Sunday, February 24, 2013

When the Pain stays the same...

I cry when I read friend, Billy's post yesterday
explaining how a wonderful day with his family ended
with him in tears realizing everyone was there except his
beautiful and only daughter, Sloane.
Us friends, people who love he and CeeCee would love
to know the perfect day ended the same way it
began and yet,
I know that never again will a day be perfect for them.
This morning I awaken with them on my mind and I am 
filled with things I want to say to him and this blog comes
to mind, something he can go to on every day he struggles.
I want to tell him what my Mom has always told us,
"It is not natural for a parent to bury a child"
I want to tell him that the day we told my Momma that
my brother Larry had passed is the day we noticed dementia
in her. Having always being sharp as a whip before,
on that day she began to show signs of forgetting.
Today, there are days she does not know he has passed.
I want to tell him, that in my home hangs the famous
picture of my daddy and his brother that I have blogged
about before. In the picture, on the right side, is a big blur,
a blur where the sister who died had been wiped out.
The only way his mother could go on living having lost her
eleven year old daughter, the only way she could continue
to raise the many children she still had with her
was to wipe her out of every picture and pretend
she never existed. She could not mourn the loss of her 
precious child so she had her removed from every picture,
had her things taken away and pretended she never existed.
This seems extreme, but it proves that the loss of a child 
is the most terrible tragedy a parent can live through.

With all of this to share with my dear friend, Billy and
his wife, CeeCee, I blog of them.
In their life, neither of the first two options are right for them.
One, they are still so young and to wipe her out of their lives
would be harder than having buried her.
They have her legacy, her precious little boy left
to them to raise. They have to remember all about Sloane so 
that they can assure this child knows all about his mother.
to erase her from their memory would be to kill the part
in their lives where she lived, the part of their heart 
will she continues to live. 
They have me watching them so proud that I am a small part
of their lives. They are showing so many others the way you go on.
They do not lie about how painful it is, rather they show us
that you will smile again but you will never, ever be the same again.
They show us how you are thankful for the time you had
understanding the good Lord only loans us these children.
They show me how they have to find some happiness not to raise her
son with two parents who are always sad.
I love you, Billy, I love you CeeCee
and want you both to know I watch you guys with a
heart full of pride.

1 comment:

  1. Praying for them. To lose a child is the hardest thing in the world. Terrific blog, Lil!