Tuesday, April 30, 2013

prayers for a dear child, and her heartbroken family

This post is going to be one that will possibly upset you
in some form, it is written with the permission of the beautiful
8 year old child's parents I am about to blog about.
Sharing their pain, their little girls pain is not an easy task for
them to decide and yet they not only give me permission
to share but thank me because in writing the blog,
awareness for this disease will be spread.
Remember it, recite it, pray it, follow it on Facebook.
Paige is a beautiful, talented little girl who is 8 years old
and not only fighting for her life, but suffering quite a bit right now.
Baby boy and KD were the first to tell me about sweet Paige.
BB was pretty shook up about her as
he is beginning a new position where her daddy works
and knows her Mommy because she works at the training center
where he attends.
He texts me one morning asking me if I have every heard of
Steven-Johnson's Syndrome and the more
rare form of it called Toxic Epidermal Necrolysis.
He gives me the facebook site to follow
(Paige Lacombe Updates)
and horror fills me as I read of this dreaded disease and
what it does to its victims.
On the short form, it begins as an allergic reaction
to a medication that causes third degree burns to the body
both inside and out. It spares no areas and yet
it has the luxury of not effecting the brain so that
all of her suffering is not forgotten or not felt by a little child.
Her Parents are on a terrible roller coaster ride with their
sweet oldest child hanging off the side.
Paige had 80% of her body affected, was in ICU for 
many days and now, having just had her 6th surgery 
all in hopes to save her sight, her parents are beside themselves.
Having two other children, ages 3 and 10 months, 
makes it even harder to be away from Lafayette, where they live,
and stay in Texas children's burn center.
Imagine, having your child critically ill, in ICU,
they shave her head in hopes of causing less infection,
they put special contacts in her eyes to stop her blindness,
a feeding tube because you are told that what they see on the
outside is what is also happening on the inside.
Enough, right? and yet they live it each day
I speak often of the "helicopter view" God has
over all of us, what makes no sense to us here,
God can see from a higher view, I don't believe
He causes suffering in his favorite, His children,
but there has to be a reason or none of this makes sense.
Paige is living through this possibly for the lessons 
it will give to someone else. 
Lessons of courage of a little girl and her awesome parents.
I cringe as I read this morning the pain of her mothers writings.
A parent's worse nightmares.
Having been a critically ill child I share with Paige's parents
that for me, most of my memories are the good ones from that time.
Resilience is something an ill child has and others wonder where
that came from. They are right, Paige will be forever changed,
never to be the little girl she was before, but in exchange,
when this is all over, she will be a new and improved version
of her former self. She will be kinder and caring,
very sensitive to the suffering of others and in turn,
will help so many people in our world. She is a special child,
special parents. I read in awe of this family's bravery, courage
and also their honesty when sharing their life with us right now.
It takes a special family to be able to put it all out there for
the world to see, the good, the bad, the ugly but
always, always, always, the hope, the faith, amazing!
 Prayers for all, add to prayer lists,
add to your nightly prayers, dedicate your masses to Paige and
her family. 
Many have already been changed by this little girls bravery 
as well as her parents.

Monday, April 29, 2013

Middle sex...

This is going to be a deep, thought provoking blog.
I spoke yesterday of the Jodi Picoult book but I
am one of those that is lucky enough that I can read
a few books at once and keep them all straight in my head.
This is why today I speak of another book that not only has my 
interest right now but I seem to be obsessed with.
Of, course, my favorite woman, Oprah,
had this one on her book club read status and she has
never disappointed me.
A few weeks ago while visiting Kd's parents home
the subject of what would you do if you were the parent
of a hermaphrodite, meaning a child of yours born
with both sex parts, both male and female.
what if you had to be the parent to choose which sex
the child was meant to be. What would you do?
We all had different opinions. Some said they
would decide at birth,  have the surgeries to 
assure they be raised as one sexual gender. Others, including
me said I would have to wait until the child was old
enough to make its own decision.
Either way, can you imagine the delima?
What if you make a mistake, choose girl
and they grow up to want to be a boy.
Needless to say, I had to buy and read this book,
It is a fiction but deals with this topic and I
can't seem to stop reading it.
Growing up I didn't believe this actually happened
that a child was born with both sexual organs
and in nursing school was blown away by the fact
that it does exist. 
I remember once on Oprah there was a set of parent
who were dealing with this and the child,
although had no surgeries to change anything,
had decided to raise their child as a boy.
As the child grew and began school, decided he really
was a girl. Her girl hormones were stronger than that
of the male gender. Such an interesting topic but one
that I am grateful I have never had to choose.
The book is written as a fiction but believe me
these things do happen even in our scientific world of 2013.

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Writers block? A Book review

A death of someone who is so important in your life
can do strange things to you.
For me, the writers block has got to end.
So today, I am going to attempt to write a blog
here in hopes I can get some good stuff back to share with all.
I am trying to get back to my reading love again which
has also been hard but is back full steam.
I am a JODI PICOULT lover.
Meaning I love her books, her style of writing.
Her newest one I bought for the ipad a few weeks ago
and am finally really getting into the meat of the story.
I am slowly reading it as it is deep with so many messages
in there for us all.
Her writing in the book is about a damaged female baker
who befriends an older man who has been a soldier
in Hitler's army, responsible for  many deaths of the holocaust.
Jodi writes and leaves so many messages in her stories.
For instance, She explains the characters love for vintage books;
Oh that explains exactly how I feel of all old things
whether it be books or something for my home,
I always wonder, where did this live before here?
I go into old second hand bookstores or libraries
and pull books off the shelves to thumb through them to
see if I can find any tidbits of other owners or readers.
Sometimes I will find a book mark, a writing inside the book,
old mail. I was the geek in school who always had
to look at the names in my school books to see who had
the book the years before me.
As I dig and ponder in antique shops I wonder about
the previous owners. If these things could talk what stories
would they tell?
More from this most awesome book.
If you looking for a new read, this one is great!

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Every day, better and better

I am going to be okay...
I feel the last two days i've had many signs that
I am better. Of course, there is all this
extra time now that used to be used to care for Mommy
but yesterday I can see all that I had put off and stopped doing.
Today, going to work on Katie the neighbors wedding programs
and tomorrow going to head out to Houma to spend the
day with my besties, Ann and Laurie.
Going to take in a few movies.
I am excited about this.
I have neglected my friends and Mommy will
be happy to see me getting back into that.
I again can't thanks my babies enough,
Baby boy, Gyspy baby, Kd and Kelmiester for
all their love and help over this long, long week.
I am so thankful that my children can share feelings and
memories with me, we can laugh at all the funny things
Mommy always did, remember all the good things she was
to them. Having lived with us for 10 years while they
were growing up, they have many memories of her.
I am so happy for this. Yes, they will miss her but
they will forever remember a Mommee that although
she fussed, always had something cooked for them
after school.
Gypsy baby and Our neighbor Jessica Rousse
could not wait to get home each afternoon to their
salads that would be waiting for them when they got
off the bus. Love all the memories...
but I am moving on....
last blog about the loss of Mommy as she would
pull my toes if she knew I was carrying on longer than
a week. From now on, only happy thoughts and comfort
knowing that I was sad longer than a week.
I know there will be those moments when loosing her will
hit me, but I know she is waiting for us up there in Heaven,
saving our spots, no more chest pains, no more shortness of breath,
no more dementia... all good things brought back to our Mommy.
I am moving on....

Monday, April 22, 2013

One week ago today...

I know, I know, eventually I will have to move on
and blog about something different than the loss
of the best Mommy on Earth.
LIke the title of the blog, lil bit of my world,
it is what consumes my world right now.
There are those first few minutes in the morning,
when you first wake up and all seems right because
it takes a little minute for you to remember that 
today you will not be going to Thibodaux, you
will not be seeing your Mommy, wheeling her around 
the outside of the beautiful Manor taking advantage
of the pretty day. 
Today is better than yesterday, even though I slept very little
last night, I find myself with the memories that are good
and find myself smiling and even laughing at things she
shared with me.
For instance, Baby boy and I were fishing in back yard yesterday
and I told him that I am having trouble eating as my
stomach is always upset. 
"I guess Mommy is helping out with my weight loss"
I told him the story of two weeks ago, my last
time to stay with my Mommy, Rosie was with her
and I was coming in.
They were sitting in the dining room and as I went
to get my coffee she told Rosie,
"I don't want to offend Lilly but she is getting fat."
Then before I could even sit with the cup of coffee
she said,
"Lilly you getting fat"
So much for not offending me, Huh?
I tell her,
"yes, you with your mere 105 pound weight can now say I am fat"
Hahahahha that Mommee, she surely used her age to get
away with saying whatever she wanted.
Then, three minutes later, would say she did not say that.
Happy Monday, a week since the "Queen" went
to live with her God.
Heaven rejoices as we find our way to go on.

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Boston Bombings

I guess with the passing of my Mommy
I have not really thought or focused on the 
Boston Bombings.
Something like that I would have been all over had
I not just lost my Mommy on the same day.
This morning on Goodmorning America
it is the topic and they speak of the four
who passed individually.
I focus on the story of the sweet little
8 year old boy, there to cheer his daddy through the
finish line. He entered Heaven only hours after
my Mommy and this morning it makes me
very, very happy to think that my Mommy,
with all her years of Mothering was there for him.
We will never know the time nor the hour that
our loved ones go but I can see her,
"Come see Beb" taking his hand.
making sure he got to someone who he recognized
in a place that was probably strange to him.
I have to believe in the thought of Heaven right now.
Last night I had Bean for a few hours, 
she is what makes me smile these days.
I bathe her and after a blowdry her beautiful blonde
hair she finds her way to my bedside where I
have my flowers and pictures of my Mommy.
Funny how you can talk openly to a child
when you just can't find the words to share with an adult.
She looks at the pictures and holds the one of 
Mommee with her feet being soaked and
her crown and scepter and she starts
to sing in her loud, loud voice,
"Happy birthday dear Mommee"
and she rattles on about the party we had.
I explain to her that the party was because Mommee was 
going to live in Heaven and she questions,
"With Baby Jesus"
God, I love this child.
"Yes, she is in Heaven with baby Jesus
and then I guess her memory goes back to Christmas
when the Nativity was set up at the Manor and her love
of cows,
"And the cow?"
and she makes me laugh out loud, something I have not done
since last Monday.
She is my medicine and today, I know, 
I will be okay and I know that my Mommy will be
there to greet all those who go to Heaven from now
on. Even the cows.....
 Manor 2012 Christmas party
 So, so grateful that KD and BB always said Yes when I asked to 
bring her to visit the manor
 The Christmas nativity where she got to kiss a cow...

 and baby Jesus

Friday, April 19, 2013

... time heals everything...

If you like the Dixie Chicks you have probably heard 
the most beautiful song,
I already know this will be the way it is as reality hits
that my Mommy is gone from our Earthly lives.
Each morning is a little better and much better if 
you are blessed to sleep at night after a loss such as this.
I was 20 when my Daddy died. Each night he
came to me in my dreams and that helped so much.
My dear, Rob came to me very often when he first passed
and now still comes when there is a message I need to pass
on to Marty and Jeri.
I have yet to dream of my Mommy. 
Maybe she knows I am not ready for that, maybe
she needs I need a few more days of mourning to be able
to grasp the fact of her having left us.
There are those moments that I internally fuss myself saying,
"My God, Lilly she was 92 years old, you were so blessed
to have her that long"
and the moment when like a little child, I go to bed
with my Mommy's pillow because I can smell her still.
So many others have lived this, I have done this before also.
I know I will be better because ol Minta would be
kicking my arse right now.
TOday is better, each day will be better.
and yet I know there will still be those moments when I 
have a memory that brings on the tears.
I will be okay, I again, want to say 
thanks to so many people who have and continue to
pray and nurture myself and my family.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

After the "hooplah" is over

Yesterday was beautiful! 
A celebration of a women's 92 years of life,
A goodbye until we meet again. 
So many people, so many friends, so many family members 
All there to pay tribute to a most awesome woman and mother. 
All there to support us as we lay our mother in her final resting place, back where h belongs
Right there with my daddy.i
Just as she wanted, many followed us to
The Lasalette center for a party. 
I cannot even begin to name and thank all that were there 
Nor all that were not but sent their condolences. 
As one shared with me, usually funerals
Of people in their 90's have very few people attend thir funeral
And my moms turn out was a true testament to the
Woman she was. 
As I said yesterday, we are not to canonize her as she was not a saint.
Yet, she was a child of God and how happy He
Must have been to see her. 
As for me, my siblings? 
I do believe we are all feeling the same thing today. 
The morning we had to let her body go was by far the hardest. 
I thought yesterday would be just as hard nd yet it was not. 
What I did not expect was this day,
The morning after.  
I am sad and realization is setting in that until
I am called to heaven, my time with my mommy is over.
I know all the words  people tell you in their way
Of finding comfort to give you. 
I know that I must rejoice in the good fortune of having so many
Years with our Mommy,
but for today, perhaps this one day, I want the permission
To allow reality to kick in and realize, I for the first time
In my life,am parent-less. 
It was hard when our daddy died but we still hd our mommy.
Todd, a friend of ours sent me a message someone told him when his own 
Mother died:
"You don't truly grow up until your mom dies" 
then he added that it sucked to grow up. 
No more late night calls telling me she is not well. 
No more 24/7 vigils at St.Joseph manor.
This morning, for the first time in my entire life I, wished
I'd had a shitty momma so it wouldn't hurt this bad.
of course that memory didn't lst long as I would never, ever have traded the
One we had. 
So, life goes on and right now, at 430 I will finally get dressed
And Hobl and I will go up the road,
kirtley road that is and play with out Bean while 
Baby boy fixes us supper. 
Once again, thanks to all for love, support,
And compassion through these last few
Sometimes awful but most times wonderful,

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

We prepare to bury the Queen

It does not matter how much you tell yourself you are ready
to let your Mommy go, no matter how old they are,
when your last parent moves on to the next world,
you are not ready.  No matter how old you are, when the time
comes you are still just a little child and you are selfish and
you want your Mommy.
This morning I begin my first day as a child of God
with no Earth parents.
I know, I know all those things people will say,
"She is at rest" "she is in heaven now"
For today I just want the permission to be a person who has
lost one of the most important people in my life.
This morning I awaken after a terrible night with little sleep
and my first reaction is to text the sisters and ask for a Mommy update.
No need for that now. Last night I was consumed with the questions,
"Where are you right now, Mommy?"
Can you see us? Are you in heaven already or do you get to 
hover around us for a bit?
I am sad that I didn't dream of her, Robert comes to me always
in dreams but Momma? Nope, Notta.
I will miss my days and nights at the Manor.
Mommy never felt like a burden to any of us,
we all looked forward to our time with Mommy and
all those who call St. Joseph Manor home.
Today, my siblings and I plan on spending the whole afternoon
at the Manor, packing up Mommy's things, separating her 
belongings into 7 different boxes, one for each of us
and one for brother Larry's children who are on 
their way to us for the funeral/party tomorrow.
Tomorrow, we will bury the Queen.
It will be a hard day but after, Mom insisted on a party.
We will do just that, we have rented the center right next to church,
going to have the lunch catered and all who come for the funeral or anyone
for that matter who loved Mommy is invited and it will be a party.
Lunch for all, a gathering for the afternoon.
None of this is easy and yet, our Mommy raised us to be strong
and do those things that need to be done.
It is what each of us will do.
Thanks to all those who have prayed and been with us through
this journey.
A huge, huge thanks to St. Joseph Manor who was not only a 
home for our Mommy but her family, our family. 


Saturday, April 13, 2013

A Day with Gypsy Baby.... Priceless

You all know the Priceless commercials...
Let me get one posted here:
32 bags of Mulch=158 dollars
Plants, gloves, weed killer at Walmart=50 dollars
flowering plants at nursery=60 dollars
a day with gypsy baby=PRICELESS
 ( Taken Mother/daughter breakfast at Ed White, 2008)
 (Christmas Eve 2010)
( gypsy baby with her aunts and uncle on Mom's bday 2012)

Yes, a day with Gypsy baby, they are far and few between.
We cleaned flower beds, pulled weeds, planted new flowers
and talked. Sometimes we were just together, without words.
Geese, I love this child. 
She can frustrate those who do not understand her
and she says to me,
"Pretty much no body really gets me but you, that I have
been like this my whole life, it is who I am"
I take the compliment because it is not always easy being
her Mommy, or someone who loves her.
Every one who loves her wants the very best for her
and all she wants is permission to live the way she wants.
It is hard to get her to commit to a time, but if you need her
she is going to be there, eventually.
She is so much my daughter, I realize as we talk.
She shares with me what she hopes her future will be.
She shares about her relationship with the Kelmiester,
and many other things. I listen, I offer advice
when it seems like she wants it but mostly,
I just love her. Love being with her. 
We work so well together when it is just us.
I say sometime during the day how I wish sometimes
that she was still a little girl so every day we would be together.
She also wishes that sometimes.
No stress, no bills, no job.
Yet, it is not the way life is, Life forces us to move
on in life, to grow up, to learn from mistakes we make.
Today, another day with her as we begin to put the mulch down
on our freshly cleaned beds.
Bean spending night with me so I am also pumped about that.
If you have a little girl, or if you are blessed with even more than one,
enjoy the time, it is gone in a flash.

Friday, April 12, 2013

If the phrase, "spitting nails" was possible...

Yesterday, it could be because Mommy had been so sick the night
before or it could be because of lack of sleep but
yesterday, if it were possible to "spit nails"
I may have just done it. I am ashamed to say it was to 
an elderly resident that I was upset with.
I have never gotten upset from anyone there knowing
that they are elderly and are entitled to speak the way they wish.
One of my favs, ms. Helen was back at the Manor,
so as I made a trip to bring my suitcase to my car,
I had to stop and give Helen a big hug.
There sitting at her table was another sweet lady.
As I fill Helen in on Mommy's health while she has been gone,
the other lady interjects,
"Can I tell you what is wrong with your Momma?"
I say nothing but she does.
"Ya'll are pampering your Momma too much, she has
lost her independence because ya'll do everything for her"
I am stunned for a moment, she knows nothing of my Mommy's
condition, she knows nothing about the physician's news to us
that our Mommy is dying and its only a matter of time
until her heart gives out, nothing can be done.
I say to her that we are unable to leave her alone,
especially at night. She says,
"Well ya'll should leave her alone during the day"
I tell her that will not happen. I for one moment,
feel the need to explain to this woman what is going on
with my Mommy but I change my mind because
one, it is not her business and two, I realize that I never
see this little lady with any family staying with her.
I have never seen a visitor.
Maybe her words are sincere meaning nothing to hurt
or maybe some of her comments are our of jealousy for lack
of her own family. She does not hear my Mommy's confusion
on what time of the day it is, she does not see her struggle to just get
out of bed each day. She does not see my Mommy loosing her
modesty as we have to help her with her body washing.
She does not hear or see the fear in our Mommy's voice,
in her eyes when she calls our name at night because
she has chest pains, can't breathe and believes she is alone.
Sometimes in the night she just calls our name to be
sure we are still there.
Our Mommy needs us for her daily care, just
like we needed her when we were babies, needing
our diapers changed, sure that someone would feed us,
held us until we fell asleep.
Each night, as I ready her for bed, she sits and I give her
a back wash and rub with lotion she says to me,
"Oh Shad Bet" 
Which is a Cajun slang for something that feels good.
The other words she shares with us needs no translation,
" I am so blessed to have such wonderful kids,
I must have done something right to deserve this."
Oh my dear Mommy, the feelings are mutual.
Today I choose to hold no grudge against another
elderly lady who may not be as blessed as we.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

A memoir in the making, a pink dress, and more...

Today, I brought HOBL to airport and today, I leave to spend my
three days, two nights with our dear Mommy.
I know my blogging has been slow as well as my writings
not really up to par.  I apologize to my followers for that.
It's like I have tried to explain, life seems like it is on standstill
when you have someone you love who is slowly dying.
Today, as I have gathered and added here a few pictures
from times before with the siblings and mommy, sadly they
are all after brother, Larry had passed so he is missing from all.
When Mommy got really sick and we realized that hospice
would be needed as there is nothing else that can be done
for her ailing health, I had began to write down medications I had given
to keep whoever was coming to pass on what was given on my time there.
i had just put it on a sticky note but C, being the
business mind of the gang, bought a steno notebook and
we began to keep notes in there to share the updates,
things that may be important to the ones following behind us.
 This steno notebook has now grown into a big faith journal.
It has also become so much more.
As we began to write important messages, we also began to
write stories of our time spent there.
Things Mommy says to us, things that happen at the Manor
on our watch, funny stories of Mommy and others who
we now share our lives with.
It is one of the first things us sisters want to do when
we get to Mommy's house, read all that has happened while we were gone.
There are all the medications she has needed, also
a timeline of how much she has gotten weaker and sicker,
how she is pulling away which is normal in those who know 
there time on this Earth are getting shorter.
But it is also, so, so much more.
These journals are filled with stories, our thoughts, our wishes,
our love. 
I am so proud of the sisters, as I am usually the writer,
the blogger, the mushy one. Yet, in these books are
their thoughts, their soul, their love for our Mommy.
I laugh out loud when reading some of the antics that
go on while I am out. I cry when I read their love for our
Mommy. I pray that one day soon, brother will have something
written in this book, as I know he has lots to share with us all.
We have grown closer, through this "changing of the guards"
we have all committed to, fulfilling our promise to our Mommy
 That, one, she will not suffer and two, that 
she will not die alone. I am so proud that so far, we 
have been able to keep these promises to her.
Lately, she has spoken of brother Larry, how
she would like to go to Texas one more time before she
dies, she asks about brother Peter often.
 We have also shared in the journal mom's insistent need for 
a new dress. She is so small now, weighing a mere 105,
she not only has much clothing that no longer fits, but she
also has not one dress that fits her.
She forgets so much but each time she speaks of the dress
and what color, she mentions that it is for Arthur and Amanda's 
wedding. She remembers always that this event is coming
and uses that reason for wanting a new dress.
A few weeks ago, friend Alli, brought Mommy the
most beautiful roses in this peachy/pink color.
She wants a dress that color.
Sometimes we believe she is going to hang on until 
November to attend this wedding and other times
we believe that subconsciously she is asking for a new
dress to be buried in. A beautiful pink dress,
the color she looks the best in.
 We cannot fulfill the promise to take her to Texas,
but we can fulfill her wishes for a new dress.
C had a great idea, buying a few that she may like at Stage,
bringing them to the manor for try- ons and returning all the
ones except the one she chooses.
It will be the dress she sports to the A&A wedding and/or
it will be the dress she wears to her final resting place.
Although, she has always joked with us that she came into the
world naked and wants to go out the same way, to bury
her nude, we know she would prefer a pretty pink dress.
Love to all!

Sunday, April 7, 2013

A busy weekend...

 It is only Sunday morning and it seems like this weekend has lasted 
a month! Today, going to take it easy.
Friday night, we hung out with KD's parents and family to
celebrate sweet Lizzie, above.
Already, this precious child has become two.
She and Bean are heart melting, when watching them together.
I just know they will grow up to be the best of friends.
Bean and Lizzie, watching video
The older Bean gets, the better she tolerates her Pappy.
He entices her over with pretending he has a bird in his hand.
She falls for it every time.
Then, unlike most Pappy's, he proceeds to take rubber bracelets
and "Handcuffs" her.
She allows it, sometimes I believe even she stays just
to see what unusual thing her Pappy has up his sleeve.
They definitely are establishing a relationship now that
she is getting older and understands that he will
always be there to cause her "Mee-SA"
 Yesterday HOBL and I made the trip to Cut Off to watch
our Jrew confirm in his faith.
He insisted on having his Perrin, HOBL be his sponser.
In many ways they are alike.
After the service, when I am speaking to Jrew about 
religion being over now he makes a comment that 
literally makes me LOL.
I guess because it is something I am sure I would be able
to hear straight from his Perrin's mouth back in the day.
He does not share that, yeah he has no more religion 
and the accomplishment that is for him ,
instead, he shares.
"Yeah, because religion has been messing up my social life"
He goes on to explain each time he planned to do something,
the answer was, "You have religion"
This boy, how he has grown up way too fast.
As we sat in the beautiful church of Cut Off,
I remember like yesterday, baptizing him on the same altar,
with the same people up there to support him.
As usual, it causes me to drop a few tears.
This Jrew, is what I think of when I hear the old saying,
"He is all boy"
He loves fast moving things, building remote race cars,
school is not so important to him, but give him
something to take apart and he will show you 
his talent. He is a cutie, such a cutie, likes to talk,
always has a story. 
I can remember his Mothers frustration even back in the day
of his second grade year, she would call me
explaining the elaborate stories Jrew would tell.
She feared he was lying and I told her that was not lying
it was a little boy with a vivid imagination,
a story teller. He remains this way and it is what I love 
the most about him. 

 I know his parents are proud of Jrew on this day.
Confirmed, an adult in the Catholic faith but 
far from not needing these two parents who love him
unconditionally, right where he is.
I also wanted to share the picture of Jrew and Cindy's parents.
They, also are beginning to show their age, just like my Mommy.
They are what you will find in the dictionary if you look up the
word grandparents. Fine, fine people.
.... and even with these wonderful events happening around
me, putting joy in my life, there is this.
My sweet, sweet momma, 
slowly preparing herself to leave this life and move on
to the next adventure she chooses to call Heaven.
Her pattern right now is she will have two or three days
where she stays in bed and sleeps most of the time
and we believe our time with her is almost done,
then, like today, she awakens with other plans,
ready to make her bed and dress, visit her friends at the Manor.
We are not fooled by these patterns, however.
We see that each time she has a bad day, it is a little worse than
the time before. My sisters and I, we continue to love her up,
rub her back each night, often when it hurts,
we give the miracle medicines that Hospice has showed us
how to use so that she never suffers.
We massage her legs on the nights "Charlie's horses" visit.
"Sure wish Charlie would come get his horses and keep them away 
from me"
Yes, her sense of humor is still there.
My sisters and I, we make sure her body and hair is clean and
neat because we remember how important that has 
always been to her and we also understand she can
no longer do it for herself.
We are treasuring our days and hours with her.
We long for our turn to stay with her but continuing
to balance each of our other lives that we must continue
to live as it would kill her to think any of us are
giving up our personal lives for her.
Each time us sisters have a "changing of the guards"
or "pass the baton" we know it may be our
last time to be with her in this life. 
We kiss and love up on our Mommy and he hug
each other tightly for the strength us sisters have
in unity. There is no way to predict how long this 
vigil will continue but we know it will until the day
she takes her last breath.
We will keep her free from pain, stress and worry
and we will continue to tuck her in each time she 
goes to bed.

It is a wonderful life, what we are doing for our Mommy.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Thanks, Yuri!

A few weeks ago I was privileged to be the one staying with Mommy
when an envelope came in from our nephew, Yuri and his family.
As she opened it, the most beautiful handmade rosary fell out of 
the envelope and Mommy immediately fell in love with it.
"This is going to be the one I use from now on"
"I am going to bring it to the dining room so Father can bless it"
Then she said something that sparked an idea inside of me.
"Oh, I wish I had one like this for each of my daughters
to thank y'all for all you do for me."
I explain that there is no thanks needed, that we fight over 
who is going to stay with her as we all come there to rest
and spend quality time with her.
Rosie and I do the change of the guards, pass the baton,
all those slangs we use to mean we switched hitches
but my mind cannot stop thinking of mom's wish.
When I get home I text our dear Yuri and ask if he
can have 5 more made exactly or as close to Mommy's as possible.
He took this request seriously, over seeing the progress to assure
they are as close to Mommy's as possible.
Last week he told me they were ready and he thought we were
going to be very pleased with them.
thanks, Yuri for holding the secret, and helping Mom
come through on her surprise.
He is such a special young man, very sensitive and willing to help
any and everyone, just like his dad was....
My brother, Larry, as we all have, had lots of faults but there
is one thing that man had, it was a heart to help others no
matter what it costed. How many days that man spent praying 
with people in prison. It will help a littel when we loose Mommy
to know that our brother will be waiting for her...
I could not hold the secret of the rosaries another minute when they came in.
Texted the story and a picture right away to the sisters....
That Yuri of ours, that is one special young man.
We sisters each have a rosary, Mommy wants to be buried with hers.
we will pray on ours.
AGain, Thanks, Yuri! you are the bomb.
(brother will have one too, his is a little different so coming later)

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

A night for,sharing

(Blogging from iPad bare with me)
Last night it was my turn to stay with Mommy as well as I 
Was doing a presentation to the confirmation class 
Of st. Joseph ,
It was one of the most inspirational talks I have given
Thanks to the Big Man.
It is the first time I add that my daughter is gay.
I explain that my only job in this world is to love my gypsy baby
With acceptance and love. She is Gods child and was given to
Me to raise her, be her mom and I will continue to do that , 
Continue to fight for her rights and equalism.
I know I impacted this group as God filled me with thoughts and ideas
That flooded out of me.
Even though I made a pact with God that each time asked, 
I would say yes to speaking, it still makes me a little nervous.
Yet, just like most of us when the time comes you try and find
A way out of it but once you do it you are so happy you did..
For instance, on my drive up here, I am listening
To my favorite Oprah on OWN 
She is speak ring to dr. Elizabeth someone or other.
She begins speaking of what heaven may be like.
She imagines it as that trip you have booked, you don't really
Feel like going but it's booked and you gotta do it.
Yet once you get there you are filled with happiness and so glad 
You came and never want to go back. 
What a beautiful analogy of heaven. 
I share this and one young girl thanked me. 
Said she knew exactly what I meant and is less afraid of dying now.
This group,of teens were great one asked to speak to me privately 
Asked that I give my jesi a big hug and thank her 
For making younger gay roads a little easier.