Could say "As the world turns"
as my life is truly been more like a soap opera
than the life I projected to have as a 50 year old woman.
Some days are "easy Peasy" and others, not so much.
Today was a "not so much day"
So, I search for something that will give me comfort,
release from the sadness, and I read this in my Alanon book:
IF I CAN SEE MYSELF CLEARLY AND HONESTLY
IN RELATION TO MY PRESENT CIRCUMSTANCES,
I WILL NOT BECOME THE VICTIM OF
SELF-PITY OR RESENTMENT.
IF I DO WHAT I SHOULD, I WILL BE AT
PEACE WITH MYSELF.
IT IS ONLY WHEN I COMPARE MY LIST IN LIFE
WITH THAT OF OTHERS THAT THE
DESTRUCTIVE EMOTIONS OF SELF-PITY
IS ALLOWED TO ENGULF ME.
IT IS ONLY BY TAKING OFFENSE AT
WHAT OTHERS DO THAT I WILL BE AFFLICTED
WITH RESENTMENT. IF I FEEL
THAT WHAT I AM DOING IS RIGHT, I WILL
NOT BE DEPENDENT ON THE
ADMIRATION OR APPLAUSE OF OTHERS.
IT IS GRATIFYING, BUT NOT ESSENTIAL TO MY
CONTENTMENT. I WILL LEARN TO JUDGE
MY OWN MOTIVES, TO EVALUATE M OWN
ACTIONS, SO THAT, LITTLE BY LITTLE,
I CAN BRING THEM INTO LINE WITH MY
STANDARDS AND IDEALS.
nothing has the power to hurt my feelings and
stir up unwholesome emotions in my unless
i allow it. i will do what is given me to do.
I will do it as well as I can. That will
be my inner security against which all outside battering
will be powerless.
… and with that, just those few paragraphs, I am
back on tract, sad for the decisions others have made
that affect those I love the most and yet,
I know I will be okay because it is what I do.
I mourn, I grieve and then I become happy once
again. I share with others so that comfort can be given to
someone else who may be suffering.
I lay my head down tonight in peace knowing that
better days are ahead and I will be better than ever.
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