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Friday, July 29, 2011

JIllaxing Thursdays

Yesterday was my last routine Jillaxing day.
Some of my Thursdays were spent just me and Jilly bean
and some were spent with HOBL (pappy) and BB
when he was home.
Yesterday was one of those days.
BB was home and he and Pappy were in and out,
love those days.
KD goes to her Mom's so she can get some RN studying
done because if Jillybean just smells her Mommy,
it is her she wants.
Back to yesterday.
I probably played with her more than I have since she was born.
Made sure she looked at my face often.
We laughed.
I probably held her more than I should,
rocked her longer than she needed.
During one of those rocking sessions,
as she slept on my shoulder,
heartbeat to heartbeat,
I thought of the last 4 months and I began to cry.
I cannot get back these last 4 months
and I wondered if the bond between me
and my first sweet grandbaby was fused
in a way that she will remember.
Just as I said in an earlier blog,
she has been the only thing that has made me doubt
whether I should return to work.
Yesterday was a hard one for me,
of course I know there will be many more opportunities
for me to spend with her,
but the scheduled weekly visits will not be again until next summer.
I just have to keep reminding myself of all the other
days besides Thursdays that I moped around my house
with nothing to do, no one to talk to,
feeling like a prisoner in my own home to a chronic pain
that I refuse to rule my life.
Yes, there are more days like that than Jillaxing days.
I do know this, that when the work is no longer
something I can do, I am packing up,
moving closer to my Jillybean!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

To School I Went


Worked at school yesterday,
cleaning and organizing my office in preparation
for the beginning of the school year next week.
Our new school is the bomb and although my office
is still in the old building, same spot,
I am determined to get it clean and organized to match
the new spaces.
If I had any doubt about returning,
after yesterday, it has passed me.
I can't wait to get into the swing of a job again.
Just seeing the few of my adult friends that were there
today had me excited for August 4th.
Do I still have pain? yes
Is it better than prior to surgery? yes
Do I look at the surgery as a success? yes
Do I now think I will make it the next 12 years to retire from
the school system? no
Does that mean that I will not try to complete as many years as I can? no
I am a person who works, I am a person who gives back through her career.
I can choose to be mentally healthy or pain free forever,
I choose mentally healthy.
Because there is no better medicine than giving back to those
less fortunate than you.
What will I miss the most about going back to work?
The Wednesday nights and Thursday that I spend with
the beautiful baby whose picture blesses this blog.
She is the only thing that has made me doubt my reasons for
returning back to work.
However, as she grows it will not be the amount of time
we spend together but what we do with those times
that makes me her Mumsie.
This I know to be true.

Monday, July 25, 2011

I broke my favorite coffee mug.

Yes, I was washing the counter and there it was
right by my elbow and as I hit it, tumbling down it went.
I've had it for some time, I get close to my coffee mugs.
I said a few choice words as I cleaned it up
but then kind of forgot about it until this morning
when it was time to drink the morning java.
I looked for it and then the memory came to me.
Oh, my to have to find another cup that can take it's place.
Baby boy and I used to be alike in this favorite cup thing.
Once on a vacation I searched the stores looking for the
perfect coffee mug for BB only to find it and the
first time he used it, his pups knocked it from his truck
and he was so upset. Called me to complain about it.
So this morning, the coffee just doesn't taste the same
without my old faithful cup.
Everyone in the home knew that was my cup and
if you used it, I would not be happy.
Will have some trouble replacing it.
RIP old coffee mug, it will be hard to replace you!!


Saturday, July 23, 2011

advice for you parents of young children out there



"THE BEST GIFT YOU CAN GIVE YOUR CHILDREN
IS TO GIVE THEM THE SKILLS NEEDED
TO SURVIVE ON THEIR OWN"
I love this saying.
While at the dentist this week, Dr. Breaud
caught up with my life.
He is the best dentist because although I only
see him twice a year, he remembers me
and personal things about me.
I shared that I had become a Mumsie since I saw
him last and that baby girl was now on her own
living her life.
He asked me how old she was now and I told him
21 and we were so proud of her because aside
from a little financial help with school
she was really "on her own"
working hard to pay her bills and live her life.
He was surprised by this.
I then shared that Baby boy had not only been on his
own by 21 but had finished college, owned his own home
and since that age we had never had to help him
in any way financially.
Dr. Breaud shared how unusual that is in today's world.
I hadn't really thought about it much but after he brought
it to my attention it made me very proud.
Proud that the babies at such a young age could take
care of themselves, proud that HOBL and I did not
always give them what they wanted and insisted
that they work at an early age,
showed them what a checking account was and how
to balance their money.
Proud that we had them borrow money at an early age
so as to build their credit.
It wasn't always easy telling the babies no to something
they really wanted or telling them to
"save their money"
especially when we were the odd parents back then.
The hardest part of having grown children is realizing
that they must live their lives in the way they see fit.
That I have no right to question or put demands on them
that I think are important when I am not ever asked
for money or that advice that I sometimes think they
want. I try to follow the motto that when they are financially
independent I have no right to tell them how to live their lives.
I am not perfect at it, but am getting better every day.
So my advice to you parents of young children
is the quote above.
It's a good feeling to know that no matter what happens to you
your children will survive, it is the very best gift
I think HOBL and I have ever given our babies.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Pinterest

My pal, Ashley turned me on to a website called pinterest.
I just know I am going to be obsessed with this site.
I am going to try and explain to my ability exactly what it is.
My niece, Rebecca would be all over this site.
People post pictures of things in their lives.
It may be quotes, it may be pictures of their home interior,
art, scrapbooking, anything.
When You like something you pin it to your own wall
on their site and it is saved for you for future reference.
For instance, if you were to remodel your home,
you can go through millions of pictures of other
people homes and pin those you like to your wall.
No magazines to go through, all you are looking for
is categorized for you to pin.
You can then follow other peoples walls and take from
theirs if you like the same things.
I should have known that baby girl already had her own wall
there.
It is my new online interest.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

email forwards




I am not a fan of email forwards.
I usually just go through emails and delete them.
However, when my oldest sister, Simone sends
them to me, I tend to sometimes open them.
One reason is because "Taunt Mone" as we call her
has a way of finding the best or messing up her forwards
and her emails in ways that is most entertaining to us sisters.
This morning I open one and the above is what is attached to
her forwards. AHhhhhh Taunt Mone you are a breath of fresh
air.... when you are not driving us all crazy ;^)
She made me smile this morning.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

A mother/daughter adventure


Shoe-Bee leaves today, last day of practice
and today, today
an old fashioned Adventure day for me and Baby girl.
BG and I, as she grew would do what we call adventure days.
We would wake up with no set plans,
pick a destination and go.
No plans were made except for the destination.
Some times I told her the destination and sometimes
I surprised her.
It is on one of these adventures that we learned
the fun of Magazine street, how to see the french quarter.
You see, BG and I, when we are together in this zone
life is put on hold just to go on these adventures.
The things we found, did on these adventure days
not once failed us in entertainment
because when in comes it ro-daying (going places)
BG and I have that in common.
It has been a long time coming as now that BG
finds herself self-sufficient and busy with work
and living the life she wants.
I long for these days sometimes.
Today I am hoping she is as excited as I am.
We are going check out the small town of Morgan City today.
I hear it is pretty quaint and lots of second hand stores
that both of us love.
"I've got a feeling that today is going to be a good day"

Monday, July 18, 2011

i have said this sooo many times...


Yes, it's Monday, how many Mondays have
I said today is the day, I am going to eat healthy and
drink only water and sleep well and take no naps
and go to the gym...
Well I am saying it again this Monday.
Having Hughbee here is going to help since I have
to take him to football camp every morning at 8,
I can go straight to the gym.
So many people out there in worse predicaments
than us readers who wished they had the chance
to make the healthy change in their lives.
Karen Callais who is now on Hospice,
Dev who just had her second brain surgery
my family friend who is staring Lou Gehrig's disease in the face.
Knowing all of this, not sure why I let pain be the boss of me.
Was motivated last night as I texted sista, Ronnie
and still motivated this am as I type here at 6 am.
My life, to live as I choose it.
Want to make the change,
going to start today!

Friday, July 15, 2011

missing old days

Lots of joy comes from scanning Rosie's old pictures
but also longing for those who no longer with us.
Pat and Daddy, miss them so much!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Written by my sister, C




My sister, C was the lucky winner of the chartered fishing trip for
the Karen Callais fundraiser raffle.
She has asked my to blog this for her and I was happy to do so!
How lucky am I to have been in Las Vegas with my son, Kris, celebrating his 21st birthday, to get a call from my sister, Lilly, that I won an offshore fishing trip in Golden Meadow. Heck, I wish we would have been so lucky in Vegas…LOL.
Yesterday, July 10, 2011, was the day that my two sons, Arthur and Kris, and my girlfriend in laws, Amanda and Kaylee, took advantage of the winning fishing trip. This day was special for a number of reasons; of course, the obvious because I was with my family which always warms my heart and is one of the things that give me complete happiness. The other was being able to spend the day with an old family friend, Bobby Terrebonne, who, with his deckhand, Mike, put us right in a school of huge red snappers and we also caught a few other different species of these delicious creations. Bobby and I talked a lot about growing up in the same neighborhood and about our families, catching up on things and reminiscing of the old days when we were all quite younger. He told funny stories and cracked a few “one liners” which humored all of us; if you really know Bobby, you know what I mean…LOL.
The most important part of this day, however, was the reason that we were all there, and that was for Bobby’s sister, Karen. I was not able to attend the fund raiser for Karen as I was sporting Kris around Las Vegas, but my family and many other families and friends were in attendance to support Karen and her family in the fight for her life against the demon so many of us know as Cancer. As we rode in the boat, looking into the sun rising over the offshore waters, I couldn’t help but to think of the beauty that I remembered Karen to be both as a neighbor and a friend. I am not one to be all slouchy and mushy about my religious beliefs to anyone, but I will share that I prayed a lot for Karen and her family on this beautiful day. For each silent moment was a prayer and a thought for the entire Terrebonne family as they have all had many life struggles. Sure, the seas could have been very choppy, it could have rained on our parade, we could have caught no fish, but instead, it was a beautiful, successful day and I thanked God for the opportunity to spend this day with my healthy family in a part of His Paradise that not many people get to experience.
Thanks Bobby and Mike for a wonderful family day filled with lots of fun, laughter and fish!!!
<> <> <>

Monday, July 11, 2011

Pics that I had never seen....

Another reason I love going through old photos,
I usually find the random photos that finds myself
and HOBL in them from back in the day.
In Rosie's pictures there were some from our wedding
and pictures from 1983, just before we married.
I forgot how we looked at that time,
seeing the pictures brought back, again, so many memories.
When BB and KD got married Lucy was so upset because I got
a picture of her sleeping. She insists she did not fall asleep
but when I produced the picture she could not deny it.
Now I have the perfect pair of pictures to make a scrap page with.
Looks as though her Mommy fell asleep at our wedding.
Like Mother, like daughter...
Perfect scrap page.
Tiffy was my maid of honor, as a gift she had these t-shirts
airbrushed for my shower, because we were going
away to nowhere, we decided this would be our going away outfits.
I had forgotten this until I found these pictures.
Yes, HOBL was feeling way good right here,
this was before he sobered up and before he stopped smoking.
It is so strange to see him "under the influence"
smoking and drinking.
Because my Daddy had died the year before we married
and I had two brothers and could not decide which to
give me away, I decided on my Momma.
This was not a popular practice in 1984 so
many thought this was so special and it was for me.
Look how we are grasping hands...
she calmed me on the long walk down the aisle,
not sure if she really wanted to let me go!
When I saw this picture above my heart melted again.
We were such a cute couple.
We fought a lot back in these days as many young couples
do. Who thought that 27 years later we would still be married,
have two children, a beautiful granddaughter,
still in love.
This man, my HOBL drives me crazy. He really does
but I am soooo glad that I find myself still with him
after so many years.
We can still sometimes get into arguments like it was
still 1984 when the relationship was new
but they are few and far between.
I love the idea of marriage and will continue to do
whatever it takes to be happy in this one.
Why? Because it is worth it, we are worth it.
Oh if I could have this complexion again!!!!
Yet I knew very little about life back then.
I was baby girls' age in this picture.
So many say we look so much alike.
In this picture I can see some resemblance.
That is HOBL and I in the background of a birthday
party for nephew Miki.
That is Rebecca in the front, C walking in the back.
Going through all these old pics makes me want to
go through everyone I knows pictures to find treasures
such as these.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

old pictures, old memories

I have this thing for photo's.
I think all should be respected and my own photos
are all in albums and organized.
When I hear of other photos that are not
in good shape, I immediately want to take them,
scan them, organize them, recapture their newness.
So it was no surprise that when I heard Rosie's albums
were stored in a shed that I needed them!
She has allowed me to scan all of them, make them
better and then put them into better albums
so as to preserve them for future generations.
Another reason I love old photos, especially my own
family's is for the memories it brings back for me
and Rosie's has sparked many old memories.
So get ready because for the next few days
it will be those pictures, those memories that
I blog about.
(myself and cousin Darwin)
The first I would like to share are the old days on
Grand Isle beach. These reminded me why I love
going to Grand Isle. Our family, extended family always
met in Grand Isle a few times a summer
while I was growing. All that could make the trip did.
We played with the cousins that we didn't get to see
as often as we would have liked, bonded with family.
It was an all day affair. We set up the crab lines,
caught all day to boil on the beach at night.
(myself and cousin Dina)
Bored was never a word you heard on those days at the beach.
Heat must have been prominent but funny, no memories
of being hot are in my heart. I loved these days.
(the view from the water)
Because there was so many of these adventures that are now
part of my childhood memories, I had completely forgotten
about this trip that is shown in the pictures I share.
Looking at them I remembered the day like it was yesterday.
I remembered the bathing suit, the people that were there.
On this trip I must have been like 13.
There were many of us this trip.
I remember wanting some time with my Momma alone.
(cousin Morris Jr. and one of his grandchildren)
I think myself and my cousin Dina had a disagreement
and I was upset with her.
I asked Momma to walk and help me find seashells.
She agreed and we began walking away from the crowd,
searching the sand for shells.
I felt like her favorite that day,
I felt close to her, that it was enough for her to
leave the crowd and walk on the beach just me and her.
Because we were not a family to say "I love you" much
while growing up I wanted her to know I loved her
but was shy with the words.
So I grabbed her hand, and she held mines tightly
and I knew that she was feeling the same that I was.
(anne, Jerry, LeeLee and Mone)
It was a wonderful day, wonderful memories from pictures.
Thanks to Rosie for allowing me with her possessions
and to reminisce back on things I never want to forget.

Friday, July 8, 2011

"She thinks we're just fishing"

If you have not yet heard the country song,
"She thinks we're just fishing"
Look it up today.
Every time I hear it, It is Baby Boy and Jilly-bean
who comes to my mind.
I know that on the waters BB and Jilly
will share things that no one else will be a part of.
It will be their time.
It was that song, those times that came to mind
as BB and I took Cami-girl fishing on Wednesday.
To hear BB explain to Cami all about fishing,
names of the fish, baits,
I could see he and Jilly a few years from now.
Cami was in heaven not with the fishing part,
more in the "catch and release" part,
the learning part,
the visiting with one of her favorite cousins part.
BB was impressed with Cami-girl asking
"Does she ever complain?"
HE was also impressed with her knowledge and memory.
How happy she always is, smiling from ear to ear
for most of the experience.
He was patient with her letting her drive the boat,
taking his time to explain and teach her the basics
of fishing. I got the glimpse that the song
reminds me of.
He is a great father, he will continue to be that
and more...
"and she thinks we're just fishing"

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Will we ever Know?

Sweet Caylee Anthony.
A name that none of us should know.
She should now be a 5 year old little girl, anxious
to buy her school clothes to start her kindergarten year.
Instead, not many in the U.S. do not know who she is
or wonder what happened to her precious life and why
did she die and who is responsible.
Most, including me, know that her mother, Casey Anthony
if not responsible for her death, knows how she died.
Yet yesterday she is cleared of all the charges against her
involving the death of her sweet baby girl.
Of course, we are outraged.
If I am to be honest, though I said to Baby girl
before the verdict was in, that her mother was going
to go free. BG was like, "How can that happen, she killed
her baby" I knew from watching highlights of the court
case that the prosecution did not do the job they had
to do in order to prove that Casey killed Caylee.
You cannot convict someone of murder just because
you know she knows what happened or was involved
in her death. You cannot charge someone with murder
because you don't like her or think she was a terrible mother,
which she was. The prosecution just did not have enough
evidence to prove that she did it.
I too, am angry that as soon as today Casey could be free.
Yet, if we believe in the judicial system
"Innocent until proven guilty"
the right verdict was laid down.
I know this, that she and God knows what really happened
and her life will never be peaceful and the one true judge
will take care of her.
I hope she never feels true happiness again,
I hope that her baby girl comes to her every night in her dreams.
I hope she lives a hell on Earth.
We will never know the true story but He knows
and He will judge accordingly.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

fleeting memories...

For the last 4 days I have had house guests.
I have had Miki, my nephew and his love, Sayra.
Miki's little girl, who is my godchild, Cami
and sister, Rosie.
I have also had my other godchild, NeeNee.
It has been a good 4 days and yesterday and today
they all begin to make their way back to where they
belong. I have mentioned many times that
I have not been one to suffer from the
"empty nest" syndrome.
I have raised my babies to the best of my abilities
and I am proud that they are adults and
can financially and figuratively take care
of themselves. I believe that part of parenting
is being able to raise your children to be independent
where home is a place of comfort but not a place
that they need to stay for long.
I believe that grown children have to find their way
without needing their parents guidance for everything.
With these beliefs, I have no reason to have "empty nest"
moments. That is not to say that there
are not moments that I miss being the Mommy of
little ones. I loved being a Mommy.
Having the little girls these last few days has given
me a chance to practice my "Mommy" again.
There are those fleeting moments, they don't last long,
that I miss and long to have my babies back.
Sometimes it is when I see a mother with her teenage daughter,
arms interlocked. One time it hit me as I was driving and
saw a little boy dressed in a Halloween costume getting on
a bus. In these short moments, I long for my babies
something fierce.
Yesterday the fleeting moment happened as I iced
cinnamon rolls for the little girls.
I have not made cinnamon rolls probably since the
days that I made breakfasts each morning for my babies.
As I iced the rolls I remembered those mornings,
every morning I fixed breakfast. It may not have
been a gourmet breakfast, but each morning they
knew Momma was going to prepare them breakfast
to start them off on their day.
For those few moments, I missed them.
Then it passed...


video

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Mumsie rocking...


I love to rock Jilly-bean.
Really, I do!
As I rocked her this Thursday I took my time
to enjoy her squirming until she fell into a
peaceful sleep and then placed her in a position
that I could rock while enjoying her baby faces.
I lingered in her nursery in no hurry to put
her down.
She was comfortable in my arms and I was comfortable
to have her there.
As I stared into her sweet little face, thoughts
of rocking my own babies came into my heart.
I noticed another difference between being
the Mommy and being the Mumsie.
When I was Mommy rocking, although I enjoyed it,
it was for one purpose. To get the babies to sleep
so I could lay them down and get things done.
You see when you are the Mommy, there are so
many things that have to be done while the baby
is asleep. There is always tons of clothing to wash,
bottles to clean, there is a floor that needs to be mopped
because soon baby will awaken and be on the same floor.
There are bank accounts that need to be balanced and
toys that need to be tidied. There is little time
that baby sleeps so all of this has to be done
in a matter of a little time.
Yet when you are Mumsie rocking, there is no pressure
to get all these other things done.
I can sit and rock for as long as I like.
The main priority of the home and the baby's upkeep
is not mine to worry about.
At the end of the day, I get to go back to Thibodaux
to my clean home where no chores are awaiting
and savor in the memories of Jilly-bean's sweet smells
and memories of her cute face.
While I am rocking I get to hold her little hands as
her fingers grasp mine even in sleep.
I get to watch her suck on her tongue as she sleeps.
I get to see her sweet dimples as she smiles about
dreams in her head.
Yes, being a Mumsie is different than being a Mommy.
If I could go back to the days of Mommyhood,
I would linger in the rocker for just a little bit more.
I would understand that all those things that need to be
done will get done.
I would realize that the rocking days are over way to quickly.
But you don't know this when you are the Mommy.
It may be one of the reasons God made Grandma's.
When Jilly-bean grows up, some of my
favorite memories will be the times I savored rocking
her in her little room across from her parents
and sang sweet-nothings in her ear,
and told her stories that she will not remember.
I love Jill-axing days
and so glad that my BB and KD let me have this time with our girl!

Friday, July 1, 2011

losses at 90


Spending the day with Momma, you never know what
you gunna get.
At 90, she is mostly happy and "goes with the flow"
yesterday, however when I picked her up at the Manor
to come and spend the afternoon in Plaquemine
she was sad. One of her table friends were leaving.
Just as we were leaving her friends family were
packing up their vehicles with their elderly mother and
her belongings.
She hugged her friend and said,
"Don't let them make you do anything you don't feel like doing"
as we walked to the car she was quiet.
I knew that her friend was heading to the nursing home
and at that moment, so did momma.
"I wonder why her family wants to put her in the
nursing home, I wonder if they can't afford it.
She pays her own bills for heaven's sake"
I try and make her feel better by saying that her son
told me it was because she could no longer stay by herself,
it had become too dangerous.
This was not a good enough reason for momma.
I wondered if she was thinking of herself,
if we could ever do this to her.
I try and reassure her by telling her that she
will never go to the nursing home, that us children
will always find a way that she can stay at the manor.
I vow silently to keep this promise.
By the time we get to baby boy's her mind, the demented
way it is, has changed the story to conform to something
she can handle, that is happy for her.
I ask her to relay the story to BB to see how she is with the
news now.
She tells BB that her son has decided to take her to his house.
Amazing what a demented mind can do for the good.
Yet as we approach the manor in the late afternoon,
momma says,
"I am surely going to miss my friend, you know she
has been at the manor for 13 years, I don't know why
she couldn't stay"
I try and cheer her up by saying she has other dinner friends.
She corrects me saying the other two don't like to talk,
the one who left used to converse and talk, they
played bingo every bingo day together and had
their coffee together.
I am sad for momma, I realize that this is a loss for her.
A friend that she remembers, one she associated with every day.
Her thoughts are not about whether or not she will ever
go to the nursing home rather what will she do without
her one true friend at the manor.
This makes me sad for momma.
Living to be 90 is not all it's cracked up to be.
Last night at 5:30 my thoughts are on my momma,
sitting at her table with one empty chair.
Probably not speaking much.
She called me twice last night,
probably because she had no one to talk to at supper.
This woman can still pull at my heart strings.
I know in a few days her friend will be just a distant memory
and she will be happy again because dementia is good
to her like that.
I know in a few days, there will be another to occupy
the empty chair at he dinner service.
I hope it is someone who likes to talk and joke,
I hope she likes bingo like momma does.