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Monday, January 31, 2011

on a day like today...

As much as I am itching to return to work
on a day like today, I am glad for soft PJ's
and not having to get out.
As good as this back surgery has been for me
there are those days that I am stiff and sore
and this is one of those days.
This week will be a big week for my future.
On Thursday I have my Ct scan to check
the fusion happenings and see Dr. Donner
for future plans.
If all goes well on Thursday I will begin
physical therapy in what the therapist calls
"baby step" therapy.
I am 4 years out of shape.
I and he feels if we go to fast I will regret it.
So I will savor the days I have left at home
and make the best of them.
If I am going to give myself the best possible
chance to be as healthy as I can be...
today the healthy eating must start.
I mean wouldn't it be hypocritical to say I have
done all I can to be healthy if I continue
eating a whole sleeve of chocolate cookies
with milk nightly.
Here comes lean cuisines and apples and peanut butter...
Today counting calories and going to start moving
the body parts that do not attach to my back.
As for "Taunt Mone"
she is doing better than we all expected
but faces a long road to recovery.
For a brag session of just how great the
baby shower was yesterday,
it was fantastic and oooohhhhhh the shower
makes it seem so much closer until we can
hold our precious bundle.
Thanks to all who came out in the terrible weather
to make the day so special for KD.
This baby now wants for nothing a new born should need.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Showers are coming...

Not as in rain but as in...
BABY SHOWER DAY!!!!!!
There is something about the baby shower that
makes this Mumsie life feel real.
Our Jilly-bean is coming in just a few more weeks.
My friend, Becky who is also a wonderful photographer
shared this quote with me:
"A BABY IS GOD'S OPINION THAT THE WORLD
SHOULD GO ON"
-Carl Sanburg
A simple quote such as this can bring me to tears
and excitement.
I know that her parents will be the biggest
influence in her life to have her feel
that quote is true and her extended family
will support that belief.
So today, the advice I give my son and his wife is
the quote above and individual advice"
KD: to be a good mother you must not forget to
to also be good to yourself.
BABY BOY: The best gift a father can give his child
is to love their mother.
JILLY_BEAN: "I want to go to Mumsie's"

Saturday, January 29, 2011

When a family goes up, it must come down and some falls are so gentle...

Veronica and Simone
Much like me, my family is loud, obnoxious
and we all love each other so deep.
Because we are so big sometimes communication
get skewed. One thing we learned when my brother
Larry died, no matter how we feel about each other
or the decisions we make when one of us suffers,
when one of us is missing, we all suffer.
Oh we are not a perfect family, far from it.
We are like all cajun families,
we argue, fuss, laugh and love all too deep.
This post comes with my oldest sister, Simone,
known to all as "Taunt Mone" being very ill.
Although, because I am the ultimate optimist
I am also the one who can see a full picture and know
that she will pull through this but it will be a
long, long recovery.
Yet through all family happenings and things that rock our
world, we find a place in our hearts for forgiveness of all
and new beginnings. Such as I find myself this morning.
I know, for our family, sometimes it takes a tragedy
such as my big sister to be so ill to get us all
on the same page.
This morning we are all on the same page,
allowing her wonderful children to take the
lead and we follow.
I know all my siblings and nieces, nephews are
feeling the same as I.
Yet nothing makes us understand
better than a sick family member that
we must practice forgiveness every day.
All of us are so different, see the world differently.
Some of us are tough-love people
and some of us are soft-hearted "I will do anything for
you" people.
Believe it or not, I am the tough-love person
who says what she feels, sees the whole picture.
I say what I think sometimes way too bossy,
then I let it go and move forward with
full support and optimism.
I am so multifaceted that I confuse myself.
The one thing that does not confuse me is this.
Our family has been through much and we always
come out better than we were before and
our love for each of us, brothers and sisters,
nieces and nephews will never falter.
I count my blessings this morning to be part
of this huge family who is so far from perfect
but perfect in care and love for the other.


Thursday, January 27, 2011

prayers needed, please

I know I have been incognito lately..
Prayers are needed for my oldest sister, Simone.
Just a reminder, she is the oldest of the Collins children,
23 years between myself and her.
She finds herself very sick right now.
Seems as though her two artificial knees she had
placed 4 months and a year and a half ago
are both infected.
Because of this she has been transferred to
Our Lady of the Lake in Baton Rouge
where she will have to have both artificial knees removed
6 weeks of implanted antibiotics to the knees and
IV's then if she does well they will try and replace the
artificial knees. She has other medical issues that
makes this a very complicated, long healing process.
I can only imagine what the next months will be like
for her. Prayers please that all goes well as she is
planned to go to surgery today at 3:00pm.
Love to all,
Prayers for P. also.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

IT'S A GIRL!!!!!

... and I am not even talking about the little
Riera girl that in just 7 weeks is expected to enter
this world.
OPRAH is the proud sister of
a bouncing 47 year old little sister.
So you know, auntie Lil
does not believe in coincidences,
only little and big miracles.
If you did not watch the episode of Oprah yesterday
it is a must see, a miracle, no doubt.
Her new sister, Patricia, having the
same name as her older sister,
has known since 2007 and never sold her story
to the press. Girl could have been rich
and yet, in true, character showing,
she and her two children kept it silent until
proven and acknowledged by her sister.
The story of how Patricia found out is really
God's intervention.
I mean, her mother kept that secret for 47 years,
from everyone except one cousin.
can we talk about keeping secrets in the south?
My first thought was,
"OOOOOHHH Gail is going to be so jealous"
I mean all who know me, knows that I always
say if Oprah knew me, Gail would be second fiddle.
I am still not over the fact that she did not take me
to Australia as one of her 300 some odd best followers...
Yet, even I was excited and tearful at the
tears and excitement for Oprah and her family members
who were on her show yesterday.
How do you announce to the world this well-kept
family secret?
She did it her way!

Monday, January 24, 2011

cancelling all blogging plans for this...

I had a few ideas for blogging this AM.
All of that has been cancelled.
As every morning, before coming here I check my emails.
There is this:
Two simple pictures from my BFOB
with no attached writing because
the pictures in themselves tell the whole story.
I am immediately filled this morning with a big smile
at the same time as having tears in my eyes
and an overwhelming feeling of how lucky I am
to have so many of these precious children in my life...
Pure and simple, beautiful Ellen
known to many as Ellie-Pie...
Ellen turned four last week.
She is a spitfire, she has the most unusual personality,
and she is for lack of better words,
Truly perfect!
A spongebob lover who when her Daddy left to go
to the deer stand on Saturday afternoon from
the camp, she asked her Mother.
"WHERE IS DADDY GOING, IS HE GOING GET MY
BIRTHDAY DECORATIONS?"
Because in Ellie's mind nothing, I mean nothing
was more important that day than her birthday.
Enjoy these pictures and the little ones
that bless your life.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

S/A 1/23

ACCEPTING REAL LIFE
EVERYTHING IN LIFE THAT WE REALLY
ACCEPT UNDERGOES A CHANGE
-katherine mansfield
Hmmmmmm
some days this is easier to understand than others.
I am, right now, determined to return to work.
Some days my body, says "Yes you will"
and some days my body says,
"ya think?"
and yet SA
says today,
"... THIS IS WHAT IS REALLY HAPPENING
IN MY LIFE AT THE PRESENT MOMENT.
THIS IS OKAY. THIS IS REAL LIFE.
TODAY, LET GO OF STRUGGLE.
ALLOW THE HEALING PROCESS OF CHANGE TO BEGIN.
YOU'RE READY TO MOVE ON."
I hope to stay in the present day more often
remembering that I do not have to look past this
day, today, right now when it comes to me.
Acceptance of the present day and "ready to move on"
is contradicting to me.
However, I do know that God knows my heart
and wants me to live in abundance and if it means
that school nursing and giving back to so many
is what I need to do, he will make it very clear to me.
"SHUT UP AND LISTEN, AUNTIE LIL,
SHUT UP AND LISTEN."

Friday, January 21, 2011

SA 1/21

SA 1/21
" I LIKE LIVING. I HAVE SOMETIMES BEEN WILDLY,
DESPAIRINGLY, ACUTELY MISERABLE, RACKED WITH SORROW,
BUT THROUGH IT ALL I STILL KNOW
QUITE CERTAINLY THAT JUST TO BE ALIVE
IS A GRAND THING."
-agatha christie
I can relate to that.
Even through my very worst days of my life
I do not remember a day that I wished I was not alive.
This does not mean that I doubt my God
or that there is a life thereafter.
It simply means that I choose to live until I die.
Great friends who have gone to Heaven before me,
some who are the bravest people I know,
have taught me that.
For those who do not believe in life-after,
I get sad for them.
What a terrible way to live, believing
that after this life there is nothing.
I say to those people what do you have to loose by
believing?
Yet, lets not mistake me.
Even though I know all of this, know that
every day I choose to live.
I want to be here with my family and friends,
my loves.
I am not afraid of death,
more for the pain that is left behind in the
aftermath.
So today, think only positive thoughts
no matter what you may be facing today....
choose to live, smile at the devil,
and whether you believe in Him or not,
He watches us, takes care of us.
Love to all!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Childhood life of KD...

My New Year has been focused on new thoughts on life.
Because I am home much these days and the rest
of the "World" seems to be working,
I have taken on a few projects.
Jilly-Bean is coming soon, only 8 more weeks
so I thought it was time that I start thinking of the
scrapbooks I want to do for her.
Of course, a book for this precious little girl
cannot just consist of her but must also
incorporate history of both her parents.
Tuesday I spent the day in Plaquemine
with KD and asked if I could have her baby pictures
to scan for future use in Jilly's albums.
Of course, the answer was yes and her wonderful
Mom, Cathy was nice enough to give me three
large albums to scan.
OOOOHHHHHHHH
I love a project!
As I went through all of these old memories
of my daughter-in-law and her family,
I realized that there is much I do not know about
her childhood.
So as I sift through the the hundreds of pictures
I am learning of a cute little girl with curls
who, from her stories, was quite a character,
I am falling in love with another part of KD and her family.
Learning through pictures about her childhood.
Finding some differences and more similarities
of the way she and BB were raised.
The one thing that they both have had in common
is the fact that their extended families
both had a very important part in their growing-up years.
Just as our family, there are many pictures of Christmas
gatherings of many, many aunts, uncles, and cousins
to share their childhood with.
I do believe that Jilly-bean will be so blessed
with so much love from two families
who place family as priority.
Thanks to Cathy and KD for allowing me
such a precious gift and the trust
that was given to preserving such special memories.
Oh Jilly-bean will have the best scrapbooks ever!


SA 1/19 written one day late..

It was late last night when I actually laid down
to rest and realized I had not read SA...
Wow, was there a mouthful right there!
It is so self-explanatory of what exactly I am
trying to do here with myself since the New Year:
"... AND SO WE STRUGGLE FROM DAY TO DAY,
CRISIS TO CRISIS, BRUISED AND BATTERED
BY CIRCUMSTANCES WITHOUT REALIZING
THAT WE ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE.
... WHAT IF YOU LEARNED HOW TO STOP
THE DRAMA AND STARTED TO TRUST
THE FLOW OF LIFE AND THE GOODNESS OF SPIRIT?
WHAT IF YOU BEGAN TO EXPECT THE BEST
FROM EVERY SITUATION? ISN'T IT POSSIBLE
THAT YOU COULD WRITE NEW CHAPTERS IN YOUR LIFE
WITH HAPPY ENDINGS? FOR MANY OF US THIS
IS SUCH A RADICAL DEPARTURE FROM THE WAY
WE HAVE BEEN BEHAVING THAT IT SEEMS UNBELIEVABLE.
YET IT IS POSSIBLE.
SUSPEND YOUR BELIEF.
TAKE A LEAP OF FAITH.
AFTER ALL, WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO LOOSE
BUT MISERY AND LACK..."
Some days this is easier than others.
My poor HOBL, he is the one who has to hear
all my good and bad.
Yet I am proud that I really am trying hard to live
my life like this because really, isn't it my choice?
No matter what my physical body does or says to me,
do I not have full control over my mind and the way I
choose to live this life I call mines?
The power of a mind and a heart has proven to
overcome some of the worst situations possible.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

SA 1/18



HMMM.....
SEEMS AS SOME ARE MISSING THE
SIMPLE ABUNDANCE COMMENTS....
The last few days, for me, SA
has really just been emphasizing what
exactly the month of January is all about.
Finding the beauty in the little things.
ACRES OF DIAMONDS
"... Where is your acre of diamonds?
If you could do anything in the world,
what would it be?"
Funny as you get older, life should become simpler.
The first time I did SA I had a list of things
I could think of and that was only 4 years ago.
Today, aside from maybe being back to work,
physically fit, I can't think of much I would
want to change.
Well, except I still have a desire to write a book.
Now if you have little ones under your feet,
today's reading may just irritate you,
you may think,
"Yeah, like I can even think of diamonds
I don't have a minute for myself."
Oh but my dear, dear friends.
So soon that part of life will be over.
I can remember when the babies were young
and older people would say,
"Enjoy it while they are young, it passes so fast"
I would cringe wanting some days to say,
"Not fast enough for me"
Oh, but how they were right.
I now find myself saying the same things.
Don't get me wrong, there are many many wonderful things
about being the mother of grown children.
Like you get to sleep all night.
You don't have to dish out money constantly.
Yet if I am to be honest, there are those days
that a slight memory will come back of days gone by.
Like when I am sitting in the show
and I can remember the days when one of those
babies would become tired and climb in my lap
and the scent of their hair could keep me happy for hours.
I remember always wanting to give them a bath and wash
their hair prior to the movies just for the chance
of getting that scent of my child.
Funny, the memories that are remembered to a mother
of grown children.
So if you are finding yourself like me today,
with much personal time on your hands.
begin to think of your diamonds in the rough,
what needs to be polished...
and if you find yourself with little ones underfoot,
they are your diamonds, polish and nurture them
well until they shine.


Monday, January 17, 2011

so let me be selfish today...


I am lonesome this AM
yes up already and missing HOBL.
Now I know to some of you, this may not make sense.
Our whole marriage, he has gone away to work.
I have verbally said often that he and I being
separated for half our marriage has been the
saving grace.
Yet, as I get older, I don't like it so much.
It isn't like we do much when he is here.
Life is easier when he is here.
He gets me, he understands me,
and the days are long when he isn't around.
He does those things that have become complicated for me
like mopping.
I like to watch him with his little pups.
Gives me a chance to see a part of him that
I had never seen before.
So he heads back to Alaska today already
to the below temperatures that I can't even think about.
As for me, today is a good day,
a good nights sleep,
have been off all pain medications except for
Motrin here and there.
Does this mean that ol' auntie Lil is mended.
Well, not quite.
I am much better than I was before the surgery.
Some days I think I am all better
and sometimes my bones remind me that
aches and pains will be part of me.
I am looking forward to going back to the doctor
on the 1st of February to see just how
the CT scan shows us what is.
Today BG and I head to an 11 am show to see
BLACK SWAN.
She says I have to see it!
Have a good one, peeps!


Saturday, January 15, 2011

Kitchen painting

Some may ask and many have, upon visiting my kitchen,
why do I have this huge painting in my kitchen
and where did I get it?
It happens to be one of my very favorite pieces of art
that I own. As I always say, I try and surround
myself not with the typical home decorations seen in magazines
but those things that make me happy, make me feel warm and fuzzy
inside, put a smile on my face.
One day about four years ago, I was out on one of
my garage sale ventures when I came across this hand painted,
I am sure, one-of-a kind original painting.
The price tag on it was 10 dollars.
I went around and around yet kept coming back to the painting.
It had been professionally framed so I knew at least the
frame was worth the 10 bucks.
Every time I came around to look at it, It made me smile.
The little old hunched back lady reminded me of my
Aunt Fredia.
Aunt Fredia was not black.
She was the mother of Randolph's restaurant in
Golden Meadow. Mumsie worked there many years
so every day after school I stopped in to the kitchen
of Randolph's to kiss my Mumsie and grab a
handful of olives only to hear one of the cooks
fussing at me.
Aunt Fredia, on those afternoons was always propped
on a stool very similar to this one, looking out the
side window cutting vegetables for whatever was
going to be on the menu at the restaurant the next day.
I loved seeing her there, it meant all was well that day.
So, I originally bought the painting because of
these memories it brought back.
However, when I put it up in the place that
it now hangs in my kitchen I realized much more
about my find.
The floors of this painting are the exact floors
in my own kitchen.
The wall color, exactly the same.
The other thing that excited me is that every time
I viewed the painting something new came
into my view. The clock, what is co0king on the stove?
What is she preparing that we cannot see behind her back.
It is a conversation piece and if you have ever been to my
home and asked of it, I am sure you have heard
this story already.
The babies tease me about my find.
I sometimes think they wonder which of them
will inherit this when my time here on earth is up.
Hoping it is not them.
Neither is worthy..... el oh el...

Friday, January 14, 2011

SA 1/14

THE GRATITUDE JOURNAL
Okay, so far this month we have been
reading of all we have to be grateful for,
things that cost nothing that we may have
forgotten are so important to our well-being.
Now it is time to put those things on paper.
I journal a lot. I journal when I am happy,
I journal when I am sad, I journal when
I am confused and lets not forget, when I am angry.
However the gratitude journal is different
from putting your feelings and thoughts
on paper.
Like the author says, it makes a difference in
the journey if you do this part of the plan or not.
For some reason, the first time I did this SA
I did the gratitude journal and after the year was
up I told myself I would just continue it
in my journal. It doesn't work the same.
I eventually just stopped doing it.
5 simple things you are grateful for
written in one book each night.
I have my journal.
I will begin tonight.
I ask you- don't skip this part.
For whatever reason, it makes a difference, it does.
Journey on for the Simple life...

Thursday, January 13, 2011

SA 1/13

GRATITUDE: AWAKENING OF THE HEART
The first paragraph talks of something we can
all relate to. Something you read or a lyric in
a song that can just change your whole mind set in
an instant. There are so many things in my life
much more important than finances or things that
I wish I had. Just yesterday, after a very slow
morning the afternoon seemed so much brighter
after visits from Patricia and the girls,
Cindy and Malaina.
I made cupcakes because I knew I would have
company and just that small gesture made
me feel important.
The author reminds us this day.
"... what you give to the world will be returned to you-
maybe not all at once or in the way you expect it-
but if you give your very best, the very best will
come back to you."
So as I journey on this road to recovery,
both mentally and physically, my eyes
are once more opened to the fact that my
mission statement is what I, auntie Lil
must live for."
The confusing part becomes when sometimes I
loose sight on how will I do it in my future.
However today, once again, I am reminded
that right now I don't have or need the answers.
I just need to carry on and be the best
I can be in all aspects of my life.

OBAMA SPEECH


If you read my blog you know I not
only voted for our President Obama
but have been a supporter of his.
Do I like everything he says, does, or stands for?
Nope, does he irritate me sometimes and I
think, "Why did you say that, dummy?" yes.
However, as a young girl I was taught by my parents
and the teachers who blessed me with their knowledge
we have freedom of speech here in America
but respect of a President and the officials
who win the election is the only way we will move
forward in our rolls for a better life for ourselves
and the future of our children, our country.
Therefore I listened intently as he made his
speech to the thousands gathered at the
Arizona memorial and I am proud this morning
to say he is our President.
He did not call the gunman a mentally unstable kid
he called him a "violent man"
One point for Obama.
"... The moment should prompt Americans
to step back and reflect on how they lead their
own lives and how they deal with one another."
Two points for Obama.
Then he spoke much of those who had died,
gave background on each of their lives.
Did not trivialize anything of what their purpose
was in the world.
He ended his speech with thoughts of Christina Green.
"... She saw all through the eyes of a child, undimmed
by cynicism, or that which we adults sometimes take
for granted. I want us to live up to her expectations,
I want our democracy to be as good as she imagined it."
I don't know a lot about politics, I don't care to.
But I do know this.
I want to believe in the American way and the
fact that because of my freedoms I can post
this blog, I can say how I feel.
I stand behind whatever man or woman we call
President whether they were my vote or not.
For Christina Green,
I will be a better citizen, I will be kinder to my fellow man,
I will try and treat all with the respect each and everyone
of us deserve just because we were born in this wonderful country.
It is the only way our country will move forward.
Peace is my prayer.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

new background!!!

Felt it was time for a new background.
Of, course!
It's a new year, it's a new life,
time for a new background.

NOt much here today

Too cold to get out into the world and
see what exactly is going on out there
will just have to wait until another day.
As for me?
The HOBL and I are alone today....
don't let you mind wander...
remember we are getting up in age lol.
Pajama day today.
As for SA, self-explanatory....
not much to say there.
a good reading.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

CHRISTMAS IS OVER BE GONE COLD WEATHER

Well old Auntie Lil is ready for the cold to be gone.
I know, I know it has just started for us here
in southern Louisiana
but really, it is tooo cold.
I am sure all my hunting family members
are cursing the words I type.
However I am looking forward to a new spring
and summer.
The one, now that my back is supposed to
be fixed of working in the yard,
fishing the big reds,
spending time at the camp (hint BFOB)
with the great nieces and nephews.
Having those and the other little rugrats over for sleep overs.
Cold weather that keeps me indoors is doing nothing
for me as we speak but soon, soon....
I will be complaining of the heat....
Sometimes I am so darn predictable!

SA 1/11

IS IT A RECESSION OR DEPRESSION
Wow, amazing that this book was published in 1995
and here we are in 2011 and seems as though our
world is facing the same things as we were in '95.
Yet if we have a roof over our heads,
food on the table, and a family who loves us we
really are fortunate and have all we need.
Something from the last time I did a year
of Simple Abundance must have stuck with me.
In the last paragraph it speaks of a little experiment.
I have carried that with me for 4 years.
I make sure to smile at strangers,
say good morning, happy afternoon.
For some reason being kind to others takes
me outside of myself.
Yesterday I was at the local Walgreen's
(I love my Walgreen's)
There was a little old bent over man,
head looking down.
I made sure to tell him
"Good morning, sir"
He looked around then looked right at me.
A smile so big,
"Same to you young lady"
Hmmmmm young lady?
He must have been older than I thought.
So today we are called to be happy to have
jobs, food, family
and to extend that to others who may not
be so fortunate.
Wish it wasn't so cold so I could venture
to my favorite junk stores....

Monday, January 10, 2011

SA 1/10

UNTIL IT IS CARVED IN STONE
Not until we are dead and buried is it too late
to live the life we choose to live.
I could run today's reading into my first blog.
The death of Christina Green
at the young age of 9 it will now be written
in stone for her
born 9/11/01 died 1/8/11
Not right not fair.
But as in our reading today, if little Christina
also could come back from the grave for just one
day what would she tell us.
Perhaps she would remind us of all the important
things that sometimes seem mundane.
Like tuck-ins at night, mommy and daddy kisses,
going to bed and waking up knowing that you are loved
and protected....
"...oh, Earth, you are too wonderful for anybody to realize you"
is what is read in our book today.
It is not too late for us to notice the little things
that we tend to take for granted.
If I can't do it for myself then maybe I can do it
for the ones who's names are already carved in stone.

SHOOTINGS IN ARIZONA

Gabrielle Giffords right now fights for her life
this morning.
Because the mental stability of a young adult
was overlooked by many.
The one death that has been on my mind the most
is that of 9 year old Christina Green.
She was born on the always remembered
9/11/2001
was even presented in a book on change,
babies born on that day.
She loved politics and went to her neighborhood
grocery store to learn more about politics with
a neighbor. My thought have been mostly on
this little girl.
As her daddy said,
"She came in on a tragedy and she went out on a tragedy
but the 9 years between were wonderful"
Pray for all those affected by this tragedy.
I also will pray for the gunman's family.
As for him, mental illness or not,
I hope the legal system works on this one.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR SAINTS LAST NIGHT

Last night the babies and kd
finally gathered at their Riera home to
finally all be together for our Christmas gathering.
Just a small note to say, OMG.... Jilly Bean has
done some growing since the last time I saw her.
It is so amazing that in just 10 more weeks,
give or take a few, we will finally have Jilly here
with us and the anticipation of that is amazing.
Part of our Christmas gathering was to watch the
Saints game together....
OMG!
What in the world was that...
and then before you know it, we were out of
the chance of even coming close to the Superbowl.
Time spent with the babies though is never
wasted time....
And yes I have to admit, the camera once again
stayed in the purse.
This will be the first Christmas
there are no pictures.
Oh but do not worry,
that is not something I have put aside
for 2011 I will once again be the
aggravating family member with the camera
in my hand.
Just been a little under the weather.
Will be my obnoxious self again real, real soon.



Friday, January 7, 2011

SA 1/7

HOW HAPPY ARE YOU RIGHT NOW
HMmmmm..... lets see......
today my mind is clearer than it has
been in a long, long time.
I have made a decision, rereading
a book called
TAKING CONTROL OF YOUR CHRONIC PAIN.
There in this book I find again,
the answer for my future.
Do not know why I could not practice it
the first time I read the book,
Probably because I was trapped in all this
medical mumbo-jumbo
So today I am happy about the clear mind-set I have.
Tired of being the patient,
making a conscious effort to get off all medications
and take control of this life again.
A funny thing is happening with all of this.
Although the pain is there, it is not something I choose
to focus on every day.
Rather want to find the old me that was there
before this fall out of medical issues.
I will win back my life and I will be happy.
I also know today, that I will return to my career.
It has now become my goal.
I am not ready to give that part of myself up.
It may not be this school year, or maybe it will be
but I am going back.
Today we are called to put pen to paper and
journal. This is something I do daily lately.
Today, do you know what makes you happy?

Thursday, January 6, 2011

SA 1/6

STANDING KNEE DEEP IN A RIVER
AND DYING OF THIRST
well, doesn't this title of a song by Kathy Mattea
say so much to us.
How often do we think of all the things we need
that we think will make us happy.
Oh, a new vehicle for me would be so much easier
to ride in, yet HOBL keeps telling me that
is not necessary, this one is paid for.
He is right you know.
Another material possession is not going
to make me any happier than spending time
with family and friends makes me.
I am one of those who is "standing knee deep"
in abundance.
I, just like most of us, sometimes forget to see it.
Especially this week when I am so confused about
what my future holds.
Yet I try to focus on the happiness I felt when on New Years Eve
I spent the evening with wonderful friends and family.
I want to try and focus on the fact that the times I was
the happiest in my life were longer lived when it was time
spent in deep thought with myself or time spent with
my family and friends.
When I spend too much time in solitude or with
just the immediate family I live with I start thinking
this is enough but for me I sometimes become bitter
and thinking that others have it better than me.
We all need the love and acceptance of more
than just those who live under our roof.
Last year I challenged myself to spend more time
with old friends or friends of work outside of work.
What I have gained from this is nothing a material
possession can give us.
This reading today is forcing us outside our box,
outside of our comfort zone.
Reach out today to someone you have not seen or spoken
to in some time... see how that makes you feel.
I promise you won't be disappointed.

hooked on puppies

When did the puppies become more than just puppies?
I swore this would not happen.
I mean really, they are just dogs....
Okay so last night, I decide I have got to try and get
some uninterrupted sleep if possible.
I decided that although all three sleep all night if in the
bed with me, I thought that surely part of me waking
up so often at night has got to be because of the
fact that three pups are taking my bed space.
I would find myself when waking up checking on
them like I used to check on the babies when they were
young, are they covered, are they asleep, do they
need the bathroom?
BG is home and because Jake, the oldest, adores her
and must sleep with her when she is home
I know that he will be spending the night with BG.
That leaves Trixie, the middle pup who is way too
attached to me and the baby, Jude.
I tell BG that those two mongrels are sleeping in their kennel.
When I say kennel I must say it is more like a
room. It is a 6 foot by 6 foot gated area
in our garage that is heated and air conditioned.
They do not suffer for anything but human
contact when in the kennel.
I place them in there at about 8pm and lay to watch
the People's choice award with BG at my side.
Then comes a longing cry from the baby.
I tell BG, I won't be able to do it.
I won't be able to leave them in there.
I tried, really I did.
Yet by the time the TV went off and I settled down
to read my ereader......
yes, they were in the bed with me.
I am way too attached to these pups.
Like when did I start worrying about their
welfare like children....
I must say though I did have the best night of sleep
than I have had in a few weeks so I can't blame
them for my poor sleeping.
Thankfully, HOBL is finally coming home today
so I can pass the baton on to him...
If you think I am attached,
you should see HOBL and how he loves these pups.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

SA 1/5

THE WOMAN YOU WERE MEANT TO BE
Today this is what I needed to read.
I have been stuck in a sadness lately.
It has been because I was trying to make
long-term decisions about this surgery.
Making long-term decisions because of health reasons.
Some think it is time for me to hang up the nursing hat.
I could if I wanted to and I know the way I am now
I cannot return to work as of yet.
I have been discouraged because I thought after
8 weeks of this back surgery I would be all better.
Seeing Dr. Donner yesterday has given me a new
light. He is the expert on this type of surgery.
He thinks I am trying to make premature decisions
when I don't yet know exactly what the final outcome
will be with this surgery.
He assures me that just because I still have pain
does not mean that I always will.
He believes that sometimes the new pain is actually
a good sign that the bones are finally fusing together.
He advises me to start focusing more on getting
off some medications to see exactly how I feel off
of them.
It is my new goal. I will start to wean off medications
that I have needed.
In one more month I will have a CT scan to see exactly
what has happened with this surgery.
I am encouraged by the fact that he is not concerned
by the slowness of the healing.
He says some people take more time than others.
Today I will do what our reading speaks of.
Get rid of the "displacement of self"
Today we are to focus on who we are meant to be.
Learning again for the millionth time in my life....
to take one day at a time.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

SA 1/4

THIS ISN'T A DRESS REHEARSAL
Look no one likes pajama's more than me.
It is a little known fact that if bad weather is forcasted,
I go shopping for a new pajama.
All kidding aside though,
when you wake up each morning and take
the time to dress, fix your hair, apply make-up
it does something for your day.
Even these days, right now, when I have really
no where to go, I still make it a point to
take that shower, dress, fix the hair.
It shows that I care about myself.
It shows that today I will accomplish something.
Yes, there are those days that I do stay in my PJ's
but if I did that every day I would not enjoy it
on those special days of bad weather.
Saving things so they don't get ruined is another
thing I am not a fan of.
Yes, I have my 4 sets of china that I never use
but it is not for the reason that I am saving it.
I just don't like fancy dishes.
I have blogged before about my happy plates.
I am proud to say that if you eat here,
none of my "china" matches and very few pieces
will break if dropped.
I buy dishes for the simple fact that they either
make me happy or bring me back to a time
in my life that life was simple.
For instance, I bought a coffee mug the other day.
I didn't need one.
I love giraffes when I looked at the giraffe pattern
on the outside of the cup, I intrigued me to pick it up.
On the inside was this little ceramic giraffe
just looking right up at me in the middle of the cup.
BG just bought me a new fancy Keurig coffee maker
and the cup is the perfect size for fancy coffee and
hot chocolate. My little giraffe head sticks right out
of the coffee like he is swimming in mud.
He makes me smile every time I look in there
for a sip.
So in my simple abundance way.
I want to keep my life simple.
I am not the owner of fine clothing, jewelry or
china.
I tend to wear my favorite clothes all the time
but it is presentable and comfortable.
My jewelry that I wear all has meaning to it.
Same for my dishes.
This is not a dress rehearsal,
I choose not to sweat the small things.