God sometimes does for us what we can't do....

Yes, it is one of the things I quote quite often:

"SOMETIMES GOD DOES FOR US WHAT

WE CAN'T DO FOR OURSELVES"

Today marks a full week of being home

from work, 7 days.

After a mental and physical adjustment, a strange

thing is happening on this journey.

My thoughts and priorities are changing once again.

Whereas just weeks ago I was heard saying that

at least if I got one day of work done I had accomplished

something in the world. However, accomplishing that was

hampering me from accomplishing family things that

probably needed to be my priority.

So a funny thing is happening. Now that I am

resigned to taking my pain meds. every 4 to 6 hours

as doctors have been trying to tell me I needed to do,

I find myself with not only with less pain but actually sometimes

not needing the medication around the clock.

Before, some days after a day's work I had no

energy or desire to do anything else, now I find

myself getting back to the basics of what is important.

Such as spending time with my Mumsie,

On Monday not only did we do BINGO but I

felt well enough to get her a haircut and a manicure.

Yesterday I baked my Baby girl her birthday cookies she loves

and made gift bags with cookies for some people I owed thanks to.

I journaled, I scrapped and then my KD came to visit.

She and BG were going to the show and usually on a work

night I would back out of the movies.

Yet yesterday I felt so good and rested that I was able

to go to the movies with me girls and Kd and I

spoke of how long it had been since I actually followed

them on one of these little dates they do at least once a month.

What is the lesson learned here on this journey of my life?

For me right now the Big Man is telling me what others

have been trying to tell me for some time.

There will be a life after nursing and I will be,

not only happy, but fulfilled.

Somehow through the process of thinking that nursing

is my calling and these little children at my school need me,

I realize that my family still need me too.

They need to always be my first priority and somehow

I lost sight of that, not doing the things with them that

I used to love and enjoy.

Funny thing, is that I miss my work friends so much,

I am not longing for the job at this point.

Having the pressure off of having to make the decision

of making a whole day of work or not has freed me

mentally of a lot of stress....

Good observations are happening and I am not exactly sure

why the Big Man is having these things make sense to me right now

but I am listening, and Patricia it is not only when I

brush my teeth anymore......

OH HE'S A WANDERER....

...He'll run round and round and round...

Unlike Trixie, who will not move her fat rump one paw past the

front door out of fear she may have to get some exercise,

Jake will bolt at any minute.

Hence today's story.

Yesterday the poor Charter guy after getting kudo's from me

because of the awesome job he did, forgot to get me

to sign the service paper. I had already let the pups out of

their kennel so he knocked and when I opened, Jake bolted.

This is a major problem. Because he runs like a jack rabbit...

fast and far. It also a major problem because if something happens

to either of the pups on my watch, I do believe HOBL

would file for a divorce and I would really miss him.

So Jake is on the loose so I wake baby girl up and we begin

the hunt for the mongrel who at this moment I am not

too fond of. After a few minutes on foot, I realize

We best get in the car because that boy can run...

He is like a toddler, when you try and run after him

to catch him he bolts.

Yesterday we cannot even spot him, anywhere.

After about 20 minutes I see one of my neighbors backing out his

drive and he looks like he has information on or escapee

so I pull into my driveway.

As my neighbor slowly drives to my house there, following

behind him is our Jake....

running after his truck as though he is some big outside dog...

Baby girl and I we can only laugh.

My neighbor stops to tell me he has been trying to catch him

but it just wasn't happening.

These pictures are the results of how the pup came home looking...

Wet, very wet from roaming in the back ditch of neighbor...

He had this guilty look on his face

and he knew what was coming next, a bath and

flea medicine which he hates both

I wasn't so gentle while bathing him...

But no matter how guilty he looks, believe me, if given the chance,

he would bolt again without worry of the punishment.

When HOBL comes home he really needs to fix our backyard

so that the pups can't get under the gate because this

boy needs some out side time....

Tedi-girl turns 14, UGH!!!!

I did the math, it's true.... I thought for sure it was a mistake.

Yet, Tedi-girl was born the day after Baby girl's 7th birthday

If Bg turned 21 yesterday then Tedi-girl has to be 14.... UGH!!!

Sometimes I feel that I am repetitious when it comes to

bragging about my godchildren and great nieces and nephews.

However, there is just not enough times I can say what

a wonderful, well-adjusted child Tedi-girl is.

She is a cheerleader now for Golden Meadow Middle School

and just like we all know, a new popularity comes with that.

Parties and new friends less time at home.

All natural in the growing up portion of being a teenager.

She still, if I call, finds time for her Nannie.

Every time I speak with her or I spend time with her,

I realize just how special she is.

Her morals, her kind heart, her always putting others

before herself- it is phenomenal.

A well-rounded wonderful child who is the apple of

her mother and deda's eyes.

Tedi-girl rolls with the punches.

When her parents divorced, it was hard for her

but in true Tedi-girl fashion she did not let

it change who and what she wanted to be.

She continues to love both her parents

and thrives on the time spent with them.

I had two godchildren before her, Em and Rick

but at the time they were growing up, I had

my own babies to nurture so I didn't get to spend

as much time with them as I would have wanted.

Tedi-girl was the first godchild that I could be there

for in the way I believe a Nannie should be.

I am proud to be part of her upbringing and

out of all my godchildren, I do believe she and I have

the most in common.

Tiffany, her mother has always put this child first

and it shows in her self-esteem, her moral beliefs.

She is a child that any one would want to call her own

but believe me, she is not up for grabs and even if she was,

it would be a fight between her deda, her granny and her Nannie.

Have a beautiful, fantastic birthday just like you are to us all.

Proud to be your Nannie, today, tomorrow and always.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY GIRL, THE BIG 2-1

Twenty one years ago on this day I gave natural birth

to the most beautiful baby girl at 5:45 AM.

My blog followers may not know that I am also a journaler

and have written to both my babies since the day I

knew they were conceived.

Both of the babies now own their journals but I have

kept highlights from both of their most special moments.

Last night, while remembering how fast the time has passed

I go back into these written highlights and find

and entry from December 22, 1989

when baby girl was a mere two months old.

"I ALWAYS FELT THAT I COULD NEVER LOVE ANOTHER

CHILD AS MUCH AS RODDIE JOHN THEN YOU

CAME ALONG AND OPENED A WHOLE

OTHER SIDE OF MY HEART THAT I NEVER KNEW I HAD...

WHEN I LOOK AT YOU I SEE MY BABY BUT I ALSO SEE

A GIRL WHO HOPEFULLY ONE DAY WILL BE A WOMAN.

SOMEONE WHO I HOPE WILL SHARE HER

FEELINGS WITH ME AS I HOPE I CAN WITH YOU.

I CAN SEE US SPENDING SHOPPING DAYS TOGETHER,

MAYBE YOUR OWN PREGNANCIES...

I HOPE YOU WILL ALWAYS REMAIN HAPPY AND HEALTHY.

I WANT TO ALLOW YOU TO BE A CHILD.

YOU WILL GROW INTO AN ADULT TOO FAST

WITHOUT BEING PUSHED. I HOPE BY SETTING GOOD

EXAMPLES BOTH YOU AND YOUR BROTHER CAN

BECOME GOOD INDIVIDUALS.

REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE UNIQUE -

THERE IS NO OTHER LIKE YOU.

BE PROUD OF THAT AND DON'T TRY TO BE SOMEONE

YOU ARE NOT. PEOPLE WILL LOVE YOU FOR THAT

AND IF THEY DON'T THEY ARE NOT SOMEONE

YOU PROBABLY NEED IN YOUR LIFE ANYWAY.

REMEMBER THAT AS YOUR PARENTS, I HOPE YOU

KNOW THAT YOU CAN ALWAYS BE HONEST WITH US

AND WE WILL TRY TO BE FAIR.

WE MAY NOT ALWAYS AGREE BUT WE WILL TRY

AND HAVE AN OPEN MIND AND ACCEPT YOU FOR

WHATEVER YOUR BELIEFS ARE..."

I am proud that 21 years later most everything that was written

to my 2 month old baby girl came true.

After a miscommunication because of a text that did not

go through to me to say baby girl was going out and spending

the night at a friends house, I spent the night awake wondering

where my baby girl was.... It was a rough night until I heard her

voice at 8:30 am.

Yet now more than ever because of this night I realize I

just cannot survive without these children in my life...

So, baby girl, happy birthday!

It has been a wonderful honor to be your Mother,

I would not trade it for the world, except for maybe last night (lol)

I am proud of all you strive to become as you

take the unconventional road of a small bayou gal.

FOREVER AND EVER MY BABY GIRL

ZAHRA CLARE BAKER

ZAHRA CLARE BAKER

ZAHRA CLARE BAKER

Yes, hear the name and let it sink in.

I know, I know some of you followers are going to wonder

"when is Lil going to entertain us with some fun stuff"

Well how can I when this precious child is missing,

presumed dead by the hand of family, people who

were supposed to love and nurture her.

A cancer survivor child with a leg prosthesis

who wore hearing aids because of the treatments she received.

I guess these things have always bothered me to the core.

Abuse of children and death by the hands of those they love

breaches all boundaries of what parenting is.

This case bothers me more for many reasons.

First she was a childhood cancer survivor like me.

Also with the soon arrival of Eskimo Pie and to

see all the excitement this baby is bringing to

kd and Baby boy....

well I am bugged by this case.

I mean if you cannot trust your parents those who love

you the most, who in the world can you trust.

Our world has gotten so far from what God had intended.

There are reported documents that this child was highly

abused by the step mother who sits in jail right now

for unrelated issues. Family members are reporting this

and I want to scream, "Why didn't someone save this precious child?"

Yet, I also understand how hard it is to step in and do the major

things that needs to be done when a child is being harmed

in any way, even if it is a child.

There are rumors that the cadaver dogs have picked up

her human scent in the family car and a wood chipper

on the property..... I cannot even go there.

Because she was home-schooled she had no opportunity

to reach out for help to a teacher or counselor.

I am sad when I think of just how sad her little life must have been.

I thank my wonderful family for the self-esteem I received

having been brought up as a child with cancer.

When I was teased for being bald and would come

home at the end of the day to cry my wonderful daddy would

hold me and remind me with these words,

"Lilly it doesn't matter what the world thinks of you,

when you come through this door you are loved."

I attribute this simple statement from a daddy to

his fighting daughter for the reason I have such a high

self-esteem. This baby did not have this.

After all her treatments, all her fighting of this cancer,

she faced more abuse that was ten times worse than

any chemotherapy or radiation she had.

Her suffering by the hands of people who were supposed to love

her make me angry.

It is everything that is wrong in the world.

If you cannot trust your parents then there is no one you can trust.

There is no form of punishment that will be okay for me

in this case once they find out exactly what happened.

Except maybe the punishment being exactly what

she suffered. Wrong and sad....

wrong and sad....