Tuesday, March 11, 2014
THE TOUCHING OF A HAND
This morning I had to decide whether I would go into another
deep blog like yesterday, like those going through my head constantly
that I have to get on paper so I can be released from it consuming
my thoughts or just a very touching post.
Because yesterday was so overwhelmingly deep, going to
go for touching. Still going to be long though as writing in
my journal has become hard for me so I am just printing
the blog entries right now. Okay, so onward.
Friday night, as I explained, I spent the night at the Plaisances'.
Lucy was in Grand Isle with friends but
Hugh, Owen and Ellen were all there as well as
Rebecca and Mikie.
Before leaving for the retreat I told Owen we were going to play
Lego's when I got back. One thing you need to know about
our O…. the only thing he probably loves more than Lego's is
his Mommy. I don't think he really believed that his old Aunt Lil
was gonna do Lego's or that I was telling the truth when I said
I really do love playing Lego's. He did look mildly optimistic.
When I got back I was like,
"Dude, go take your bath and crack open them Lego's"
Fast baths were taken and a blanket spread as the two
boxes of Lego's were dumped. Oho we were in some type
of Lego heaven. Ellen and Hugh even joined us.
During play he looks at me and says,
"Aunt Lil you just might be my favorite aunt…"
MELT, MELT, MELT, MY HEART…..
We continue to play well into the night.
Midnight comes and it is time to lay these heads down.
Ellie-pie, wants to sleep with auntie, so does Owen.
El wins but O, not to be left out sets his sights on the
futon in the room, on Aunt Lil's side. As El gathers
her family of stuffed animals to sleep with,
Owen begins reminding me of all the memories he and I have
made over the last few visits.
"Aunt Lil, remember when we were playing Trouble and you thought
a 4 was a 6?" yeah… hahhahaha
"And you remember when we played blokes"
"And how about when I was scared to sleep by myself
so you made me that special spot in your room? Has anyone
else slept there besides me?"
"Aunt Lil, we made some good memories, huh?"
Oh yes, my dear one, including tonight.
I swear, this child, he can frustrate you as fast as he can
melt you but when it comes to he and his Aunt Lil lately,
it's all about the melt.
"yes, O, and you know what? This summer, you are coming to my
house and we gonna make many more"
"I can't wait, aunt Lil, I really can't wait."
Have i mentioned how much I love this child yet?
We all tucked in, Owen on the futon and El in bed with Aunt lil,
her and her many stuffed animals. El is a cuddler,
I? I am a lover of cuddling with kiddo's.
She starts with getting really close and holding my hand
and she is out. I am remembering other times, times when her
mother was younger than she and I babysat.
we are ten years apart, Rebecca and I, so she has always
been like my little baby doll.
During the night, I awaken to the very best feeling,
Ellen with her head on my shoulder, resting beneath my chin.
It is her Mother I am thinking of, those many summer afternoons
when she and I would nap every day. She for the rest,
I, for the cuddling. This is what my heaven will be like.
I fall asleep quite content.
Later that day, as Rebecca and I are at retreat, both
crying during the profession of the flowers, crying because
the words of Immaculee' are beautiful and about mothering,
being mothered, forgiving. During one point I am compelled
to reach for Rebecca's hand not only to comfort her but to
comfort myself, we are both crying and praying.
I hold this woman's hand in mine, I know those hands are the
same that have held her own babies many times,
but for me, that very hand is the same one I held, when she
was three and I, 13. The very one that I awakened to holding
so many times during her life.
That hand who now belongs to a 40 year old woman
is the hand of my three year old niece who I love so very much.