for radiation and there were threats

"If you don't stop crying you won't have your mail"

Mail was a big deal when you are in the hospital

for 8 weeks. "We won't let your mommy spend the

night if you don't stop crying" 

I know my 53 year old mind only remembers what

a 5 year old mind can remember but so much has changed.

Once my kidney was removed I still could not

go home but I was now in a room with only two other 

children and parents could stay.

I know now it was probably because

we were very sick or on the 

"gunna die" list.

Either way, I was glad my family was with me.

My niece, Tiffany was two and a half

and my favorite visitor besides my sister, Celena.

I was rotten, I knew being sick I could pretty much

get away with anything. I didn't know the reason was

because I probably had only a few more months 

with them. Growing up, my parents did not tell

me much and treated me like everyone else even

though they thought my time was limited.

It is because of this treatment that I grew up

and never used the cancer as a crutch.

Because of this I am a nurse,

Now as an adult, I have issues because of

the radiation given to me. too much was given

but I am not bitter, they thought I would die

and it is probably that treatment that kept me alive.

Yet some days are not so great. I try and act

like my parent brought me up, not to use

the cancer as a crutch but on a bad day it's hard.

Anyway, I write this not wanting sympathy

but to pay tribute to September as Childhood cancer

month and to bring awareness to the few adults in

the world still alive from childhood cancer.

I know my cancer had a lot to do with who I am now.

I know there are few to compare me to as most have passed,

On a bad day filled with pain from radiation to my back,

I may get pouty but I know without that treatment I

would have just been a name in the family,

"the little girl who died from cancer"

Instead I am Lilly.

A retired nurse who gave 30 years to the field.

I am Lilly

the mother of two beautiful children who I was told I 

would never have.

I am Lilly,

Mumsie to three grand girls who are amazing.

I am Lilly ,

who loves people, people watching, giving to others,

I am Lilly

who likes to laugh and do silly things to make others laugh.

I am Lilly 

who still loves toys especially miniature ones.

I am Lilly,

one of the lucky, saved by new wave meds at the time

and loved by older siblings and family, to health.

I am Lilly,

praying for all those little sweet children

who fight the battle in the month

of childhood cancer awareness,

SEPTEMBER