Ohio Shootings

Another school shooting?

Is this to be part of the memories our children

of today will remember when they are adults.

I do not want to watch and yet

I am compelled to find out the details.

Now two more children have died at the hands

of one of their peers.

I hear the parents on TV try to talk through their

emotions,

"We are supposed to be looking at colleges, not caskets"

What a statement.

I see all those parents in their grief.

Then I am compelled to look at the boy who

pulled the trigger.

I want to cry from his image almost as much

as the image of the deceased children.

He is a baby.... what makes a child do such a thing?

His grandfather and uncle are in the court room.

Does that tell us anything about where he may be.

Not parents? Are are his parents so devastated

that they cannot face the courts to see their child

knowing that his life is also over.

Are any children protected from their own classmates

who suffer from mental illness are so much rage

that they can take a gun to school and randomly

shoot anyone. A teacher chased him out of the cafeteria.

Why did he not shoot at this teacher,

what gave the teacher courage to chase him out of

that cafeteria. Adrenalin I am sure, knowing

that someone had to get this shooter away

from these children.

I know the teacher will be labeled as a hero

yet I know that individual will not want that recognition.

Having a grandchild now, having so many great nieces and

nephews it is scary. There lives are so much different

from my own childhood and it breaks my heart.

"another day in paradise"

I think not for many...

"TO LOVE AND TO BE IN LOVE"

(who could not be in love with these two kiddies)

Love XM radio as I can now listen

to my favorite Oprah Winfrey

on her own network via radio.

Last night coming home from taking HOBL

to the airport I tune into the OWN channel.

Many times it is the old Oprah shows replayed

and edited for radio.

Last night is an old interview with Dianne Keaton.

I love, love, love, Dianne Keaton.

She is talented, so funny and an older aged mother

as she adopted children I think in her 50's.

This topic comes up as she speaks to the O.

She begins to read small quotes that her children

have said, she writes them down.

O questions her why she does this and she

says that children should be honored, should

be remembered for all they say and do.

She writes them down so not only will her children

have a legacy to look back on but so she can remember

because she knows in time, she will forget these things.

O asks, "What kind of Mother writes down all her

kids ever say and do?"

As I listen I am thinking

"I am that kind of Mother"

I journaled for and about my children since

the day I knew they were coming.

They now have books that cover their lives

until they graduated. I also have a copy of the most

memorable happenings that I never want

to forget. I love to write so it's no

surprise that I have done this.

I knew that they were miracles to me and

I really believed back in the day that they were

the very best kids in the world.

I mean, let's face it, it took baby boy to poke holes

in a bus seat with a pencil to make me realize he was not

perfect. Thankfully, for all of us, that happened

when he was in 1st grade.

MY perception of course.

Now I find myself doing the same thing with the Bean's little life.

The child is not yet a year old and I almost

have a whole journal written already.

Then O says something that struck me,

that I had never heard before.

"I think it is the best thing when I meet a Mother

who does not only love her children but is

in love with her child"

I have never thought of it in this way.

When they were young, I was just this,

In love with them.

I thought everything they said or did made them

the smartest kids ever. If they hurt, I hurt.

I find myself in awe of the bean almost in the same way

I was with my children.

I am in love with her.

An interesting way to think of mothering, I think!

Children deserve to be loved by their parents

but to also have a parent "in love" with you is

and extra blessing.

Lenten season begins

Yesterday began my 40 days of rejuvenation.

I always look forward to this time of the year.

Even as a little girl when I used to complain

about having to go to Way of the Cross, I secretly loved it.

Unlike New Years resloutions that are usually

gone for me by the end of January,

Lenten season is a new beginning for me.

It gives me that desire to do better, be better

that no other time of the year ever does.

This year finds me with much to work on.

I won't report all I am doing this year

for Lenten season as it really isn't the important thing.

The important part of this time of year is

to remind me that I am mortal.

One day sooner, than yesterday I will die.

My faith is what has me believing in a life

better than this.

I look to these next 40 days as a new beginning for me

to make the differences in my life

that assures me a place in what

I like to call Heaven.

a profitable Mardi Gras

It may be a long post, because you know me,

I have to tell the whole tale.

Bear with me, it's a good one.

HOBL has been begging me to go on a guided

duck hunting trip. I wasn't crazy about the idea.

Asked him to take baby boy, but baby boy likes

the old fashioned hunting, the hard work kind

that causes you to work weeks on a blind

then sit in nasty weather while waiting all day

for a duck or two to fly over you.

HOBL used to like this but the older he gets

the more he just wants to have to fun of shooting

without all the work involved.

So, the only way he can convince me to go with him

is if he adds something into it for me.

He books a night in kinder, Louisiana to the

Indian reservation where they have one of the biggest casino's

in Louisiana.

On the way there I am a bit irritated

because I find out that he kind of lied to me,

told me we were going to Lake Charles.

I had visions of antique shopping, casino playing.

As we drive to this Indian reservation

there is nothing that looks like antique malls

only old trailers and empty lands.

I did get happy though when in the middle of nowhere,

there is the biggest casino I have ever seen.

I am pumped.

I explain to him that when we get to that casino

he is not to bother me to come back to the hotel

any time soon. We are going to eat together

and split up. He can take the shuttle back to the hotel

at whatever time he likes and I will come whenever I have

enough or run out of money, whatever comes first.

Remember, HOBL has fought the way of living in 2011

and does not own a cell phone.

Therefore, there is no way he can call me nor find me.

We eat a good buffet together and split.

I am in heaven, just playing my little penny slots.

I imagine 2 hours pass and I hear on the loud speaker,

"Lilly Riera to security to meet your party"

Number 1, I don't know where security is

and number 2, I told him not to worry about me.

I think he is calling me there to either convince

me to leave or to tell me he is leaving.

I am irritated again because I had already told

him not to worry about me.

I leave my slot machine just in case it is something serious.

As I search the outer corners of the casino

when trying to look for security,

it never entered my mind that maybe he had won

a little bit and wanted to tell me.

I walk for less than two minutes and there I see HOBL:

Well, I should say I saw his teeth and his favorite shirt

that the kids tease him about always wearing.

He is holding this large check.

As I approach, he states,

"LIL, I just won 9,600 dollars!"

"You bullshitting me!"

It still hasn't hit me just how much that is.

He is talking fast and loud,

that is how I can tell how excited he is.

He shows me a wad of hundred dollar bills.

I cannot believe it!

He is so excited and afraid of being robbed...

I am so excited for him,

it is not often you see HOBL this excited.

HOBL goes back to the room and after

I beg him for an extra hundred I continue to play

as I let the kids and sisters know via text and phone calls.

I think of exactly how lucky this winning was.

He had explained to me

that

He was playing quarter slots and aggravated because

he wasn't winning. He had decided he was going back to the hotel

thinking in his mind what a rip off casino's are.

He had a 20 left so as he was leaving he decided

to play four spins on the 5 dollar slots.

I always fuss him about his reading glasses because

he can't see without them and never has them when he needs them.

I won't be doing that anymore, because of his poor eyesight,

instead of playing one credit, he accidentally played two credits.

he takes the spin and thinks he broke the machine as lights

are going off and the machine is flashing, "Notify attendant"

he is aggravated. Then he realizes, 'Wait I won something"

the attendant asks him,

"Sir do you realize what you just won?"

NO is his answer and she says,

"You have just won $9,600 dollars!"

He cannot believe it!

A profitable mistake.

It was probably a good thing that I wasn't with

him as I probably would have passed out.

It was exciting, yet I should have known where the money

is going...

in the savings... how boring!

IT made his next day all the more sweeter

as now his guided duck hunting trip was FREE!

I thought I didn't want to go with him

but he talked me into going to film the hunt

and I gave in and so glad I did.

This is like hunting in your back yard almost

except you have to be a good shooter to

shoot these ducks in the air.

And HOBL is, I can brag on the fact that

shooting is one of those things that HOBL

excels at. To say he had a blast is an understatement.

I was happy to share it with him to see just how much fun

he had.

The owner, Shaun insisted we take a picture with his ducks

as well as with the big check the the casino gave to HOBL.

Where, you may ask does the money, the ducks and the

big check now lie?

The ducks are in the freezer, the money in the bank,

but the big check?

The big check is taped to the refrigerator

just like the old days when the children's report cards

were put there in a place of honor.

A fun Mardi Gras with the HOBL.

Now today will be recuperation.

A trip like this may put me down for a day or two

but

So glad we spent this time together!

I JUST COULDN'T DO IT

I write this morning not for

acceptance nor for anyone to tell me "It's okay"

I write it simply to show that we are all human

and all weak when it comes to certain areas.

I write to show that even though I find myself

a pretty good friend, today, I am not that.

I could not find the courage nor the mental strength

to go to Lisa's wake or funeral.

I am ashamed of my weakness and know that I may

have to learn to live with my regret.

Because, I know seeing me at this funeral, may have

given her mother, my dear friend, comfort.

I will make amends to her in the next few days

as I always do when it is necessary.

I will have to accept my decision if she cannot forgive me.

I know myself well enough to know that in the next

few days I will tell myself many times,

"If you think it was hard for you, just think how

hard it was for them"

Yet, I cannot lie to myself nor to my friend, nor to

those who I love and who love me

that even though 8 years have passed,

It would still be my son I see in that coffin,

my daughters struggle in her sisters eyes,

and my pain I see in my dear friends face.

Today I am weak, today I could not do it.

this blog is a must read!

http://heavens-walk.blogspot.com/2012/02/blessings-in-disguise.html?showComment=1329583345370#c2473096794463689546

Reading the above blog not only made me cry

but is so close to my heart when dealing with my own

aged mother.

Please visit and read her post about her mother.

She is a beautiful blogger!

Hooked on a picture

It happens to all of us.

A picture that for whatever reason becomes

embedded in your mind, forever in your heart.

I am not sure what it takes to make the picture special

yet when I think of my children as youngen's

there are certain pictures that have been taken

in their lives that my mind remembers.

In my home, I have a family wall

and there I have those pictures.

Kd, while visiting one day right after I finally

finished the wall, asked me why I had chosen

a certain picture of baby boy saying

that one was cute but there were so many others

that were better.

I explained that for me,

when I think of him being little, in my mind

that is one of the pictures I remember.

Which brings me back to the picture above.

It is not the fanciest picture, taken with my iphone

on the first overnight visit without bean's parents.

There is something about the beauty of the child

in this picture that tells me a story.

I shouldn't be in love with a picture that shows

the baby crying, especially because the tears

are because she missed her mommy and deda.

Yet, it will be forever one of my favorites

and when she is a woman, grown with her own

children, this picture will be the one

the camera in my heart will bring out of

its history.

Hardest post in some time..

Today, this post is hard to create

as a dear friend prepares to bury her own baby girl.

Her daughter who was born between two other girls.

Her daughter who was one of my own baby girls

first friends when we moved here to Thibodaux.

Another child lost to us because of the devil best

known as mental illness/drug addiction.

I will give no more details because of privacy

but her mother and I have crossed paths many times

and each time it was in one of those "Aha" moments.

She, like me, has been vocal about the struggles of addiction

but now is not the time to stand on the soap box

but time to say, we may have lost her to this Earth,

but as always, God and Heaven has won in the end

as I have no doubt her precious daughter is standing

on the side of God at this moment.

Still, what do I say to my friend?

What do I say to a mother who is grieving so much

that her only words via text to me were,

"My beautiful L. is at peace now"

I can only post the one thing that I may have posted

before from SIMPLE ABUNDANCE

BY SARAH BAN BREATHNACH

the words that bring me comfort still when I read them.

Words that I have shared with other parent, other

friends who have lost loved ones:

IF WE ARE ALIVE, WE CANNOT ESCAPE LOSS.

LOSS IS PART OF REAL LIFE.

HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT, WHEN SOMETHING DREADFUL

HAPPENS, A MOMENT AGO THINGS WERE NOT LIKE THIS

LET IT BE THEN, NOT NOW, ANYTHING BUT NOW

AND YOU TRY AND TRY TO REMAKE THEN

BUT YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T.

SO YOU TRY TO HOLD THE MOMENT QUITE STILL

AND NOT LET IT MOVE ON AND SHOW ITSELF...

...TODAY MIGHT BE TOUGH FOR YOU. YOU MAY

NOT WANT THE NEXT MOMENT TO SHOW ITSELF,

TO REVEAL THE TWISTS AND TURNS OF LIFE'S MYSTERY.

BUT AT LEAST YOU HAVE IT. YOU STILL HAVE LIFE.

A CHOICE AS TO HOW YOU WILL LIVE THIS PRECIOUS DAY.

DON'T WISH IT AWAY, DON'T WASTE IT.

FOR THE LOVE THAT'S HOLY, REDEEM ONE HOUR.

HOLD IT CLOSE. CHERISH IT. ABOVE ALL,

BE GRATEFUL FOR IT. LET YOUR THANKSGIVING

RISE ABOVE THE DIN OF DISAPPOINTMENT-

OPPORTUNITIES LOST, MISTAKES MADE,

THE CLAMOR OF ALL THAT HAS NOT YET TO COME.

AND IF TODAY IS SO HORRENDOUS THAT THE GIFT

DOESN'T SEEM WORTH ACKNOWLEDGING.

IF YOU CAN'T FIND ONE MOMENT TO ENJOY,

ONE SIMPLE PLEASURE TO SAVOR,

ONE FRIEND TO CALL, ONE PERSON TO LOVE,

ONE THING TO SHARE, ONE SMILE TO OFFER;

IF LIFE IS SO DIFFICULT YOU DON'T WANT TO BOTHER

LIVING IT TO THE FULLEST,

THEN DON'T LIVE TODAY FOR YOURSELF,

LIVE IT INSTEAD FOR HER, FOR L."

As I type this, read it again after not reading it for some time,

there are others who will gain from this today,

one of my own, my own T.

Pray for all those today who suffer from

drug addictions and/or mental illness.

visitation of the bean

With the Houston trip following my night with the Bean

right after I have yet to talk about how much fun that was!

It was my first time to have Bean over night without her parents.

IT was their first night away from her together.

They had mixed emotions about leaving her

and I was so afraid they would change their minds.

I encouraged them that they needed the time together

and that Bean would be fine.

My ulterior motive was all about keeping Bean over night.

It felt like a visitation.

I promised to send pictures frequently to their Iphones

so they could see all she was doing.

Although it was very dark during her nap time with her

Mumsie, I got this cute one to send to them.

Their response?

"Send more"

Nannie Jewsy came for a few hours, she loves her

Nannie Jew, especially when she just awakens from a nap

and sponge bob is on...

This is one bed she can climb on without help...

she did it over and over and over..... and over!

She finally mastered the skill and got tired of Mumsie

singing, "No more monkeys jumping on the bed"

so she was on to other things.

Each time I tried to take her picture to send to her

mommy and deda she got so close could not get a good

picture...

The second day, I know she was missing her parentals

as she was a little fussy and I actually had to put their

wedding picture away because she kept going to it and

crying. See the tear in the above picture?

She stood by the picture window and looked out most

of the morning. I do believe she was waiting for them.

She did let me comfort her and this made me feel better

since I was feeling so badly for her.

This happens to be my new favorite picture of she and I.

The tear in her eye, her little hand on my neck...

I just love it!

She is the BEST!!!

one of the best things...

About our whole trip was the family we got to visit with.

We were able to stop in Lafayette on our way home

to eat at the Cracker Barrel and to visit with

Lil Miki and his love Sayra...

...and their new little baby boy, Silas who is better known

as Sy.... or Monkey, like his gammy calls him...

Is this a proud Gammy or what?

He is absolutely perfect and a miracle to his parents.

One of those rewards that are promised to you in AA,

to live a sober life will bring you life's joys...

Also, While in Houston, Thaisy, sha-heem (sp.),

Ray and Kass, and her little boy in her belly,

came to visit on Saturday night.

this is my brother, Larry's daughter

and her family.

Since my brother died a few years ago, I think

I have had more visits with his children than we ever had

when they were growing up. We can't get those years back

but we never miss an opportunity to see them now.

Thaisy had just flown in from a business trip to

Belgium and Kass, who is pregnant, had not been feeling

well, but they did not let this stop them from driving

to meet us at the condo.

We were all able to catch up on the happenings of them

as well as Yuri, Nachette, and their family.

We were able to see ultrasound pictures of my new

great nephew...

Life is good when we get to spend it with those we love.

My niece, Thaisy, is not only beautiful on the outside,

true model material, but through and through.

Her love for her only child, Kass, is amazing.

She is her rock, she is amazing,

she is loved by all of us!

These visits were the best part of our whole trip.

Make the change...

The weekend was fantastic!!!

I have yet to download the pictures I have

since we came in late and exhausted yesterday

and I went straight to bed, only woke up

moments ago and it is 10:30!

In the next few day I will most definitely be

blogging about the wonderful weekend I had

with my sisters minus one and two of my nieces,

A new adopted sister, Sabrina and her hubby, Kevin

and brod-in-law, TEd and his niece Layla.

It was magical and me, being the touchy, feely, type

can go on and on about all the sentimental times we

had this weekend.

This morning, I want to talk about the Michael Jackson

Immortal tour.... Oh my!!!!

No one I have ever known has been a bigger fan

of MJ like my sister, SNC (snot nose C) or Celena as

she is known by most. We teased her the whole day

of her birthday that MJ was dead, he would not be there

and she continued and begged to differ.

Yet we were all MJ fans by the end of the night,

all wanting to believe that this pop star icon was really not dead.

No star that I have ever known as done more for world peace

than the legend who died known as Michael Jackson.

The performance reminded us of this and for these reasons,

he will be immortal, living forever in the hearts of many:

I STARTING WITH THE MAN IN THE MIRROR

I'M ASKING HIM TO CHANGE HIS WAYS...

IF YOU WANT TO MAKE THE WORLD

A BETTER PLACE TAKE A LOOK AT YOURSELF

AND MAKE THE CHANGE.

We do have the power, we can make the small changes

that can lead to the big picture,

C's idol reminds us of that through his words.

He shall live forever!

It's late but...

It's late and I am having to awaken at 3 am

For a sister road trip as it's sister C's birthday

So we are all going to Houston to take in

A Michael Jackson concert.

Yeah, I know he's dead but C loves him

And I don't think she believes it soooo

ROAD TRIP!!!

Every year on this date though I cannot forget

A very important thing.

Today baby boy celebrates 8 years of sobriety.

Happy AA birthday, BB!

Every year I Speak of all I am grateful for,

All he has accomplished in his

Years of sobriety.

This year I thought to look and see what other

Important events have happened on this most important

Day in our lives, on February 9th:

1) the Beatles came to the US for the first time in1964

On the Ed Sullivan show

2) 1971, Syimar earthquake killed 65 on a Richter

Scale of 6.6.

3) 1950 postal stamps went up from 1 cent to 2 cents

4) 2009 30 mummies were unearthed in a 2,600 year old tomb.

Number 5 is just as important to me today as baby boys sobriety.

As it is this day that also makes 8 years that my besties

Daughter beat cancer.

Linz has also become one of my best friends in the last

Few years and for her, and for my baby boy,

I am very humbled and extremely blessed.

Night all!

The Rosie Show

I have never been a fan of Rosie O' Donnell.

I've never been a hater, but it's safe to say she was

never my favorite like Oprah is.

I find myself, now though listening to her

show in the car or watching her on the OWN channel.

At first, I hated her new show.

She was doing all this silly stuff,

trying to make her show a daytime Letterman type.

No one can be Letterman and no one can

do that during daylight hours, especially not Rosie.

Then, she and Oprah must have had a meeting

and Oprah must have told her,

"Girl, your show is shitty!"

Since then, her tact is working with me.

She now has one on one interviews with stars or just

every day people with no audience. She gives the history

of all these less than famous people.

I have to say, I am enjoying it tremendously.

This week she will have Susie Orman on.

I loovveee Susie Orman not only because

she is the money guru of our times

but because she outspoken on being a homosexual.

She will be talking about all of this on the Rosie show.

So, I can say I am not a complete follower yet

and I am still not in love with Rosie as I am with Oprah

because I don't believe anyone can fill Oprah's shoes in

my life, but she has something going here and I believe,

with this show, she may be a success.

Hoping the Patriots loose...

If the Saints aren't playing in the Superbowl,

then you have to know that I could care less about

the Superbowl or how it plays out.

I have even made other plans with baby girl so

as not to even be home for the game.

This morning though, with a strong sense of

urgency I am here to say....

I HOPE THE PATRIOTS LOOSE

when I awakened this morning I didn't even realize who

was playing.

Then this am, I get my trusty cup of coffee,

sit in my favorite chair with me heat pad and computer

in tow, and I read a yahoo headline"

PATRIOTS RELEASE TIQUAN UNDERWOOD

HOURS BEFORE THE SUPERBOWL

Because of this, I am routing for the Giants, big time.

I don't care about the business of football, really I don't

but I do care about right and wrong, ethics, etc.

There was no discipline reasons to release this poor guy

hours before the Superbowl and they say,

"don't worry he will probably get a ring if they win a ring"

I hope none of those losers win a ring.

To think that he will not dress out with a team that

he has played with for the whole season on the

most important game of the season.

What do you tell your fans, your family.

This sucks with the big times!

GO giants!!!!!

"in your dreams"

The worst pain is those that come to me in my dreams.

Such is that that finds me awakened on this fine

Sunday morning at 3 am.

The dream today is centered around a visit to a camp.

I know I am a teenager in the dream because

The dream begins with me lying on a sofa

At some camp and I have children tucked under

Each arm. These children seem to be Rebecca

And little miki. Which is weird in itself

As these two, now adults outside the dream world, are

At least 7 years apart.

Yet for the dreams sake they are little,

Tucked in with their auntie lil.

I am in so much pain with them tucked there but I

Don't want them to move, to leave, so I

Say nothing but the pain is terrible.

I know that we have done some strenuous activity

And we are tired and sore and hungry

But we are waiting for rosie and another adult to come with

Pizza. I hear the car drive up and I long for

Two things:

To get these kids off me so I can move out of

This painful position and to eat so I can go to bed.

Yet, I still do not want the children to leave me so

I tell them, "let's pretend we are sleeping"

Even with all the pain I am in, we pretend to be sleeping.

The kids however can no longer stay still and playing

Asleep once rosie waves the pizza under our noses.

Rebecca and lil miki jump off of me in a fit of laughter

And I am laughing as well.

Laughing but I can not move because in the

Dream as in real life, the pain is too bad to move.

I awaken now and there is the pain, followed me right out the

Dream into the real world. It is better once I actually

Get up and begin to move around but it is 2:30am...

It is after nights like tonight imam grateful

Not to have a job as I know sleep will not find me again for hours

If at all now. It is comforting to know that I don't have to

Go to work after a night like this one.

I can take my time and make the day what I need it

To be.

Yes, the very worst pain is the ones that

Follow you right out of a great dream!

Good days are to be treasured

I am not sure what I owe gratitude to,

but whatever it is, Thank you , thank you, thank you!!

Both mentally and physically I have had some awesome days.

It began this week when I talked myself into

going to my school, TES to get my final things

and visit. It has been hard for me to go there,

to see the children and all my dear friends.

Monday, I make myself go and although I am dreading

the visit, I miss everyone so much.

I am sad while there when hugging the children

and hearing all the problems they have had since

I have been gone. To say aloud, that I love

them but I won't be their school nurse anymore

as I have decided to retire, was also hard

but I said it and I said it more than once.

I visited many of my friends, hugged many

packed up the things that belonged to me personally,

and left with a heavy heart.

Something happened on the drive back home.

A lightness, an acceptance, that I am not going back.

I began to see the day, once again, for what it is,

it was a beautiful day.

I also have had some days free from any pain thanks

to the Duragesic patch I now wear.

On that day I also completed the collection of all my

medical paperwork I needed from the various doctors

that I have seen over the years. I completed reading

all of the hundred some-odd papers that I had to

submit to teachers retirement, mailed them off

and promised myself that I am done with the reading

of myself on paper. That yes, I have all those problems,

that is me I am reading about but it does not have to

define me. I can be happy in spite of what papers say.

Since then I have had a lightness on my heart,

a pep in my step. It has been a matter of attitude

since the pain is still there most days.

I have journaled more lately, making mental

plans with myself as to what I want to do.

I have spoke and visited many since that Monday.

I have not had to force myself to do things outside of the home

instead, looking forward to doing it.

This week I have had a small problem with my eyes,

a corneal abrasion that I thought at first was pink eye.

Even that has not deterred me from my good days.

On Wednesday night I went sleep in Plaquemine to keep

Bean on Thursday. As is my habit, on Wednesday night

I get to rock her to sleep. On that night, she and I

settle in her room with her bottle.

She drinks most of the bottle while I hum and sing

sweet nothings to her.

She turns to her belly, laying her head on my shoulder.

I believe she is asleep but I am still not ready to lay her down

in her bed. After a few minutes, she picks up her head

and in the dark, I feel her just staring at me, looking into my face.

Then she opens her mouth as she does now to kiss and lays

those open lips right on mines without my asking for it.

Once is not enough, she does this at least 6 or 7 times in

a row. Oh, I am in love, I am melting, there is no way

to explain the love I have for this child.

then she puts her little hands under her body,

lays her head back on my shoulder and hums me a few bars

until she falls asleep.

I pray to God,

"God, when I am having a rotten day, let me remember this

night as being all I ever need, kisses from those I love,

gentleness and kindness to and for those I love"

Life is good in spite of chronic pain,

life is good.

A momma adventure today!

My sisters and I have been guilty of

our sister time.

So today we have planned a date with each other

and our momma.

Now there is nothing about telling momma

about the adventures we plan for us

and hearing her excitement.

She may be old and she may have dementia

but she loves her kids and she loves gambling.

Last night I call her to fill her in on what we have planned.

In her voice I can hear her excitement when she says,

"Oh good, fine, I am so excited I won't be able to sleep tonight"

I go on to tell her that not only are we all going to

have lunch with her but we are then going to

take her to Amelia Belle for gambling.

I joke with her and say that the only bad thing is

she will miss her Friday afternoon bingo at the Manor.

Then, like she always does, she throws in her kicker

that just melts your heart and makes you wish

you had not waited so long to take her somewhere,

"Oh I would miss that bingo any old day to spend time

with my children"

Oh, momma, you are the bestest!

Of course, when I call her this morning, she is still

in bed and knows something is planned but

cannot, for the life of her remember what.

I go through the whole itinerary one more time

and she says, Oh good, oh good with each

thing I tell her.

I guess I don't have to tell you that she

definitely did not loose sleep over the adventure!

love that momma!

Extremely loud and incredibly close

Ironically, one of the movies I have been waiting

anxiously to see is also my facebook

book club pick for the month of February.

EXTREMELY LOUD AND INCREDIBLY CLOSE

I love reading books then seeing the movie

but always in that order.

Very rarely do I go opposite and see the movie

then read the book. It just messes up my enjoyment

of the book.

Yet, this one I will, for sure, read.

I loved the movie and unlike my bestie, Laurie

and my big sis, Veronica I used no kleenex.

Nope didn't even shed one tear.

I think it was because I was so into the movie

and figuring out all the little nuances that

I forgot the touching parts of the movie.

The movie also left me with so many questions.

Like the relationship of the grandparents...

Many others but I don't want to post them here

and give away anything of the movie for you out there

if you have not yet seen it.

It is a must-see. For me, this is one

that I hope "the book is better than the movie"

because I have so many questions left unanswered.

Tom Hanks and Sandra Bullock play the parents

but the real "one man show" is this little actor,

Thomas Horn is the one who should be

nominated for some award.

He was believable in his role, so darn good.

Makes me wonder how in the heck do kids so young

get this ability? Has to be nothing less of pure talent,

God-given.

Hoping my questions are answered as I begin tonight

to become absorbed in the book.

It's Jillaxing night!!!! Can't wait to see the bean!