A MOTHERS JOB IS NEVER DONE

When does that feeling of being a Mother go away?

Or does it ever go away?

The babies are now 28 and 25 now.

I, well the big 5-0!

Which sets me up to the title of this post.

When HOBL broke his back two years ago,

it was an accident that started with a ladder and

ended with trying to pull Baby Boy's riding lawn mower

out the ditch he had drove it into.

Sometimes, well all the time, he forgets he is no longer 20.

This fall that could have been so darn bad, that

had me have to call an ambulance for a ride to the hospital

because I just could not pull him up,

also was a fall off a ladder.

At first, of course I was concerned but I was mostly mad

that he is so careless and tries to rush everything.

I don't know if he could have prevented the fall but

he could have called for someone to hold the ladder.

Anyhoo, the post is not really about the fall.

So, of course, I was angry but more concerned for the

injuries he may have sustained as we awaited the results of

the X-rays. Kd followed the ambulance to the hospital

and Gypsy met us at the hospital.

When I went into the lobby to get gypsy,

the worry in her always tough persona almost had me

in tears. She rarely cries and when she does it is usually

because she is angry. Yet, those eyes that looked me 

straight in the face, to gauge just how worried she should be

left me wanting to cry for her worry and beat HOBL for

causing it. I know it was an accident but to see her

face trying to read mines killed me.

I calmly smiled and hugged her and told her he

was going to be okay and right away her normal 

personality kicked in and she fussed her Daddy and

joked with him. Baby boy was in contact via text with Kd

during the whole time as he was at work. His question to 

Kd was could he move his toes. Once he knew he could,

he became angry. He looks at us as old people.

He looks at his Dad as a crazy old man.

Kd sends him a picture of his Daddy in a hospital bed

and he calls, the two men, they talk, I hear

one side of the conversation and it is then that I begin to cry.

Not for HOBL but for my babies. They love their Daddy,

even if he drives us all crazy. They worry about him, his 

problems with taking meds. but not wanting him to hurt.

I feel like I have to assure them that I will take care of him.

It is hearing HOBL tell BB 

"I know, I know, I don't need you to fuss, bad grass don't die"

I cry then. I cry because my babies are worried and it does not

matter that they are adults and that there are many things out

there that cause them stress. I just don't want us to be the cause

of their worry and stress. 

A Mothers job, it never ends. I have spoke often

of my Mommy's dementia, that it began the very day we found

out my brother, her own Baby Boy had died.

It is almost like she could not continue her life as long as she

knew her child was dead. I understand that Mommy.

I understand that it does not matter how old they are,

they are our babies and we do not want to see them hurt.

Gypsy, having a grown up conversation with her yesterday,

is going through a little rough patch.

She speaks so maturely, about how at 25 someone should

be comfortable with who they are and if they aren't, she 

has no room in her life for those.

I am proud of her adult thinking but have this longing

to just call her home, lay in my bed with her in my arms

and just rock her…. Her struggles have me feeling a melancholy

longing to have them young again.

Can't go back, can we.

Being a Mommy, well it doesn't end when they call themselves adults.

Hoping HOBL stays safe and knows that no matter what life

seems to throw at us, we seem to make it through.

My babies are his babies also.

I know his intention is never to cause them worry or pain.

Ladder safety will have to be retaught.