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Thursday, June 3, 2010

Who I am meant to be

A funny thing happened to me early this morning.
In that place when you are not really sleeping but you
aren't awake either.
This morning as I spent time in that place I was a little girl again.
It was summer and I was 10,11, maybe 12.
All the worries, heart ache and sadness of the week
were not part of my world yet.
I was lying in my childhood bed and I could hear
the window unit in my room frozen again
because it was too big for my little childhood room.
It was cold and I was bundled under my warm blankets.
I was smiling because I knew it was summer and my days
were mine to do whatever I wanted.
I could sleep until 1:00 pm if I chose to.
I could awaken and put on my bathing suit and
spend the day in my swimming pool.
I could go and find my daddy in his garden and help
him pick lima beans from their vines so supper
could be cooked. The day was all for me
and there were no plans.
When I opened my eyes I really believed that
I would be lying in that little room, the first one
to the left of the steps.
Covered with my favorite Holly Hobby sheets
in my iron bed of childhood.
For a minute I was sad because I was a 46 year old woman
with obligations and hearts to help mend.
It was a wonderful way to awaken this morning.
Another way the God speaks to me.
He reminded me that I am in this world to be
happy, joyous and free.
He did not mold me to be sad, to be alone in my misery.
He made others for that role.
The martyr role is not mine.
He made me to show others that no matter what
life throws at me I am going to be okay
and I will let nothing change that in me.
I will be happy and I will show others through
my actions that life was meant to be enjoyed.
It is my role in life, what I am meant to be.
Life sometimes gets in the way and throws
rocks at who I am but I am going to come
back to who the Big Man has molded me into.
Resilient, that is what I am and that is what
I pray my children have inherited from me.
They have both been given big, big grown up things
to deal with this week and I pray that
these things do not change who they are inside.
I have to be the person who I am meant to be
so I can show them what they were given also.
Resiliency to carry on and be
happy, joyous and free.

3 comments:

  1. AMEN - Aunt Lil always knows what to say and when to say it! I hope you know that that is your gift, gift from God! May God be with you all and keep you all safe! Can't wait for Texas!!!! The shirts are so cute!!
    I love you!'
    Tie

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  2. I wish I were going to Texas too! Fun times to be had and wonderful memories.

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  3. I could relate to this so vividly.....



    Becky

    ReplyDelete