Monday, February 20, 2012
I JUST COULDN'T DO IT
I write this morning not for
acceptance nor for anyone to tell me "It's okay"
I write it simply to show that we are all human
and all weak when it comes to certain areas.
I write to show that even though I find myself
a pretty good friend, today, I am not that.
I could not find the courage nor the mental strength
to go to Lisa's wake or funeral.
I am ashamed of my weakness and know that I may
have to learn to live with my regret.
Because, I know seeing me at this funeral, may have
given her mother, my dear friend, comfort.
I will make amends to her in the next few days
as I always do when it is necessary.
I will have to accept my decision if she cannot forgive me.
I know myself well enough to know that in the next
few days I will tell myself many times,
"If you think it was hard for you, just think how
hard it was for them"
Yet, I cannot lie to myself nor to my friend, nor to
those who I love and who love me
that even though 8 years have passed,
It would still be my son I see in that coffin,
my daughters struggle in her sisters eyes,
and my pain I see in my dear friends face.
Today I am weak, today I could not do it.