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Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Another hospital trip


Seems the older I get the more complications that lead
me to the hospital.
I was really bummed out yesterday.
Seems like no matter what I do I just can't ever feel totally well.
Then I made a split decision that it is my life.
I cannot change what it is
I cannot worry about what others think.
Only thing I can change is my attitude about all of this.
I can accept and know that my attitude hopefully
can be a positive one and make the people around
me want to be near me
or I can be bitter, negative and push people away with that
attitude. I have to stop worrying that people
will think "That girl always has something wrong with her"
or "she is a hypochondriac"
I don't know why I worry so much about this because
I know that the majority of people who love me do not think this.
However anyone who has ever dealt with chronic illnesses would
know this feeling.
If this is to be my life, my future,
then I will make the best of it.
I do not want to be bitter ever.
I know how fortunate and privileged I am to still
have any life at all let alone as good a life as I do have.
I am so lucky for the friends and especially the family I have.
I am to be 47 years old in just a few weeks
and my siblings still spoil me rotten and overprotect me to no end.
I know not one of them look at me as a burden or ever regret
anything they have or will do for me.
I am so fortunate that my baby girl loves hanging out with me
and would stay with me here in this hospital forever without
being asked. I am so thankful that baby boy can make me
laugh even when I feel like poop and my Kd would do anything
for me that I asked of her.
Friends. I have so many wonderful friends who not only
offer to do for me anything I may need but mean it.
They would come here with just a request.
and the love of my HOBL...
Our relationship is not the traditional one.
He worries about me and loves me even with all my
medical issues. He never says it but I know that
he is proud that with all the issues I have I could
stay home if I wanted to but still I insist on working.
So I can do like some and become bitter and complaining,
the type that people want to avoid because they are a damper
to be around but I choose to show others another side.
That if I have to be one who struggles with illness
as I get older that I will do it with courage, a smile on my face
and always with acceptance and hope that tomorrow will
be a better day and I will overcome each hurdle that is
put in my path.
I know that I am not perfect and there may be days that I am sad
but believe me when I say it is not what I want to be.
There is no time or need for that, it hurts those I love more.
I could not do any of this without everyone who loves me
and, my dear family and friends, that love is mutual.
Muah!

5 comments:

  1. If you were a horse, you'd been shot by now.... that's a positive. Right?

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  2. Whats a traditional relationship. one that is full of lies, Like them fools on doctor Phil, soap operas, and them people in the world that live a different life in the public eye. At least our relationship is real, some days it's good some day's its not good, thats the game of life. And as far as you working you can quit any time, I tell you this every hitch that I'm off. I had to comment on the label of traditional, because I never want to be traditional because that sounds like living like a robot or doing shit the same way, I like being different and being real and not being fake. So take care and don't worry what people think, IF people think your facking then to hell with them bastards, I dam sure don't worry what they think, I know you have medical issues and thats all that matters. love ron

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  3. HOBL, the comment of traditional was a compliment. I am proud of what we have built over the last 26 years and would not change it for anything.
    I love our nontraditional relationship and because of this our children are honest and aware of the lives of others around them. I am happy that you are the one for me and that you "get" me. I adore you my love, in a way that you may never know. Even if all you ever ask about when you are in Alaska is the mail and the teepapoos.... I love you! hahah smooches.

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  4. oh, and watch your "french" dear HOBL because this blog is rated G no bad words.... ha

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  5. Is this going to turn out to be a marriage crisis blog or something like that b/c that would really boost the ratings.... people love the dirty laundry. I've heard of being full of "it", "crap", "bull", and "s#@t" but never lies.... I guess one could be full of "lies" ... And as far as traditional? Nonc Ron I think that means you're not gay. Which at times I question b/c you tend to want to hold hands every now and then. So I'm really looking forward to this "new" blog frontier... as the Riera's turn. Should be a RIOT!

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