GETTING UNSTUCK

After 30 years married, being with someone since you
are 15, even if it was not something salvageable anymore,
there is still a grieving process that must happen.
 Facts are, we have both made many mistakes
and that we bring out the worst in each other.
It has been a long time since I liked who I was
when around "us".
Each time I think I am getting better, stronger,
a addition to the story is brought to my attention
and I "loose my religion"
Last week, the day before our J.Belle was born,
I met with my parish priest, Father Greg.
I left there feeling strong, free of all those things
that had me feeling angry.
That day I told both the babies that I was done
with discussing this event with them.
I wanted them to know that no matter what,
I was strong and I would be fine.
I also wanted them to know that no matter
what they decided,  Their decisions were not to be made
out of loyalty to me. I am far from perfect
but I am one who allows my fears, my hurt to come
out in anger. Today, I am done with that.
I will make my amends where needed and let it go.
Which comes to my title,
GETTING UNSTUCK
I am a self-help book type of person.
On a trip to my second hand book store,
looking for something to make sense of this life,
to get well, I found
STUCK WHY WE CAN'T OR WON'T MOVE ON
by Anneli Rufus
Wish I had began reading this book before I checked the mail.
(don't ask what that means)
"… getting unstuck, becoming free, requires vitality,
bravery, and enough honesty with yourself, 
about yourself, to change…"
To be well, I have to do this,
ACCEPTING THE FUTURE ENOUGH TO LET
GO OF THE PAST REQUIRES COURAGE,
HOPE, AND THE KIND OF IMAGINATION
THAT TENDS TOWARD POTS OF GOLD 
AND RAINBOWS, NOT CHARRED CORPSES.
IF YOU CAN SPEAK IN THE FUTURE,
TENSE AND SMILE, I THINK YOU ARE AS
BRAVE AS ANY SOLDIER.
I love this statement, it will be my mission statement
for the next few months.
I learned 28 years ago in one of my very first
AA meetings,
behind all anger is fear
Never before has this statement shown itself to be true
more than this rainy morning.
As I work through becoming unstuck, I share here
in hopes that someone else gains knowledge and
if faced with this will find comfort in knowing
they are not alone.

K and K wedding...

A K and K wedding montage.

No order to any of them.

My sister, C married off her youngest son to

a wonderful gal, Kaylee who we have known her entire

life. Two great families now blended into one.

Me and my sister, c below..

she was so purty….

 This gal, my godchild, NeeNee, funny one right here.

Loves her Nannie, always asking to come to my house.

Soon little gal, soon you can come and hang out with me.

 Sister Veronica,

She was 16 when I was born and I am only a few years

older than her oldest child, she treated us like her own.

Us younger sisters would be lost without her,

 Then there is my oldest sister, Taunt Mone as we

all know her as. She was 23 when I was born,

still a "Kicken Chicken"

 Me and the best lil granddaughter.

HUgh was into photo bombing that night so

bear with him..lol

I am so glad that BB and Kd allowed me

to bring Bean with me, was so much fun with her.

 MY niece, Tiffy known to all as BEDa.

She may be my niece but we definitely were raised as

sisters, only two years apart.

 My great niece, Lucy,

My niece, Rebecca's oldest daughter.

This child, beginning EDW next school year,

everything she touches turns to gold.

She is growing into such a fine young lady.

So much like her Mommy.

 Another godchild, TEdi.

Going to be a senior this next school year.

Where has the time gone???

Yes, and Hugh doing his photo bombing again.

This child makes me proud every day.

Owen, sweet Owen,

another of my Rebecca's children.

He loves his Aunt Lil.

Not one for showing much love he does so with me

ever since he spent a few days with me this last summer.

Now constantly remembers and speaks of things we did

on that visit. Always asking to come back.

Ellen, sweet Ellen, the last 

of Rebecca and Miki's children and for sure,

the baby of the family.

Already going to second grade.

A red head cutie.

 Well here she is, the niece Rebecca.

the bond we have is one that is very special.

I was 10 when she was born.

She was always like a baby doll to me.

Many summers I was her babysitter so we both

have many memories of that.

She is the very best Mother to these four children she has.

Calm demeanor, and will never hear a will word spoken

of any of her babies.

 And here is her "babies daddy"

the two of them, make a dynamic team.

I cannot tell you what these two mean to me

with the way they nurture my gypsy baby.

She goes to these two often with her hurts and problems,

I never have to worry about them steering her wrong.

 okay, so I don't know what Hugh and TEdi-girl are doing here,

but they are cute.

Cousins, they remind me of gypsy baby and Kris growing up

as they are such good friends.

 Bean loves her big girl cousins,

not so much her boy cousins.

She tells me often that TEdi'girl is 

"So precious"

yep those are her words.

 Another great niece, ABby.

My nephew Guy and his wife Lisa's only child.

She is one of those girls that never ceases to amaze us.

Every day she is more beautiful.

She loves her auntie Lil….

 As there is no order to these pics,

here is a pic of the bride and groom,

Kand K

Kris, being only a few months younger than gypsy baby,

he was like my own growing up until we moved to 

Thibodaux. they were inseparable and many thought

he was my child, gypsy's brother when they were young.

Our extended family, we have been blessed with many

wonderful offspring but I have to say, out of all

my Mommy's grandchildren, great grandchildren,

our Kris is the sweetest. He is funny, cute but 

so darn sweet, loves to talk of old times and

always, always smiling. So proud of him.

He will make Kaylee one happy girl as she will

never have to worry about much.

Then there is Kaylee.

Here she is with her Mommy and Daddy.

We have known her forever as he big

brother, Case and BB were best of friends growing up.

AS the bayou is famous for, everyone knowns everyone.

her parents, Todd and Dolly are only a few years 

older than me. The circle goes on and on with the

ways we have all crossed paths over the years.

Now, we can forever call them family with the union

of these two kiddo's.

Next few pictures are from rehearsal, told

you there was no order to these pictures.

Bean loves her friend, Lillian who is Kris cousin on his

dad's side. We have had so many gatherings with the

two families over the last few months so they have

become close. Also sweet because beam and Lillian's 

parents all went to school together. 

 How gypsy baby got out of all these pictures is amazing.

this is the only one I got of her and look at her telling me no.

This girl, so beautiful, so much her Mommy's shoulder to 

cry on lately. I will forever be grateful for she and her brother.

I hate that they are hurting but them rallying together to 

be there for me, is amazing.

A

 Above, another godchild/great niece, Cameron Riley Tamplain.

This girl, she can be a poster child for overcoming obstacles

to be happy. WE hate when we don't see each other for so long

like this last separation.

Will end with this sweet selfie of Bean and I, right

before we took a nap on wedding day.

This child got me through some rough days lately.

She is so good for her Mumsie, as well as so loving to me.

I honestly do not know where I would be today if it

were not for her and the birth of her baby sister.

They give me the courage to put a smile on my face

and play like there is no tomorrow.

Enjoy the picture montage

as real blogging begins again, tomorrow.

Time to share...

Time to share my reasons for thinking of

shutting down Lilbit of my World and

the reasons why I have decided not to.

I have put it off long enough and I know until

I get this down and share with my blog world,

I will have a block to my writing.

It is a hard thing to write a post that

explains what all I have been feeling without

putting others down, yet I have never been 

a martyr and not about to become one.

I am a very strong woman and there is not

much I can think of, aside from loosing my children

that will stop me from being happy and living 

a healthy life.

I also have to realize, though as my children

have reminded me a few times over the last few

years, 

"A lilbit of your world is sometimes a lot of our world"

So with this thought in my mind and heart,

I will only say,

After 30 years of marriage, HOBL and I find

ourselves separating, ending a marriage.

This may come as a shock to many and not so,

to others. If you go back to readings 5 years ago,

you would think there is no way that couple 

would end in a separation and yet, here we are.

Again, I could be the martyr, hang on the cross,

lay here all the faults of the man who I have

called husband for many years, but even 

all this would not change the fact that we

let the "devil" come between us.

I do not want my children to hurt because of 

anything I would post or say and yet

I also know that if I am to be true to myself

and my blog, I have to share.

Thanks to all of you for prayers you may

have said for us without knowing what you were praying for.

 It is a grief process as Father Greg reminded me, it is

a death. Even with that being said,

with every day that passes, I find myself looking around,

past the shock of the events, and find joy in the

small things. Find myself exploring who I want to be.

Facts are I have always enjoyed my own company,

and lately, I did not like who I was becoming.

Now, I am seeing the joy in the little things in

the world, understanding the feeling of being

free of the negative things that were becoming my life.

Here it is, in a nutshell:

Nothing in this world is worth more than my happiness

and my children and grandchildren.

AT THE BOTTOM OF THE WELL,

ONE CAN LOOK UP AND SEE THE SKY

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun…

(in my sing/song voice)

ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL MIRACLE

There is not better blessing than a new born baby.

 Today, we added our sweet J.Belle

to the Riera/Guilbeau family.

She is perfect and we are in love!

We make some pretty, pretty babies!

These are reasons why lilbit of my world must go on.

To share our happiness with  you who love us,

well, its a necessity, like air and water for me.

My son, what an honorable and perfect portrait of  what

a father is. My daughter, Gypsy, always there for Baby boy

when it counts, when it is needed. Her calm demeanor,

big dimpled smiles will always warm us.

Maw Maw and Poppy Guilbeau as excited as I was,

waiting for our sweet new addition we talk of 

what a blessing this is for our families.

Our Bean, so in love with her sister,

insisting she teach us how to hold her baby sister,

saying we were not sharing her unless she was holding 

J. Belle herself. Just cannot get enough of her.

Baby boy said she cried not to leave her baby sister and

her family this evening.

Then there is my most wonderful Daughter in law.

As I have said before, daughter in law is just not 

personal enough for how I feel about this woman.

I cannot thank her enough for taking such great care of

herself, for appreciating life as well as loving her baby girls.

Going through a major surgery to deliver our J. belle

healthy, to immediately nurture her newborn, 

begin breast feeding at the same time she was not feeling so well.

My dear little family,

never, ever forget how you both feel right now.

Look at each other and see what a gift each of you is to the other.

Be thankful that your relationship is one that

both of you are hands on parents.

When things get rough in life, never take the gift of

each other for granted because there is no gift

greater than the gift of family.

A motto I love:

"THE BEST GIFT A DADDY CAN GIVE HIS 

CHILDREN IS TO LOVE THEIR MOTHER"

you my dear baby boy, are a perfect example of that.

I am so very proud of the man you are.

And me?

Well I am basking in the glory of another 

sweet baby girl to call me Mumsie.

I am head over heels, once again, in love!

J.BELLE's birthday!

We are going to welcome our sweet little 

J.BELLE into the world this morning!

Because she is "frank breach"

there will be no labor pains, no pushing,

all done in a matter of an hour.

Too excited to sleep last night.

Today we put all our pain, stresses, resentments aside

and we thank God for the most beautiful gift in the world,

LIFE