RIERA, NOT JUST A NAME

I would lie if I said I have not

been angry or cried through this whole separation

but most of it, was at the beginning, the shock

and since then I have had an inner peace

I've not had for a long time.

Both Ron and I are happier and have made

this change in our lives amicable.

In lots of ways, we will always be a part of each other.

Fact is, that old adage that we all are so tired of

hearing, "I love him but I am not in love with him"

Yeah, that one, he and I are finding a way

to make this least hard on everyone, even us.

so a strange thing happened at the lawyers office

the other day and it had nothing to do with 

a change in my mind of wanting this marriage

to try again. That is not going to happen.

Yet, Ron and I, we have both gone to the same

lawyer for all our proceedings.

Last week, we had an appointment to get

the home on my name so I can buy my cottage.

She, our lawyer voiced how at peace we both look,

how we should give lessons on the right way

to divorce. Not going there but I am proud

of how far we have come in less than a year.

We spoke to her about our divorce, when

we will make it final. I then ask, because I

just wanted to know, 

"If I want to go back to my maiden name, would it be hard?"

"No" is her answer, "we can do it at the same

time for no extra cost."

I became choked up. I didn't expect that.

I want a divorce. it was about the name.

Our lawyer noticed I was "go-cud"

(tears in eyes, wanting to cry)

"Oh don't cry, you never cry"

Once I get my composure, I explain my feelings.

"This has nothing to do with wanting to go 

back to being married. I and Ron are both so much happier,

this is about a name I have carried longer than my 

Collins name. It is about not having the same last

name as my children, my grandchildren.

It is about feeling like I will stand alone in our family

that we have built."

Ron says, "It's a pain to change all that, it is up to 

you but I don't care if you stay Riera"

Right there I make up my mind.

I want to be Riera.

I want, when people see my awesome kids and all

they achieve, they know they are ours,

as our last name is so unique, only ones around here.

I want when my little grandchildren write

their last name, to be proud that we share that.

So, I will be at peace, in my new cottage,

first home I own on my own,

but I will sign on the dotted line,

LILLIAN COLLINS RIERA

same name I have had for over 30 years.