baby girl celebrates the big 2-0!

Twenty years ago today I delivered this child into the world

and as I laid in my room that night and watched

the TV filled with pictures of the California earthquake,

I cried.

I cried for all that had died and I cried out of fear

for this beautiful little girl and

wondered could I be the kind of mother she deserved?

I also was filled with excitement.

After having a boy for 4 years, finally, finally,

I could be gentle and loving,

buy dresses, lacy socks,

hair ribbons and bows.

oh, this was going to be fun.

Oh but were my expectations wrong, oh so wrong!

She came to us with different ideas on what being a girl meant.

Dresses were in her wardrobe for a very short time

instead she wore her brothers clothing and any

animal costume she could find.

If she was in character, like Cimba from the Lion King,

then you had to call her that all day.

Is she was "Dorophy" and you tried to call her Jesi

she would not answer you.

Kris was her very best friend forever because

she could get him to do whatever she wanted,

and he was a boy...

She and her brother were always close

and remain that way even now.

There were those rare occasions that she dressed like a girl

like this picture, her only year ever of dancing.

So yes, she was a tomboy,

now is so beautiful but curses like a sailor,

She is a black and white person like her daddy,

but there is some of me in her also.

She is multifaceted,

strong and stands up for her beliefs.

Yet there is so much about this wonderful daughter

that many do not know.

Like when we moved to Thibodaux

and I was distraught with worry over her brother,

this 14 year old child got me out of bed

many mornings, told me it would be okay.

"Get up, Mom get dressed, we have to go to school, work"

She was going through her own rough times

with loosing her best brother, a new school,

yet she made sure I was okay.

When we cried and I wondered if I had done

the right thing by moving her to Thibodaux,

she reminded me that she wanted this and

she thanked me even though it was hard.

Her part in her brothers life during his ill years,

I believe helped him to find sobriety sooner.

At 14 she had decided that unless he cleaned up his act

she would no longer speak with him or have anything

to do with him.

she kept that part of the bargain.

Rod would call and beg me to make her speak with him

and I respected her decision telling him she had made

her decision and had that right.

Once he sobered up,

she accepted him back forgiving all the pain

never bringing it up.

I'll never forget the day she and I went and picked up

Rod from treatment and we stopped at a

convenience store for them to get something to drink.

I was so happy and afraid wondering where

this life would take us.

I looked in my rear view mirror and saw

my two children at the counter laughing and teasing

each other again after a long time of separation

and I began to cry and pray,

"God, Please, please do not take this away

from her, please she has been such a strong child

she deserves this, Not for Roddie but for Jesi

please allow her to have her brother back"

God has answered my prayer,

for the last 5 years my children have had each other,

continue to be the best of friends.

So baby girl, this is my birthday wishes for you:

YOU HAVE BEEN THE BEST DAUGHTER A MOM

COULD ASK FOR.

ATYPICAL IN ACTIONS ALWAYS FUN

YET SOLID AS A ROCK

YOU HAVE NEVER CAUSED ME EXCESS WORRY

I HAVE NEVER LOST A NIGHTS SLEEP OVER

DECISIONS YOU HAVE MADE.

THE TRUST I HAVE IN YOU

WAS CEMENTED BY YOUR ACTIONS.

I KNOW I AM HARD ON YOU SOMETIMES

ABOUT RESPONSIBILITY, PROCRASTINATION,

MAKING LIFE CHOICES,

BUT IT IS NEVER BECAUSE I AM DISAPPOINTED IN YOU

IT IS OUT OF MY OWN FEAR OF

WANTING EVERYTHING GOOD FOR YOU

AND NOT BEING THE ONE TO BE ABLE

TO PROVIDE IT FOR YOU ANYMORE.

I AM OBSESSED WITH THE FACT

THAT I NOT ONLY WANT YOU TO BE ABLE

TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

BUT I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY IN YOUR CHOICES

FOR A LONG, LONG, TIME.

WE ARE SO DIFFERENT IN SO MANY WAYS

AND THAT IS WHEN MY FRUSTRATION IS

MORE APPARENT.

WHERE I ALWAYS MAKE A DECISION AND STICK TO IT

YOU ARE MORE FOR CHANGING YOUR MIND

AND GOING WITH DIFFERENT OPTIONS.

THIS SOMETIMES DRIVES ME CRAZY BECAUSE

OF THE FACT I HAVE NEVER BEEN THAT BRAVE.

SO ALTHOUGH I FUSS ABOUT THAT SOMETIMES,

I DO ADMIRE THAT IN YOU.

I DREAMED I WOULD HAVE ONE TYPE OF DAUGHTER

AND YOU WERE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT

FROM MY DREAM.

AN OH SO MUCH BETTER DREAM.

... I THANK GOD FOR UNANSWERED PRAYERS...

THANK YOU MY CHILD FOR

ALL YOU HAVE DONE FOR ME.

YOU HAVE MADE ME A BETTER PERSON

THAN I WOULD HAVE EVER BEEN WITHOUT YOU.

YOU HAVE TAUGHT ME THAT MY WAY

IS FAR FROM THE ONLY WAY.

YOU HAVE BEEN A STRONG SUPPORTER

OF MAKING THIS FAMILY WORK

NOT ONLY IN OUR IMMEDIATE FAMILY

BUT IN OUR EXTENDED FAMILY.

THERE IS SO MUCH IN YOU THAT MANY

OF US SHOULD STRIVE TO BE.

GO PLACIDLY INTO THE WORLD,

MAKE YOUR MARK, AND KNOW

YOUR MOTHER LOVES YOU FOREVER AND EVER,

AMEN.