Friday, April 10, 2015
RIERA, NOT JUST A NAME
I would lie if I said I have not
been angry or cried through this whole separation
but most of it, was at the beginning, the shock
and since then I have had an inner peace
I've not had for a long time.
Both Ron and I are happier and have made
this change in our lives amicable.
In lots of ways, we will always be a part of each other.
Fact is, that old adage that we all are so tired of
hearing, "I love him but I am not in love with him"
Yeah, that one, he and I are finding a way
to make this least hard on everyone, even us.
so a strange thing happened at the lawyers office
the other day and it had nothing to do with
a change in my mind of wanting this marriage
to try again. That is not going to happen.
Yet, Ron and I, we have both gone to the same
lawyer for all our proceedings.
Last week, we had an appointment to get
the home on my name so I can buy my cottage.
She, our lawyer voiced how at peace we both look,
how we should give lessons on the right way
to divorce. Not going there but I am proud
of how far we have come in less than a year.
We spoke to her about our divorce, when
we will make it final. I then ask, because I
just wanted to know,
"If I want to go back to my maiden name, would it be hard?"
"No" is her answer, "we can do it at the same
time for no extra cost."
I became choked up. I didn't expect that.
I want a divorce. it was about the name.
Our lawyer noticed I was "go-cud"
(tears in eyes, wanting to cry)
"Oh don't cry, you never cry"
Once I get my composure, I explain my feelings.
"This has nothing to do with wanting to go
back to being married. I and Ron are both so much happier,
this is about a name I have carried longer than my
Collins name. It is about not having the same last
name as my children, my grandchildren.
It is about feeling like I will stand alone in our family
that we have built."
Ron says, "It's a pain to change all that, it is up to
you but I don't care if you stay Riera"
Right there I make up my mind.
I want to be Riera.
I want, when people see my awesome kids and all
they achieve, they know they are ours,
as our last name is so unique, only ones around here.
I want when my little grandchildren write
their last name, to be proud that we share that.
So, I will be at peace, in my new cottage,
first home I own on my own,
but I will sign on the dotted line,
LILLIAN COLLINS RIERA
same name I have had for over 30 years.