Friday, July 1, 2011

losses at 90

Spending the day with Momma, you never know what
you gunna get.
At 90, she is mostly happy and "goes with the flow"
yesterday, however when I picked her up at the Manor
to come and spend the afternoon in Plaquemine
she was sad. One of her table friends were leaving.
Just as we were leaving her friends family were
packing up their vehicles with their elderly mother and
her belongings.
She hugged her friend and said,
"Don't let them make you do anything you don't feel like doing"
as we walked to the car she was quiet.
I knew that her friend was heading to the nursing home
and at that moment, so did momma.
"I wonder why her family wants to put her in the
nursing home, I wonder if they can't afford it.
She pays her own bills for heaven's sake"
I try and make her feel better by saying that her son
told me it was because she could no longer stay by herself,
it had become too dangerous.
This was not a good enough reason for momma.
I wondered if she was thinking of herself,
if we could ever do this to her.
I try and reassure her by telling her that she
will never go to the nursing home, that us children
will always find a way that she can stay at the manor.
I vow silently to keep this promise.
By the time we get to baby boy's her mind, the demented
way it is, has changed the story to conform to something
she can handle, that is happy for her.
I ask her to relay the story to BB to see how she is with the
news now.
She tells BB that her son has decided to take her to his house.
Amazing what a demented mind can do for the good.
Yet as we approach the manor in the late afternoon,
momma says,
"I am surely going to miss my friend, you know she
has been at the manor for 13 years, I don't know why
she couldn't stay"
I try and cheer her up by saying she has other dinner friends.
She corrects me saying the other two don't like to talk,
the one who left used to converse and talk, they
played bingo every bingo day together and had
their coffee together.
I am sad for momma, I realize that this is a loss for her.
A friend that she remembers, one she associated with every day.
Her thoughts are not about whether or not she will ever
go to the nursing home rather what will she do without
her one true friend at the manor.
This makes me sad for momma.
Living to be 90 is not all it's cracked up to be.
Last night at 5:30 my thoughts are on my momma,
sitting at her table with one empty chair.
Probably not speaking much.
She called me twice last night,
probably because she had no one to talk to at supper.
This woman can still pull at my heart strings.
I know in a few days her friend will be just a distant memory
and she will be happy again because dementia is good
to her like that.
I know in a few days, there will be another to occupy
the empty chair at he dinner service.
I hope it is someone who likes to talk and joke,
I hope she likes bingo like momma does.


  1. I go to your blog if only to read but this one gets to me! It saddends me to know that Mom is sad. Although I call her at least once a week I'm not sure that that is good for me or her. Makes me think that she is sad when I call and can't go over like I use to. I know that, as a family, Mom will be in the Manor for as long as she is on this earth but at this point in my life I can't go as often as I use to. And now I think that this should not bother me that I am doing the best I can at this point in my life. I think of other "CLOSE FAMILY FRIENDS" that will have big decisions to make in the days to come and think we are quite lucky. Mom is healthy except for her dementia which sometimes this is a blessing to her and to us. Decesions and reality will have to take it's place for "CLOSE FAMILY FRIENDS". I pray for my Mom and these friends that God will protect and do the best things for our families. I LOVE YOU, MOM, AND THANKS!

  2. believe me, no matter where she was, there would be things at 90 that saddens her.... one of those things that you have to accept when you live to be so long. Today, Nee and I went to visit, and she was at bingo, we went up there to say hello and she brushes us off!!!! Momma is fine, just will have days that she will be sad as all of us do. Today, no memory of being sad yesterday, so as I have said before, dementia is not always a bad thing!