Monday, May 6, 2013
Reposting because it never gets old.
Yesteday was Mommy's annual tea, this year,
dedicated to her. It was amazing and I really thought I would be
blogging all about that today yet it will have to wait,
as something else is more pressing.
You see, yesterday, with all the people I spent time with,
spoke with, there was one who was in pain, her son,
suffering from addiction.
Hearing her speak, at the same time our own family is
having its own struggles, I hear her and realize, this damn disease,
it just does not go away.
I promise her to send her this poem.
I was busy most of the day and it was still on my mind,
I had promised her to do it today and I could not find the poem.
I then remembered that somewhere in this long standing blog
I had posted it.
I am pleased to say, I found it and am reposting it now.
Not just for my friend whose family is struggling but for all
the families who get comfortable in their lives, forget
where they have come from, forget to give back to others
when you are fortunate to find the happiness only sobriety can bring.
This damn devil of a disease, always lurking in the sidelines
just waiting to get in.
I AM YOUR DISEASE
I HATE MEETINGS, I HATE A HIGHER POWER, I HATE ANYONE
WHO HAS A PROGRAM.
TO ALL WHO COME IN CONTACT WITH ME,
I WISH YOU DEATH AND I WISH YOU SUFFERING.
ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF;
I AM THE DISEASE OF ADDICTION.
CUNNING, BAFFLING AND POWERFUL, THAT'S ME.
I HAVE KILLED MILLIONS AND I AM PLEASED.
I LOVE TO CATCH YOU WITH THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE.
I LOVE PRETENDING I AM YOUR FRIEND AND LOVER.
I HAVE GIVEN YOU COMFORT HAVE I NOT?
WASN'T I THERE WHEN YOU WERE LONELY?
WHEN YOU WANTED TO DIE DIDN'T YOU CALL ME?
I WAS THERE. I LOVE TO MAKE YOU HURT.
I LOVE TO MAKE YOU CRY.
BETTER YET, I LOVE TO MAKE YOU SO NUMB
YOU CAN NEITHER HURT OR CRY.
YOU CAN'T FEEL ANYTHING AT ALL.
THIS IS THE TRUE GLORY.
I WILL GIVE YOU INSTANT GRATIFICATION
AND ALL I ASK OF YOU IS LONG TERM SUFFERING.
I'VE BEEN THERE FOR YOU ALWAYS.
WHEN THINGS WERE GOING RIGHT IN YOUR LIFE,
YOU INVITED ME.
YOU SAID YOU DIDN'T DESERVE THESE GOOD THINGS,
AND I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO AGREED WITH YOU.
TOGETHER WE WERE ABLE TO DESTROY
ALL GOOD THINGS IN YOUR LIFE.
PEOPLE DON'T TAKE ME SERIOUSLY.
THEY TAKE HEART ATTACKS SERIOUSLY
AND THEY TAKE STROKES SERIOUSLY.
FOOLS THAT THEY ARE, THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND
THAT WITHOUT MY HELP THESE DISEASES
MAY NOT BE POSSIBLE.
I AM SUCH A HATED DISEASE, AND YET
I DO NOT COME UNINVITED.
YOU CHOOSE TO HAVE ME.
SO MANY HAVE CHOSEN ME OVER REALITY AND PEACE.
MORE THAN YOU HATE ME, I HATE ALL OF YOU
WHO HAVE A TWELVE STEP PROGRAM.
YOUR PROGRAMS-YOUR MEETINGS-YOUR HIGHER POWER.
ALL WEAKEN ME AND I CAN'T FUNCTION IN THE MANNER
I AM ACCUSTOMED TO.
NOW I LIE HERE QUIETLY.
YOU DON'T SEE ME, BUT I AM GROWING,
BIGGER THAN EVER,
WHEN YOU ONLY EXIST, I MAY LIVE.
WHEN YOU LIVE, I ONLY EXIST.
BUT I AM HERE...
AND UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN, IF WE MEET AGAIN,
I WISH YOU SUFFERING AND DEATH.
This writing has never been more true to me than it
is right here and now.