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Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Many thoughts on baby girl this morning...

In those early mornings I can't sleep these days it is baby girl I think of. Soon she will find out if she was accepted into a program called City Year where she will be sent to either New York or Rhode Island for 10 months to work in poor and underprivileged areas with children who have very little. Before we get into whether this is safe or not, let me just tell all that I have done my parenting homework, it is not only a safe program but highly sponsored and monitored by the program itself. I am excited for her. As much as I fuss about how messy she is and that she is a procrastinator, this child is also a dear friend of mine.
We are almost to the point that unless she asks for my advice we are more friends. I am proud of her tenacity. I am proud of how she is not afraid to try new things even if it means leaving those people and things you love the most. I am okay with this trip and even though I told her I am not going to be able to go to the airport because I will cry my eyes out and she said I couldn't cry, I am cheering her on because unlike many who wish they could or would
have done these types of things either now or when
they were young, my BG, she is a doer when it comes to trying
new things, far, far, away.
This would be for 10 months and I was really okay with it.
The part that has had me thinking a lot and making me
miss my little BG is the part that says to her mother
that no matter what, whether she gets the program or not,
She will have one more semester living at her home and
then she is feeling the need to move on.
As I was telling sister V. last night,
I know this has to happen and I know I have said
soooo many times, "Oh when this child goes, my house
will always be clean, I will always be able to find those
things that she borrows but never remembers to pick up"
I am proud of her decision, I am cheering her on.
I am so darn proud of the fact that she knows she will
be doing this with very little financial help from
her parents and that is part of her excitement,
to do it on her own.
I am encouraging her that by the time I was her age
I was already married and pregnant for her brother
and that there comes a point in time that it is time
to move on and become independent, to try
and make it on your own without anyone
to tell you how or what to do.
I tell her I don't blame her but I also
tell her how much I will miss her, how
easy it has been to raise her,
that aside from about 6 months of her 20 year
old life, she has been the easiest and most pleasant
child to raise.
Yes, she still doesn't do things the way I would
like her to, yes she still waits until the last minute
to finish things that I feel are important.
Yes, her mouth is sometimes a potty-mouth...
Yet I, without this child in my life everyday,
will be a different woman.
Not a bad woman, not a depressed woman,
just different because
she has been the constant in my life for the
last 4 years, she is my friend
and I will be one lonesome momma.
However, she is who I wish I had had the courage to
be at her age.
I fell in love too early, got married too early, had
a baby too early....
I do not regret the decisions I made and I
for sure do not regret the life I lead with my HOBL
who just yesterday I was thanking for just
how easy, because of all his and my hard work,
our lives are already at such a young age.
However, there were many things I dreamed of
doing before the whole marriage and kid thing
that I never got around to.
BG is living the life that she wants.....
That will not ease the days it takes for me to get used
to my life without her in it every day.
You, go BG and make a difference in this
wide, wide, world.
You have my support and most importantly
you have my heart.

6 comments:

  1. So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye
    Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye .....

    (It only works if you can sing it in your "Sound of Music" voice and do the little jingle tune in your head)

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  2. ummmmm only someone like my BFOB would be able to quote "sound of music" I mean I think of myself as worldly but OMG even I do not know how this song goes. That must be one of the reasons no one want to play Trivial Pursuit with you. I am glad however to see that you are still reading these blogs even though not many comments... then when you send me texts with no comments, I wonder where our relationship has gone...

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  3. Well could you please watch the movie so you can at the least keep up with me .... one would think with all of the deep postings here, you'd at least have some of the classics in you.

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  4. well I always believed that my children and others refused to play trivial pursuit with you because they always said you would cheat but now i realize those were wrong, you just have a way of absorbing much, much, non-needed stuff therefore you have lots of useless information keeping space in your brain, I think you may need to clean your hard drive....

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  5. Sound of Music is a childhood memory ... when it's your childhood memory, it's nostalgia, but when it's mine, I've got to clean the hard drive ??? Maybe I should have sung it in French

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  6. hahaha never thought of it like that maybe I need to clean my hard drive, or watch the movie....

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