Do I write this blog for pats on the back,
Do I want others to believe I am better than them?
Do I want people to read my thoughts and
wonder "Why all of a sudden is she better than others?"
"Why so nice?"
I walked yesterday with these thought on my mind.
Questioning myself after being innocently
questioned by someone who read my blog recently.
So I am wondering all of this as I walk
and I think of the fact that
we are all created in the BIG MAN'S likeness
yet imperfect in his image.
So let me be honest with all my readers out there:
I am oh, so imperfect!
I gossip way too much even when I know I shouldn't.
Sometimes I make ugly comments about others that I know would
hurt if they heard what I said.
I miss Mass lately way too much even when
I know that I gather strength there to be
the person I want to be.
I still become aggravated way too much with
the ones I love the most.
I get lazy often and don't want to do anything,
sometimes I don't even want to do this blog anymore.
Sometimes I think I should just quit all of this
because I am sure there are people out there
who must think when did she become so "SAINTLY"
As I walk a Phil Vasser song comes on and sings
HEY THIS IS GOD
...Can I please have your attention.
man I'm disappointed in what I'm seeing,
yeah this is God
You fight each other in my name
Treat life like it's a foolish game
I'd say you've got the wrong idea
all I'm asking for is love
Well I've seen you hurt yourselves enough,
Oh I've been waiting on a change in you
yeah, this is God
I've given everything to you
but look at what you do
to the world that I created
Hey, this is God
What's with all the attitude and hate
you grow more ignorant with age
you had it made, now look at all you've wasted
all I'm asking for is love
I've seen you hurt yourselves enough...
It is in this next part that I truly understand my answer:
I KNOW YOUR EVERY THOUGHT, YOUR HEART,
YOUR SOUL AND EVERY MOVE
THERE ARE SO MANY CONSEQUENCES TO
THE THINGS YOU DO...
YEAH, THIS IS GOD
So, I question my motives and I receive my
answer from no other than the
BIG MAN
Yes, I am so imperfect making many mistakes.
No, I don't blog to have a
"BETTER THAN THOU" experience.
What you see here in words is my soul.
The very person who my God will judge me for.
My soul, who is me in my truest sense.
Even when my humanness brings out the worst in me
My soul is who I long to be.
The same one that in God's eyes I will
partially be judged for.
In my writings I can see exactly who I am
and where I want to go with my life.
The truest self I long to be.
Yes, negativity does sometimes take over,
but I do believe I have more knowledge
that this is not good for me.
Long story, shoulda tried to shorten it
yet still feel like my point hasn't
been made in the way I am trying to say it.
Told you guys it was too deep for yesterday!
So, for all, we all have that soul,
I strive for perfection fully knowing
that I will never make it there
but the BIG MAN knows my intentions
and he knows that through this blog
many hearts have been turned, much forgiving
has been done.
The innocence of the children is another reason
why we must go on,
when they see us forgive, they learn forgiveness.
When they see us make major positive changes
in our lives, they learn how to change for the better.
So I continue to blog,
for me, for us, for them,
for God.
Tuck this one away and file it under "words of wisdom" .......... once you start worrying about what others think of you, you become like the others that thought it which is a problem b/c if the others are idiots then where does that get you?? If it happens to be that you are better than thou, than so be it although honestly, don't see it in my case. heh heh heh There's usually a reason someone is envious of another and it usually has to do with the shortcomings of the envious side. Have a nice day and give uncle Ronald a smooch from me.
ReplyDeleteYes, this is a deep one and Anon, as always, you have a funny, smooth and true statement to pull it all together.
ReplyDeleteThere is one thing, though, that I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT LILLIAN THERESE COLLINS RIERA DID NOT COMMENT ON TODAY!!!
We had a big ole laugh about it because for probably the past two months they have been selling raffles for these Bingo bags filled with markers and other goodies. So each and every Monday, except I missed the lady last week, I would buy $5 or $10 worth of raffles and put everybody's name on them, but with my phone number. Part of the laugh was that I spent so much money on the raffles that I could have probably purchased all three prizes and still saved money.
Wanted to make sure I didn't lose this posting!!!
ReplyDeleteWell, I was especially excited to go to Bingo last night because it was the big night of the raffle drawing. Like every week I went and purchased $10 worth of raffles and hoped for the best.
Well.....I WON THE GRAND PRIZE!!!! However, I did not realize, at first, that it was me because the winning name was Amanda Guidry. And as they called the name, I'm thinking "Wow, Amanda Guidry, I know her, too bad she's not here to claim the prize" and then I jumped up and said, "Oh, that's my Amanda, I Won!!!" I was so happy and the ladies, whom I'd been buying raffles from said how happy they were that I had won. Keep in mind, nobody over knows that my name is Celena, so now they think my name is Amanda. Thanks BaeBae, for bringing me luck last night...I'm saving a Dabber for you...hahahaha!!
Of course, there is a point to this story, as well. My son, Kristopher, who never misses Bingo with Mommie on Monday nights, made a statement as we were laughing about how much money I spent on the raffles, and he said,
"But, you know my Mom, it's not about how much she spent or whether or not she wins, for her, it's about helping the VFW".
Can't lose this posting!!!
ReplyDeleteWhen he made that statement, I just briefly looked at him and smiled and thought to myself, "yes, that's right, it's not about winning at all; it just makes me feel good to know that I was helping a good cause". On my way driving home last night, I got to thinking about what he said, and although I knew why I was spending the money, I guess I just didn't realize how well Kristopher knows me. Thanks, Kris..I am very proud of the young man you've become and I'm sure that I don't tell you enough how much I appreciate your understanding of the person I am and for always being so supportive when I need it the most.
A few postings ago we spoke about how open Lil is with her life and how different we are in our own ways. My way of gathering "rungs" to Heaven are usually very silent and most of the time goes without anyone even knowing; that's me. My sole purpose in Life is to make it to Heaven; so I sure hope all those raffles will help..hehehehe!!
Some people might also think that I believe I am better than others because I don't do this or that, or whatever, and that's wrong. I'm not better than anyone, I just have to work harder than others to make my way to Heaven. We all know that I don't go to church, but I do pray that God will judge me on the things I do instead of the places I don't go.
Anyway, I went home a winner last night in many, many ways!!
----- My dear, sweet, young, naive, little sister, I agree with Anonymous 100%. You are opening up your heart and soul and giving out personal information about yourself and your family for the entire world to see. I don’t know WHO wrote what where (I wish you would tell me, but knowing you, you probably won’t because you are too good of a person.) but I wish I could find out. This really upsets me. If the person you are refereeing to would open up the way you do in your blogs, (without lying that is) we would probably find out that none of us would want to be like them anyway. And if that’s the case who gives a rats a _ s what the *@**^%@$#%@$#*^*%#*#$% they think!!!!!
ReplyDelete----- I hope you don’t give up on your bloging. Like you said your writings have done many a lot of good, including me for sure. I’m not as religious as most of you and I don’t want to get into it right now but I have opened up a lot recently. That change in me came about because of you starting your blog spot. I know I have not been as active in blogging lately and have closed up again but I will always go back and forth that way. The only thing I can say about that right now is this, “It’s just me.” So Lil Sista please keep up the great work you are doing and forget about the no good, popcorn eating, bubble gum chewing son of a- *#@*^*#^^$^*$%*#^#*@^+(@*$*@($#*@$@(@#&$*&(@*#*$%#%@#*# (see I can sound just like Daddy if I want to,LOL) It’s because of your blog spot that encouraged me to start mine. And because of that, I have opened up and expressed a lot of feelings lately. More then I have ever in my life even with Cheryl and the girls. There are things I have written that they didn’t know before the blogging days. And there is a lot more that I have never talked about to anyone. I’m still trying to work some of that out. Hence my activity is sometimes slow or seems nonexistence for awhile.
----- LUV-U,
------- YOUR BROD ALWAYS,
---------- Peter
----- P.S. Check out my blog in the next day or two. I have something coming up soon.
I have to agree with Poppa and the rest...who cares what people think. Please you can not quit now. There are more people you are helping by writing than not!!I am one for sure. Since your blog I have come to much more understanding and learning the family in a way I never did. Your blog actually has brought me closer to some in the family and that emptiness I felt for years is starting to fill up for the first time in my life...I quess because I finally realize what has been missing and it is all of you guys. I am so grateful for the chance, after all I put this family through by being so distant and a loner. I never meant to hurt anyone and if I did please forgive me. Thanks Aunt Lil for opening my eyes before it really was too late. So whom ever made whatever comment......stop being jealous and be more like Aunt Lil who does try to be her best and has helped me to be my best!!! Love ya Aunt Lil and can't wait for the next writing!!!
ReplyDeleteLil, I have a lot of feelings right now that I can't express. But I can say that you should not doubt yourself. You are a wonderful person. C, you are going to heaven because you are wonderful too! Uncle Peter, I am so happy for you because you are going to be a Grandfather! Toya, you are getting married! That is terrific news! Thank you for what you said in a recent blog. Lil, the hell with whoever said something out of jealousy.
ReplyDeleteThanks to all for your comments and I do want to let ya'll know that the comments made were I believe innocent and not by anyone in the family,
ReplyDeleteIt was someone who silently follows my blog who quietely asked me in her own way how in the world can anyone be that positive, don't you ever get mad, I want to be so perfect. How did you get so nice?
It wasn't, I don't think said in a negative way except for the fact that she may be lost in her own way.
SO blogging will continue always and prayers for those who don't know my heart and soul as many of you do.
I am human, so far from perfect yet striving always to be a better person love to all
----- Well, I'm not sure about the human or even the perfect part of your last statement.(LOL,LOL,LOL)
ReplyDelete----- Later Lil Sista,
---LUV-U,
----- Peter