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Monday, August 30, 2010

Sometimes I love days like yesterday

Yes, sometimes I love days where all it does is rain
and I can stay in my pj's without having anywhere to go.
I even took a much needed nap....
even though they make me feel lazy, sometimes I love a nap.
I also did a lot of journaling yesterday because
I have been a head of confusion lately trying
to figure out just what I am supposed to be doing
with this ill health of mines.
For some, it seems so easy,
"Just retire, Lil, you don't have to work"
Yes, it may be that easy for some but for me at 47 years old
it is much more complicated than that.
I have nursed since I was 19 years old, it is as much a part
of me as being a mother to my two children is.
I never imagined that my career would be over at 47
and I can't even fathom the idea of never nursing again
without it bringing tears to my eyes.
Yet I have to weigh the fact that because I am being
selfish about my career others are missing out on
what they expect from me.
My great nieces and nephews know that if there is any way
possible for me to be there for their functions,
their birthday parties, their life I will be there.
Yet because a day of work just wears me out,
I am missing these things that are also important to me.
Acceptance of this new way of life is still not there for me.
I guess it is because growing up and having my children
I have had some weird medical things but nothing that lingered
or became a something I had to accept as part of my life.
I never had to think of the fact that I had one kidney or
radiation had damaged my body in a way that would cause
me to suffer as an older person.
I am glad I didn't think about it, I am happy I had all those years.
So yesterday I spent a lot of time thinking about all of this.
I am not going to give up without a fight.
I work in a three story air conditioned building.
I am always there an hour before my punch-in-time
so I am going to start trying to walk this building.
The pain is there anyway so I might as well give my body a reason
to hurt and what if in actuality it helps me in the long run.
I know I have to loose weight, maybe this is what will
help this pain also.
Today I am going to put away depressed eating which means
basically when I can't do anything physical, I eat....
Today I am going to try and begin eating healthier.
Yes, just like most of my readers,
I have said this all so many times before
and maybe this time will end up just like all the other times
that I tried to do these things
but at least for today I have a plan and I do well with plans...
If I am going to give up nursing, it will be after a
long fight... and I have some fight in me....
Happy Monday, next Monday.... off!!!!

10 comments:

  1. Keep fighting, Lil!

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  2. I say let's wait and see how ole Auntie Lil handles being a grandmother .... I see retirement in the future.

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  3. Be strong my Lil - just as you know, and I know, and we all know, you are!

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  4. Thanks for all of ya'll encouragement, the plan of today didn't go so well.
    I tried hard, I really did and by 12 noon I could have come home...
    Please pray for me i am not used to my head wanting something and m body not cooperating..... I really am at a loss right now.... but don't want to be a martyr..... ugh!!!!

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  5. I will start walking in the morning if you need some company!! Let me know if you need anything!! love ya!!
    Amanda

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  6. Amanda, will meet you in the south building at 7 your company would def. make the exercising easier....

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  7. oh my little sister. what would i do if i retired if I could change anything in my life it would be that I had always had a job like the one I have now.you and I are the same when it comes to helping. You take care or the young and I take care of the elderly you and I have gone throught a lot in our lives. you were younger then I but we are here for a reason and God will not let us rest until we do what He wants dom't you yhink as hard as it is to give up the work you love that God is saying to you I want you yo spend the rest of your life resting so you can help all the people you meet to encrouge them by telling your life's story? Lilly weite a book about your experances I know that God wants me to be a spoke person for cancer and I have been fighting with Him He won't leave me along I decided I can't win so I might as well give in.it's easy when you let Him work for your good, after all who knows better than God what is better for
    you? I love your spirit love BIG SISTER MONE

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  8. SIS SORRY ABOUT THE MISPELLED WORDS BUT IT'S NOT THAT I CAN'T SPELL IT'S JUST THAT MY NAILS ARE GETTING TOO LONG O. K. MONE

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  9. AND HOW ABOUT THE FYFTH WORD? IS IT ONE S OR TWO?

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  10. SORRY ABOUT THE WORD FIFTH OH IT'S TWELVE MIDNIGHT I'M GOING TO BED GOOD NIGHT AND DON'T LET THE BED BUGS BITE SIS

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