Saturday, May 24, 2014
Time to share...
Time to share my reasons for thinking of
shutting down Lilbit of my World and
the reasons why I have decided not to.
I have put it off long enough and I know until
I get this down and share with my blog world,
I will have a block to my writing.
It is a hard thing to write a post that
explains what all I have been feeling without
putting others down, yet I have never been
a martyr and not about to become one.
I am a very strong woman and there is not
much I can think of, aside from loosing my children
that will stop me from being happy and living
a healthy life.
I also have to realize, though as my children
have reminded me a few times over the last few
"A lilbit of your world is sometimes a lot of our world"
So with this thought in my mind and heart,
I will only say,
After 30 years of marriage, HOBL and I find
ourselves separating, ending a marriage.
This may come as a shock to many and not so,
to others. If you go back to readings 5 years ago,
you would think there is no way that couple
would end in a separation and yet, here we are.
Again, I could be the martyr, hang on the cross,
lay here all the faults of the man who I have
called husband for many years, but even
all this would not change the fact that we
let the "devil" come between us.
I do not want my children to hurt because of
anything I would post or say and yet
I also know that if I am to be true to myself
and my blog, I have to share.
Thanks to all of you for prayers you may
have said for us without knowing what you were praying for.
It is a grief process as Father Greg reminded me, it is
a death. Even with that being said,
with every day that passes, I find myself looking around,
past the shock of the events, and find joy in the
small things. Find myself exploring who I want to be.
Facts are I have always enjoyed my own company,
and lately, I did not like who I was becoming.
Now, I am seeing the joy in the little things in
the world, understanding the feeling of being
free of the negative things that were becoming my life.
Here it is, in a nutshell:
Nothing in this world is worth more than my happiness
and my children and grandchildren.
AT THE BOTTOM OF THE WELL,
ONE CAN LOOK UP AND SEE THE SKY
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun…
(in my sing/song voice)